Look! Finally a new update! Sorry this took FOREVER but I never had time to get on my laptop and put this back in order!
Also, know that this story is AU, so there's some stuff that's obviously different. They made it more official in The Workshop but this is so everyone knows with the Karen scenes and stuff. I really do think they could get along had they been in a different situation and stuff… and in the case of this story I think Ivy knows Karen isn't doing as well as she could as Derek points out in his POV… so yeah.
So you know, wee did start writing this before Smash started airing with only the pilot to go off of for several weeks, so there you have it. Excuse the differences… though this could still possibly happen to Ivy somewhere in the season considering all the sex… so… here ya go!
It seems as if I'm the only one who hasn't talked to Ivy about this, well, since she told me about it. I know a lot more has happened since, and I've seen her talking to Julia a lot. I wonder what's going on. We're on break right now so I decide to talk to her, she looks really bored anyways. I would be if I had to sit in a theater and watch them work on a play I was supposed to be in. "hey"
"Hey..." she says, smiling. It could be fake for all I know.
"how're you doing?" I ask her, there's no way this is easy for her.
She sighs, "Fine. I don't really even get why I still even come here... I can't really do anything"
"probably since you don't have anything else to do. you are my understudy, so it makes sense" I tell her. It's actually good she's here, she's watching everything that's going on. So if, heaven forbid, something were to happen to me before she has the baby, she could step in.
"Yeah but it gets boring... I just don't like staying at home alone..." she says, but it makes sense.
"that makes sense. I don't really like being by myself sometimes either..." it's the truth, if Dev is working I'm not a huge fan of being alone in our apartment.
She sighs, "What do you think I should do about this baby?"
"what have you been thinking about doing?" I ask, that's a big question, and she really needs to think about this.
"I'm letting Julia adopt it but I'm not sure if I want to or not..." she replies. That would explain why she's talking to Julia so much.
"I know Julia would take really good care of it, and you could still see the baby if she adopted it" she already has a kid, I'm sure she would be a great mother to this baby too.
"I know Derek hasn't been really supportive, and that can make this ten times harder than it should be" I tell her, I don't understand why he's this way though, she needs him to help her through this, he is the dad.
"He told me I have to do it all myself so Tom has been helping..." she tells me.
"That's good, do you think Tom would help out if you kept the baby?" I ask, he probably would, they've been friends for a long time.
"Probably. Do you think I should?" she asks.
"you should talk to Tom about it before you decide, but it really is up to you.." I suggest, I don't want to make this decision for her.
"Tom isn't really that involved... he's still gay" she says, but looks defeated.
I sigh, "but he could still be there to help you out... you need somebody"
"I know, I can't do this myself..." she tells me. She really can't, she's single, and I don't think her family is there for her.
"that's why we want to help you, you've just gotta tell us what you want" I say, I don't think she's ever had anybody help her.
She sighs, "I just don't know what I want..." it's still early, so she has some time to decide.
"who else have you talked to about this?" I ask, she's probably asked everybody what they think.
"I asked Michael..." that's good, he has a family, and is on Broadway. So I'm sure he was able to help her.
"what did he say?"
"He said its hard but his wife understands and supports him being an actor. He also told me it wouldn't be easy for me to raise the baby myself..." she tells me.
"it's hard being a single mom, but if you think it's something you can do, then there's nothing wrong with keeping the baby" if she keeps the baby, it'll be good for the kid. But it wouldn't really have a supportive family, and I think she wants that for the baby.
"I just don't know if I can do that..." she says.
"what does your mom think?" I ask.
"She's still just mad that I got pregnant. She said I'm ruining my career..."
I sigh, "that doesn't help anything..." my mom would probably say the same thing, but end up being supportive and help me.
"you don't know that. I'm sure there's something else you can do" I tell her.
"I don't know anything outside of theater... I was raised to believe that theater was my life"
I sigh, I guess that's what happens sometimes when you live here your whole life. "well I'm sure there will be other parts you can get once you have this baby"
"If I keep it though I can't do Broadway at the same time..." she says, it'll be hard, but if she meets somebody she'll probably be able to do it.
She sighs, "I just don't want to be like my mom..."
"that makes sense, but if you know that's not what you want to be, you can change that" I explain, she knows what she didn't like growing up, so she can make sure her kid doesn't have to experience the same things.
"My mom had me after sleeping with a director. Her career fell apart after that..."
"you don't have to let this ruin your career.." I tell her, if she works hard enough she can probably still get a lead.
"It still might"
"you don't know that" I remind her.
"I'd be a single mom and my career is ten years in the ensemble. I don't think that's going to get me anywhere" she tells me, sounding defeated.
I sigh, "you're gonna figure this out, it's okay.."
She just sighs, and seems a little annoyed.
"you're just worrying too much" I tell her, it's pretty obvious that she is.
"I can't help but worry..."
I sigh, "you're gonna figure this out, you have Tom and Julia to help you too"
"so you can talk to them too" I tell her, but before she can say anything else, Derek calls us back together to work again.
Ivy's been talking with Karen, and now she's coming to me again. she doesn't really have any family to confide in, so it makes sense as to why she wants to talk to all of us. "hey..."
"Hey..." she says, trying to smile.
"what's up?" I ask her.
"I was just talking to Karen..."
"oh, what did you talk about?" It's good that she feels like she has friends here.
"I don't know what I wanna do..."
I sigh, this has been really hard for her, "still on the fence, huh..."
"Yeah..." she says, wringing her hands.
"that's okay, you still have a while to think about this" I remind her. She's still got a couple months, so it's okay if she doesn't know right now.
"I know but it would probably be best to just know now..." she says.
"yeah, I promise frank and I are gonna take good care of your baby, you don't have to worry" I reassure her, we've
"I still just sometimes wonder what it would be like if I had a normal life... my mom never let me when I was younger..." she tells me, and she sounds a little upset.
"if you decided to take some time off to be a mom, we'd still be here to support you" I tell her, she just needs a friend to help her.
"You would?" she asks, almost like she doesn't believe me.
"yeah, we know it's not easy to do it alone" I tell her.
"That's what Michael said..."
"what else did Michael say?" I ask, it's good that she talked to him, he has a family and knows what it's like.
"He just said how it's still hard but his wife understands..."
I sigh, "you can be a good mom Ivy, I can help you"
"I'm still just afraid of doing it by myself..." she hangs her head, if she did keep it, I would make sure she had everything she needed and Frank and I decided we would help her if she asked us to.
"it's okay to be scared, this is something completely different for you" I remind her, she's quiet.
I squeeze her shoulder, "Just try not to worry"
She sighs, "Okay..."
"you can call me if you need to talk about anything, I want to help you" we're just going to have to keep reminding her this, it's new to her and I don't think she's realized it yet.
I'm at home when my phone starts ringing, and the name on the caller ID doesn't surprise me, it's Ivy. I answer the phone and all I hear are sobs on the other end of the line. "Ivy?"
"Hey..." she whimpers.
"what's wrong?" I ask her, I hope nothing bad happened.
"I'm not sure about anything I'm doing..." she says, letting another sob escape. This pregnancy has not been easier for her at all.
I sigh, "let's just calm down first, and then we'll talk.."
"Mmk..." she mumbles.
"do you want me to come over?" I ask her, it might be better for her if we talked about it face to face rather than over the phone.
"Yeah..." she quietly says.
"alright. I'll be there soon.."
"Mmk..." she mumbles, and I hear the phone click.
I get there a few minutes later and knock on her apartment door, "Ivy..."
"it's Tom.." I say, after she's silent for a few minutes.
"Hey..." she says, slowly opening the door.
"sounds like you've been thinking a little too much.." I say, walking in as she closes the door behind me.
"How can I not?" she asks, sounding annoyed.
"I know, you've got a lot goin' on. But it helps to talk about it" I remind her.
"Alright..." she quietly says.
"what've you been thinking about?" I ask, sitting with her on the couch.
"Well you know I'm having Julia adopt the baby..." she says, sounding a little more calm now.
"I'm not entirely sure if I want to yet..." she says, this is a really big decision for her to make and it's one that she can't do over night.
"why not?" I ask, as she leans back and hugs a pillow.
"I was thinking about it more..." she says.
"did Derek say somethin?" I ask, if he did it would make her mind go crazy.
"No..." she mumbles.
"you can tell me, it doesn't matter" I remind her, yeah, he's the director, but he's also the father and if he said something to hurt her, I want to know.
"He was asking how sure I am about this when I gave him the papers for his parental rights..." she tells me.
I sigh, "have you thought about what else you could do?"
"what do you think is the best thing?" I ask her, I know she's really worried about keeping it because of what her childhood was like.
"I don't know" she sadly says.
"I know its hard without your mom supporting you.." I tell her, gently squeezing her shoulder.
She relaxes a little under my touch, "She was never that much a mom she just wanted me to do a Broadway lead. I've spent the last ten years on Broadway in the ensemble"
"I know, but she should at least try to be here right now" I tell her, not having her mom here really has had made things so much harder than they should be.
"I don't think she cares..."
"she does. But she just has a hard time showing it" I tell her, it seems like it's true, some people just can't show that they care when they really do. It doesn't surprise me when Ivy's quiet but lets a single tear escape.
"what's the biggest thing holding you back from keeping the baby?" I ask her, there's something there that she thinks is holding her back.
"There's other things I still wanna do..." she tells me.
"is there something else besides the lead?" I ask her, when she was little she didn't get to explore anything else.
"I don't wanna do it alone" she tells me… raising a baby and being an actress wouldn't be easy at all for her.
"that makes sense. I think giving Julia the baby is a good idea" I tell her, hoping it sounds reassuring enough to settle her mind a little bit.
"She has a stable family already" she tells me.
"yeah. And you'll still get to see the baby.." I remind her, I think it's good that Julia is going to let Ivy still see her kid, which will probably help her too.
"I don't know if I want to right now..." she mumbles.
"why not?" I ask her, and get silence. Some things are difficult for her to talk about, and I think this might be one of them.
I give her shoulder a gentle squeeze, "come on ivy, you can tell me"
She's still quiet so I start to rub her shoulder, "it's okay... We've gotta work through this"
"I just know I can't keep it" she finally tells me. I'm not sure if that's really her final decision or if she's just saying something to get me to be quiet.
"alright. Just try to relax a little" I calmly say, still rubbing her shoulder. She's quiet and leans her head back on the pillow.
"it's getting late and you need some sleep.." I remind her, knowing she'd stay up all night if I didn't get her into bed.
"Mmk..." she says, yawning.
"how're you feelin?" I ask her.
"Fine..." she quietly says.
"you sure?" I ask, I don't want her to be hiding how she's really feeling if she's been getting sick.
"just go lay down in bed and try to sleep.." I suggest, she really needs her rest
"Alright" she says, getting up and throwing the pillow back on the couch.
"do you want me to stay, or do you think you're gonna be okay?" I ask her, sometimes she doesn't really like to be alone.
"I'll be okay" she says, but it's more of a yawn.
"alright. Just get some rest, you need it" I tell her, getting up and squeezing her shoulder before I leave.
We're on break so I decide to go talk to Ivy, she's been sitting by herself the whole rehearsal and she looks pretty bored. "What's up?"
"Just kinda bored...," she tells me, it looked that way, and I could tell she wanted to be dancing.
"Yeah. So Tom?" I ask, he's been hanging around her a lot and is taking care of her, I'm wondering if there's something I'm missing.
"He's been watching you like a hawk for weeks" I tell her, everybody's noticed it.
"I know, he's been doing that ever since the time I fell..." she tells me, sounding a little annoyed.
"Is it cuz of the baby? Or is there something else I'm missing?" I ask, I'm pretty sure the man is gay, but I could be wrong. He's been taking care of her like he's the baby's father, or her boyfriend.
"It's the baby. He thinks I'm not eating enough and I'll hurt something dancing..." she replies.
"He cares. But I kinda think there's something more" I tell her, trying to get something, there's definitely something I'm missing, I just can't figure out what.
"Well I kinda like him... but he's gay," she tells me. HA, I knew it. She does like him, but is blowing it off because she knows, well thinks she knows he's gay.
"You never know... He might start liking you." I tell her, trying to get her to realize what it looks like to us when we see her with him.
"I don't think so... it's just my luck to start liking a gay guy. Anyways, I still work for him so it wouldn't be a good idea. Last time I tried that I was almost fired..." she says, which is true. Derek just had to be a jerk when she told him she was pregnant.
"Yeah. Just let him take care of you. He doesn't want you to do this alone" I tell her, it's good that somebody wants to help her, I know it's not easy to be alone and pregnant.
"I noticed..." she flatly says.
"It's kinda cute that he's doing this," I tell her, it is… they almost look like a couple sometimes, and I don't know if she sees that.
"You think?" she asks, looking at me like I'm crazy.
"Yeah. I do. He brings you food Ivy." I tell her, not just take out, he actually cooks for her.
"He keeps saying I don't eat enough" she says, which is true.
"Sometimes you don't Ivy." I reply, she really needs to make sure she gets enough to eat because of the baby.
"That's just what I'm used to" she says, most people that have a busy schedule usually pick up something on the go and their bodies just get used to it.
"I know but you can't do that now. It's a good thing Tom is looking out for you," I remind her. She doesn't say anything.
"I still think he likes you." I tell her, trying to get more out of her.
"Think what you want but I've worked with Tom before and it's been pretty clear he's gay" She replies, sounding annoyed.
"Yeah, okay... He could just be saying that"
"Why would he be doing that?" She asks.
"Not sure. I just can't stop thinking it's possible" I tell her, the thought just won't leave my head and I had to satisfy my curiosity.
"I'm still sure he's gay"
"Whatever you say..." I sigh, knowing she's not gonna admit to liking him.
"I'm pretty sure I've worked with him longer than you have" she argues.
"I believe you, but sometimes it makes me wonder" I tell her, she doesn't need the stress of an argument.
"If here were interested in me wouldn't he say something sooner?" she asks, which he probably would have but some guys don't say something right away.
"Probably. But I'm sure you just want to focus on the baby right now" I say, which might be true, and she might be wanting someone who can be there.
"You know I'm not keeping it..." she says, I already knew that.
"yeah, but you've still gotta keep yourself healthy" I remind her, even though she's letting someone adopt the baby, she needs to keep herself, and the baby healthy.
"That's what he keeps telling me..." she sighs.
"You know it's true Ivy." I say, I'm sure her doctor has talked to her about it.
"I know... I can't get used to people telling me what I should do" she says, sounding a little sad.
"It's different for you, I know. But just let somebody help for once" I say, I don't think I could handle being completely alone.
She sighs, "Alright..."
"As much as you hate it you've gotta relax." I tell her, I feel like she needs these extra reminders so she'll actually do something.
"I know... everyone tells me that" she says.
"Do you talk to Tom? Like about the big stuff?" I ask, trying to see how serious their friendship is.
"Not much..." she quietly says.
"Really?" I ask, a little shocked.
"Well I already talked to Julia about some of this..." she tells me, which makes since she's the one adopting the baby.
"That's good. I think things will work out" I tell her, when Derek calls us back together to work on the next number.
We start working on another number and for some reason I don't realize until about halfway through that Ivy has stepped in and started dancing.
"IVY!" I yell, her doctor said she couldn't dance, and I can't believe she'd go against what her doctor said, regardless of how she felt.
"What?" she asks, when the pianist quits playing.
"I'm pretty sure your doctor said you couldn't dance." I remind her, great, I probably sound a little annoyed
"I don't remember hearing that..." she says, seriously? She wasn't listening to her doctor, she's officially crazy.
"well she did. You can't sneak in here and just dance like nothing is going on." I tell her, I think I remember hearing Tom say something about how she couldn't dance because they didn't want her to get hurt or something like that.
"You didn't even notice until halfway through the song," she says, which is true, I think I was paying more attention to Karen and how she was slightly off beat.
"That's my fault. You have to take it easy Ivy. I'm serious," I tell her, how did I miss it when she stepped into the number.
"We're already halfway through" she protests, trying to get me to let her stay in.
"I know that. Finish the number and then you're done." I sigh, reluctantly letting her stay in the number, that I'm not sure if Karen even knows. Ivy's doing a much better job and she's pregnant.
"Fine..." she sighs, starting to look really annoyed that I've stopped her.
"Just try to take it easy." I remind her, she obviously isn't used to slowing down.
"Alright" she sighs, and the piano starts up again. And I'm left still watching Karen, who's still struggling.
I'm sitting at the table waiting for them to start History Is Made at Night when I see Ivy get up and walk over to Michael. This is not going to happen, I'm going to strap the woman to a chair if I have to so she doesn't dance. We don't want her getting hurt.
"Don't even think about it." I say, getting up and pulling her aside.
"Tom I haven't done anything in days..." she protests. I know she's bored but she just can't do this right now.
"Your doctor said you couldn't dance or do much acting." I remind her, yeah she can work on the songs when we're just using music stands or reading lines, but she can't do this.
She just sighs, maybe I can get her into another studio and we can work on some music so she's not sitting here doing nothing. "Just come sit for a while and then we can work on some of the music."
"Fine..." she pouts, but seems relieved that she can do something with the musical.
"You have to take it easy, I don't want you or the baby getting hurt" I remind her.
"I'm so bored..." she sighs.
"I know this is different but we just can't let you dance like that all day..." I try to explain, I want her to realize how important it is for her to rest and make sure everything's okay.
"Like I said when you have the baby you can work again." I remind her, I can definitely tell she's not too happy right now.
"Alright..." she sighs.
"It'll be fine. Just take it easy for right now" I remind her, yet again. She's not used to this and needs constant reminders, but I think she'll be fine.
It's after rehearsal and Ivy comes up to me and looks extremely annoyed. Not too sure why though, I saw her talking to Tom and Karen today. "what's up?"
"It's your fault I lost the lead!" she exclaims, I really don't want to deal with this right now.
"well you're the one who wanted to sleep with me." I reply, she wanted me to come over, and things just happened from there. And it happened more than once so it's not like getting pregnant was out of the picture.
"You wanted to" she snaps, well, I did agree to sleeping with her. She looked so lonely when I was over, but now I think I regret it because I didn't want to have a kid.
"whatever I wasn't thinking about what could have happened." I tell her, I was just doing what she wanted, which meant sleeping with her.
"That's why it's your fault!" she yells, she's getting almost hysterical now and I really don't want to deal with her.
"I know I screwed up! But you said you'd do anything to get the lead." I yell, hopefully it'll make her feel better and stop screaming at me.
"I meant it!" she sighs, still sounding annoyed.
"you're lucky you're still here cuz if it weren't for Tom and Julia I would have fired you." I remind her, which is true, it really annoys me that Tom insisted on keeping her, it's just more money that we could be using to do other things for the show. She's quiet when I say this, crap. Probably something I shouldn't have said, I know I've told her more than once that I really don't want anything to do with this.
"seriously though, you need to take it easy." I say, hoping to make up for this or at least make her feel better. She's still quiet, great. I screwed up, again.
"if you do anything to hurt yourself now it'll be harder to get a lead later on" I remind her, trying to be a little nicer this time.
She just sighs, "fine" and storms off.
And that's the chapter! So, we're doing more of this in other people's POV right now since I've been reading and everyone's really liking seeing this in Derek's POV to see how he thinks, and other people are really liking Tom's since it has the Tom/Ivy friendship going on.
Also, the reviews! Please, keep it up! The input is really helpful and I liking knowing what my readers think, so thanks.