What if Shirou was raised by... the Minions?
The fire was everywhere, as was the stench of sulphur and death.
But, too the young boy trying in vain to escape what appeared to be his inevitable end, these things were but a distant after thought, compared to the more pressing concern he was faced with.
He was hallucinating.
Small red, imps of some kind were running around, eating the fire, something so impossible could only be a dream, couldn't?
Had he died without even realising it? Had he ended up in hell?
Attempting to ignore the creatures that were running around, he pressed on, ignoring the searing pain in his arms and legs.
He barely made six more steps before his legs gave out beneath him.
The last thing he saw before the darkness engulfed him was a pair or almost glowing orange eyes, and a large fanged grin.
10 Years Later
Unlike the previous Overlords, Shirou has opted against the large, restricting armour, and instead gone for more slick, streamline armour that allowed for greater movement.
He had also chosen to go with a pair of smaller swords, instead of the large axe or sword his predecessors had preferred.
"Sire, it has been brought to my attention that there is an artefact of great power currently within Fuyuki City." Gnarl was one of the oldest, and the wisest of the minions in his army.
"There is also the possibility of strengthening your army with some competent soldiers." Gnarl sent a look at a pair of brown minions battling it out with a pair of rolling pins.
"..." Shirou just palmed his face, just how was he supposed to take over the world when these were his only soldiers?
"Also, someone else appears to think themselves powerful enough to rule the world." The image of a man clad in ornate gold armour appeared in the middle of the throne room.
"He is also in possession of another artefact you might be interested in, sire." Gnarl knew his master, and he especially knew how to push his buttons.
"The artefact in question, is known as the 'Gate of Babylon' and while unimpressive on its own, it's the contents that make it worth taking." The old minion knew he had his master's attention now.
"The Gate of Babylon contains all the worlds' treasure, including some very powerful swords." There it was Gnarl knew that Shirou couldn't resist the opportunity to acquire any legendary sword, so an entire vault full of them would have him killing the foolish gold warrior.
"Assemble the minions, we have artefacts that need... liberating." Shirou smirked, those swords would be his.
And maybe he could find a few consorts while he was out? He hated the lack of eye candy his tower had.
"I ask of you, are you my Master?" Saber had to restrain herself from immediately killing the man in front of her, she had seen those creatures before; they served the Overlords, bastions of evil that destroyed for no other sake then for fun.
"Yes, and you are my servant Saber." He smirked, he knew the woman in front of him was a bastioned of good, and while he respected her dedication to the code of chivalry, it would be so much fun bringing her around to his way of thinking.
"Now, I think it's time we got to know each other..."
She barely had time to blink before the first of his absolute commands had been issued.
After successfully 'conquering' Saber, he had tied her magic to the tower heart, ensuring her survival after the war was over.
Now that he was an official combatant in the grail war, Shirou was determined to take everything that was naturally his, which was, naturally, everything.
And to start, he'd kill the arrogant wannabe, who thought himself great enough to conquer his city! His world!
And it wasn't even that hard to find him! The fool was doing nothing to mask his magical signature.
"So, you're the fool who dares challenge my rule!" True, he hadn't actually conquered anything yet, but when did evil ever let a silly thing like logic interfere with it's work?
"Mongrel, you dare attack my pride!" The man was clad in his gold armour in an instant.
"Very well, I shall kill you and prove, that none can challenge the rule of Gilgamesh!" Hundreds of swords appeared in the air behind him.
"I'll kill you, and take those swords for my own, and prove that none can withstand an Overlords might!" Ok, so maybe he was basing his persona on those old cartoon bad guys, but it wasn't like he had any better examples...
'How did this happen!' Tohsaka Rin though to herself, as Berserker tore her Archer to pieces, with help from a large group of imp like creatures, equipped with almost anything they had managed to get their hands on, everything from rakes and pitchforks, to spatulas and rolling pins.
She turned her head to the Einzbern magus and the young man who she was seemingly accompanying, who was commanding the creatures that had proven to be such a good distraction against Archer.
"You have a choice, Tohsaka." Turning her head, the red haired man was standing in front of her, Ea, the personal Noble Phantasm of the King of Heroes, who she had seen him slay before her very eyes, clutched in his hand.
"You can choose to either join me as my consort, as Illya-Chan has, or you can die here, having never accomplished anything, what do you choose?" The arrogant look in his eyes seemed odd on his face, as if he was acting cockier then he really was.
"Eh! Why does she get a choice?" complained the now pouting master of Berserker, something that the Master of the minions chose to ignore.
It wasn't like he was a lolicon or anything. Really.
"Go to hell!" Rin yelled, throwing the jewels she had managed to sneak out of her pocket at his head, the blank look of surprise on his face told her he hadn't expected her to respond that way, so he had no defence prepared.
Those jewels had managed to penetrate Berserker's God hand, there was no way he could have-
"Nice try, Rin, you actually managed to singe my helmet a little!" The grinning form of the Overlord in training stepped out of the smoke, a brilliant grin on display, and a voice full of pride and respect.
Looking at the smiling face of the man who should have been killed, Rin finally understood what she was up against.
The respect and glee in his eyes was odd though; almost as if he was glad she hadn't just given up.
"Hahaha, this could actually be fun! Now I'm definetly going to have you join me!" the amusement in his voice annoyed her, and at the same time made her smirk in anticipation.
"Ok, fine... you win." She hung her head, she was spent, she had used up all the jewels she had on her, as well as the magic in her circuits
"Excellent." He smirked, as the gateway appeared under her, taking her to his tower rest and recover her power.
'So, that's Saber, Illya-Chan and now Tohsaka... Now, for the final member of my little collection; that witch up at the temple, Caster.' Hey, even evil has to go through puberty.
'Although, my minions have reported at least two others I should look into outside of the city.' A vampire princess, and one of the last true magic wielders would make for excellent additions to his vassals, but he would have to save them for later; no way did he have enough power to face them head on yet.
Right now though, that blasted Sakura girl was back.
Honestly, did nobody die when they were killed anymore?
Ok, for anybody who doesn't know who they are, the minions and Gnarl are from Overlord and Overlord II, and I'm not quite certain I was able to properly convey the games humour properly... If you can think of anything to help me improve this, feel free to share.