...Don't even ask. Really. Don't.


Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. They belong to DC Comics and WB.

"Damn, this is fucking awesome!" Robin was prancing around, home alone with a cup of whiskey in his hand…which, for some reason, his tastebuds mistook for Ginger Ale. How that happened, no one will know.

Starfire and Raven had gone to the "mall of shopping" as Starfire put it, looking for various beauty products – Starfire had begun a new obsession with hair, makeup, and fragrance, and Raven was dragged along with her. As for Cyborg and Beast Boy, the new arcade had just opened, enough said.

While they were gone, Robin thought it to be the perfect opportunity to get some paperwork done. Everything went wonderfully, until thirst took over. He wasn't sure if it was lack of sleep, or his brain was working too hard…or perhaps the face that Cyborg kept whiskey in a pitcher. Either way, he couldn't even tell, despite the harsh taste of the liquor.

After a couple glasses, he really didn't care.

Robin sat his glass down on the counter in the kitchen, surprisingly not dropping it, and then went running into the common room, doing all sorts of somersaults and flips until he bounced onto the couch. In his inebriated thoughts, he found that hilarious.

This continued, until he saw a folded up paper in between two cushions on the couch. It took his a few tries to get it out – more because he couldn't tell where exactly his fingers were reaching – and then unfolded it, almost ripping it a couple times.

"Hey, thiziz Star's writing…" He cocked his head as he tried to read over whatever she had written down, failing miserably. That is, until he saw one odd word. "What the fuck is a ZzzzzombieDick." His eyes narrowed as he tried to concentrate, but shook his head moments after, realizing it was not going to happen.

Instead, he thought it smart to simply go into Starfire's room to somehow figure it out in there. He stumbled to his feet, almost falling forward and onto the ground, the paper clutched in one fist, and began to slowly make his way to Starfire's room. "Gotta know, gotta know." He almost tripped on his feet a good twenty times on his way there.

He beamed, yes beamed, at getting to her door. He typed the code in and fell through, keeping the paper in his grip. "Oooookay." He sat up and leaned against the back of the bed, opening it up. "ZommmbieDieck." He snorted, trying to read it over again.

He narrowed his eyes, seeing the word 'closet' in a jumble of others. He grinned, throwing the paper aside, and began to crawl to the closet, reaching up to open it, and then falling from the crawl inside. The grin was still present.

"Ooooh, yeah." His eye caught a metallic box in the back, about the length of a human, and he made his way over to it. It had to be something good. He pushed the cover back, almost feeling like it was a more accessible coffin, and bent over to look inside, almost coming face-to-face with…well…him.

He leaned back, eyes as wide as dinner plates. He blinked several times, trying to make sense of the situation, and one memory was able to surface.

"Izzat why she was all moaning in the closet?" He cocked his head to the side, suddenly becoming agitated. "I need to see this." He hefted the toy out of its chamber and onto the ground. When he was finally able to focus on it, his eyes widened and blinked uncontrollably. "But…" He looked down at himself, then back at the toy. "I can't be in two places at once."

He looked over his (naked) doppelganger with a cautious curiosity. His eyes landed on a small control on the neck, and then he smiled. "Oh! It's like mine!...'Cept mine is of Starfire…" He then cocked his head to the side. "Why duzshe need one of these? I pleasure her just fine!" He scoffed and crossed his arms. "I only use mine when she isn't in the mood."

Suddenly, an idea hit him. A grin lit up his face as he stood.


Starfire made her way to her room after an exhausting day at the mall, her arms weighed down with bags.

She sighed in contentment and sat them on her bed once inside, then paused when she heard something in her closet.

"Ohhhh yeah."

Was that…"Robin?" She walked toward the door and opened it.

The sight she found almost caused her to pinch herself to see if she had somehow fallen asleep. There was no way this was happening.

She had walked in on Robin setting up her ZombieDick and (his, she was guessing) ZombieStarfire. It was like watching a porno starring both of them.

Robin looked up at Starfire, a silly grin on his face. "I didn't know you had one of these! I just found an awesome use, since I know you don't need yours a bunch since I'm super good at pleasuring you."

She blinked.

He cocked his head. "What's wrong?"

She stayed mute and slowly walked backwards, closing the door in front of her. "By X'hal…"




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