The Unreal Detective Agency


Darkness Shade

Case File Number 666: ~HADES~

Unreal Detective Agency – 10 AM

The streets were darkened by the rain clouds, the shadows betraying the fact that the sun had risen just a few hours prior.

Sitting here in my office, I waited patiently for some new trouble to make itself known.

With my eyes drooping, and my shades slowing sliding down my face, in came a real knockout…the kind of girl that has that voice you just have to listen to no matter what.

"I've heard you're the best." Stated the girl, clearly of Japanese decent given her accent, "Darkness Shade."

"Heh, all depends on who you ask." I replied, pushing up my glasses and standing to greet her, "So then, to what do I owe this pleasure Ms.?"

"Call me Jun." she replied, pulling off her hat and brushing her hair, "I'm well aware of your charming personality as well so don't think I'm not prepared to deal with that."

"Oh my, we've got a live one here." I scoffed, grinning at her, "So, Jun, assuming that is your name, what is it that you need from the UNREAL Detective Agency?"

"I need you to track down something…someone I suppose." Jun answered, sitting down on the chair across from my desk, "Someone that's been on the run from my company."

I was curious as to just who this company was that they'd seek out a private detective rather than get the police involved and I didn't like it at all…something about it didn't smell right at all and if anyone knows scents it's me.

"Why come to me though? If they've committed some crime then this is the police's deal, not mine." I casually voiced, sitting back down behind my desk.

"It's more complicated than that…I'm afraid I can't voice more details unless you agree to take my request." Jun harshly shot back, staring hard at me.

"Yipes. It would seem I pushed a button." I chuckled, lowering my shades to stare back at her, "Fine, what's the pay and what's the deal?"

"An experimental creation escaped from my employer's laboratory." Jun stated, pulling out a plain white folder and handing it to me, "I believe you should know about them."

"Ah yes, I'm familiar with their brand of robotics…I assume you're involved with their development then?" I queried, thumbing through the pages.

"You are as good as they say; yes, I am and that model was our newest creation in the line of humanoid robots we've worked on." Jun answered back, "Our consumers have such a lovely nickname for them…"

"Ah yes, I recall now." I stated, with a smile, placing the folder back down on the desk, "PARANOiA…"

Trip Machine: City Streets

The rain continued to pour down as I drove the streets, winding through their bizarre mazelike structure heading to my destination.

Jun's story seemed on the level but I felt as if some key details were being kept from my grasp, which would explain why I was hitting the streets.

There was some information to be found and in this city, I knew of only one person that had proven to be on the level enough to be reliable…

Club 5.8.8

This place always looked the same: somewhat ordinary and dull on the outside but inside the music blared in a melodious way, as if angels were whispering into your ears and divulging all their secrets to life.

Walking over to my usual table, I signaled for a drink and waited as the band on stage finished up their tune; it's lead drummer a close friend of mine.

"Well, well, if it isn't Mr. Unreal himself." Stated a tall African-American man dressed sharply in a black suit, "What brings you here?"

I grinned and took a sip of my drink, letting the question sit in the air.

"Why Yoshino, can't I just come for a drink and listen to some of that wonderful music your band produces?" I coyly asked, chuckling all the while.

"With you involved, it's never that simple." Yoshino laughed in return, sitting across from me and folding his hands, "So, what do you need to know? It's obvious to me you've got another case."

That's what I liked about Yoshino; he was always quick on the uptake, very observant; it was refreshing as most people never looked beyond what they wanted to see in this town.

"So then, a PARANOiA class humanoid, eh?" Yoshino asked, pausing as if to think.

"That's what the girl told me." I replied, "Apparently he's gone renegade and escaped sometime ago…I believe she said it's been three weeks and no one has caught up to him. It's almost as if he's vanished."

Something about this began to rub me the wrong way, I seriously didn't like how there was a piece of the puzzle still missing.

"I'm not sure what I can do to help." Yoshino surmised, "I guess I can set up a meeting with him but it'll be tricky. Just meet at this address in two hours."

Taking a nondescript sheet from Yoshino, I noted the address and smiled, I was well acquainted with the area from many a case.

"Thanks for the help Yoshino." I stated standing and handing him a very plain folder, "The usual is included so I think you'll be happy."

"Heh." Yoshino softly chuckled, seeing the contents, "You're just too good at finding these things."

With a grin and a chuckle, I walked out of the club and jumped into my car.

Bemani Motors International Speedway

The last puzzle piece was coming into focus, much like my eyesight after too much Pocky.

It's hard to believe this place is still running as well as it did before the incident, but thankfully I was able to handle things and they were able to weather the bad publicity.

It was a quiet day today, the usual sounds of engines along with the smell of motor grease didn't permeate the air as thickly as usual; then again most of the races here only occurred on Saturdays so I'm not sure why I rambled how I did but anyhow…


I'd recognize that slightly high-pitched trio of voices anywhere, as three tempting beauties soon ran right up to me.

"Ah, if it isn't my favorite ladies from team Speedy Cat." I coolly stated, flashing them my lovely grin.

"I thought that was you Darkness." Stated a platinum haired beauty by the name of Akane, "Where have you been?"

"Yeah, you promised to take us to the movies weeks ago." Pouted a short-haired beauty by the name of Mika.

"I know ladies, but I've just been swamped with cases." I replied back, "You know I'd never let my girls go lonely."

"That's what we hear." Stated the final beauty of the trio, Yuri, "Akane's been so frustrated over it she's overtuned her car too much again. Neither one of us can keep up with her."

These three were always some crazy trouble, but they were good friends and sometimes helped out with my cases, almost like my own version of Charlie's Angels or something crazy like that.

"So what brings you here anyway?" Mika asked, "Are we finally going to see that movie then?"

"Actually, Yoshino set me up with a meeting with some guy here, he's supposed to be in garage number…um, let's see." I mumbled, pulling out the sheet Yoshino had given me, "Ah yes, garage 2MB."

The girls gasped at this revelation and began murmuring to one another.

"What's going on?" I asked, clearly confused at their, somewhat, erratic behavior.

"It's just that, it's this mysterious guy who races here. That's his garage." Akane replied, tapping her foot nervously, "He's really good and is the only one to give us a run for our money besides Lightning Clap."

"I see; he's more than he appears then." I surmised, "Don't worry girls, I'll be fine. Plus, I promise that we'll go see that new movie you've been wanting to after this case is solved."

"That's a promise mister!" Yuri shouted, "Akane's so stressed out from not hanging with you we don't know what we're going to do with her."

"Hey!" Akane shouted, blushing a shade of red and bopping the two of them.

Stating my goodbyes and future promises, I slowly walked to the garage designated 2MB, soon feeling this overwhelming pressure emanating from it.

It was almost as if all light was being pulled from sight and the air became heavy and thick with tension.

"Hello?" I calmly asked, hoping to find some type of reply.

"Are you Darkness Shade?" came a slightly robotic, overly cocky voice.

"Depends on who's asking? Are you Yoshino's contact?" I stated, playing it cool, "I'd hate to think he's becoming less dependable."

"I'm the one you're searching for." The man stated, walking towards me in the low-light and then stretching out his hand.
Cautiously taking his hand and shaking, I noted one thing was amiss.

"You're hand is ice-cold, almost metallic." I noted, "2MB…you couldn't possibly be who I think you are…could you?"

The figure let out a somewhat creepy sounding laugh and smiled, lighting up a cigarette and taking a puff.

"Yoshino said you were quick on the pickup." The figure cackled.

"You're the unspoken off experiment." I continued, "An unholy union of the MAX and PARANOiA lines."

"Heh, you aren't all that holy yourself, Mr. Half-Demon." The figure laughed, pointing his metallic arm at me, "So you've figured it out…Classification 600 BPM…"

"MAX (period)." I stated, finishing his sentence, "So I guess that arm is what happened to you when 2MB's assistant attempted to fuse the two lines together."

"That's the long and short of it," MAX (period) stated, tossing his cigarette to the floor and stomping it out, "2MB was kind enough to help me attempt to find some form of a life, but it cost him his job…and more."

Noting the air needed clearing from more than the smoke, I coughed and changed subjects.

"So, do you know where the renegade is?" I asked, hoping to gain the information I needed.

"Of course, I apologize for getting off track." MAX (period) calmly replied, "His codename was ~HADES~. I would imagine they told you very little, even after you accepted the case."

"Yoshino has you as an informant for a reason it seems." I said with a nod, "Anything else you can tell me? What did you mean by "was"?"

"As you know, the other PARANOiA lines, while intelligent, aren't truly self-aware. ~HADES~ was the first to gain true sentience and he ran off, not sure how to handle this." MAX (period) explained.

It all began to make sense, he didn't leave because he went AWOL he just didn't know how to handle free-thinking and all that jazz.

"I can see you get it now. I'm not sure what became of him but you might be able to find him with this." MAX (period) stated, handing me a strange device, "It's a locator 2MB built me before he passed, something about keeping tabs on my brothers and such. You can use it to find ~HADES~ and help him…if it isn't too late already."

Nodding in understanding, I took the device and headed off, unaware the wheels that had been set in motion.

Club 5.1.1: Abandoned

This place had definitely seen better days, but after 5.8.8 opened up people stopped coming here and it soon went out of business.

It was a symbol of the old days, back when times were simpler, songs were simpler, and my case log wasn't full of betrayal, heartache, and other unpleasantries.

I guess I'm just sentimental, even after all this time.

"Well, this is the place the device led me to…but why would he be here of all places?" I thought aloud to myself, walking through the broken down remains of the front door.

The inside wasn't any more inviting. The lack of care following its closing showed as drapes hung in tattered shreds over what were once windows and the stage had enough dust on it to choke Air, Wind, and Tornado Man.

Covering my mouth, I began to sift through everything, coughing here and there as the dust became a little too overpowering.

"The signal says he should be here and yet…there's nothing to indicate anyone has been living here." I mumbled to myself, disappointed that the trail seemed to be chilling.

It was then I noticed an odd sight…something seemed out of place but I just couldn't finger it.

"That patch of flooring doesn't have any dust on it…I wonder why that is?" I mused, looking over the apparently immaculate rectangle for any clues.

That's when the whole thing began to spiral beyond anything I had imagined…as I soon discovered this was a door, most likely leading to the basement of the establishment.

Cautiously opening the door, I crept down the stairs, noting the temperature seemed to rise and a strange red glow permeated the air.

I felt like Dante in a way, only instead of ascending the rings of hell I was slowly moving down them, waiting to hit the bottom in some pre-destined fashion, the devil using his red light to guide me.

Pretty soon I found the bottom and was in some strange hallway, what was once a quiet basement didn't seem to be such anymore.

I was startled as the device beeped louder than it had before, and that's when I knew I was close.

"It takes a little more than a strange light to scare off Darkness Shade." I chuckled, following the hallway till it stopped…and there, at the end, was a simple rectangular box, though it looked like it belonged in one of those Castlevania games Yoshi always talked about.

"What the hell are you doing down here?" stated a smooth voice, shattering my concentration and spooking me.

"Ack! Wait…I've found you." I stated, turning around and noting an odd looking creature, somewhat human but foreign in his own ways.

"Found me? Wait…you aren't with them are you?" he stated, looking at me just a little odd.

I decided to play it Bogart and flashed him a charming smile.

"That all depends on who you're talking about. You're Hades aren't you?" I asked, maintaining my subdued look.

"Some would call me that, but I prefer the name Gigu if you would." Gigu stated, walking over and extending his hand.

I shook and noted nothing out of the ordinary.

"You definitely don't seem like the others…I knew they were hiding something from me." I stated, "Well, I found you, but you don't seem to be all that dangerous."

"It all depends on how you catch me." Gigu mentioned, "I'm not sure I can let you go though."

"Come now…I have no desire to fight my dear sir." I replied, "I have no hostile intentions. I'm merely a detective, that's all."

"…very well. I'll believe you for now. I'm not sure how you found me but I have my hunches as to who is involved." Gigu stated, "Now, I think you should leave…before the sun sets."

"That's an odd request but…if you need any help…you'll know where to find me." I explained, handing him my card, "I'll handle my end of things, so…take care I guess."

With that, I slowly exited this odd situation, full of questions and definitely going to work my way out with Jun and her more than predictable encounter when I returned to my office.

"That was close…I didn't…want to…miss…time…hurry." Gigu groaned, slowly getting into his casket and closing his eyes.

Unreal Detective Agency – Two Days Later – 3:30 pm

I was sitting down and relaxing all cool when that familiar femme made her way into my office.

"So, I hear that you found him." Jun stated, "Yet…where is he? I thought you were to get him?"

"Ah, but there is where your wrong my dear lady." I chuckled, "I was hired to find him, not retrieve him. I found him and things looked cool so whenever you want to pay me is good."

"You…you can't do that!" Jun shouted, "That's bullshit! You found him and didn't bring him back…that was part of the job!"

"You assumed that was part of the job." I casually reminded, "Not my problem…I did my job and want my pay. You kept some things from me and I'm not to keen on that. You guys seem to like to hide what all is going on. I don't like playing like that. So you got literally what you wanted. I found him…and I reported that I did. That's all you get."

"Grrr…fine! Mark my words though Darkness Shade…you will pay for crossing KON-AMI robotics." Jun huffed, tossing me my pay and storming out, slamming my door and knocking over some of my photos.

I shook my head and grumbled about how the pretty ones always were the most trouble…speaking of which…I had a meeting to attend too soon, so with that I tidied up, grabbed my jacket, and off I went.

ANDRMOMEDA 24 – 6:30 pm

As if on cue, I pulled up and there waiting were three of my favorite ladies, who always seemed so easy on the eyes…even if they weren't easy on my wallet.

"DARK!" Akane shouted, then quickly composed herself, "I mean…good, you showed up."

"Heh, Akane here was wondering if you'd actually make it this time." Yuri joked, "She's definitely been missing you Mr. Half-Demon of irresistibleness."

"You girls know I'd never want to miss anytime with you." I calmly replied, pulling some flowers from behind my back, "I just wanted to pick up something extra for you."

"Oh my…they're lovely Dark." Mika stated, breathing in their scent, "And they smell so good…you surely are an ace aren't you?"

"Heh, sometimes I wonder if I'm not a double Ace, but that's beside the point. We'll miss our movie if we keep chatting like this." I mentioned, taking the girls by the arm and walking into the theater…did I ever mention how much I so love this city.

Two hours later...

"Oh man, that was so cool. He was all like "BAM!" and she was like "OH MY!" and he totally saved the day!" Akane shouted, somewhat out of character, but we let it slide.

"I'm glad you all enjoyed this." I replied, "Fancy a bite to eat?"

"Why, that sounds delightful Mr. Shade." Mika murmured, "I still can't believe you let us do that."

"Heh, you clearly missed me so I didn't really mind." I stated, waving it off, "Besides, I've never seen Yuri smile like that in some time."

Yuri remained silent with that lovely smile plastered on her face; it felt good that I could give them such a good day, even if I don't seem the type to get all sappy and such.

It's times like this you need to cherish; for in the blink of an eye, the tick of a clock, all you live for, all you hope for, all you hold dear can change.

It happened too fast for me to react, one second we're all smiling and then…a shriek, a scream, and then too many questions and just one thought on my mind.


Hyperion Hospital: Intensive Care Wing

"We've done all we can for her. She lost a lot of blood but she seems to be in stable condition. If you hadn't gotten her here as fast as you did Dark, I'm not sure…" stated a pink-haired nurse.

"I know Milk…sometimes it's good that I'm different." I slowly replied, trying to get a grip on all that had happened, "She'll be okay, won't she?"

"She's a fighter…and she's hanging on so as long as the blood transfusion goes smoothly enough she won't have a lot to worry about. All we can do is wait now…" Milk stated, before giving me a hug, "Please don't do anything reckless Dark…I know how you can get."

"Thanks Milk…I'll try and stay calm about this." I replied, finding some comfort in her concern, "I have to talk to the others now…let them know she'll be okay for now."

As I watched Milk walk off to assist another patient, I recalled how many times I'd ended up here…too many rookie mistakes back in the day.

Thinking back on it, she's been here ever since my first case, a fateful day in itself…I didn't think I'd pull through but she never gave up on me…sometimes that makes me wonder what her true feelings are.

Shaking my head at all this retrospection, I approached Akane and Mika and saw that they were even worse for the wear than I was.

"She'll be okay, won't she?" Mika asked, her lovely faced now stained by many a tear.

"Milk said that as long as the transfusion holds out, she'll be alright." I explained, "I just don't get what happened…it was so fast."

"Something…something attacked her." Akane slowly stated, "It was very fast and very precise. I'm surprised I caught any glimpse if it took you by surprise."

"Yeah…whoever this is is someone to be taken seriously." I murmured, running a clawed hand through my hair, "I have to get to the bottom of this…I'll be back girls."

With a sense of determination, I headed out, trying to remember any clue from the attack…a quick flash, a strange laugh, and something else that seemed off.

Something in the back of my mind was nagging me and I knew one place that seemed to be drawing me in; if I was right…this might be why he tried to be rid of me so quickly that day.

Hopping into my car, I tore into the night, heading for the one place that I felt held all the answers.

Club 5.1.1.

I was in no mood for subtlety; someone I cared about was hurt and most likely because of this case. It was my fault…and I was pissed.

"HADES!" I growled, bursting through the door leading to the basement and flying down the stairs, "You've got some questions to answer now!"

Looking around, I found it eerily quiet…as if the world suddenly stood still and one wrong press of the button would result in a game over.

Suddenly, I heard it; the creepy cackling echoed through the halls down here, bouncing every which way, leaving me slightly disoriented.

"Come out and explain yourself dammit!" I growled again, "You'll pay for what you did to Yuri!"

"So, you've figured it out have you?" Gigu stated, walking down the long corridor towards me, "I mean that's why you're here, isn't it?"

"It didn't take too long to put two and two together…the flash was the trademark glow you've given this place…and that laugh…something inhuman about it set me off." I explained, "Jun may not have stated the whole truth about you but you were keeping secrets too, weren't you? Why else try to rush me off?"

"Heh, you're more observant than I thought…a pity…you've become an obstacle now." Gigu sighed, "I suppose this was inevitable though…"

I didn't like the way he was acting, this confidence routine was too different from what he was before and it sent chills down my spine, I knew one wrong move would be the end here.

"So…why Yuri? Why go after her?" I asked, trying to stall for time as I thought of any options I had.

"She just happened to know you…my weaker self tried to spare someone that he felt he could trust…but well, he doesn't call the shots now so I knew I needed a reason to get you here, where I'd have the advantage." Gigu explained, gesturing about, "I've read about you Mr. Unreal…you've quite the power…and when I beat you and feed…I'll then have your power."

Great…bloodsuckers…I hated running into these guys more than those money-sucking lawyers.

"So…you think you can feast on a half-demon detective that easy?" I stated, having formulated a plan, "Give me some credit ~HADES~."

"Heh, well I figured you weren't a Belmont so forgive me if I've offended." Gigu chuckled sadistically, "I'm afraid you just might be in over your head this time."
"Heh, you'd be surprised how often I've been told that one." I shot back, hoping to stall just a little longer.

"Face it Mr. Shade, you're stalling." Gigu stated before disappearing from sight, "You cannot grasp my true form!"

"Like hell I can." Dark stated, listening for his movements and ducking as he felt Gigu's arm pass over his head, "Telegraphing your moves proves your inexperience."

"I shall make you regret those words…and enjoy dragging you down to the underworld." Gigu shot back before summoning a blood-red scythe, "None meet the reaper and hope to survive."

Well, I'd gone and gotten myself into quite a pickle; his speed allowed him to move quicker than that chili dog I had when I ate it a week after I'd made it.

Ducking, I barely missed being a head shorter and decided to try and put some distance between the two of us; something that Gigu found hilarious.

"Oh my, where's all that bravado?" Gigu sarcastically cackled, "Fine then, this is more fun if I chase you…I can hear it you know, your heart beats so loudly in fear. It's delicious!"

Great, a bloodsucker and he's creepy; you've gone and hit the jackpot with this case Dark.

His whole pathway seemed to be a giant maze, and I was the rat hoping to find the cheese in the exit; except in this case the cheese was my life and unlike the rat I would probably be killed if I didn't escape.

"I can't even form good metaphors I'm so concerned." I groaned as I finally came to a large room at the end of the hall, "Great…dead end."

"Such a fitting choice of words Mr. Shade." Gigu chuckled, slowly floating into the room, "It's a shame really that you won't get to hear all their screams when I slowly drain their essence as well."

That's it you pompous fool, keep bragging…

"It's too bad you had to stick your nose where it didn't belong." Gigu continued, raising his scythe high.

Almost there, just a little more…

"Well then, perhaps you should scream for your mother; I know they will." Gigu finished, preparing to bring his weapon down onto me.

"Heh…sorry, but that's not in my story." I shouted before pulling out a device and depressing the button on it.

"What the hell…?" Gigu shouted before a loud explosion rocked the area we were in tearing open a large hole in the ceiling, "No! How could this be?"

"You should know the answer Gigu." I calmly replied, the sunlight pouring into the room slowly dissolving him, "Your pride…your cockiness…those proved to be your undoing."

"Ugh…heh…heh….you can't stop the underworld Mr. Shade." Gigu gurgled as his face melted, "I can't be stopped."

"I'm afraid you can." I shot back, reaching into my pocket and pulling out a uniquely shaped gun, "You are right…I'm no Belmont, but I sure can be a solar boy."

Taking aim, I pulled the trigger and watched the beam pour forth and accelerate Gigu's destruction.

"Grrrrrrrrr!" Gigu growled before exploding in a mess of blood.

I always hated that part when dealing with these guys, vampires always made such terrible messes when you take care of them.

"That's another case where you've saved my bacon Django." I murmured staring at my gun, "But that's a tale for another time…I should get back to the hospital."

Hyperion Hospital

I wish I could say I took the time to clean myself off after that, but with how my luck has been I made sure to get back to the girls as fast as possible.

"Dark!" Milk shouted seeing the mess I was covered in, "Are you…Is that?"

"No, no, it's not mine." I quickly explained making sure she was calm, "How's Yuri?"

"Well…she seems to have stabilized." Milk explained, "That blood of yours sure is something…hopefully it doesn't cause any side effects."

Hmmm, that was something I never really thought about but since it has occurred before I figured Yuri's pretty little self would bounce back like my favorite super ball.

"She's sleeping right now but I think I can let you in to be with her if you like." Milk replied with a wink, "Since I'm certain you'd like to give her a little love love sugar."

"You can be terrible at times Milk." I laughed, her silliness helping ease my mood, "Sure, that sounds good."

Yuri was sleeping soundly completely unaware of all the troubles that had occurred tonight, though it was probably for the best.

Sitting next to her and holding her hand, I could tell she was doing much better but…damn that Gigu leaving her with a scar like this.

"Well, I've done what I could to prevent any more trouble." I softly stated unsure if she could hear me, "At least no one else can be harmed now."

As I waited patiently I could hear the rain begin to fall, almost as if the city itself was crying over yet another night of tragedy that could've been avoided.

"…Dark?" Yuri softly mumbled as her eyes began to open, "…oh, where am I?"

"Heh, you're with someone that loves you." I replied back, caressing her face, "How do you feel?"

"To be honest, I have this strangest desire to shout out "like an Ecchi man number one". Isn't that strange?" Yuri softly stated in confusion.

"Well, considering you've got some of my blood flowing around in there it doesn't surprise me one bit."

"…the others! Are they alright?" Yuri asked as she tried to bolt upright in her bed.

"Hey, careful there girl." I warned as I did my best to keep her steady, "They are doing quite fine and will certainly do better if you keep healing up and get healthy."

"Right…gotcha." Yuri whispered as she lay back down and closed her eyes, "Nighty-night Darkness…"

"Sleep tight kid." I replied, kissing her forehead softly before heading back to the others.

It wasn't long before Yuri had fully recovered and was back at it on the track with team Speedy Cat and so far she didn't show too many side-effects from the transfusion, but who knows? Hopefully I didn't unknowingly unleash a female me into the world, I don't know if they could take it…let alone Yoshino.

Either way, this case was closed but I still had this nagging doubt that Jun wouldn't let what happened die easily.

"I guess I shouldn't worry too much; not much can stop the UNREAL Detective Agency after all." I chuckled as I watched the girls racing around the track, "Besides I think she'll have bigger worries with her bosses to focus on so I should be clean and easy…until the next crazy dame waltzes into my office looking for help."

Sighing, I waved at the girls as they pulled into the pit and came running up to me eager to have fun as always; it was times like this that made my rough life of detective work worth it in the end…oh, and in case you ever need said work take this card:

"From out of the Shadows, comes a force of Unstoppable Ecchiness: Darkness Shade and the UNREAL Detective Agency will always be ready to help those who need him…"

Case File Number 666: ~HADES~…CLOSED!