Ziva had a distant look in her eyes as Abby bent down beside her, lifting the wet cloth to begin cleaning the dirt off of her wounds. The look wasn't a new one to her eyes, but it was never one that Abby enjoyed seeing very much. It made her heart hurt for her. It made her want to pull Ziva into a tight hug, protecting her from the world and never letting her go. She wanted to keep her in her arms forever, to make sure that nothing ever hurt her again. She felt like that with all the team, of course, but Ziva was... different. She blamed it on her having seen so much worse than the rest of them in her life, on her having had been dealt the worst hand.
Dipping the cloth into the bowl to clean it, she went back to wiping, being sure to focus particularly well on the cut above her eye.
"You may need stitches for that," she said quietly. Ziva didn't respond. She didn't even flinch. "I don't know though. It's healed a lot. It'd suck to have to reopen it." She bit her lip, being sure the area was fully cleaned, before reaching for a bandaid. "If it keeps opening up, you should see a doctor. I dunno. You're gonna have a scar."
"I am used to them," she muttered finally, her voice rough and gravelly. It was clear she didn't really want to talk much. It was something Abby wasn't entirely used to anymore. Ziva had opened up and become so warm with all of them, it was becoming more and more rare for her to shut off like this. She knew it was better to just wait, though, let her talk when she was ready. She tried to keep the conversation on her end light enough.
"One of these days, I'm gonna have to get a medical degree or something. That way when you guys get all rough and tumbly like this? I can just heal you myself. No trips to the doctors, just you, me, and a lab table. I know Ducky could probably do it, but, you know, to be fair, he usually works on dead people and they don't tend to complain when you hit a nerve ending, you know?" She shrugged, cleaning the cloth off ones again and going to wipe the dirt from Ziva's neck. "Beside, it'd be cool, don't you think? Dr. Abby. I could have my own talk show with a name like that."
"I'm done with this."
The phrase cut Abby off mid-ramble. Her eyes locked on Ziva's face, trying to figure out what she meant. It had been a harsh and cold phrase, lacking any explanation. She swallowed, lowering the cloth, and trying her best to not look like a scared child when she spoke.
"Done with what?"
"All of this. I've... I've come to realize that I feel no connection to life anymore. I feel like I am watching everything from space. Like a strange... dream. No, nightmare. A disconnected nightmare."
Abby could feel tears welling in her eyes at Ziva's words. She wanted to reach out and touch her, to hold her hand, to make her feel grounded again. But all she could do was listen. Listen to her friend who was so broken and who needed someone to listen to her.
"... I want to be in control, Abby," she whispered. "I want... to be me again."
Reaching out, she finally put her arms around ZIva, pulling her close. She didn't care about the blood or the dirt that would likely cake off onto her. She was hurting. She had every right to be. She had been through hell and it didn't want to stop coming. Abby held her tightly, trying to make her feel again, trying to make everything disappear with just a single act of affection.
"It's gonna be okay, Ziva," she muttered into her ear, burying her face into her shoulder. She could feel the other woman's arms going tentatively around her and Abby closed her eyes to stop herself from crying. "I promise."