Author's Note: This story is basically Peter's view on Alice being in Wonderworld and not loving him, and has a version of an answer to what she can't remember and what he wants her to remember. I only have the manga so, sorry if I get anything wrong in any Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice. I used "We" because the Royal we always has a capital, and I gave all the roles capitals because they are titles and titles usually have capitals. If you like this then please review, in fact even if you don't like it review, tell me why it sucks, please?

Disclaimer: I don't own Heart no Kuni no Alice or any of the sequels, or the characters. If possible I own this piece of work.

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(='.'=) (='.'=) (='.'=)

(")-(")o (")-(") o(")-(")

No wonder I'm scared to look in your eyes

You've turned me away so many times

You can take it away at any given moment

It's hard to believe while you're in this disguise

So would you hold me please?

I'm trying hard to breath

I'm just surviving

So would you hold me please?

I'm trying hard to breath

Stop me from crying

When I see you walking with her

I have to cover my eyes

Every time you leave with her

Something inside of me dies

No wonder it hurts to sit by your side

(Turned me away so many times)

There's a different song I can play you tonight

(We don't have to sit here in silence)

We can break the pattern, we can change the colour

(It's just a little sacrifice)

You don't need to worry about the others

(It's all in your mind)

So would you hold me please?

I'm trying hard to breath

I'm just surviving

So would you hold me please?

I'm trying hard to breath

Stop me from crying

When I see you walking with him

I have to cover my eyes

Every time you leave with him

Something inside of me dies

When I see you walking with him

I have to cover my eyes

Every time you leave with him

Something inside of me dies

Something inside me dies

When I see you walking with him

I have to cover my eyes

(cover my eyes, cover my eyes, cover my eyes)

Every time you leave with him

Something inside of me dies

(my eyes)

When I see you walking with him

I have to cover my eyes

(cover my eyes, cover my eyes, cover my eyes)

Every time you leave with him

Something inside of me dies

(my eyes)

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(='.'=) (='.'=) (='.'=)

(")-(")o (")-(") o(")-(")

I sat there quietly at the table with Alice and the Queen in the garden, drinking my tea in silence. Every time Alice came I would hug her and try to kiss her, but not today, maybe not ever again. I really love Alice but its unrequited emotion, I realize now that all this time I had been trying desperately to cling onto mist, but you can't catch mist, and Alice can't love me.

I had moved past jealousy, now I only felt sadness like a tonne of bricks in my clock- why had I ever brought her here? To make her happy. That was the lie I had force fed both Alice and myself all this time, I know now that it was my own selfishness that sent her here.

I looked up at the foreigner only to see that she was already looking at me in a genuinely concerned fashion, so I quickly turned my eyes back to the dainty cup tea in my hands, searching the milky liquid for an answer to my misery. That was so Like Alice –to be so concerned about someone who had done her such wrong, not only had I taken her own life from under her feet and thrown her down into this so-called Wonderworld, but I'd also tried to control who she got closer to, trying to kill the March Hare and engaging in a shootout with that irksome Knight.

Speak of the devil, I could hear him approaching thanks to my accursed rabbit ears, swinging his sword and whistling a merry tune as he strolled along the garden path, behind tall hedges that made up the maze where this garden was situated in the centre.

"Peter are you alright? You're not acting like yourself at all, its worrying." asked Alice as she softly placed her hand over my own in a comforting way. I parted my lips to tell yet another lie but no words would leave my mouth, so I closed it again. I felt it was as if I were a mute, inside I was dying, crying, screaming at the top of my lungs for her to hear me, acknowledge me. But only silence can be heard, it resonates around me and echoes so loudly –it was like that metaphor I'd heard once before, "The silence had never been so loud".

"White, We demand you tell us the issue immediately." Spoke the queen in a strong tone, setting down her cup and saucer. My, my…it seems even the Queen is concerned now –in her own way.

Still I stayed silent, unmoving –as if I were made of stone.

"Hey Alice! Just the girl I was looking for, in fact it's a miracle that I actually found you. Oh! Hi your Majesty! Didn't see you there! But anyway Alice we have to go, and what's up with Mister Peter?"

And there is Ace, come to take away Alice again, this always happens, He shows up and she goes with him willingly –is she… Is Ace…Are they…Together? I gulped at the last thought.

"Oh? Ok, please look after Peter for me Vivaldi and tell me when he gets better? I've got to go with Ace now." The young girl asked the Queen.

"Of course We'll make sure White is seen to, it would be troublesome for us if Our Prime Minister were unable to do his work." The Dark haired woman reassured Alice, as Alice rose from her seat to leave.

I watched her retreating figure as she took the arm the Knight offered, the tears that were gathering at the corners of my eyes leaked onto my lashes and fell silently onto my cheeks, leaving two trails of salt water down my face.

I saw a tear leek into my tea, and put down the cup, know that if I drank out of it I really would be drowning in my own tears –like Alice when she first came to this world when she was still an infant. I know that she can't remember that, and that if she could she would remember exactly who she followed and what happened. But if Alice remembered she would die, her mind would burn up.

Life is so cruel.

I knew we could be happy, we used to be. We were playmates and best friends, sometimes we'd invite the Cheshire Cat but most of the time he was off doing his own thing so he didn't even remember those times.

Then we met Nightmare, The sickly incubus who we played with out of pity, but then we grew to enjoy his company and he became our true friend.

Then Alice went home without telling us, she just disappeared. Or so I thought, I found out the true story many years later at the age of twelve.

Normally we had Nightmare would join our dreams so we could all play together still, but that night he hadn't, it was just Alice and him, and she had cried her heart out to him. Alice told the dream demon that she was so homesick but that she couldn't go home because she wouldn't be able to ever see us again. And Nightmare held her in his small arms and told her not to worry, she could go if she wished it, and we would wait for her because one day she would return –even if she wouldn't remember us or Wonderworld.

I still remember how it felt to knock on the door of the Clock Tower for her to come out to play, only to have Julius' father, the previous Clockmaker, to answer and say that she had left a note stating she had gone home and that she'd come back one day, but the parchment had no indication of when she would return.

Julius loved her too, even then, I saw his face through the door then, his eyes were red from crying and he shot me a jealous glance. He had shut his heart ever since then…Just like me.

If she would just give us a chance, I know we would work. If only Alice would forsake the other Role holders and love me. But she wouldn't, the apple of my eye would never hold me like I dreamed so, or kiss me like I wished she would.

I would be watching her with all the others for the rest of my life, or if she left I'd never see her again.

This new realisation was the final blow, I could breathe or think, and I collapsed onto the hard brick patio. Before I lost consciousness, the last thing I saw I was a ruby red rose, the symbol of undying love, wilting at the edges –dying.

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(='.'=) (='.'=) (='.'=)

(")-(")o (")-(") o(")-(")

Woah, that was dark. I know I'm a bad person for putting up a new one-shot when I have stories I should update, but I had a muse and I acted on it. I'll update the others soon ok?r you like i
Please write a review? I don't care whether it's long or short, nice or brutally honest.

Sayōnara for now!

The-Cheshire-Neko.