This is the first fanfic I have posted and this is just for fun. I went to Rocky for years as an audience member and I was on two different casts. I do not own Glee or the Rocky Horror Picture Show. If you recognize it from somewhere else, it isn't mine. If you saw any of this at a Rocky show, I either saw something similar or I am not the only one who thinks it would be funny. Songs used are from the Rocky Horror Picture Show and Katy Perry's Peacock. Title is from RHPS. Takes place in season two before the transfer to Dalton.
Warnings-swearing and thinking/talking about sex, but no actual sex. Rated M to be on the safe side.
Thank you to skyblue_reverie for betaing it. I couldn't have done this without you
The Late Night Double Feature Picture Show
How do I get myself into these situations? I had been thinking with my dick when Kurt asked me about going to see Rocky Horror. I liked him since the first moment I saw him and was head over heels during our first conversation. "Sure I've always wanted to see Rocky Horror in the theater." (Lie - it sounded stupid.) "Of course I've seen the DVD." (Lie - I fell asleep five minuets in because I was bored. And coming down with a cold. But mostly bored.) "I heard all about how crazy it is from my cousin Anna." (And another lie - I tuned out her rambling because it sounded stupid and boring.) "I want to dress up, but I don't have a costume." (Half a lie - I don't have a costume, but I don't want to dress up to see a movie. Except Harry Potter.) "OK, I'll wear what ever you want me to." (And I will.)
So after telling three and a half lies I now find myself staring at Kurt's ass while he bent over trying to get something from the trunk of his car. When I met him at his house so we could drive over together, I had no idea he'd look like he was going to a bondage club under his coat. He was wearing the tightest black skinny jeans I have ever seen. He had on a fishnet shirt with a corset over it. A corset. With buckles. Black nail polish. Make-up. Spiky hair. And a bondage studded collar. His outfit was finished off with knee high boots. With more buckles. And heels. Low heels. But still heels. When he had taken off his coat he had told me he had the final piece to complete his look in his bag.
"Oh crap," came Kurt's slightly muffled voice. "It's stuck."
And then he leaned in further to pull it out.
I was going to embarrass myself when Kurt realized I was staring at his ass. He was just a friend, even if I wanted more. I wouldn't be able to stand it if he realized what a pervert I'd become and he didn't want me around him ever again. He practically crawled in the trunk and muttered something about the strap when he triumphantly yelled, "Ha!" and pulled out a black bag. After putting on a leather wrist cuff, he struck a pose and smiled. "What do you think of my outfit?"
Kill me now.
He looked hot. He looked like sex. I wanted to drag him some place secluded and see how far I could stick my tongue down his throat.
"Don't you like it?" His face fell. "I wanted to dress as Riff but the wig wrecks my hair. I look silly. I brought something else. Give me a minuet. I'll change," Kurt babbled.
"No!" I said quickly, "You look amazing." And he did. I wanted to stare at him in that outfit even if I was going to actually die of shame at some point, or worse, get caught ogling his ass.
"Are you just saying that?" Kurt demanded, crossing his arms. I forgot how insecure he can be sometimes.
"No. You look great. You look perfect." Perfectly indecent, but Kurt was rocking the look.
"OK, Blaine. Let's get you ready. Off with the jacket." The tee Kurt let me borrow had the Rocky Horror lips on the front and the back said 'Enter At Your Own Risk!'
Kurt was staring at me with a look I couldn't quite decipher. "What?" It was starting to make me feel self conscious. I felt very underdressed in my dark jeans and a tee shirt.
"Your outfit's kind of plain," Kurt said. "How about some makeup?"
"I trust you." He told me to close my eyes. I felt his hand on the side of my face and something brushing my lids and lashes. I shivered.
"You okay, Blaine?"
"Just cold," I fibbed. He sprayed something in my hair.
"Blaine, you look fabulous. Time for some color."
He had a tube of bright red lipstick and he used it to draw on my face. "Perfect!" Kurt declared. He held up a mirror and I saw a V on each of my cheeks and purple glitter in my hair. "Now," Kurt said with a smirk, "everyone will know you're a virgin."
"What?" I sputtered. I mean, I was a virgin, but I have never told Kurt that. I can assume he is based on what he's told me, but why would I want to advertise it?
"A Rocky virgin, Blaine. Anyone who hasn't seen the movie before gets Vs on their face so everyone knows it's your first time." Kurt was looking at me with a slightly puzzled expression.
"Oh, right," I said trying to make it sound like I knew what he was talking about. "Are we ready to go in?"
"Just about," Kurt said as he put the lipstick in a black bag and slung the strap over his shoulder. "I have toast, cards, lighters, squirt guns, toilet paper, and bubbles for both of us. Newspapers, too, because I am not getting my hair wet. Stacey is getting us in for free, so we are all set."
Huh. I couldn't even begin to figure out why we would need all that stuff, although Anna had told me the audience throws stuff. And the comment about newspaper made no sense. Maybe I could read it if the movie is as boring as the first five minuets was last time I tried to watch it.
Kurt grabbed my hand and we walked over to the theater. His skin was so soft. I hoped we wouldn't need to let go, but Kurt did so he could knock on an unmarked door. It opened and a blond girl stood there in a corset, hot pants, knee high boots and a black choker with a gold lightening bolt dangling from the center. I froze. Even with her hair in a pony tail and lots of dark make-up, I recognized her. Fuck. My. Life.
"Blaine!" she squealed. She jumped up wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. She pressed her lips up against my mouth and held them there. It probably lasted a moment, but it felt like an eternity. I glanced over at Kurt. He looked understandably surprised to see a girl kissing me.
I yanked my head back. "Holy shit, Blaine," she said, "I haven't seen you in forever."
"What the actual fuck, Anna? Get off me!" I yelled as I tried to pry her away. "You're practically naked."
"And I look awesome!" she said winking at me. "You have been holding out on me, Blaine. I had no idea you were going to be here."
"You told me you quit months ago," I protested.
"I told my dad I quit. I didn't actually quit." She jumped down and turned to Kurt. "Oh my god, Kurt, I love your outfit." She grabbed Kurt's hand and twirled him around so she could inspect the whole thing. "I take it you added Blaine's guy liner?" He nodded. "Nice touch." Yep, I thought, it had been very nice touching when Kurt had applied the makeup.
I glared at Anna. "What is up with the kissing?"
"Oh, come on Blaine. I love you dearly but, you know, not enough to use tongue." I was going to kill her. "Lighten up, cuz. You are no fun since you started at Dalton."
"So," Kurt said after a moment's pause, "you two are related?"
"Yes," Anna said at the same time as I said, "Very distant cousins."
"So why does Blaine call you Anna?" Kurt asked. "I thought your name was Stacey."
She sighed. "My name is Anastasia-which I hate. So I usually go by Anna. I was worried about my parents finding out when I auditioned so I said my name was Stacey and at Rocky, it stuck. Boring. What I want to know is what did Kurt say to you to get you here?"
"Kurt said he was going and it sounded like fun. So here we are. Boring," I said mimicking her tone. Anna stared at me with her eyebrows raised. She knew I thought Rocky was both boring and stupid. She glanced at Kurt and then at me. I could tell the moment she realized I was interested in Kurt. She smiled like a shark that smelled blood in the water. I gave her a pleading look and her expression softened. She would tease me mercilessly, but she wouldn't do it in front of Kurt. I hope. Maybe I wouldn't have to kill her after all.
"Well, it's freezing out here and I need to finish getting ready, so come on you two," she tucked her arm in mine, "let's go get you some seats."
We walked through the backstage area that had several people in various states of undress. Everyone was chatting while they got into costumes and make-up. Anna looked around. "Jack, just the MC I've been looking for. This is my cousin, Blaine. He's also a friend of Kurt's. He wants to get the full experience. I am fully prepared to bribe you so you'll pick him for virgin sacrifice.
"Stacey, I don't think I even want to know what you consider an appropriate bribe. I will let you help pick who goes on stage."
Stacey smiled. "Thank you! Come on boys."
She dragged us through the back room to the theater. "Here you go," she said pointing to the right aisle seats in the third row, "Sit here. Blaine, you're on the end. Oh, you are going onstage for virgin sacrifices so do whatever you need to to win. I want you playing Betty. Good luck." Anna practically skipped back to the dressing room.
I turned to Kurt. "What is a virgin sacrifice? And who is Betty?"
"Virgin sacrifice is when several people who have never seen the movie in the theater get dragged up on stage to do something embarrassing - usually fake an orgasm - and whoever the audience decides did best gets to play Betty Munroe in the very short wedding scene. There's a wedding dress and veil to wear and the other actors will make sure you throw the bouquet at the right time. It's easy."
"Easy, huh?" I questioned. "Which is? Faking an orgasm? Or playing Betty?" I'm a teenage guy. Why would I need to fake an orgasm?
"Both. I can hit a high f. I can wear a Lady Gaga costume to school for a week. And my glee club can put together and preform a winning sectionals routine in under an hour. I'm going to be a Broadway star. I can certainly moan convincingly in between saying things like 'fuck me harder' and, despite having to wear that horribly tacky wedding dress, I can throw flowers at the same time as the girl on the screen."
I could all too easily imagine him moaning. Guh. Kurt yelling, "Fuck me harder."
I was saved from embarrassing myself by the audience trickling in as loud music started playing. I had never seen such an eclectic mix of clothing. There were girls and boys in lingerie, lots of black, and tight skimpy clothing. I also assumed some of the crazier outfits were costumes from the movie. After a few minuets, they started playing 'Closer' and about half the audience went to the front to dance.
"Come on, Blaine," Kurt said as he grabbed my hand. "Dance with me?" He pulled me into the middle of the crowd. Kurt is an amazing dancer. So sexy. He was swiveling his hips in a positively obscene manner. He sang along, shouting with everyone else.
We danced to a few more songs. When the MC took the stage, he yelled, "Welcome to the Rocky Horror Picture Show! I am Jack, your MC." We scrambled back to our seats. He went over some rules-no throwing stuff at the cast or screen because the cast is cheap and the screen's expensive. Everyone must Time Warp in the aisles. Bic lighters only-because they go out if you pass out. Bubbles for the wedding scene. "So let's get this party started. Attitude check!"
Most of the audience stood up, flipped him off and screamed "Fuck you!"
The second time the MC yelled it, Kurt took my hand, got me on my feet and we yelled "Fuck you."
After a few more times, Jack yelled, "Hormone check!"
Kurt and the rest of the audience screamed, "Fuck me!"
Kill me now.
And this was followed by, "Priority check!"
"Fuck me first!"
Seriously. Kill me.
"OK," said Jack. "Now let's bring out the cast. We have some trannies!" A group of people came running down the aisles. They kind of looked like clowns in tuxes. He continued calling out the names of the other characters. Eddie appeared to be a biker. Rocky had on the gold shorts. Columbia wore lots of sequins. Magenta was dressed like a maid and Riffraff had on a sort of suit. The criminologist also had on a suit, as did Brad, and Janet had on a pink dress. Anna was introduced as Trixie.
"And now for your Frank-N-Furter. Lets hear it for Eric, your Frankie!" The spot light shown on a curtain off to the left side of the stage. Anna stood on one side and another girl, who was dressed identically to her, was on the other. And Katy Perry's Peacock began playing.
I wanna see your peacock cock cock
Your peacock cock
Your peacock cock cock
I wanna see your peacock cock cock
Your peacock cock
Come on baby, let me see
What you hiding underneath
Frankie came bursting out between the curtains. He was decked out in black lingerie - corset, fishnets, gloves, garter belt, and very high heels. He sang along with the song as he and the girls danced over to Rocky. The two girls kept rubbing their hands all over Rocky while singing about how they wanted to see his peacock. The girls and Frankie came down the steps so they could have fun with the audience. They were kissing people on the cheeks and making suggestive gestures to match with the lyrics. Frankie sat on my lap and leaned back so he could address Kurt. "You look hot, Hummel. You too, Hummel's friend."
"Don't even think about it, Eric. He's with me and he's Stacey's cousin." Unf. Protective Kurt is hot.
"Well then," Frankie said as he got up, "have fun. If you change your mind, come find me." He winked at me. I think. Maybe he winked at Kurt? I don't know.
Kurt leaned over and said in my ear. "He's an amazing Frank, but will fuck anything with a pulse and he is an inconsiderate dick who doesn't care if you enjoy it as long as he does. I would stay away unless you want quick sex with someone who won't care what your name is three seconds after it's over. Or during, for that matter."
"And you know this because...?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know, but I couldn't help asking.
"I hear stories. Stacey warned me away when I first started hanging out with the cast. He's not my type and I am not interested in having sex with an asshole."
I started snickering and I couldn't stop. "Really? No sex with assholes? You do know how gay sex usually works, right? I can get you a brochure or send you to some websites."
I watched as Kurt replayed what he'd said. He shoved me with his free hand. "You know what I mean." I could see the blush spreading across his cheeks. Kurt was so adorable. I wanted to kiss him and see if the blush would get more intense. Instead, I squeezed his hand.
Frankie and the girls were back on stage singing near Rocky. Frankie ran his finger down Rocky's stomach to the top of the gold briefs. He slid his finger into the waistband and pulled it out so he and the girls could look.
Oh my god no exaggeration
Boy all this time was worth the waiting
I just shed a tear I am so unprepared
The two girls were fanning themselves while they kept trying to molest Rocky.
You've got the finest architecture
End of the rainbow looking treasure
Such a sight to see
And it's all for me
And me!" yelled Janet. Frank flipped her off.
At the very end of the song the two girls yanked his briefs down to reveal teal underwear with a picture of a peacock on it. There were cheers and shouts of, "Take it all off!"
"Let's hear it for the cast," Jack said. "They are going to finish getting ready and now we need...some virgins." There was cheering at this announcement. "Go get us a few." Stacey made a beeline for me.
"Blaine. On stage." I sighed. I really don't want to fake an orgasm on stage, especially in front of Kurt. But I walked to the stage anyway, and stood there with two other boys who had Vs drawn on their faces. We were joined by two girls.
"OK everyone what happens now?"
"Fake an orgasm!" came the roar from the audience.
Jack went over the instructions quickly, who ever gets the most cheers wins. Losers get booed off stage. And then he handed Anna the mike. "I'm going to demonstrate," she said before moaning unenthusiastically into the microphone. She tapped her foot. She pretended to look at a watch. She made one more brief, almost sarcastic sounding moan and then said, "Get off." Jack glared at her. "What? I wouldn't need to fake if I was enjoying it." This statement was met with loud applause.
Jack handed the mike to the boy closest to him. He was trying, but he mostly sounded like he'd been kicked in the nuts. He got booed. The girl who went second did good, based on the audience reaction and she got to stay on stage. The second girl started laughing so hard she couldn't do it. Her face was bright red when she went back to her seat. The other boy was convincing. Lots of applause for him.
Then it was my turn. I took a deep steadying breath and began to moan into the microphone. I closed my eyes. I imagined kissing Kurt. "Oh yeah, baby, just like that." Pulling him up against me. I moaned again. Grinding up against him. "Mmmmm. Harder." Kurt sliding his hand down to my waist to pull me closer. I was breathing heavy into the mike. Kurt reaching his hands under my shirt.
I was really getting into it when I felt something brush my hip and my eyes snapped open. Anna was kneeling next to me and pretending to jerk me off. "What the fuck!" I yelled. "I'm supposed to fake an orgasm, not have one." I handed her the mike and started to storm off the stage. Jack grabbed my wrist to stop me. I realized the audience was roaring with laughter. I was going to kill Anna. I was actually going to kill her.
"Not so fast. We need a vote." Jack held his hand over the head of each virgin still on stage and then declared me the winner. He asked Kurt to come help me get ready and sent us towards the back stage changing area.
"You were amazing," Kurt said as he came up behind me with a white dress.
"I cant believe I did that." That was when I started to freak out. "Oh my god, I can't believe I did that." I sat down in a nearby chair and put my head in my hands. "What the fuck was Anna thinking? I don't think I've ever been this mortified in my life."
"Hey, it's OK." Kurt knelt down in fount of me and gently grabbed my hands away. "She probably just thought it would be funny. The cast members sometimes do stuff like that. And it could have been worse. She pretended she was blowing me when I went on stage."
I was going to die. I could visualize it so clearly. With me on my knees, instead of Anna. "What did you do?"
"Um. Well?...I wanted to win. So I think I said something dignified like 'Take it bitch' and started thrusting my hips. She thought that was hysterical. She later warned me about Eric and we've been friendly ever since. So now for the easy part. Let's get you dressed so we can get married."
My jaw hit the floor. "What?" I managed to squeak.
"I'm playing Ralph. We are getting married in about five minuets. And you, my blushing bride, are not dressed for the occasion. Take your shirt off. We don't want the black showing through. But you can leave the pants on."
I stripped off the tee shirt. Kurt helped me into the dress, handed me a bouquet, and placed a veil on my head. He pulled out an enormous ring, I assume it was cubic zirconium, and slid it on to my left hand ring finger.
"Beautiful," he declared. He reached down to hold my hand and thread his fingers through mine. He led us over to the side of the stage but kept us in the back behind the cast. "They're going to roll the print in a minuet," Kurt said quietly. "You ready?"
I shrugged. "I don't have to do much, right?"
"Janet or I will tell you what to do. You'll be fine."
The music started and the audience was chanting "Lips! Lips! Lips!" The cast walked across the stage one at a time when the name of their character showed on the screen. Kurt sang along, quietly, adding comments. I laughed at some of the funnier ones. Brad and Janet came around the back of the screen to join us and the trannies grouped up behind them. I peeked out onto the stage. Grrrr! Anna was taking off her clothes.
"What is Anna doing?" I hissed.
"Stripping," Kurt replied in a voice that implied it should be obvious. "She's Trixie. You know. The stripper." He looked perplexed. "What exactly did she tell you goes on here?"
"Clearly not enough."
Wedding music started as the credits faded out. Anna ran off the other side of the stage, waving and wearing nothing but skimpy panties. Thank god I didn't have so see Anna mostly naked from the front. Kurt and I walked onto a platform with the rest of the group trailing behind us. "You stand here," he said. "I'm here. And-big smile." He presses his lips to my cheek and kept them there. It was magical. Kurt was kissing me while bubbles floated everywhere. It was worth it, I decided. Standing on stage and faking an orgasm was worth it for this moment.
Then the cast was milling around and Kurt went to the front of the stage to talk to Brad. Janet pretended to be admiring my ring. "Turn around and get ready to throw the bouquet, she said. Throw it to me when she does on the screen."
My aim must have been good because Janet was jumping up and down, waving the flowers around and yelling 'I got it' when Kurt came back over to me. "Now I carry you off stage so we can start out honeymoon." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"Hell no. You cant carry me. You weigh twelve pounds," I protested.
"I was a Cheerio, Blaine, I can carry you off the stage." Shit, Kurt sounds annoyed, but I didn't want him to hurt himself.
I grabbed him by he waist and threw him over my shoulder in a fireman's carry. With one arm wrapped around his middle, I started striding off the stage.
"Put me down," he yelled. I could see him kicking his feet and I could feel him pretending to pound his fists on my back, although he wasn't actually hitting me. "If you make my face all red, I will kick your ass, Anderson. I was a football player and I can do it," he shouted as he kept struggling.
"Stop squirming. I don't want to drop you." I reached over with my free hand and slapped his butt. "You can kick my ass later, but please stop wiggling."
When we were off stage, I carefully set him down. He held on to me for a moment and I wanted to kiss him so badly. I was half waiting for him to slap me for manhandling him, but instead, he started laughing. "I cannot believe you did that. You are lucky I don't want to wreck my boots or I would. Kick. Your. Ass. We've been married five minuets and your already pushing me around. Jeesh."
Kurt was smiling so I figured I wasn't in too much trouble. He helped me out of the dress and veil. We put the ring back and I put Kurt's shirt back on. "Come on wife," he said, "let's go watch the movie."
"Why am I the girl?" I asked.
"I'm taller," he said. Kurt has no idea what a turn on that is for me that he's taller. "Besides, you wore the dress."
We went back to our seats. The criminologist was rambling on about something or other and there were comments being shouted. I didn't understand all of them, but most of the ones I could hear clearly were funny. When the movie cut to Brad and Janet sitting in a car and driving in the rain, Kurt reached for my hand and got me to wave my arms back and forth in time with the windshield wipers on the screen and yelling "Asshole!" when they pointed at Brad and "Slut!" when they pointed at Janet.
"This is so much fun," I told Kurt. And it was. Holding hands and shouting profanities, even if I wasn't doing much shouting. He handed me a squirt gun and a lighter while the couple got out of the car. Kurt put a newspaper over his head when Janet did and he used it to shield his hair. We sprayed water at the people around us. With a squeeze of my hand, he let me know when to use the lighter and when to put it out. Despite all the noise, I could hear Kurt's beautiful voice singing along with Riffraff's solo.
When music started up again, the audience crowded into the aisles for The Time Warp. Kurt stood behind me, so I could see better. The criminologist gave instructions on how to do it and we danced along. When we go to the line about, "Put you hands on your hips," Kurt yelled "Or someone else's," and placed his hands on my hips. And he began moving them around so I was doing it right. At the end of the song, we all lay down on the floor. That was the weirdest part. Kurt Hummel laying on the floor of a movie theater in his sexy sexy clothes.
We got up and back in our seats. There was more stuff being yelled. I couldn't figure out what was going on plot wise, but that was okay. Frank-N-Furter made his entrance shortly after amidst loud cheering. I began to appreciate how much effort the cast put into the production. The costumes were remarkably like the ones in the movie. It had to be difficult acting on a stage with the print behind you making it obvious if you weren't doing what you were supposed to do. I didn't notice any major discrepancies between the movie and the cast and there were very few minor ones.
Rocky was born? Created? Suddenly showed up? I was going to have to ask Kurt what happened after it was over. This movie was so confusing. I know I sort of missed the very beginning while changing out of the wedding dress, but I didn't think it would help to have seen the whole thing. There were comments that got shouted several times in a row. Kurt squeezed my hand for the first one and each time we were supposed to say it again. I would come back here with Kurt just for all the handholding.
Eddie came roaring onto the stage and Kurt dragged me back into the aisle. This dance was much harder to follow than The Time Warp, and it mostly involved me bumping into Kurt and the person next to me, but it was fun. After lining up on either side of the aisle, we were to tap the person next to us on the thighs twice, clap twice, and repeat on the other side. Then we were supposed to switch with little warning thus the bumping into each other. I almost wished I had come here when Anna first started suggested it. Although I couldn't imagine it being this being nearly as fun without Kurt.
Then Kurt started doing a complicated dance step. I tried to follow it. He pushed me into my seat, sat on my lap and scooted his feet out of the way right before Eddie chased the trannies up the aisle. "I didn't want to get trampled," he said as he wrapped his arms around my neck. "Having fun?"
"Yeah, I am," I said. "I have no idea what's going on in the movie."
"No one does," Kurt admitted.
The movie slowed down drastically after Frankie and Rocky went off to their bedroom. Kurt stayed on my lap with his arms around my neck. He really did weigh about twelve pounds. We were going to need to talk. I couldn't going back to not holding him after this. Everything felt right with him in my arms, pressed against my chest. I needed to ask him out so I could hug him and hold his hand whenever I wanted.
We sat like that, watching the movie, while Kurt periodically yelled comments. The crew had set a sheet up in front of the actors for the part in the bedroom and had a spotlight behind the actors so you could only see their shadows. On the screen Frank was seducing Janet. On stage it was reversed. Frank kept trying to get away. Janet hauled him back, threw him down and got on top of him. It switched to Brad's bedroom. In the movie, Brad was getting blown. Behind the sheet, shadow Brad was on his hands and knees getting fisted.
When Dr. Scott showed up outside the castle, Kurt got his bag and handed me several rolls of toilet paper. "Throw it when Dr Scott crashes through the wall. Toss away from the screen. Like this." He showed me how to throw it so it would unravel as it sailed across the theater.
"Great Scott!" There was toilet paper being thrown everywhere. Kurt had brought a dozen rolls, so it took a while to run out. He then got off my lap to grab some near us that had landed on the floor. When all the toilet paper rolls were down to the cardboard centers, he sat back down on my lap and put his feet in what had been his seat.
"You're comfortable." He leaned his head on top of mine.
"So are you." I hugged him to me. More confusion and songs from the movie. Most of the songs so far were kind of catchy. I might need to watch this on DVD after all, so I can understand the lyrics. Kurt handed me a bag that held an entire loaf of toasted bread and pulled another one out for himself. They were having dinner - the live cast sitting around a lumpy red table cloth. Frankie lifted his glass and said, "A toast!"
Toast flew all over the theater. Kurt and I were laughing as we tried to see if we could toss some up onto the balcony. Kurt got three pieces over the rail. I felt good getting one up onto the second level.
We sat back down shortly before the next song started. When it was over, Frank yanked the cloth off the "table." Eddie, who had been hiding underneath, stood up drooling blood, flopped onto the stage, and crawled off making zombie moans.
"Were they eating Eddie?" I asked.
"Mrs. Lovette made Meatloaf instead of meat pies?" He started quietly singing something from Sweeney Todd, but sang Meatloaf instead of meat pies.
"You are disgusting, Kurt."
"But you love me anyway," Kurt said and he tensed up. I could feel him squirming and waiting for me to freak out. At least that's what I would probably want to do if the situation was reversed.
"Yes I do." I held on to him trying to show just how much I care about him with the hug. Kurt slowly relaxed. As he did, he shifted a little and I realized he could probably feel how much I love him because he was on my half hard dick. If he tried to leave now, I wouldn't stop him. Instead, he snuggled closer.
After we yelled, "I want a picnic I want an orgy," several times, the narrator announced there would be no picnic. Everyone cheered and chanted "Orgy!" There was a floor show involving the main characters in lingerie - corsets, panties, garter belts, fishnets, boas, the works - followed by an orgy in the pool.
Kurt started to get off my lap. "Please stay, Kurt."
"Nope. Time for slow dancing," he said while grabbing a deck of playing cards.
"Why?" I asked. No one on the screen was dancing, although most of the audience had coupled up and were in the aisles.
"No clue, but I'm leading." He placed his hands on my waist while I put mine on his shoulders. Kurt pulled me closer. We threw the entire deck up in the air while Frankie sang, "Cards for sorrow. Cards for pain." I could see black spots all over the movie as the cards rained down and blocked the light from the print.
Kurt sang along with Frank, "Cuz I've seen" and leaned back a little to yell, "This movie too many fucking times." I laughed and he pulled me closer. He was going to accept when I asked him out on a date. He just had to. The song ended so we headed back to our seats. I didn't give Kurt a chance to sit in his. I sat down and pulled him onto my lap.
Riffraff threatened to shoot someone and said, "Say goodbye to all of this. And hello to oblivion."
One person yelled loud and clear, "Hello my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
"Stop saying that!" shouted Kurt and several others.
"Hello, my name is Darth Vader. I am your father. Prepare to die."
"Stop saying that!"
"Hello, my name is Oedipus. I fucked my mother. I killed my father. I want to die."
"Stop saying that!"
I sat there, hugging Kurt with my eyes closed. I didn't care anymore about what was happening with the movie or the cast. There was a little more shouting of comments from Kurt, a final song and then the lights were coming up in the theater. I opened my eyes to the rolling credits. The theater was a mess. Between the toilet paper, cards and toast there was stuff all over the floor.
We cheered as the cast came out for bows. Anna headed directly for us when she was done. Thank God, Buddha and Allah she was fully dressed. "So, Blaine, what did you think? Awesome, right?"
"Yeah," I said looking at Kurt. "It was totally awesome."
"You two going to breakfast with the cast? I'll keep Eric away from you," Anna added.
"Not this time, Stacey," Kurt said. "I'm ready to go home."
"I can give you a ride, Blaine," she offered, "I know you like pancakes."
"Nope," I said firmly. "I'm staying with Kurt."
She stuck her tongue out at us. "Fine be that way." She turned to Kurt. "I need a second with my cousin before you take off. Come here Blaine." I followed her a few feet away. "So...you and Kurt?"
"I hope so."
"Good luck. Have fun. Be safe." I could feel her slide something in my back pocket as she hugged me. "Just in case." She kissed my cheek and made a 'call me' gesture as she walked away.
I reached in and felt a condom. Actually three condoms.
"You okay?" Kurt asked as he approached.
"Fantastic," I reached for his hand. "Just Anna being Anna."
Kurt was a gentleman and opened the car door for me when we got back to his house. He invited me in for a few minutes. "I really had a great time tonight," I said, trying to get up the courage to say what I really needed to.
"What was you're favorite part?" Kurt asked.
"I want to say dancing with you, but it was when you kissed me."
"You know what my favorite part of tonight was? When you kissed me back." He pressed his lips to mine, threading his hands in my hair, holding me against him. My hands hovered uselessly in the air for a moment until they settled on his hips. Kurt moaned into my mouth. "I've wanted to do this forever," he breathed.
"Me, too." I licked at the seam of his lips and gently pushed my tongue in when he opened his mouth. Kurt made a tiny whimper in the back of his throat as I probed inside. "We have to stop," I said even as I continued to kiss him. This was going too fast. We haven't been on a date. I still have to ask him to be my boyfriend.
Kurt was breathing heavily as he reached down to squeeze my ass. "We should never stop."
"Kurt, please. I don't want your dad coming in here and killing me cuz I'm molesting his son in the living room."
"How do you feel about molesting me in my room?" Kurt asked.
Kill me now. Seriously. Kill. Me. Now.
"Kurt," I protested weakly as he lead me to his room. "Kurt." This was too fast for me. He was leading me down the stairs to his bedroom. "Kurt, I'm serious." We were in his room with the door shut. "Kurt, listen to me - I'm not ready to have sex."
"I...oh...no. No no no," he stuttered. "Not sex. I wanted to be somewhere my dad won't walk in on you molesting me. Kissing me. I mean kissing me." He looked absolutely defeated as he sat down on his bed. "I won't stop you if you want to run away screaming," he added with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I have no idea what I'm doing."
"Hey," I said as I sat down next of him, "me either. I want you, Kurt. I really want you. Right now a very loud voice in my head is telling me to let you bend me over the nearest surface and have your wicked way with me. And I am having a difficult time trying to convince myself that it's not a good idea."
"Wait, you're a bottom?" Kurt sounded surprised.
"I think I'm more of a top, but I'm so turned on right now that if we tried that, I'm pretty sure I'd come before I get all the way inside of you."
Kurt eyes went wide and his mouth hung open.
I slapped my hand over my mouth. I wanted a hole to open up at my feet so I can jump in. "I can't believe I just said that. I am clearly too tired to be having this conversation. I'm gonna go and if you're still speaking to me tomorrow, I will call and try again. Goodnight, Kurt. I need to leave before I do or say something stupid. Stupider."
Kurt placed his hands on either side of my face and kissed me. Which turned into several kisses. Followed by several more. I was never leaving at the rate I was going.
"Kurt, I need to drive home. Even if you're not mad about what I said, I really don't want to get in a wreck because I'm tired." He was sucking on my neck. "Kuuuuurt. I need to go."
"No you don't. Stay here tonight." Kurt nibbled on my ear. "I promise not to molest you. Or to molest you. Whichever gets you to stay." He licked around the shell of my ear. "I'll make you pancakes in the morning."
"Kurt. I can't. What's your dad going to say?"
"Use protection." I leaned back so I could stare at him. "That's what he said when he caught me making out with Brittany. And I had a sign on my door saying we were having sex."
"You had sex with a girl?" I asked.
"No, I didn't have sex with a girl. Brittany thought I was no longer capital G gay because I was wearing flannel and a trucker hat. She said I was a good kisser but would be better with a dolphin. After my dad said use protection, she asked if he meant a burglar alarm."
"The only part of that I understood was the not having sex with a girl part."
"I'll introduce you to Brittany. It'll clear right up," Kurt said.
"Should I be jealous you're friends with your ex?" I teased.
"No, but seriously, you should stay here tonight. I don't want you driving home this late. Please? For me? I'll let you wear some of my pajamas. I'll even let you wear my favorite ones."
"Okay. You win. I'm really tired."
"Me, too. I want to wash off this makeup and get in bed. What do you want to sleep in?"
"Your arms," I said. The thought was dizzying.
"I mean sweats...boxers...naked?"
"Okay. I need a quick shower. Some pajama pants and a shirt would be fine. I'm not ready for naked but I'm definitely in favor of some all night cuddling. After a shower." An ice cold shower in which I jerk off, twice, so I can sleep next to Kurt and not actually molest him.
Laying in bed with Kurt's back to my chest, everything was wonderful. Yes, I masturbated in the shower, not my proudest moment, but least I wasn't poking Kurt with my erection. Warm water and orgasm was much better for getting myself under control than a freezing cold shower. I also suspected Kurt did the same during his brief shower. Which was hot, but I tried not to think about it or I'd get hard.
I fell asleep breathing the scent of Kurt's shampoo, feeling the heat from his body, listening to his breathing.
Kurt was a restless sleeper. He had told me shortly after we met that he hadn't been sleeping well. I hadn't realized it was because of his dreams. He woke up about five, crying, because he was dreaming about Karofsky. He wouldn't give me any details, but I knew it had to be bad. I held him in my arms and stroked his hair until he fell asleep.
My internal clock woke me earlier than Kurt. We were facing each other, tangled together. Kurt looks so much younger when he's asleep. I gently ran my fingers through his hair - when I was startled by a loud noise. A man, I assumed was Kurt's dad, stood at the foot of the bed staring at us. Shit. Shit. Shit.
I tried to scoot away from Kurt, but he gripped me tighter. "Kurt. I need to get up."
"Uh uh. Stay," he mumbled.
"I'll be back in a minute. Keep my spot warm."
"Mkay." Kurt flopped onto his stomach.
"Hi, I'm Blaine, you must be Mr. Hummel." I held my hand out for him to shake. He just stared at me and crossed his arms. Okay. Being charming wasn't going to work. "This isn't what it looks like."
"Really? It looked like you were sleeping with my kid." He was going to kill me.
"I mean, we weren't having sex," I tried again.
"I sure as hell hope not because Kurt's asleep. You use protection?"
I was tempted to ask if he meant a burglar alarm, instead I said, "No, we didn't need any. If you want to yell at me, can we go in the other room?"
"What do you mean you didn't need any?" Mr. Hummel sounded livid.
"We didn't have sex so we didn't need protection. Look, Kurt's exhausted. We went to see Rocky and got back here about three. He woke up from a nightmare about five and it took almost an hour for him to get back to sleep."
He kept his arms crossed and the stern expression on his face. "I assume by Rocky you mean Horror and not Yo Adrian?"
He closed his eyes. Opening them slowly, he said, "I know the definition of sex is different than it was when I was in high school. So, again, did you have sex with my son?"
"No. We kissed. A little. Maybe a lot, but that's as far as it went. I know we're not ready for sex. It's only been four hours since I told him I like him and he spent two of them asleep."
"You pressuring him?"
"No. God, no. I love Kurt. I would never."
"OK," Mr. Hummel took a deep breath. "Is Kurt pressuring you?"
"What? No." I quickly jumped to defend Kurt. "Why would you think that?"
"I've seen him," Mr. Hummel paused, searching for the right words, "get a bit carried away with his crushes and not want to take 'no' for an answer. And there's condoms on the floor."
Beside the desk were the condoms Anna had given me. They must have fallen out of the pocket when I draped the jeans on the back of Kurt's chair. "My cousin gave those to me because she knew Kurt was giving me a ride back here. It was her way of saying she approves. We kept all our clothes on and our hands stayed on top of them. So no need for condoms. I'd really feel more comfortable discussing this with you after Kurt wakes up."
"I want to discus this now."
"But," I protested, "I don't know what we're discussing now. If I talk to Kurt and he says he isn't ready for anything other than kissing, we aren't going to talk about the same things we will if Kurt says he wants me to...well...do other things." I almost said if he wants me to blow him. Guh. That would have been bad. "Look, if you want to kick me out, I won't argue, but can I please leave a note for Kurt? I don't want him to think I panicked and snuck out while he was asleep."
"I'll let you leave a note that you're on the couch in the living room and you can get some more sleep. I'm not happy Kurt had you in his bed with out even telling me he has a guest. I can't believe he took a date to Rocky. Wait. What was he wearing?"
"He had on jeans, boots and a corset with a shirt underneath it. And it wasn't a date." I wondered what else Kurt had worn to Rocky. Ooooh. I would have to ask him. Suddenly going back to Rocky sounded like an excellent idea. He mentioned that he has a Riffraff costume. I bet he'd look hot in the gold alien one.
"OK, kid, let's get you set up on the couch."
I went to get a pillow off the bed when Kurt started moaning. In a bad way. A he's having a nightmare way. He started thrashing around, kicking the covers off, and crying 'Stop' in a miserable wail. I climbed up on the bed, trying to gently wake him.
"Kurt, wake up. It's Blaine. You're safe. Please wake up. Everything's okay. I... you...just wake up." I ran my fingers through his hair. "Come on sweet pea, wake up. I'm here, you're safe."
Kurt woke with a strangled gasp. I scooped him onto my lap. Rocking back and forth, I kept saying comforting things while stroking his back. "Its okay. It's just a bad dream. You're safe. I'm right here." He buried his face in my neck. A damp spot spread on the shoulder of my shirt, but I just kept up the gentle motion until he calmed down enough to look at me.
"Oh, sweet pea," I murmured.
After a few shaky breaths, Kurt looked at me. "Sweet pea? Really, Blaine?"
"Well, I don't think you'd like being called babe or baby. I'm not using something girly like princess. Cowboy? Stud? Nope. And you're very health conscious so cupcake and muffin don't work either. My first choice is regazzo, which is Italian for boyfriend. It also kind of means hottie. And you are definitely a hot mess at the moment, but well...I'll save hottie for later. I won't do it again if it bothers you, I just hate seeing you cry."
Kurt nuzzled into my neck. "You can call me sweet pea when we're alone. Regazzo's fine if other people are around," was his muffled reply. I tightened my grip on him and kissed his ear.
"Good. We've been together for four hours and I'd hate it if I screwed up already."
I felt the bed move, Mr. Hummel was sitting down next to me. Craaaap! I'd forgotten he was in the room. Kurt jumped in my arms.
"What's going on, kid? I come to see what you want for breakfast and you've got a boy in your bed."
"Dad, it's not what it looks like." Mr. Hummel glared at his son. "I mean, we weren't having sex."
"I may not know much about gay sex, but I'm pretty sure it involves you both being awake. If it doesn't, one of you is getting shot." Kurt managed a weak smile.
"I had a nightmare. It was. Bad. Very bad. I'm awake now. It's okay. I'll be fine. I just need some more sleep."
"You two dating?" Mr. Hummel asked.
"I...uh," Kurt stammered. Damn it! We haven't actually discussed it yet.
"Kurt Hummel." I tried to sound more confident than I felt. "Will you go out with me this Saturday?"
"Like a date?"
"Not like a date. An actual date. Where I make reservations someplace romantic and you spend an hour freaking out over what to wear so you call Mercedes for help. I show up with flowers for you and for your mom and your dad threatens me with bodily harm if I do anything out of line."
"Just flowers for me," Kurt said softly. My confusion must have shown because he added, "My mom died when I was little so just flowers for me."
And before I could stop and think I said, "Then I'll pick you up early and we'll take them by the cemetery." In the moment I waited for Kurt's response, I realized his mom could be buried far away or cremated or he may not be ready to share that part of his life with me. When tears leaked out of his eyes, I wanted to cry because I'd hurt him.
He hugged me tightly. "I would love to have you meet my mom before our date. I know she's going to adore you as much as I do." He kissed my cheek. If I weren't so sleepy, I'd be dancing on the furniture. I have a date with Kurt this Saturday!
"Yes, we are officially dating, Mr. Hummel." It was amazing to be able to say that. "Kurt, you gonna be okay if I go sleep on the couch for a while?" I asked.
"Stay." His voice was barely a whisper.
"I think your dad would prefer it if I'm on the couch," I said. Kurt tightened his grip. I just looked at him.
"Fine," he said after a long pause, "let's get up. We can watch a movie in the living room. Then you can keep an eye on us, Dad. Although I really don't know what you think we'll get up to, especially when I know you could come barging in at any moment."
"Whatever you want," I said. "I just can't promise I won't fall asleep so you need to pick a movie I've seen a million times." I yawned so hard I felt my jaw crack. "Coffee. If I'm even going to pretend to be awake, I need coffee."
"Hold on a minute," said Mr. Hummel, "you two can stay in here. But. The door stays open. Make sure nothing's going on I can't walk in on. We'll have a discussion about...stuff...this afternoon. All three of us. Don't make me regret this, Kurt."
"I won't. Thank you Dad." Kurt stretched out on the bed. Closing his eyes he added, "I'll make you pancakes when I wake up."
Mr. Hummel looked me straight in the eye and said, "Don't you make me regret this."
"Fine fine. I'll see you kids in a couple of hours."
Shortly after he went back up stairs, my phone alerted me that I had a text message. I grabbed my phone, curious who would be texting me at this time on a Sunday.
"Whoisit?" mumbled Kurt.
"Anna. She wants to know how last night went. And I missed one last night from Wes and David. Same question."
Kurt opened his eyes wide. "Can I please answer them? Please?"
"Sure." Kurt grabbed his phone off the nightstand and typed for a moment. Switching to my phone, he smirked while rapidly replying.
"Smile Blaine!" He took my picture.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Telling Stacey you got in my pants and we slept together. I told Wes and David we got married."
My phone beeped with an incoming message. And another. And three more in very rapid succession.
Kurt started reading the replays. "Stacey says 'Good for you.' She'll also get you more condoms. David wants to know if it's even legal. Wes wants to make sure you're back from Canada in time for rehearsal. Thad says he doesn't care how much you love me, you are not to give me the set list for sectionals. And Jeff wants to know why the Warblers weren't invited."
"Wait. WHAT!" I yelled. It was taking my sleep deprived brain a while to process what Kurt was saying.
"Relax, Blaine. I'm sending a picture of the wedding to the Warblers and I sent Stacey a picture of you in my pajamas with the caption 'Kurt's pants.' It's funny."
"How did you get a wedding picture?" I wanted to know.
"There was a photographer on stage for he wedding scene. He took a picture with his cell and forwarded it to me."
My phone started beeping again. "Lets see," Kurt said as he started scrolling through the texts. "David says it looks legal to him and wants to meet me, officially, as your husband. Wes wants to make sure you aren't doing anything that will damage your voice. Bummer. I guess no blow jobs for me. From Thad - congratulations. Stacey thinks you suck in a bad way and Jeff and Nick want to know what sort of wedding gift you get gay teens who get married at Rocky."
I said the first thing that popped into my mind. "A rainbow dildo." I decided it was funny and I should play along. When Kurt was finished telling Jeff what wedding gift we wanted, I had him turn the phones off. Kurt kissed me before laying his head on my shoulder. "You do realize," I said, "one of them will probably buy me a rainbow dildo, wrap it in wedding paper and make a huge fuss when they give it to me."
Kurt giggled. "It's because they care. Have someone take pictures."
I have a date with Kurt Saturday and he's making pancakes when we get up. Slipping my arm around his waist, everything was right with the world. I just hope I feel as calm later on when I get to have the sex talk with my boyfriend's dad.