Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Stargate SG-1.
Series Summary: A story told in a series of short scenes. Xander has always attracted women who don't fit the definition of normal. So, of course he finds the only available space pirate currently on Earth.
Warning: No graphic stuff, but alludes to sexual situations.
Author's notes: Doesn't account for the Buffy comics, but it's set after season 7. SG-1 can be set any time after Vala's joined the team, at least for now.

The Zeppo and the Space Pirate

~A story told in a series of shorts.~

Close Encounter 1:

"Not Just a Demon Magnet"

~A man meets woman scenario, and its inevitable conclusion. Sorta.~

A steak and a beer, that's all he'd wanted. In general, Xander usually didn't take the time to enjoy such manly fare, but he was feeling particularly proud of himself after leading his small group of slayers out of a battle with a group of demons he'd fondly labeled as 'gooplins'. With the girls unscathed and headed back to the Denver base, Xander had stayed behind to check out a possible relic being stored in cozy Colorado Springs.

Well, at least, that was the excuse he was giving home base. The truth was, Xander was kinda missing his 'me' time. A little peace. A little quiet. A nice lonely night alone. Emphasis on the 'lone' part. That's all he wanted.

Which is why it was particularly amusing when the evening ended with him paired up, on the run, and nearly shot.

"Honestly, Xander, pestering isn't very attractive," she said.

Xander rolled over in the bed, his back crying out at the movement. The bandage across his side would have to be changed. Again. He ran his skinned knuckles across the cool sheet and frowned. "I'm not pestering, Vala," he said. And even he realized that he actually was doing just that.

Vala slipped out of bed, the scanty red teddy barely covering her backside. She wandered over to the hotel's small bar, looking over the expensive selection with a raised brow.

"I don't see what the big deal is," she said, selecting a tiny bottle of Tequila with a smile and slipping it into her bag. She turned back, cocking her head to one side and tossing the tangles out of her thick black hair.

Xander blinked. "You're an alien. That's kind of a big deal."

But his voice remained calm, despite his words. Because, truthfully? This wasn't the strangest bedfellow he'd woken up with. Still, it was different.

"Is it?" she asked, frowning. "You were fine with it a few hours ago."

Xander rolled his good eye. "I'm still fine with it."

"Well, then, why is it, I quote, 'a big deal'?"

"Because I'm starting to think you just used me for sex. Which is fine. I like being used, but you said we should go out, then you drop this bomb and tell me that you might not even be on the planet tomorrow." Xander huffed, sliding out of bed to join her. "I mean, I could care less what planet you're from, but if you wanted this to just be a one-time deal, you could have said that in the first place. I'm pretty damn certain you still would have gotten me into bed."

Vala ripped open a pack of peanuts and turned back to him, eyes wide. "Is that why you're so grumpy?" She snorted, amused, and wrapped an arm around his neck, pushing herself against his chest. "I'm going to be back, Xander. I go off-planet all the time."

Xander shook his head. "So…wait, you live on Earth? Like full-time? By choice?"

Vala smiled, looking up at him through her eyelashes. "I've discovered the planet has its perks."

He smiled back despite himself. "Then you're not using me?"

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Vala tugged him back to the bed, dropping the nuts on the floor. She reached down, running a finger along the stretch of his boxers. "But I would like to use you repeatedly, if that's alright. Possibly again in a week, after a nice dinner." She paused mid-movement, looking up at him with a playful brow raised. "If you're still alright with the whole alien thing."

"I've dated stranger."

He bent down to press his mouth against hers, but pulled away after a moment. "I wonder if your friends noticed that I signed the thirteenth sheet of their disclosure contract as 'John Crichton'. Think they'll get a kick out of that?"

"Do shut up, Xander."

And she pushed him onto the mattress. Xander let her. He liked his ladies demanding. And older. And a little non-human-ish.

Xander drove away from Colorado Springs with a lopsided grin on his face. Sure, he wasn't certain what he was going to tell his friends about the two days he'd been missing, but he'd come up with something at least half-true. Sex and tequila. That excuse should fly, at least this time.

He heard his phone buzz as a text message was left, but ignored it. Probably his mini-slayers. Again.

The gang hadn't been this clingy since he'd went missing outside of Roswell for a week. Which reminded him of another question he really needed to ask Vala or her teammates next time he was in town. Well, at least this night of hot alien sex hadn't left a glowing handprint behind. That had much harder to hide from the gang than a few love bites.

When the cell rang again, Xander snatched it up, biting down the laughter in his voice, when he answered, "Oh, hey, Vi. Buffy's been trying to call me? Nope, no messages, guess something's wrong with my phone… Yeah, I'm fine... Me? Just the usual stuff..."