Summary: It's a blessing that when you want to isolate yourself from the world, somebody totally unexpected comes and picks you back up again. But then again, it's also a tragedy when they ebb away from you and you're left in the darkness once more. Light, implied NicEd if you squint.
A/N: Word of warning before you read! It will contain a TON of spoilers for Double-Cross, so be careful! ;)
If you'd like, I'll just come out and say it.
In fact, even if you don't like, I'm going to say it anyway.
I love her so, so much.
But I don't think she likes me anymore.
It's frustrating. I can't even describe how I'm feeling right now, just a huge wave of emotions.
Ketty, Ketty, Ketty. My girlfriend.
Or used to be, anyway.
I'm not even sure now, just that Cal likes Ketty, but doesn't like me, Ketty's falling fast for him, and she doesn't seem to like being around me anymore.
Oh, did I mention that he's my brother?
Yeah. Things are waaay complicated.
Too complicated for their own good, in my eyes.
O Wonderful Ketty, Whom I Love Deeply,
WHAT DO YOU SEE IN THAT GUY?
Can't you see that I'm right in front of you? That I care for you even when you like him and hate me?
Or is it that I'm really not good enough to be with you?
I know that she has every right to hate me. I haven't always been there when I should've been, I've lost my temper quite a bit, and I'm not too understanding. Not to mention that I'm vain, and don't always take her feelings into consideration.
Plus I can't help getting jealous. Especially now.
But deep down, I always thought that Ketty liked me despite this. I thought she loved me even though there was so much of me that was screwed up.
But apparently not.
Apparently, when Cal is in her life, nothing else seems to matter concerning me. Just so long as she can be with Mr Fly Guy.
Literally. He can fly.
So, he's my brother. According to Avery and Fergus, anyway. To be honest, Avery doesn't feel like my dad. He's nothing like me - perkier and friendlier, smart and into strategy… He feels more like Ed's dad then mine.
That's another thing.
We're not alone, us four. Along with Cal, Mr Fly Guy, we also now have Ed's little sister, Amy, who can shape shift. And she and Ed were IVF twins. It feels strange when I look at her. She does look strikingly like Ed, but… Not like his twin. Although, with her shapey-shifty ways, she could probably become his mirror image before you could even say "Sidewinder".
Sidewinder is Ed's Medusa name. I don't even know why I thought of it just now. Makes no frigging sense to me.
Back to Cal.
He and I are better, admittedly - I mean, now that I've learned he's my brother, I can begin to understand why he didn't like me. But that still doesn't change one thing.
How Ketty feels.
Because as far as I knew, she and I are boyfriend and girlfriend, in love, lust and all in between. I also know that, despite everything, Cal still likes Ketty. And she still seems to like him.
So where do I fit in now?
It's obvious she thinks his Medusa Gene is way cooler than mine - just from the way she looks at him, and turns away frowning whenever I make a sarky comment.
If she dumps me for Cal I don't know what I'll do.
Argh, to think that I'm related to that guy… It just gets on my last nerve! Cal, Cal, Cal, the cool one, the blonde guy Ketty just can't seem to stop going on about, is my brother. It's bad enough that she likes him at all, but the fact that we're flesh and blood, one and the same… it's like, ten times creepier.
You don't fall in love with your boyfriend's younger brother. It just doesn't work like that.
I twitched suddenly, irritated that I'd been dragged out of my thoughts.
Jeez, Ed, what is it? It's late here, you know.
Just wanted to check up on you, that's all.
I glared up at the ceiling. Ketty, Ed, Dylan and Amy had all returned to England, along with Fergus and Ed's Dad, last week (making things twice as awkward for me and Cal, thanks for asking). Therefore, they were living in a different time-zone to me and Cal.
I glanced over at the digital clock in my room. 2:30 AM. I groaned.
Well, I'm frigging fine, thanks for asking. Now, can I go back to sleep? You woke me up.
You weren't asleep, Nico. You were thinking about Ketty.
I bawled up my fists in anger. Ed thought it was okay to go snooping around in my head?
Just go away, Ed. I don't feel like talking anymore.
We're worried about you, Nico, Ed pressed on. Although she'd never say, Dylan's worried about you too. And Amy feels guilty, too… she says it's her fault.
I gritted my teeth. It was. If Amy had told me she wasn't Ketty the second her gag came off, I wouldn't have told her I loved her, and I wouldn't have kissed her… and Ketty wouldn't have seen us.
I bet that's another reason why she doesn't love me anymore.
…So that's what happened.
Jesus. I'd forgotten that Ed was there.
Ed! Don't just go reading my thoughts like that! Why didn't you know, anyway? Surely you could've just asked Amy, or something!
She was keeping that part of her brain really guarded. I couldn't press any further about it. His voice held a disapproving frown. So you kissed Amy?
It's your dumb sister's fault. You think I wanted to kiss her? I thought she was Ketty!
Hey, don't call my sister dumb. And, well, I can't really speak for Amy, but I'm sure she didn't want things to turn out the way they did.
Not that it matters now. I felt mortified as my eyes glazed over with tears that I reeeeally didn't want to shed any time soon. I mean, Ketty has Cal, right? I could tell she liked him, and he wasn't shy about how he felt about her either.
Nico! Ed sounded annoyed. Don't let her get away just because of something like that!
It was then that I realised that I'd done the same to Ed as Cal was doing to me. I'd taken Ketty away. True enough, I'd liked her first, but they were perfectly happy… and then I came along.
It must've been awful for Ed. I felt a surge of sympathy sweep through me.
Nico, it wasn't the same. He must've been watching my thoughts at that moment, and he sounded slightly sad, but firm. I didn't have anything with Ketty. I liked her, but even when we were going out I knew she didn't like me the way she liked you. This is different. You've always been the one she liked. Who's to say you two can't just work it out?
I shook my head, then realised Ed wouldn't be able to see and felt dumb.
Ketty doesn't want somebody like me right now. I was awful then - I was constantly jealous of Cal, suspicious of Avery and I was horrible to her the entire time. Man, I've lost her for sure.
No. Ed sounded angry now. No way are you giving up now! I had to be okay with Ketty breaking up with me because she wanted you! Even though it hurt a lot and I cried afterwards, I had to put on a brave face and pretend that I was all right with the fact that you'd replaced me! So, if not for your own sake but for mine, don't ever give up on Ketty. She deserves better than me. And that all leads back to you.
Ed… I clenched my fists. I… I'm sorry I took Ketty from you! I know that you were really happy in love with her, and I completely ruined it all. But I'm sorry. I know it doesn't really count much, but I really hope you forgive me.
For heaven's sake, Nico, pull it together! This isn't like you. Get things sorted out with Ketty, okay? ASAP!
And then, I was alone. Once again.
It's a blessing that when you want to isolate yourself from the world, somebody totally unexpected comes and picks you back up again.
But then again… it's also a tragedy when they ebb away from you and you're left in the darkness once more.
I hugged my knees.
…I wish I was back home.
A/N: Hah! There's a lil' NicEd for you! (A yaoi couple name my sister came up with. Don't even ask why.)
Ever had that feeling when you love somebody so much it hurts? This same feeling is what urged me to write. There we go. There's my little oneshot dealing with Nico. Is this parallel to Phone-Home? I don't know! Do you want it to be? It can be if you want! I'm not fussed!
Review, please~ Review cause I actually contributed something to the archive for the first time in months~