Okay, I thought Ichigo and the Talking Head was a funny story, so I ended up making a sequel... and I'll most likely end up making a sequel for this one as well... forget my muse raiding Joker's supply of Laughing Gas... I think she's been living off the stuff... food, drink and air.
Naruto, Kakashi, Sai, Shikamaru, Asuma, Ino, Hinata, Kurenai, Anko, Sakura, Lee, Ten-Ten, Gai, Yamato, Choji, Kiba, Shino, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Shizune and Neji were all facing off against the Akatsuki. The eighteen Konoha Nin against the ten (well technically sixteen if you count all of Pein's bodies) Akatsuki. The fight had been going on for hours, two Nin facing off against each Akatsuki. Most of the Konoha Nin had been taken down – they weren't dead, just injured and unable to fight. The only ones left standing were Naruto, Anko, Lee, Gai, Yamato. Shino, Neji, Jiraiya and Tsunade. Out of all the Nin that were down, only Kakashi was conscience. He was watching silently as his fellow Konoha Nin managed to surround the Akatsuki, putting the ten Nuke-Nin back to back.
Removing his Hitae-ate, Kakashi activited his Mangekyou Sharingan, a vortex opening up in the center of the circle of the Nin, at the Nuke-Nin's backs. Deidara's eyes widened as he head a familial noise and he looked behind him.
"Ah hell no, un!" he yelled as he started getting sucked into the vortex. In a desperate attempt to escape the vortex, he sacrificed his arms to get away – unfortunately for Deidara, it didn't do any good and he got sucked in. The rest of the Akatsuki were in similar conditions... the only difference being that the vortex was ripping them apart as is sucked them in.
"Fuck no! This is un-fucking-cool!" Hidan yelled as his head was ripped from his body. "Not fucking right! Let me the fuck go you fucking black hole!" he continued yelling as his head and body were sucked into the vortex.
"What the hell!" Kukazu yelled as his hearts suddenly sepperated from his body. "Where did this vortex come from?" he screamed as he was pulled into the vortex.
"No! Not my puppets!" Sasori cried out as his protective puppet body was ripped to pieces and sucked into the vortex, his body following. "What the hell is with this black hole?"
"Ow! Ow! Ow! What the hell man!" Zetsu screeched as his Venus Fly Trap-like shell was ripped from his body. "Stupid black hole! Why did you have to do that?"
"Owwww! What the hell!" Kisame screamed as his sword flew from his hands and chopped him to pieces, slicing off his head and limbs. "Killed by my own sword... what the hell..."
"Is this... the true power of Mangekyou?" Itachi whispered as his body was torn in half at the waist and succked into the vortex. "Heh... looks like you won't get to kill me after all Sasuke..."
"Noooooo! I don't want to die!" Konan yelled as her body sepperated into hundreds of pieces of paper, flying into the vortex. "I'm sorry Nagato... we failed..."
"No! I refuse to die! Not yet! I haven't brought an end to war yet! I haven't brought the world true peace!" Pein yelled as he and his bodies were all pulled into the vortex, their arms, legs and heads all torn from their bodies. "I will bring peace to this world! I willllllllll!"
"Tobi doesn't want to die! Tobi a good boy! Tobi doesn't want to die!" Tobi yelled as he was pulled into the vortex, his head being ripped from his shoulders and the mask falling off his face. "Oh shut it you... Tobi doesn't exist... only Madara Uchiha... and we will never die! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Kakashi sighed as the vortex closed once all the Akatsuki were pulled in. The rest of the Konoha Nin blinked... then looked at Kakashi.
"Hey Kakashi? Where does all the stuff that you send through that vortex go anyways?"
Kakashi blinked and looked at Naruto.
"You know, I don't know..."
"I will get Rukia back!" Ichigo shouted, swinging his sword at Renji.
Renji narrowed his eyes at Ichigo and blocked the carrot-tops strike.
"No, you won't. I will stop you here."
Above them, Kenpachi watched them fight. He wanted to see if the intruder was any good before engaging him.
"I won't let you stop me! I WILL rescue Rukia!"
Just as Renji was about to reply, something fell on his head. He blinked and reached up, pulling whatever it was off... and screamed, dropping the arm he held.
"What the hell! Where did that come from!"
Ichigo blinked and looked at the sky, then looked at the arm. Leaning down to look at the arm, he screamed as the arm suddenly launched it's self at him, latching onto his face, right over his eye. Ichigo started pulling on the arm.
"Get it off! Get it off, get it off, get it off! Ahhhhhhhh! Fuck, it's chewing on my eye!"
Renji blinked and started laughing.
"Chewing on your eye? It's a fucking arm! How can an arm chew on your eye?"
"I don't know! It's got a fucking mouth! Ah man! Now it's licking me!"
Renji started laughing, falling on his ass as he did so. He stopped laughing when he felt something land in his lap. Looking down, his eyes widened as he saw a hand like the one on Ichigo's face. He paled as it latched onto his nuts.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Get it off! Get it off, get it off, get it off!" Renji screamed, pulling on the arm., his voice going to a higher pitch with each word he spoke. Ichigo started laughing.
"Damn it! It's chewing on my nuts!"
Ichigo fell to the ground laughing, ignoring the arm attached to his face. He stopped laughing when something landed in his lap. Looking down at his lap, his eyes widened as he saw a head. The head looked up at him.
"Hey, fucking idiot! Have you fucking seen my fucking body?"
Ichigo screeched and stood up, the head falling to the ground.
"Hey you mother fucker! Be fucking careful where you fucking drop my fucking head!"
Ichigo started at the head.
'Why does this feel so familiar? I feel like I've seen this head before...'
Just then, Ichigo was flattened to the ground.
"Hey! There's my fucking body! You fucking bastard! Get the fuck off that fucking idiot and pick me the fuck up!"
Ichigo groaned and pushed the body off him, noticing the arm that had been chewing on his eye had been knocked off. He stared at the body as it stood and picked up the talking head.
'Yeap... I've definitely seen this somewhere... but why is it that this cussing head is so familiar?'
Ichigo paled as he remembered the nightmare he had just the night before coming to Soul Society.
"YOU! You're that cussing head that crashed though my window! Why me? Why is it that the weird things always happen to me?"
Hidan looked at Ichigo, paling as he remembered the dream he had just before running into the Konoha Nin.
"You're that fucking kid that fucking had the fucking porn magazine in their fucking room!"
Ichigo blinked, as did Renji. Then Renji started roaring with laughter.
"P-p-porn magazine! You actually read porn magazines!"
"Out of that entire nightmare, the only thing you remember is the fucking porn magazine?"
Renji continued laughing for a few minutes as Hidan blinked.
"Well... yeah. Don't see many porn magazines with the Akatsuki. Leader-sama doesn't like them."
Renji finally stopped laughing.
"Hey Ichigo? What do you mean when you said 'that entire nightmare'?"
Ichigo looked at Renji, scowling.
"A couple nights ago, I had a nightmare that had this idiot's..."
he pointed to Hidan and Hidan scowled. "...head crashing through my window and landing in my lap."
Renji started laughing again. Ichigo shook his head and walked off.
"By the way Renji... you still have that arm chewing on your crotch."
Renji screamed and started pulling on the arm again.
"Get it off, get it off, GET IT OFF!"