A/N: Ever since I started watching the 4th season, I immediately fell in love with these two :) I really wished there would have been more Takumi though, that's like my favorite Digimon pairing of all time. I wanted to do something from Takuya's prospective, but not like the stories where he's all cocky and whatever. I wanted to channel the inner, vulnerable part of him. Please R&R! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Digimon. Period.
Am I better off dead? Am I better off a quitter? They say I'm better off now, than I ever was with her. As they drag me to my local down the street, I'm smiling but I'm dying, trying not to drag my feet. And my mates are all there, trying to calm me down. Cause I'm shouting your name all over town. I'm swearing if I go there now, I can change your mind, turn it all around.
~'Nothing' - The Script
I've seen enough action-adventure movies to know that whenever the girl falls for a guy it's usually when he saves her life. But I've also seen enough chick flicks (thanks, mom…) to know that it's never actually that easy. It's been two years since I've seen her. Two years since I've heard her honey-sweet voice drifting through the air. I wish I could say that I've at least tried to keep in touch, but I haven't. Yeah, the others and I are still pretty tight, but I guess with me and her, we just…drifted. In the beginning, she called sometimes, but I never had the nerve to pick up. Yeah, I know. I'm a jerk. After awhile, she stopped calling. Guess she gave up on me too.
So I guess, in the end, it doesn't matter how many times I've saved her life. It only matters what I've decided to do since then. I wish I could have changed the future, made it better for both of us. Maybe then that spark we had back then could have grown bigger, maybe into something I could have been proud of. But what did I do instead? Dropped it. Killed it. Extinguished it. What was wrong with me, anyway? I let my fear control me, and I've never done that before. I was never one to back down. My bravery was one of my best qualities (or so she's told me). So why now? I've faced enemies that could kill me, revive me, and then kill me again. And I freeze up when I'm up against a little thing like love?
But wait, is it love?
Does love allow itself to break like that? I miss the times when I heard her voice greeting me as I stumbled closer. I miss the times when her stubbornness frustrated me to my breaking point. I even miss the times when I thought I had screwed everything up, like at Ophanimon's castle, when I told her I "really liked her". I mean sure, it was true, but that didn't mean I had to go broadcasting. And so I ask again, what is wrong with me?
Sometimes I wonder if my life could've been that much easier if I had just never gone to the digital world. If I had just simply pressed no. If I had, I would've never had to deal with all this heartache of letting her go. In fact, I wouldn't have had to deal with this crazy thing called 'love' in the first place. I tell myself that I'd have been much better off without knowing her, that it would've saved me all my pain and depression. But I know, I've always known, that in some unmistakable way, she's made my life that much better. My dad says thinking so much about the past is going to be bad for my health. I haven't been outside much since we came back. Hearing the wind blow reminds me of her, and what we could've been – which is pretty frustrating, really. I mean every time I leave the house I'm bound to hear a little wind. I also haven't been wearing my goggles at all since we came back. Every time I look into them I don't see myself, I see her. I see the way she smiled at me on my dream date with her during the fight against Cherubimon. I see her rosy cheeks blush when I pushed her out from under that tree, when Kumamon almost killed us.
I wanted her back. I wanted her back so much it hurt. I keep wanting to apologize to her for ignoring all her calls, but I can't. She's been in Italy for the past year anyway, so it's not like I actually can. Kouji told me that she's coming back today. He and the rest of the guys are going to go meet her at the airport. They've kept in touch. They're not afraid of seeing her. They invited me to come along, but once again, like the loser I am, I wimped out. I was scared of seeing her reaction, scared that she would hate me now. Why wouldn't she? Honestly, I hated myself! All those times she made me blush, or stammer, or completely lose my brain altogether, and I don't think she ever knew. All I wanted was once chance to just say I'm sorry for all those times I screwed up. I guess if I think hard enough, I've had that chance billions of times. I've just never had the guts to take them. Looks like I left a lot more then just my legendary warrior spirit back in the digital world.
I keep saying how I've saved her life, but really, she's saved mine about a million times too. When we were idiots and fell for that trap back at Toucanmon's island, she was the only one who could defend us against Ranamon. When she fell into that whirlpool, I thought she was gone for good. I might have looked less freaked out than JP, but on the inside, I was dieing. I wished, over and over, that it could've been me instead of her that fell like that. I felt like more of a failure than I ever had in my whole life. And let me tell you – I've felt failure plenty of times before. Failing classes doesn't make you feel all that great…but that's not the point. Those types of failure had never compared to all the distress I had felt when I thought I had lost her.
I'm at the park now, with my soccer ball. I've been cooped up in my room for the last couple days, dreading the day she'd come back. My mom wanted me to go get some fresh air – or forced me, really – and soccer usually clears my head, so I had gone to the soccer fields next to the park near my house. I had brought my goggles along, telling myself that I'd finally put them on or at least put them somewhere where they couldn't haunt me everyday. But once again, I wimped out and whipped them into the nearest trash can, hoping that with them, my regrets with the girl in the purple would rot away.
That probably wasn't my brightest idea, but hey. I was desperate. And desperate times call for desperate measures, or something like that. God, I needed to stop torturing myself like this. Okay. I told myself, on the count of three, I would stop thinking about her. For good. She would drift away, like the summer breeze, and I would move on. Clearing my head, forever.
"Hey. You know, it's been awhile. I was wondering if I'd ever see you again."
Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. Not now. Not right after I've made my vow to forever forget about her. It couldn't be.
I slowly turned around, face to face with the girl I've been thinking of for the past two years. She looked the same as I remembered, but better too. Her bright emerald eyes invited me closer, daring me to reach into their dark, mysterious depths. They sparkled with excitement and compassion I recognized. Her long golden hair rippled down her back in sun-kissed waves, reaching the small of her back. She extended a slender hand, holding out a chunky object. It was my goggles. The ones I had thrown out about half an hour ago.
"I found these in a garbage can. I thought you might have missed them. Though I really don't know how they ended up there in the first place." She giggled, a twinkly laugh that sent my heart beating out of my chest. Man, I felt like such a girl.
"You know, I've really missed you, Takuya."
She spoke softly now as if sharing a secret, but still she flashed a sweet little smile that made my heart melt even more. Those words, out of a mouth as perfect as hers, were almost too much to bear. She's missed me? She's not mad? This seemed like a dream, a perfect little fantasy I was just imagining. And there was only one way I could let it end.
With that, I forced myself to speak. Forced myself to channel all my fury at myself and all my frustration into at least one little word. My mouth opened. I wasn't sure if my nerves would let me say much, but hopefully two syllables would be enough. Two syllables that have been running through my mind for months. Two syllables that I couldn't seem to get out of my head. I closed my eyes, blinking slowly, and counted to three again. It was going to be that easy, I told myself. It had to be.
Here I go.
A/N: Good? Better? Terrible? Please review! It would mean so much to me. Constructive criticism is welcome :D