Fic: Theory of Relativity
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Casting spoilers…you all know this one.
Summary: They though they had the house to themselves. Snuggles on the couch. Popcorn. PJs. A movie. A quick blowjob. And then, suddenly, they had company.
Words: 3100

A/N: Had to be written. Had to be. Porny and then really, rather not. Hopefully a bit hilarious. Thank you to lil for looking over it and offering no editing whatsoever but being very positive about the whole thing.

It's a perfect lazy Thursday afternoon. Kurt says so as he leans back into the comfortable corner of the sofa that he always occupies and slips his toes a few inches up the leg of Blaine's pyjama pants to tickle at his calf. Blaine just nods his agreement through a mouthful of sweetened popcorn and reaches for the remote.

They're almost half way through the film when Kurt gets restless, stretching and yawning even though it's only six o'clock, and then sliding to his feet gracefully. "I'll be back," he tells Blaine, stretching once more and enjoying the momentary loss of eye contact as Blaine automatically looks to where Kurt's shirt has ridden up.

"Want me to pause it?"

Kurt shakes his head—they've watched this one a dozen times—and wanders down the hall to the bathroom.

When he gets back he shrugs his jacket off and nudges at Blaine until he gets the hint and spreads his legs wide enough for Kurt to sit between, pressing his back to Blaine's front and snuggling into the warmth there as Blaine's arms link around his stomach.

They make it another half hour like that, just the occasional shift in their bodies as muscles twist uncomfortably or they laugh too hard or Kurt thinks it's time to press a little more obviously back. Then it's a conscious decision to arch a little and let his hands slide over Blaine's thighs while he tilts his head and exposes his neck.

Whether Blaine knows the deliberateness of the move or not, he sighs happily and lets his mouth rest on the spot where Kurt's neck meets his ear. Starts kissing there in just soft shifts of his lips back and forth, his breath hot but steady. He tries to keep watching the movie, well aware that Kurt's favourite scene is on.

Laughter bubbles out of Kurt as the scene transitions into the next and Blaine's eyes flutter closed. His mouth opens and he grazes his teeth down the column of Kurt's throat and then back up. Kurt's hands tighten on Blaine's thighs, squeezing for a second before he's scrambling around onto his knees and sliding his hands across Blaine's face, pulling him in for a proper kiss.

Their lips press and it's hot and instantly deep. No build or prelude or tease, just open mouths, their tongues meeting between as they angle and slide and Kurt inches closer. Minutes pass and Blaine whimpers at the flick of Kurt's tongue up behind his teeth and that, in turn makes Kurt pull back, triumphant grin in place.

"Want me to pause it?" Kurt asks with a flutter of his eyelashes.

Blaine just rolls his eyes and pulls Kurt forward by the hips while Kurt finds the remote and hits pause.

Stretching up for another kiss, Blaine's fingers move under Kurt's shirt to start painting lines up his sides, tickling over his ribs and then back down. Kurt meets his mouth with a smile and threads his fingers into Blaine's hair, tangling them through the gel and starting to work the curls lose.

Hands at the small of Kurt's back, Blaine tries to topple him forward, get him closer, but the angles don't make sense and Kurt's giggling at him and clicking his tongue before he leans back down for another kiss. Then he's arching his back and looking skywards and Blaine has little choice but to press his mouth back to Kurt's neck. He slips his hands fully under Kurt's shirt and starts pushing it up.

"You wanna go upstairs?" Blaine mumbles, nose pushing the shirt collar aside so he can nip at the sharp ridge of a clavicle.

Kurt shakes his head because he's too comfortable here; he likes making out on the couch, somehow it feels more natural, more fulfilling, than doing it in the safety of their bedrooms. Still, he has the sense to ask, "Expecting your parents?"

There's another chuckle and Blaine pushes Kurt off long enough to tug Kurt's shirt over his head and fling it towards the coffee table. "Not tonight."

Blaine's parents are very rarely home. Midweek it's entirely normal for his father to be interstate on business and his mother to be at some charity dinner until the early hours of the morning. It's bad parenting but with Kurt leaning in to capture his mouth again, Blaine's forgotten to be upset about it.

But now Blaine wants more and he's pressing his palms flat across Kurt's stomach and up his chest, pushing him back and then whining his name when he doesn't give him enough space. Back onto his haunches in the middle of the sofa and Blaine's pulling his own legs under him so they're kneeling there, facing each other. They kiss again and again and Kurt's hands start wandering down Blaine's back, fingertips sneaking down the back of his pants and flexing into the curve of his ass.

"What do you wanna do for the rest of the night?" Kurt teases, the slight huskiness of his voice the only hint this is getting to him as much as it's getting to Blaine.

Kurt's hands around to the front of Blaine's pants, just ghosting over where he's already hard. He's gotten so used to making out on the couch leading to an orgasm, now he expects it.

Hand tightening around the length of Blaine's cock through the two layers of cotton, Kurt licks at his throat and curves his spare hand around his neck, fingers tangling into his hair. "Just like this?" he ponders out loud, giving Blaine a hard rub through his pants.

It's too easy to break Blaine down like this. They're just getting comfortable, with shifting from strength to strength. It's no longer an escalation to 'next' it's just them, enjoying each other. And Kurt's learning how to whisper things that make Blaine's eyes cross.

"Or something a bit…more." Shifting he tugs at Blaine's pants, pushing them down to mid-thigh, leaving just dark boxer briefs covering the prominence of Blaine's cock. "Maybe my mouth?"

Another rough groan and Blaine's yanking him forward for a messy kiss before pushing him away and groaning as he mumbles his name, "Kurt…" and lets it trail off.

Kurt blushes and giggles and keeps working his cock through his pants while Blaine just steadies himself with both hands on Kurt's shoulders and lets his eyes fall shut as he starts to pant. Kurt sounds playfully incredulous and Blaine knows he's staring at his face because he's caught him watching before, "Will you even last long enough for me to blow you?"

Another groan and Blaine's pushing him back with a growl and clambering off the couch to get some space even while he leans back in for another kiss. "You're a tease, you know that," he growls, tugging his own shirt over his head.

"I'm starting to realize that." Kurt bites at the side of his neck as he stays kneeling up on the couch, his hands pulling Blaine back in, tugging his underwear down in the same move. "Do you want me to stop?" he pouts.

Blaine's head falls back as he lets Kurt keep teasing at the base of his throat with his teeth and his tongue. "There are better things you could be doing with your mouth." He gasps as Kurt's hand slides tighter around his cock. "Whatever you like though," he murmurs, still conscious of not pushing too hard.

Kurt hums and laps up once across a nipple. "Sit down for me?" he asks.

Blaine stalls for a second, willing himself to pull away from the still steady stroke of Kurt's hand around him and then the idea of hot and wet sounds better and he's moving as fast as he can, turning and dropping to his ass in the centre of the couch as he pulls at his pants and underwear, down his legs and off one foot but he doesn't get any further because Kurt's slithered to his knees. His hands push Blaine's knees wide and he shifts closer, hand around Blaine's cock again, working him as Kurt licks his lips and looks up at Blaine and grins dirtily.

"What are we gonna do after this?" Kurt hums, the brush of his voice over the tip of Blaine's cock making Blaine's hips rock out of time with the stroke of Kurt's hand.

Whimpering, Blaine doesn't respond immediately, waits for Kurt's mouth to sink around him hot and perfect and sucking lightly on the head of his cock, humming around the taste that Blaine knows is already there.

"Whatever you want," he mumbles out, one hand threading into Kurt's silky hair, his other stretched up into his own and tangling there, stretching himself out taut and arched against the couch. Kurt sucks down harder, another inch into his mouth as his tongue works in circles and then he starts to bob. Blaine's whine slips higher and he concentrates on not tightening his grip in Kurt's hair. "God, Kurt."

Pulling off, Kurt works him over with his hand, everything slicker with saliva now, the pulse of hot, hard flesh under his hand satisfying and going straight to his own cock. "Could we do it in the kitchen?"

Blaine looks forward and down fast enough to see the tinge of red across Kurt's cheeks before Kurt's mouth is back around his cock and Blaine's eyes fall closed automatically. Distracted but intrigued, he asks, "Do what in the kitchen?"

"Me?" It's muffled as Kurt's tongue licks into the slit and then he laps down the underside. Kurt is quietly regretting bringing it up but, god, if Blaine would just say yes.

Blaine isn't sure he's understanding but it's in his head now and it's not the worst idea. And Kurt's mouth is hot around him and if he would just set up a pace, work his mouth like he's meant to, this would all be getting somewhere. "You want me to get you off in the kitchen?"

Kurt hums in the affirmative against Blaine's balls and then licks swirls there and Blaine's mind blanks for long, drawn out seconds.

"Is this a weird, electrical appliance kink?"

Kurt chuckles and it fucking thrums through Blaine's dick, making him arch hard into the contact, but the sound is unmistakably unsure. "Just a—" Blaine swallows, forcing his head forward and his gaze steady as Kurt stares up at him with wide, blue eyes, his mouth stretched around Blaine's cock again as he slides down and sucks. "You wanna get off in the kitchen?"

Another blush that Blaine might be imagining because Kurt's face is flushed from exertion. But his eyelashes flutter and he looks away even as his head starts bobbing.

Blaine swallows hard and now both hands are holding around the back of Kurt's head, a silent mantra of 'Don't fuck his mouth' repeated over and over as Blaine stays as still as he can and lets Kurt work him over. He's so close.

"You want me to bend you over the kitchen counter and lick your ass?" It's out before he can stop it and he hopes as he's saying it that the intermittent whimpers he can't stop making mean what he's said is too difficult to understand.

Then what he has said registers and his skin tingles and something hot and sparking races up his spine. Kurt across the kitchen counter: God, he can see it, he can taste it. That's what they're doing next.

Kurt, for his part, moans around Blaine's cock and a hand struggles down to his jeans to start palming at his own cock through the denim because that is exactly what he wants.

Blaine's hips snap up and Kurt takes the extra inches that slide between his lips with a groan. "You'll let me, won't you?" Blaine asks him between gasps.

There's another hum and Blaine feels Kurt swallowing around him and his hips are rocking up, just slightly, not too much, and he lets his mind linger on the thought of Kurt's skin, pale and tight and tasting of sweat, everything spread out on the dark, immaculate tiles of the Anderson kitchen.

Blaine's breath catches and he groans again, fingers too tight as his hips pump up into the hot-wet-tight of Kurt's mouth. "Oh god, baby, You'll let me—"

Whatever he's about to say dies on his lips as his breath freezes in his throat and it's not because he's coming. The front door of the house has slammed open with more of a whack than usual and Kurt's eyes double in size as he stares up and then pulls off Blaine's cock with a near-painful slide of his lips.

All in an instant, Kurt is scrubbing the back of his hand over his mouth and his eyes are darting and Blaine is just frozen as the echo of the door slamming shut reaches them.

"Honey, I'm home!"

It's a deep, booming, masculine voice and it's not Blaine's father and who says that anyway?

Kurt can't find his shirt and he knows his lips look too red, his hair a mess.

But Blaine knows exactly who it is and he cannot believe this is about to happen. Like this. But he's kicking out fast, almost catching Kurt in the thigh, wriggling and writhing on the couch and ignoring his cock which is wet and obnoxiously oblivious to the situation and then making him hiss as he tugs his boxer briefs up and over and then falls into a heap against the cushions—thankfully facing away from the archway that the corner of his eye has caught movement in—basically hiding out of sight.

It's all stretched out over the few seconds it takes to walk through the entrance hall but to them it's been agonizing, terrible hours of waiting for the full-blown mortification to hit. Blaine's left Kurt standing there, shirtless and sex-dishevelled and he can hear his brother's footsteps stop and a surprised, "Oh," from that direction.

Kurt snatches up the closest cushion and holds it in front of him.

"Hi…" Oh yes, that'd be Cooper.

With a sigh, Blaine squeezes his eyes shut for a second before he slinks his way up to look over the back of the couch.

"Hi." Cooper's eyes light up and then get even brighter and there's a smile tugging instantly at his mouth. "Hi."

Blaine's face burns and he grimaces and tries to keep as much of his skin hidden.

"I guess mom and dad are out."

Blaine nods soundlessly and Kurt finally realizes who this is. He swallows. So much for first impressions.

Cooper's mouth continues to twitch with a barely contained smile as he steps forward, closer to them. Kurt shrinks back but Blaine shakes his head and yelps, "No, no! Stay over there."

An arched eyebrow and a proper smile and Kurt is ashamed to be realizing two things and filing them away. Cooper Anderson is sexy as all get out. And he has the same smile as his brother.

"Just how naked are you?"

Blaine's expression clearly answers everything and, yeah, he's managed to get his boxer briefs up and on but that is it. "God, I'm happy I walked in when I did. "

"Cooper," Blaine warns, but it comes out with a whine.

A shrug and a smile at Kurt who blushes under the gaze automatically. He hopes it isn't a permanent reaction.

"I just mean if I'd come in ten minutes later it might have been worse." He's barely keeping from laughing now.

"Yeah well—" Blaine has to cut himself off because, unbidden, all he can think of is the black tiles in the kitchen and the bench top and Kurt being naked.

Cooper laughs then, loud and silly and his eyes flickering from one blushing boy to the other. "Cooper by the way," he directs towards Kurt. "I'd shake your hand but…" he laughs again, clearly finding himself hilarious and Kurt's lips quirk upwards despite the situation.

"Kurt," he manages and bites the inside of his cheek when he hears himself sounding shy. Not that he doesn't have just cause.

"Figured." He glances at Blaine where he's still crouching behind the couch and looking petrified. "Blaine's told me all about you."

Kurt smells an ally and looks sideways towards Blaine who's staring back at him with pleading eyes. Kurt wonders if the older Anderson's puppydog look is anywhere near as convincing.

But Cooper has retreated to the archway back into the hall. "I'm gonna take my bags upstairs and give you boys the time you need to um…" he laughs again and as unbelievably mortifying terrible as it all is, Kurt can see the honest to god happiness in Cooper's eyes and it's something he's never seen in Blaine's father when Kurt's in the room. Much less when they're half naked and caught. Not that that's ever happened before.

His cheeks are still on fire.

"You really need ten minutes?" he asks, hovering now and still grinning at Blaine. "Because I remember that time I walked in on you when you were thirteen and had your hand—"

"Coop!" Blaine's voice cracks and Kurt has to choke down a laugh. "Don't."

Shrugging Cooper's eye sparkle as he waggles his eyebrows at Kurt and that is so a story Kurt will be told later.

"We'll come and get you when we're—" oh god, he doesn't mean done because there is no more doing to do. But he's not about to say 'not naked and uncomfortably wet and hard with saliva and…"I'll come up and get you in a minute."

"Ah, so still struggling with the stamina thing."

Blaine would throw a shoe at him if he was wearing any.

But Cooper disappears and they listen as his footsteps ascend the stairs. Blaine tugs his pyjama pants up and keeps shaking his head as Kurt pulls his shirt on and fights the urge to grin.

He should be a lot more upset about this.

"So that's Cooper," he eventually says, handing Blaine his own T-shirt.

Humming and chewing his lip, Blaine responds "That's Cooper."

Kurt grabs at his hand and tries to give him a reassuring smile as their fingers interlace. "Um," Kurt begins, pulling him in for a quick, chaste, careful kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Don't hate me for saying this. But I think I'm going to really like him."