A/N: SO i had to go back and fix those horrible mistakes in here... I am so sorry it took this long. I can't remember what i wrote before, so basically this is a collection of one-shots, having originally been a single one-shot, but escalated to a collection. This came about via a conversation with Mrs Marcus Volturi, and she's helped me throughout this story. Anyway, i hope you enjoy it, and please, review...

Bowties, Fezes and Stetsons

It was raining. Again. But it was always raining in Stormcage, so it wasn't that big of a deal. Inside the cell with the highest of security, a woman sat, a blue book in her lap. Her mass of wild blonde curls blew softly in the wind. Her head snapped up when an all too familiar sound echoed through the empty corridor. She grinned mischievously, closing her book and placing it in her jacket pocket. She stood up, strolling toward the bars of her cell. She sighed as the TARDIS appeared, just outside of the door. He left the brakes on... Again.

The door of the TARDIS opened, a head popping out. Looking back and forth, he grinned. Floppy brown hair, deep green eyes and yes, that ridiculous bowtie. The Doctor. Her Doctor. She cocked her head to the side, smiling seductively at him.

"Hello Sweetie." She purred out, leaning the front of her body against the cell door.

The Doctor faltered slightly, blushing a slight red.

"River" He gulped.

Shaking her head, River laughed.

"So, what brings my favorite Doctor to Stormcage?" She said, still smiling.

He started forward, pulling his Sonic Screwdriver out of his pocket. Whizzing it around in front of him, he coughed.

"Ahh well... I thought you, being you, were getting bored, so I, being me, decided an adventure would fix you're, ah, boredom."

The door clicked open, River grasped one of the bars, swung herself out. Grinning, she shook her head.

"So in other words, you were bored, didn't want to admit it, and thought I could entertain you, without you having to actually say you were bored."

The Doctor opened his mouth, prepared to argue, but instead sighed. He smiled sheepishly at her, her still shaking her head. She leaned forward, whispering in to his ear.

"I'm sure I could find, something that could keep you occupied."

She winked at him, releasing the bar and walking toward the TARDIS. The Doctor stared after her, swinging his arms. Spinning, he took after her. The TARDIS doors shut behind him, and he climbed up to where River was standing at the console.

"So... Where are we?" She asked, leaning back against the console, her palm lying flat, feeling the TARDIS hum beneath her. "Have we done Demon's Run?"

The Doctor nodded, reaching for her palm and pulling her toward him.

"Silencio?" She breathed, her eyes staring deep in to his.

He nodded again, twirling his finger in her hair. River grinned, placing her hand on the back of his neck, pulling him closer to her. Her mouth closed over his, her tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip. His other hand, the one that wasn't entangled in her hair, started flapping about in the air. She smiled into his mouth. He never knew where to put his hands did he, she thought to herself. It was only moments before his hand settled on her hip, pulling her as close to him as possible. His tongue darted out to meet hers, battling with her for control. Growling at him, she pushed him backwards. She did not back down, not without a fight at least.

There was only one problem; she didn't take in to account the stairs behind her Doctor. His foot slipped on the top step, sending him flying to the ground in an almighty crash. And, of course, his hand flew out, grabbing on to her own to stop him falling. This, obviously, pulled her down with him too. She landed hard on top of the Doctor, him wheezing out as the air rushed out of his lungs. She pulled her arms up, resting her hands on the Doctor's chest. She was straddling him, looking over his body in concern for injuries.

"Are you okay Sweetie?" She asked, smiling apologetically at the man beneath her.

He blinked up at her, his eyes settling in on the glow of her hair from the light behind her.

"Mhm... Peachy... I like that word. That's my new word... It's cool." He mumbled, bringing his hand up to caress her cheek.

She narrowed her eyes, giving him a sultry look. She leaned down, pushing her hips in to his own. She swallowed his groan as she kissed him, biting his lip harmlessly. His hands ran up her side, settling on the back of her neck. He pulled her in closer, enjoying the soft groan she elicited against his mouth. His hands travelled down her back, over her hips and rested on her bum. Her hands tightened on his arms, her nails digging in through the fabric of his shirt.

"Ahem." A cough broke them from their stupor. Both of them panting heavily, they turned their head toward the door. The Doctor winced, gulping in fright. Rory the Roman. Not a good person to have walked in on them. He does have a sword. A sharp, pointy sword.

"Ah, Rory... the Roman. Rory the Roman... This, is not... That is to say..." He stuttered out, his eyes wide, a blush creeping onto his face.

Rory blinked at the sight before him, his eyes drifting to where the Doctor's hands were. Seeing this, the Doctor attempted to move his hands from the Roman daughter's arse. Unfortunately for him, River would have nothing of that. Her hands left his arms to grab the Doctor's own, griping them where they rested. Leaning back, still straddling the Doctor's hips, she smiled up at her stuttering father.

"Hello Dad. Is mummy here?" She asked innocently.

Rory continued to stare deathly at the Doctor's hands, but nonetheless nodded anyway. As if reading their mind, Amy appeared at his side.

"Rory. I thought you were going to find the Doctor and see if he..." She trailed off, finally following her husband's line of sight toward the pair in the middle of the room.

The Doctor grinned sheepishly at the red head, eyes darting anywhere but toward the man beside her.

"Mother." River grinned, still sitting on top of the Doctor. He was squirming beneath her, more than likely attempting to escape from her grasp. It only set to make things worse. She was sitting directly on top of him, one hand still holding his own, the other on his chest, keeping him firmly trapped beneath her. This was not helping his situation, with both her father, and his... problem.

"River... Is there a reason you're sitting on top of the Doctor in the middle of the TARDIS?" She asked casually, attempting to hide her amused smile.

"Well... I didn't realize you two were here."

Amy grinned, huffing as she choked back a laugh.

"And that explains this because?" She asked, waving in general at the two of them, one of her hands reaching up to rest on Rory's shoulder.

"Because... I was planning on having fun with my husband." She casually explained, looking directly into her mother's eyes. Amy could see a glimmer of amusement in her eye.

Amy looked from River's amused, slightly annoyed look to the Doctor's embarrassed, sheepish look. She shook her head, finally letting out the laughs she'd been trying to hide. Rory looked at her, clearly annoyed she wasn't as bothered by this as he was. A yelp caught their attention, their heads snapping back to the couple on the floor. The Doctor had flipped them over, River staring wide eyed in shock and lust. Amy felt Rory shiver in discomfort. The Doctor jumped to his feet, turning from all three of them and rushing up the stairs. He started pushing buttons, and flipping levers. The TARDIS hummed, in what only River knew to be mirth, as she started spinning through time and space.

"So, how about a little adventure hm? Maybe we could go see a few old friends. Beethoven? Shakespeare? How about we go to Ancient Greece? Or we could go to Plarion... Granted their customs are a little strange there and we'll have to give Rory another arm but they've got this food... Or, we could drop in at Leadworth. Go visit your parents huh Amy?"

River sat up, huffing in annoyance and glaring at her father. Amy rolled her eyes, whacking Rory on the arm before moving to help River up from the ground.

"What did I do?" Rory whispered, rubbing his arm. Following his wife and daughter cautiously, he stepped up to the console, watching the Doctor with a father's eye.

~.~

They slammed through the doors to the TARDIS, the Doctor and River racing up the stairs. Flipping levers, they breathed in relief as the TARDIS spun away. Rory lay on the floor, an arm over his eyes. Amy was bent at the knees, her hands holding her up, as she leant against the TARDIS walls. Both of them were inhaling deeply. The Doctor collapsed into the chair next to the console. To out of breath to move anywhere else, River collapsed on top of him, her back to his chest. They were quiet; the only sounds were the rugged breaths escaping their mouths. Finally, the Doctor breathed out, staring up at the ceiling.

"And that, Rory, is why we don't touch things on alien planets. Particularly, things standing on pedestals. Even more particularly, thing standing on pedestals in the middle of the room."

Rory, barely able to breathe let alone speak, simply nodded his head, not caring if the Doctor could see him or not. Amy stood up straight, leaning her head back against the wall before pushing herself off. She walked toward Rory, extending her hand and pulling him to his feet.

"I could use a rest. Or, a shower maybe." She led him away, leaving the two time-travelers alone. They were still sitting in the chair, River's head resting on the Doctor's shoulder.

The Doctor had caught his breath only moments ago, River's still slightly erratic. He breathed in deeply, taking in what had to be his favorite scent in the world. River's scent. He buried his nose into her hair, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. She sighed in contentment, her breath finally stabilizing. She turned her head, gazing in to his eyes. Grinning, she hopped off his lap, gripping his hand and pulling him up with her.

"I think, Doctor, that we need a shower too. Wouldn't you say so?"

She smiled flirtatiously at him, dragging him toward his rooms. She pushed open the door, barely letting it shut before pushing the Doctor against it. The Doctor, completely caught by surprise, found himself with handfuls of River. River's hair, River's body, River's smell. Everything. River.

Her tongue forced its way in to his mouth, her body pushing against him to a point they were almost molded together. They fit perfectly, everything about them. Her jacket was pushed off her shoulders, falling to the floor with a soft thud. She ran her hands over his torso, finding their way under his own jacket. Sliding it off, she tugged at the bowtie around his neck. Blue. Like the one from the pyramid. This made her tug at it faster, desperate to get as much clothing off her Doctor as she could. She threw it over her shoulder, shivering as her top joined the jacket on the ground. His hands burned trails across her body, goose bumps appearing wherever he touched.

His mouth left her own, trailing kisses down her jaw, then up to just behind her ear. She arched her back, pushing further in to the Doctor, eliciting a hiss from his mouth into her ear. The soft blow of wind made her shiver, her hands tightening once again on the Doctor's arms. She fumbled at the buttons, furiously tugging them off. They split from his shirt, flying everywhere. Not that either of them cared. She pulled the shirt off him, hands returning as soon as possible to his body. Roaming over his arms, chest, stomach... Anywhere she could touch, she did. He pulled back from her neck, flipping them so her back hit the door. She hissed in pain, but it felt too good to stop. Her hand travelled up his spine, tangling in his hair.

He returned back to her neck, sucking on the spot just over her pulse. She gasped out, closing her eyes and tightening her grip in his hair. He continued down, kissing every spot over her shoulders, collarbone, down her upper arms and back up. He travelled further down, reaching the top of her breasts. He kissed the top, just above her bra, before pulling away. He stepped away from her, causing her to moan in disappointment, opening her eyes. She growled deeply, raising her eyebrow to him questioningly.

"I need a shower." He said his voice deep with lust. He grinned at her, spinning and running in to his bathroom.

She stared after him, mouth slightly open in disbelief. Blinking, and shaking her head, she grinned in amusement. She stripped out of her boots and pants. Leaving on her bra and underwear. She knew he liked taking them off himself. She sat on his bad, one leg over the other staring around his room. Her eyes landed on the closet, as she heard the shower turn on. Sliding off the bed, she padded across the room toward his closet. Looking back at the door to the bathroom, she grinned cheekily. Slowly opening the doors, she almost gasped in shock. Of course. Bigger on the inside. Shaking her head, she walked in.

She looked around, eyes taking in the bright colors and unorganized racks of clothes. She came across several questionable items. A feather boa, what looked like leather pants, and a tiara... Just to name a few. Nearing the back of the closet, she came across a suit, pin-stripe. This, she assumed, must have been what he wore before he regenerated. Before the tweed and bowtie. Speaking of.

On the back wall, hundreds of bowties, hung up, color coordinated and in order from most worn to least. Of course this would be the only thing in here organized. Above them, shelves of hats. A Santa's hat, a Statue of Liberty crown, an actual crown. And of course. A fez. Or, many fezes. And many stetsons. Shaking her head, she narrowed her eyes at the offending items.

She jumped slightly, as arms encircled her waist. She could feel the water dripping from his hair onto her shoulder. Turning, she placed her arms around his neck.

"Why you insist on wearing those god awful things I will never know." She said teasingly.

He grinned at her, pulling her closer to him.

"They aren't just accessories you know. They could be used for other... things." He said with a grin.

Her eyes widened, pulling away from him slightly. She turned her upper body, staring at the objects before her. Smiling to herself coyly, she yanked a black bowtie from the hook. Seeing as how it matched her bra, she thought it fitting. Grinning, she reached up, grabbing a fez. Turning back to him, she quirked an eyebrow, smiling seductively.

"Oh this could be fun"

And with that said, she reached down, yanked the towel from around his waist.

A/N: So, hopefully everything's been fixed... Review it please... Thanks...