Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece. I just like to ruin it in my own possible way.
Chapter 1: Where is your magical place?
It was another usual day on the Thousand Sunny. What made it slightly different was that all the male crewmembers were gathered inside their cabin where a heated discussion was carried on, minus one reindeer for some reason.
"In a cupboard? That's almost too SUPER of you! You dog!"Franky exclaimed, playfully hitting Brook on the skull.
"Well, what can I say, Franky San? I had my days." Brook answered sipping tea from his tiny little teacup.
"But…wouldn't it be like 'a skeleton in the cupboard? " Ussop made a face.
"Just as you know, back then I have more than bones, Ussop San."
"How about you, little dude?" Franky asked. Ussop's face turned red.
"Well let's see, as far as I can recall, it was in the stomach of a giant sea gorilla…." Everybody looked at him in annoyed suspicion. Ussop jumped up from his hammock:" Okay, okay! That wasn't the truth. The truth is, eh…I…I haven't done it yet." Feeling others' sympathetic looks on him, he raised his voice in defense: "Hey! But I'm the only one here who's in a real relationship!"
"With a girl who has no idea that your bimonthly exchange of mails counts as a 'relationship'- yeah, of course."Sanji said sarcastically.
"Kaya knows what she's doing, all right? And what we have is way more precious than some meaningless physical act -" Ussop's protest was cut off by Franky. "Where is your place then, cook bro?"
"I can't believe I'm actually going to answer this…"Sanji said blowing a trace of smoke out of his nostrils."If you must know, it was in the kitchen."
His audience "ewwww"ed at him.
"- against the sink." He finished, only to receive another round of "ewwwww"s.
"You are even more gross than I gave you credit for, ero-cook." Zoro commented.
"Shut up shithead! What about you, huh? Where is your magical place? Considering you being a romance-deprived women-repelling muscle head, I'm guessing-NOWHERE?"
Surprising even to Sanji himself, Zoro didn't bark back at this one. His face turned a light shade of red when he looked away. "As I said, I won't be joining any of these discussions." he reiterated.
"Why not?" Franky asked. It was him who had initiated the discussion.
"Maybe because this pathetic marimo is still a VIRGIN? Like Ussop is?" Sanji raised his curly brow in a sarcastic manner.
"No I'm NOT!" Zoro snapped." I'm just not comfortable talking about this kind of stuff in public!"
"Oh, oh, I got one!" Luffy raised his hand and yelled excitedly. "There's one time I jumped onto a girl's boobs! She's a mermaid, and she's HUGE! Does it count?" He had been naturally excluded from this discussion from the very beginning and was eager to chip in.
As usual, nobody bothered answering him. Ussop was more curious about Zoro's place.
"Come on, Zoro, you can tell us. Wherever it is, I'm sure it can't be worse than Sanji's anyhow-"Sanji kicked Ussop to shut him up before he turned to his green-haired nakama once again: "Yea, marimo, spit it out. I promise I won't laugh, even though I'm sure it's lame."
"It's not lame! Okay? It's just not as weird as you guys', it -"Zoro paused for a second before he gave in to deliver the answer that everybody had been holding their breaths for. "It was on the floor."
The rest of the male crew went silent. Until Franky sat up straight to clap his huge mechanical hands and concluded sarcastically: "Wow. We sure have a winner for today. "
"AHAHAHAHA!" Sanji burst into hysterical laughter. "I knew it! You are just as boring as I thought you are, marimo! Even your sex place is dull! On the floor? Seriously? "
"Quit laughing, you idiot! At least I didn't do it where people eat!"
"Yeah! That's because you don't have that much of creativity!"
Both men jumped on their feet and were more than ready to fight when a female voice rose outside the cabin door.
"Guys? Can I come in?" It was Nami's voice. "Is anybody naked in there?"
"Zoro is!" Luffy exclaimed.
"WHAT-"Zoro shouted while grabbing his T shirt and put it back on. He had merely enough time to do that before the door opened.
"I'm not naked! I took my shirt off only because I was all sweaty from workout!" He punched Luffy for his misleading words.
"And I couldn't care less." Nami said walking in with an annoyed look on her face. "Why are you all in here? And why did you lock Chopper in the bathroom? I needed someone to help me with the helm and Robin told me you guys were…having a meeting of some sort?" she raised an eyebrow skeptically. Apparently to her, these guys were doing nothing but being stupid and lazy.
"Yea, we are. Franky made us discuss on where is the kinkiest place we had sex." Luffy blurted out an honest answer.
"What?" Nami couldn't believe what she had just heard. "Franky! That's so disgusting! Why did you do that?"
"In my defense, I said 'SUPER', the most SUPER place one had sex in-"
"Still, ewwww!" Nami jumped high to whack the big cyborg on the forehead. "You are already middle aged, Uncle Franky! One should've outgrown this kind of stupid teenage boy talk by now! Let alone to provoke it! "
However, her lecture was immediately interrupted when Luffy innocently popped a question: "Nami, where is your place then?"
Nami almost choked on her retort.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" she had to let go of Franky because now the top priority on her to-do list was to murder her ever-increasingly stupid captain.
"Owwwwww-!" In the blink of an eye Luffy was already pinned down onto the cabin floor and Nami was hitting him for the best she could.
Sanji, looking almost equally furious himself, walked up and kicked Luffy on the head yelling: "You idiot! How could you have asked such an inappropriate question in front of a lady! There's no way that my innocent Nami san could have done anything filthy like…like that!"
"Why is it filthy? You guys did it. Oh, so, is she a vir-"
"Don't you dare say that word out loud you stupid rubberman! You wanna be kicked to death? Huh?"
These two are impossible. Nami shook her head and signed. There's only one way to stop this madness.
She cleared her throat. After getting everybody's attention, she said in a calm, almost sweet tone:" No, I'm not a virgin, Luffy. "
Sanji looked devastated while others were merely surprised by her unexpected statement. Zoro stood up and declared: "That's it, I'm out of here."
"Wait,wait,wait! You are missing the best part!" Ussop stopped him.
"And as to my 'kinkiest place'-or 'super place', whatever you call it-" Nami made a face to show Franky how close she was to throw up on his term of wording. "I don't know, I don't keep track of these things. The last time I remembered…" she thought for a minute and gave a shrug," It was on the floor, maybe?"
The whole cabin froze.
"Oh…." After almost one minute of awkward silence, Ussop was the first one to react. His eyes widened as he turned to look at one of his crewmates. "Oh." He exhaled again.
"No, Ussop! DON'T GO THERE!" Zoro rushed to Ussop's side in an attempt to grab his shoulders so that he could shake them properly. There was an extremely terrified look on his face.
"Don't go where?" Luffy blinked, totally clueless.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Franky asked Brook.
"I'm thinking this is nothing but a very interesting coincidence." Brook took another sip of his tea as he beamed. "But who am I kidding, Franky san? Of course I'm thinking what you're thinking. Yohohoho!"
And Sanji was officially turning into a statue of stone.
"What? What did I say that was so funny?" Nami was confused, as well as offended by her crewmates' reactions to what she had just said. Ussop was snickering while Zoro was trying hard to strangle him. Franky and Brook were exchanging weird looks as if they were picturing something really obscene in their heads.
Unbelievable. It was their idea to discuss this in the first place and now they were judging her for discussing along? "Big news! I have sex! And I'm not afraid to talk about it! So go ahead and laugh all you want! " Nami yelled angrily as she stormed off.
Author's Note: Guess what? It turns out writing in English is still too hard and tricky for me. I have NO IDEA if I was using all the right words or putting sentences together in a correct manner. Aprreciate it very much if somebody can tell me where all the mistakes are(grammatically, vocabularily... I'm sure there's a lot, so knock yourself out.)
Oh and I had no original intention to make this more than a one shot. But the problem is that I've got a short attention span. I was practically bored and exhausted by this point, so I was like "screw it, I'm publishing this!" You can tell. The chapter name is very spontaneous.:) I don't have the slightest idea where the storyline is going. Or if I should continue writing it. Or not.
So let me know, Ok? =3=