Warnings: OOC, and this fic is kind of sad, so it might make you cry. I don't know if I did a good enough job to make someone cry, though. If I do make you cry, I'm sorry.
I knew this day would come. Of course I did. From that very first moment when the contract was formed, I knew everything would eventually lead to this.
That didn't mean it didn't hurt.
I have to admit, the pain I felt in my heart was unexpected. It was not a feeling I was familiar with, as it certainly had never happened before. Such a strange feeling. Unfamiliar. Unnatural for someone like me. If I were to put a name to it, I would almost say it was… Heartbreak.
Ciel asked me if it would hurt. It was a question every contractor asked me.
"It will a bit," I answered, like every other time. However, I also said something I had never said before. "I will try to be gentle, though."
"No," Ciel said. I was surprised. If anyone deserved my gentleness, Ciel surely did. He had suffered so much already. "Be as brutal as you want. Carve the pain into me. It's proof that I had a life worth living."
I smiled gently. I should have expected you to say that, Ciel. Since I first met you, you were never one to hide from pain. It was one of the things I loved best about you. I bowed down on one knee, my hand resting over my non-existent heart. How odd that right now that area of my chest hurt so much. I wondered if my heart existed after all. Wouldn't that be a strange thought indeed? The demon that had a heart. "Indeed, my young lord," I whispered.
Ciel leaned his head back softly. His face was peaceful, a sure sign that he had accepted the idea of death long ago. Since I first formed the contract with him, he had never feared death. So strong, so beautiful… I walked closer, and caressed his face. His cheek was soft, so soft. I knew it would be. Soft skin. What about you wasn't perfect, Ciel?
There was one thing. Gently, I removed the eye patch. There, now you are perfect. The symbol of the contract glowed in Ciel's right eye, marking him as mine for all eternity.
Ciel closed his eyes. He wanted this last experience to be as painful as possible. He had voiced it himself.
I had never intentionally caused him pain before.
I smiled sadly at the irony of the situation. With his closed eyes, he wished for pain. Unknown to Ciel, with my smile, I wished for the same.
No. I was already hurting.
I think I would have been happier had the contract never come to an end. Starving, yes, but happier.
There was only one thing left to do.
I slowly pressed my lips to Ciel's. He tensed, then relaxed. I wonder if the only reason he relaxed was because he believed this was how a demon took a soul. Did you actually want the kiss, Ciel? But I can never ask him that.
I pulled back slightly, and watched as Ciel opened his eyes in confusion. "I'm so sorry, Ciel," I whispered.
"Why?" Ciel whispered back. "You wanted my soul: Now you can have it. What is lost?"
I didn't answer Ciel, so he never learned that I felt as though I was losing everything that would ever matter to me.
I pressed my lips to his once again, forcing his mouth open with my own. This time, I took his soul. Painfully, as he had asked of me.
Ciel, you will never know that every scream you made caused my supposedly non-existent heart to shatter even more. All that was left at the end was the tiny broken pieces I will never pick up.
You were a fool, my Ciel. Did you really believe I would be able to continue living once you were gone? I smiled sadly at the thought, and felt my first tear, in all of my life, fall down my cheek.
No, Ciel. You were my last meal.
I gently pick Ciel up in my arms, cradling him like I had done so many times before. Still holding him close, I took the place on the stone bench that he had previously occupied. There were three known ways to kill a demon. One was a shinigami's death scythe. Though not always lethal to a demon, it was possible. The second was the legendary demon sword that resided in a demon itself. Very few demons knew the sword's location anymore.
The third way was for the demon to willfully destroy itself, from the inside out.
Guess which method I chose, Ciel, sitting here on this stone bench on the Isle of the Dead, with you lying safe in my arms. I died with that same sad smile on my face, that same first tear still resting on my cheek.
You were a fool, my Ciel, to believe I could continue to exist without you.
AN: Like I said, I'm not sure I'm good enough at sad-and-depressed to make someone cry, but it's still a sad fic. The idea actually came to me right when I finished watching season 1, before I started season 2. Then I watched season 2, and I wasn't sure about this fic anymore. However, I mostly pretend season 2 never existed, so I wrote this anyway and I'm not sure how good this one is.
Part of this fic was inspired by this poem: http : / / animeket. deviantart. com/ art/ Beautiful-soul- 152191516 (9 spaces to delete if you want to view)
That's where I got the summary for the fic from, and credit for those two lines goes to the person who wrote the poem.
The italics are supposed to be what Sebastian is saying to Ciel in his head, in case that wasn't clear.
Please leave a review. I always love those and I always read them even if I don't reply.