Author's Note: A message got me thinking about it. How do you handle a second separation?
Disclaimer: I only own my ocs you recognize them then I don't own them. :)
Time was bleeding together for me. I went to the house shows and I signed whatever the fans pushed in my face and posed for the pictures. I wasn't in it though. My sisters realized it. I sighed as I gathered my black hair into a ponytail. I let it fall back down without containing it. Tears prickled behind my eyes. I picked up the hair brush and looked at it like it was the traitor. I tossed it at the mirror in front of me. The mirror shattered and I stood up. I was in my hotel room.
I was supposed to be getting ready for a night on the town. I couldn't do it. Not now. I picked up my cell phone hardly seeing the background before I called my eldest sister.
"Hey Phoenix, I can't go out tonight. I can't do it." I whispered.
"No. Just go out with them like you planned. I'll make it through like I always do." I said as I looked at wall not really focusing on it.
"I love you too Phoenix." I said as I hung up. I sat on the edge of the bed and just stared down at the background of my phone. It was of Matt and Rick. The same picture I had showed on Conan. I bit my lip as I looked away.
Why hadn't I seen the signs? Gah I needed to get out of my world and focus on what was around me. I stood from the bed and walked to the balcony that was connected to my room. I walked out and rested both hands on the railing. My phone lay on my bed. I looked out at the skyline. The whole would seemed oblivious and much too happy for me. It was then that the tears finally fell. This wasn't just a little crying I was full out sobbing. My shoulders shook and my breath hitched.
I heard someone knock on the door. I brushed the tears from my eyes and was going to answer the door when I realized it was raining. I looked up and smiled softly. I walked back into the room and thought about checking my appearance but remembered that I'd smashed the mirror. I walked to the door and didn't bother checking the peep hole because it was probably one of the boys coming to get me.
"I already told Phoenix I wasn't going out tonight." I said without even looking at the person.
"And why aren't you going out?" Kofi asked.
"I can't. I can't handle putting on a happy face much longer." I replied.
"Drag he wouldn't want you to be locked up in your hotel room." Kofi said. That had me sucking in a breath.
"None of us know what Matt really wants." I said before I closed the door in Kofi's face. That had pissed me off. He didn't know what was best for me. I was thirty-one years old. I'd been making my choices since I was sixteen. I walked softly back over to the balcony and stood there in the pouring rain. It was much like my own emotions. I looked at the lighting strikes and the sound of thunder as it reverberated within me. I don't know how long I stood outside. All I know is that Phoenix came in next and brought me inside. I heard my sister's voice but didn't hear what she was saying. All I knew was that she was helping me get dry. I didn't hear anything she said until I was in a big t-shirt that came to my knees and black boy shorts. Phoenix tucked me into bed and it was then I heard her.
"I'm trying Dragon. There's only so much I can do." She whispered. I knew what she was talking about. We had heard the rumors that WWE might not even bring Matt back. Phoenix was trying but she couldn't seem like she was doing it because that was her brother-in-law, but because he was an excellent wrestler.
"I know." I whispered. Phoenix kissed my forehead before she left. I closed my eyes the moment my sister left the hotel room. I had curled myself into a ball.
I must have drifted off because the next time I woke up I had someone's arms wrapped around my waist.
"My strong little Dragon what did they do to you?" He asked quietly. There was no moonlight because the storm was going on outside. I let both of my hands drift up until I could trace the familiar contours of his face.
"Matt?" I whispered quietly. My voice on the edge of breaking.
"I'm right her baby." Matt said. I said nothing and buried my face in his chest. I was just breathing in his comforting scent.
"Why didn't I see it the second time?" I asked quietly.
"Because I didn't want you to see it Dragon." Matt answered.
"Why not? I'm supposed to be the other half of your heart." I whispered.
"Dragon you've got so much in your life." Matt whispered. I slapped his chest.
"Damn it you're number one to me. Screw everything else. I made that vow three years ago to love you and cherish you and put you first." I said. I felt Matt cringe a little and a part of me felt bad, but he needed to understand he was the most important thing in my life. Rick aside.
"Dragon I just knew how much you were focused on Chimera." Matt said. I got out of bed at that.
"You don't see what this is doing. Matt this is tearing our family apart. Phoenix is putting her neck on the line and me? I'm changing Matt. I stood out there in that storm and almost dared it hurt me. I don't know how much more of this guilt I can take." I yelled.
"Dragon-" He started.
"Don't you dare tell me not to feel guilty! I feel guilty because I didn't see you using again!" I yelled. Matt got off the bed and wrapped me in his arms.
"Baby I'm so sorry. Just stay with me." He whispered.
"I'm not going to leave you. I couldn't if I wanted to. I love you too much. You're my whole world Matt." I said.
"I'm trying Dragon. I just need you with me." Matt said.
"I'm not leaving you. Just get and stay clean. If not for me for Rick. Rick needs his dad in his life." I whispered. Matt's silence scared me. He kissed the top of my head.
"I'm going to baby." Matt said. I held onto him as if he was the last person in the world. Matt took me to the bed and we just held each other.