I don't remember a lot of those moments. I kept blacking out for my own safety. I lost all sense when I saw Kevin bleeding, dying on top of me. I had done this. If I hadn't come back this never would have happened. I could hear more yelling around me. I couldn't tell anymore if it was my own or someone else's. I held onto him. Clinging to him for dear life. If I let him go this was real. I could hear someone begging for me to let go of him. I finally awoke my trance when Tommy and Nicky pulled him off me. I looked around and saw no one was hurt but him. Sean ran to me to make sure I wasn't shot since I could feel all of Kevin's blood over me. I waved him off and ran to Kevin.

"Give me something to stop the bleeding and please call an ambulance!" I couldn't hear my own words but I knew they did. Jimmy was stumbling to the phone, Sean running to get my medical kit, Tommy hovering trying not to fall apart, and Nicky and Vinnie running after that car. Kevin was lying in front of me covered in blood. He was shot in the chest twice. This was my entire fault. Even hating me, he threw himself in front of bullets that were intended for me. If he died, I couldn't survive. I stopped myself from thinking and remembered every medical thing my mother taught me. As I was trying to make the bleeding stop, Kevin kept moaning.

"Bridgette.." I nearly lost my mind hearing him call my name.

"Bridgette's ok, Kevin. Just be ok." Tommy begged knowing I could barely get words out.

"Bridgette." Kevin opened his beautiful stormy blue eyes and looked at me. "I'm sorry." He passed out again and whatever strength I had broke. I nearly collapsed but Tommy caught me. Sean held the pressure on Kevin, while I tried to breath.

"Bridgette, you need to breath, Kevin will be ok and he needs you." I looked at Tommy and tried to listen. I jumped when I heard the ambulance wailing up my block. Within seconds, they were bursting into my house and grabbing Kevin and taking him away. I ran with him and jumped in the ambulance with him without even thinking or looking behind me.

When we got to the hospital, I had realized I was bleeding. One of the bullets had nicked me on the side. I refused to be helped when Kevin was next to me. Tommy, Sean, and Jimmy arrived a few minutes later. As they took Kevin into surgery, Tommy grabbed me and stopped me from following them in there. When I tried to fight him he caught me by the waist and I screamed out in pain. I didn't even have time to recover before he lifted part of my shirt revealing not only my bleeding side but bruises across my abs. Tommy stared me down and my face betrayed everything I had lied about it. He could read my like a book. If I had the strength I would have ran straight for the door but I was weak and scared. I needed Kevin to be ok. I don't care about anything but that. Sean had grabbed a doctor while Tommy had me in his grip and I was quickly escorted off. Tommy followed while Jimmy and Sean waited for any news of Kevin.

As the doctor examined me, Tommy refused to let go of my hand. Like Kevin, Tommy was still so angry with me but could never let me be hurt. He watched the intricate detail as the doctor examined and stitched my bleeding wound up.

"Ms. Butler, would you mind if I spoke to you alone?" I knew what he meant. He thought Tommy was my boyfriend and he beat me.

"He's not my boyfriend. He's my brother." I said barely getting words out. The doctor believed me without any question probably because Tommy looked like a protective bear rather then an abuser but I knew he was going to go on.

"If someone is hurting you, you need to let someone know. "

"I'm fine." I tried to get up but Tommy stopped me.

"Thanks, doc." The doctor nodded and ran out of the room. I wish I could have done the same. "Bridgette, what the fuck is going on?" Part of me wanted to give up this charade, tell him everything, tell him my plan, but the other part of me knew I had to lie.

"I fell and hurt myself. It was an accident. " I knew I could convince everyone except a Donnelly with that lie but I tried.

"Your husband did that didn't he? You're still with him for info." I recently nodded. "What is wrong with you, Bridgette? You never in a million years would let anyone give you a beating but you let him? I don't care how much you love us you can't keep doing this!"

"He knows everything about you guys. He's doing this on his own over some fucking stupid vendetta. I was in Boston when I met him. He was looking into Jenny. I fucked him to get him away from her. I pretended to love him when he made my skin crawl. I married him and he stopped looking. He got protection for Jenny and me. When he hit me I took it. I took everything for you, Jimmy, Sean, and especially Kevin. I knew how much you hated me so this was my fucking punishment. Every bruise, cut, and burn was my punishment for hurting you and Kevin. I came back to get some legitimate business for you guys to hide all the illegal into so when I finally left my piece of shit husband he had nothing on you. I would bring Jenny back and you could have your happily ever after."

"And what would happen to you?"

"I would go away forever since Kevin finally could be with the girl he really wanted to." Tommy shook his head and threw his hands on his hips.

"For someone so goddamn brilliant you can be really stupid. Kevin will always want you. He's been in love with you from the moment you slept in the same bed when you were 6. He went back to Rosie because he was so angry about letting you walk away. He didn't kill Earl that night, Jimmy did. Kevin knew you wouldn't forgive him. Bridgette, you need to leave this jerk before he kills you. "

"I can handle myself. Maybe, I should keep Jenny where she is since you seem so happy with Kate. I didn't know she had a thing for men who killed her husband." I knew I was hitting below the belt but I needed him to be angry rather then concerned at me.

"Don't do that. You know I love Jenny more then anyone but that has nothing to do with my son. I want him back here. I want her back here and I'll deal with it then. Get us into this new development and ditch your husband or I will." The conversation was cut short when Sean ran in. My breath caught in my throat and I felt the room begin to spin.

"Kevin's out of surgery, he's in ICU." I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I needed to see him. I needed him to be ok.

When I got to the room, Kevin was hooked up to machine after machine. He was breathing at least but he looked awful. He looked like Frankenstein and all I wanted to do was hold him and say everything was going to be ok. As I neared him, I could feel tears streaking down my face. I almost had forgotten how to cry when I was away. It all came back the second Kevin was in my sights. I grabbed his hand and just stared at him until someone behind me cleared their throat. I had a sick feeling in my stomach who it was standing behind me. I smelled that awful perfume that used to reek on Kevin all through high school. I turned and saw her. Rosie, standing there with pretending worry.

"What happened to my fiancée?" She tried to rush to his side but I stopped her.

"You need to go, now." She looked appealed and that bitch face she thought worked came out.

"He's my fiancée." I wanted so badly to punch her but I knew I'd get kicked out.

"Don't pull that shit on me Rosie you need to leave." I walked a little closer to her.

"This shit never would have happened if you didn't come back." I gritted my teeth she was making this harder on me.

"Go fucking crawl back to whatever hole you came from you fucking leech." My voice went up an octave and Sean ran in. She looked at him for help.

"Seanie, tell her that she needs to leave." Sean who very rarely gets involved with girl fights stopped.

"Rosie, you need to leave. This is not helping Kevin." Rosie was shocked and walked right into my face.

"I am not leaving." I broke. The wear of the day took me in and with one right hook Rosie was on the floor.

"You ever come near Kevin again I'll kill you. You selfish bitch!" Rosie was on the floor bleeding and all I cold think was how I wanted her dead. If Sean hadn't held me back, she would have been. Jimmy came in at the right moment and laughed.

"Hey, darling, you gotta realize you got a hook like a man you can't be hitting no girls." He helped Rosie off the floor and started to drag her out.

"Bridgette…" Kevin moaned. My head spun and I ran to him.

"Kevin, I'm here. I'm so sorry." I held his hand as tight as I could. He just kept moaning my name until he finally fell back to sleep.

"He'll be out for a few hours. You really should go get some sleep." I wanted to stay so bad but I had to get some of his things. He's so annoying about not wearing his own clothes and his stupid favorite sweaters. I had to get them. The Boys should rest. I'll never be able to. I kissed Kevin on the forehead and left the hospital. I can't remember that night. I was in such a state of shock and pain. What had I done?