Author's Note: Author's Note: I couldn't let Valentine's Day go without a little Dramione one-shot. This idea came to be about a month ago and bounced around my brain, badgering me non-stop until I decided to write it down. Like all my one-shots, it's very silly but I hope you enjoy it.
This has now been betaed by mccargi from Hawthorn & Vine, so many thanks to her. I'm reposting the clean version up for this Valentine's Day.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I just like to play around with the characters for my own amusement which is nearly always nefarious.
Marietta Edgecombe's Valentine Revenge
An angry buzzing noise greeted Draco Malfoy as soon as he opened his office door. If he didn't work for the Ministry, based underground, then he would have assumed that a swarm of bees had managed to get into his office and were building a hive. He looked around before noticing the jumping package on his desk.
It was a spherical shape wrapped in gaudy Valentine's Day paper and he was suspicious about how it landed on his desk. He wouldn't put it past one of his many enemies, who thought he'd got off too lightly after the fall of Voldemort, to send him a parcel designed to cause maximum pain. Only the realisation that the Ministry rigorously checked all incoming post made him approach his desk. Still, he didn't take any chances. He may well have an enemy in the post room. He cast a couple of diagnostic spells on the present but nothing malicious showed up. So he sat down and observed the bouncing ball for a bit longer. The buzzing wasn't letting up.
He tore the wrapping paper off and stared in shock at the see-through plastic ball. Inside was a tiny fairy flittering around with such energy she was causing the ball to shake violently. The buzzing noise itself appeared to be a constant stream of curses that she was directing toward her prison. He picked the ball up and peered in. The fairy turned around to confront him and the buzzing got louder.
He rubbed his eyes to make sure what he was seeing was real.
"Granger?" he asked.
"Get me out of here now!" came the screeched response.
It's definitely Granger, Draco thought. Only one person could order you about while five centimetres tall. He looked at the plastic ball and saw the crack running around the centre. He didn't bother giving the fairy any warning before he twisted the two halves pulling them apart. She fell flat on her back in one half of the ball and glared up at him. It would have been scary if he couldn't just squish her with his thumb. She stood up, pulled her dress demurely back down and fluttered out of the ball.
"Well, Granger, I didn't realise you had such money problems that you needed a second job," he smirked at her.
Granger stomped her away across his notepad. "Screw you, Malfoy!" she snapped ineloquently.
"What are you doing as a fairy?" he asked.
Hermione sighed and rolled her shoulders, trying to smooth the tense muscles. Who would have thought that having wings put such a strain on your upper back and shoulders? She was aching from the sheer effort of flying around that bloody ball. She flapped her wings once more, flew up onto Malfoy's inkpot, and settled herself elegantly onto the lid, crossing her ankles. She hated flying and she hated being a fairy.
"I'm a love fairy. I've been gifted to you to help you rediscover the joy of romance this Valentine's Day," she said with a roll of her eyes, showing what she thought of such an idea.
Malfoy burst out laughing, obviously finding this whole situation far too entertaining for her liking. "I'm sorry," he gasped. "But that's got to be one of the funniest things ever."
"Yes, I know. The thought of you even having a heart to fall in love with is simply ridiculous," Hermione sniped.
That shut him up pretty quickly. He scowled at her. "I have a heart. It's you women who are the problem."
"Of course it is, Malfoy. It's nothing at all to do with your arrogance, spitefulness, and distasteful personality."
He flicked her off his inkpot in revenge, sending her tumbling back onto the desk. She jumped up and put her hands on her hips. "You're going to need my help in order to be rid of me, so I'd start treating me with some respect, if I were you."
"I don't need you to do anything, Granger," he said before picking her up by the collar of her dress and depositing her outside his office door. "Now run along and find the other fairies to play with."
Malfoy turned around and Hermione clicked her fingers. She was back on top of his inkpot before he'd even taken a step back to his desk. He frowned as he saw her. "What are you doing back here?"
"I told you you're going to need my help in order to be rid of me. I'm your personal love fairy. I'm stuck as a fairy until I get you sorted in the love stakes. So, it'll be beneficial to us both if we get this over and done with quickly," she informed him.
"What do you mean 'get me sorted in the love stakes'?"
"Exactly that. I need you to fall in love with someone before the stupid spell wears off and I can go back to being normal sized."
"Why are you a love fairy?" he asked.
Hermione scowled. "That nasty cow Marietta Edgecombe finally got her revenge on me for the spots I gave her during our fifth year."
"You mean the Ravenclaw with the severe acne that spelt out 'sneak'?"
She snorted in amusement. "Yep."
"I don't blame her for seeking revenge. It was a pretty brutal punishment you gave her for selling your little army out to Umbridge," he said.
She glared at the former Slytherin. "No it wasn't. I hate traitors and she could have seriously harmed Harry's chances of beating Voldemort if she hadn't been dealt with."
"Not likely. He is the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Annoy-Me-To-Death. He stays alive just to taunt me with his presence," he grumbled.
"Yes, of course, Malfoy because everything is always about you," she drawled sarcastically.
"Anyway, how did she you trap you as a fairy?" Malfoy asked.
She hung her head slightly in shame. This part of the story did her no favours whatsoever. "She masqueraded as a tea-seller and was offering free samples of tea outside a shop. It was early in the morning and I was the only one around and, of course, it wasn't tea but a potion that turned me into this. She then trapped me in that ball."
Malfoy quirked his eyebrow. "Is your name Granger or Goyle? Taking free things in the wizarding world is never advised."
Hermione just glared at him. She knew that! She'd been the one to use that trick back in her second year at Hogwarts to get Goyle and Crabbe to ingest a sleeping potion. She felt foolish enough about falling for something so basic without Malfoy rubbing in it.
"So who would've gotten you a love fairy?" she asked, keen to change the subject.
The blond scowled. "I know exactly who is deluded enough to do this and I'll be confronting her after work."
Hermione couldn't get him drawn on the subject anymore. He ignored her and started his work. She put up with this for around an hour, as she finished exploring Malfoy's desk, which to be honest wasn't the most exciting place. She did however have fun defacing his Slytherin blotter. The snake now sported a moustache and was striped red and gold and kept hissing, "Go, go Gryffindor."
However, now she was bored and she didn't like this. It didn't help that she hated being ignored and Malfoy was finding it all too easy to do so. Being five centimetres tall was no fun at all.
But then she remembered that she had wings and nothing was more bothersome that something flapping in your face. She flew up to Malfoy's face and started flittering around his eye-line. He tried swatting her away for a while but ended up throwing his quill down in annoyance.
"What do you want, Granger?" he asked.
"I'm bored. I think I need to get started on a list of women who may be stupid enough to date you. What type of girl are you attracted to?" she asked.
Malfoy growled at her. "I don't have time for this. The deadline for completing this report is today."
"Getting me back to normal and far away from you is more important than a deadline," she argued.
"I thought you were meant to be about the greater good not self-interest."
Tired of flying, she looked around for a decent landing spot before deciding on his shoulder. She settled down.
"What are you doing, Granger?" Malfoy asked, surprised.
"I'm tired. Flying takes a lot out of you and if I go back to your desk you'll just ignore me," she answered.
"Well you can't just strut along my shoulder. I don't want Gryffindors touching me."
Hermione stomped her foot, aiming for maximum damage. Sadly being so small, she didn't even make Malfoy wince. She wasn't sure he'd even noticed until he picked her up once again by the back of her dress. He deposited her back into the plastic ball and closed it up. Hermione banged on the sides, irritated to find herself in her prison once more. It was immune to fairy magic so she couldn't just click her fingers and be where she wanted – well, as long as it was near or connected to Malfoy. Stupid bloody love fairy curse.
Malfoy put her down on the furthest side of his desk and picked his quill up once more. Hermione banged her fists on the side for another ten minutes but realised that Malfoy wasn't going to pay her any attention. She sat down in the centre of the ball, folded her arms, and proceeded to sulk.
Hermione woke up in the dark. She was bouncing around uncomfortably and something loud and metallic kept hitting the sides of the ball. She was feeling as miserable as one witch could get. Her day was going from bad to worse.
She hadn't gotten anywhere with the list of girls to date Malfoy because she didn't know enough about him. So far, her criteria consisted of female who were pure-blood and ex-Slytherins. She'd put the usual suspects on her list Pansy Parkinson, the Greengrass sisters, Millicent Bulstrode, Tracey Davis but had then drawn a blank. Malfoy had known these girls for years and if he'd wanted to date them she was sure he would've by now.
It was at this point that she had given up, tired from all her exertion flying around, and fallen asleep. It seemed Malfoy had used this opportunity to spirit her away somewhere. She was not enjoying herself at all.
There was a whooshing sound and then Hermione felt as if everything was spinning whilst the roaring sound got louder. She recognised the signs of travelling via the Floo Network. This meant that she was somewhere on Malfoy's person, most likely his cloak pocket judging by the metallic sounds, which must be money. The roaring noise stopped and the silence was blissful.
"Would Master like Mimi to take his cloak?" a squeaky voice asked.
"Yes please, Mimi. Oh hang on, I've just got to get something out of the pocket," Malfoy replied.
Hermione was suddenly blinking in the harsh light. She looked down into the big eyes of a house-elf, who was staring up at her in awe.
"Ooh Master has a love fairy," Mimi squealed, clapping her hands and jumping up and down. "Ooh Mimi is going to have a new Mistress."
"There will be no new mistress, Mimi. I'm here to sort this whole mess out," Malfoy's voice rumbled from far above her.
"Draco darling, I thought I heard your voice," came a cultured voice from the door.
Hermione spun around to see Narcissa Malfoy serenely walking into the room. She was as beautiful as ever. It didn't seem fair that some people had all the looks and the money as well. Narcissa could at least have had unmanageable hair like Hermione had to contend with. But no, her shining locks were coiffured as usual.
"Did you have anything to do with this, Mother?" Malfoy asked, waving the ball around.
Hermione tried bracing her legs but the action was too vigorous and she tumbled over into a heap.
"Is that a poor fairy you have in there, Draco? Do stop shaking her about," Narcissa said calmly.
"You didn't answer my question," he moaned, but he thankfully stopped moving the ball about.
Hermione regained her footing and pushed her hair out of her eyes. It was even wilder than usual thanks to the back breeze caused by the beating of her wings. That, and all Malfoy's wild shaking.
"Yes, Draco, I ordered the love fairy for you. Now hand her over before you actually kill her by accident."
"Why would you do that?" he asked, but he did hand Hermione over to the much more serene Narcissa, which made her breathe a sigh of relief.
"Because I'm not getting any younger, Draco and I want a grandchild. You haven't dated anyone seriously since Astoria a couple of years ago."
Damn, that put both Greengrass sisters off her list. She didn't think Daphne would want to date her sister's ex-boyfriend. That would just be weird. She was now left with just three people - one of whom he dated at school and one was Millicent Bulstrode. She was definitely going to need his help.
Hermione felt the ball being twisted apart and she sat down to save herself from tumbling over once more. Once the plastic sphere was open, she tumbled into Narcissa's hand, who proceeded to stare at her for a moment. "Hello, you look rather familiar."
She stood up, straightening her shoulders. "I'm Hermione Granger," she said.
The older witch looked confused at that. "But I ordered a love fairy."
"Yes, well you ordered one from a woman who wants revenge on Granger. I guess Edgecombe thought making her my personal love fairy would be the worst punishment ever," Malfoy drawled.
Hermione flew off Narcissa's palm and landed on a convenient plant stand. "She'd be right. You are annoying, rude, probably impossible to love, and you've jostled me about horrendously in your pocket."
"Why you thought this would be a good idea, I don't know, Mother," he said, ignoring her rant.
"I wasn't expecting your fairy to be a school nemesis, sweetheart," Narcissa protested.
Lucius Malfoy chose this moment to wander in. "That's where you got to, Cissa," he said before noticing Draco. "Draco? What are you doing here?"
Hermione sidled behind a leaf, looking to conceal herself. She couldn't help but feel a little creeped out by the presence of Lucius. He'd spent enough years trying to kill either her or her friends, after all.
"Trying to control Mother," Malfoy replied. "She's only gone and ordered me a love fairy for Valentine's Day."
Lucius chuckled at that. "Cissa, I told you that would be a bad idea. Draco will settle down when he's good and ready."
"Well, he's taking his sweet time. He's twenty-seven, its high time he got serious about a girl."
"Just because we got married young, doesn't mean everyone else is the same," Lucius reasoned.
"I saw that Potter boy the other day, did you know he has three children? Three!" Narcissa exclaimed. "I just want one measly grandchild."
Malfoy groaned and ran his hands through his hair. "Can you stop comparing me to that infernal pain in the arse? He could have fifteen kids by now and it wouldn't make me want to have any."
Hermione peered through the houseplant where she was hiding. This was a fascinating insight into the Malfoy family and it appeared they were still obsessed with what Harry was doing.
"Where is this fairy then?" Lucius asked, looking to get the topic off grandchildren. His wife had been rather tiresome about this whole subject recently.
"Granger," Malfoy bellowed. "Get out from wherever you are snooping about."
"Granger?" Lucius asked, confused. "As in Hermione Granger?"
"Yes, Mother, in her wisdom, ordered me a love fairy from Granger's biggest enemy. And Marietta Edgecombe used the opportunity to punish both of us and turned Granger into a love fairy - my love fairy," Malfoy explained.
"Is that the girl with the unfortunate acne scars that spell out 'sneak'?"
"Yes, that'll be the one and that would also be Granger's handiwork."
Lucius looked thoughtful at that, but, before Hermione could even attempt to decipher his look, Malfoy dragged her unceremoniously from her hiding place in the plant. However, she was worried to see that the older wizard looked almost approvingly at her after hearing about her revenge on Edgecombe.
"Here she is," Malfoy said, waving her around.
"Stop shaking her about, Draco. We'll have a massive scandal on our hands if you accidentally kill her," Narcissa said.
Great, Hermione thought. It was nice to know that they only wanted her alive to avert a scandal. Malfoy let go of her and she fell into Narcissa's open hands once more.
"I'm terribly sorry about my son, Ms. Granger," Narcissa apologised. "Now what do you need in order to get to work?"
"I need Malfoy to tell me his preferences in a female - or male, if he prefers men," she replied maliciously, noting the fury that flashed across Malfoy's face.
"I am not gay," he spat out.
"There's nothing wrong with being gay, Malfoy. It would also explain your obsession with Harry," she said mischievously.
He growled whilst Narcissa bit back a laugh. "Oh dear, I can see that this will be difficult," she commented.
"Send her back," Malfoy demanded.
"I can't do that. She's non-refundable," Narcissa said.
"How long am I stuck with her for?" he asked petulantly.
"I told you this already, Malfoy. I'm tied to you until you find love," Hermione said patiently, as if speaking to a child.
"Great," Malfoy moaned. "I'm going to be stuck with her forever."
"Stop being melodramatic, Draco," Lucius said. "Just because you haven't met a girl who you could love doesn't mean she isn't out there."
"Maybe she's a Muggle," Hermione added spitefully.
The two Malfoy males winced.
"I should sign you up for speed dating in the Muggle world or something," she mused, loving the reaction she was getting from the two pure-blooded men.
"Lets not be too hasty, Ms. Granger," Lucius said. "Draco has always remained rather blinkered when it comes to dating witches, preferring to go for ex-Slytherins."
"That does open the field up," Hermione said. "She could be a Hufflepuff. It would make sense; you'd have to be extremely patient, loyal, and tolerant to deal with Malfoy."
Again, both Malfoy males winced at this.
"Can I feed her to your kneazle, Mother?" Malfoy asked.
Hermione giggled and was joined by Narcissa. "You really are too sensitive, Draco. Ms. Granger was just teasing you. Now I think I'll take her away to give her some idea of where she should start with you."
"Malfoy, you are being ridiculous," Hermione whispered.
She was running out of patience with the snarky blond. She'd set up six dates for him already and none of them had gone well. This was his seventh and Hermione was hiding around the back of his neck. He'd refused to take her along to his first couple of dates but had been so negative about them that she'd insisted in coming to all of his other ones.
She'd tried a variety of hiding places but his neck and shoulder were the only places were she could get a good idea of what was going so wrong with her choices. She hid in his hair and hoped that she didn't move around enough to make it look as if he had a large insect living on his head. So far, not one of his dates had noticed her.
"She's boring, Granger," he replied.
"She's just a little shy. You said you wanted someone more subdued after your last date."
"That's because you set me up with Morag MacDougall. How she ever became a Ravenclaw I don't know. She has an empty head and gossips as if the world depends on it to keep spinning," he whined.
"So she wasn't the greatest choice but I'm running out of witches here."
"And you thought Susan Bones was a good choice?"
"You said half-blood witches would be okay and she's a nice girl," she defended.
"She's as dull as ditchwater. No wonder I don't even remember her from Hogwarts, she can barely open her mouth."
"That's because every time she does, you say something cutting to her."
"If she'd show a bit of spirit, I could respect her a little more. But this is the third time she's run off to the bathroom in tears. She makes Moaning Myrtle look cheerful."
"You're impossible!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air.
"I'm going home. I refuse to waste anymore of my time on this awful date. You're a terrible love fairy, Granger. You can't even match-make when your real life depends on it," he said, throwing some money on the table and getting up.
Hermione hung onto a strand of his hair for balance. "Aren't you even going to wait for her to return from the bathroom?" she asked, scandalised.
"Nope," he said, strolling from the restaurant.
"You can't do that, Malfoy. She's going to be wondering where you are."
"I don't care. I refuse to spend any more time watching her start to cry. The amusement's gone out of the game."
"You were baiting her for fun?"
"Why are you surprised? I used to do that to you all the time. At least you never cried," he muttered. "That slap was pretty feisty."
"Yes, but I thought you may have grown up," she said, ignoring his comment on her past behaviour towards him.
Malfoy didn't bother replying. Instead he Apparated them back to his flat, where he flopped on a sofa with his feet up on the coffee table. Hermione flew down from his shoulder and started pacing up and down the coffee table.
"No more Hufflepuffs," he announced. "They cry too easily."
"I don't know what to do with you. You rejected all but Tracey Davies of the Slytherins I proposed and then you had a horrible date with her. I set you up with all the eligible Ravenclaws in our age-range who aren't yet married and you hated all of them. Now you're outlawing Hufflepuffs. I'm left with either women your mum's age or Gryffindors!" Hermione exclaimed. "Well, unless we start looking in the Muggle world."
"No Muggles," he vetoed. "Too complicated."
"I'm getting officially stuck. No Hufflepuffs, Muggles or Muggle-borns leaves me with very few options. Fay Dunbar from my dorm, Demelza Robbins from the year below and Alicia Spinnet."
"I didn't rule out any Muggle-borns," he said.
She stopped pacing and looked up at him in surprise. "But surely no Muggles also means no Muggle-borns."
"No, I just don't want to have to go through the whole complicated mess of having to explain magic to someone who hasn't got a clue and then hope she keeps her mouth shut if we break up. And you'd seriously let me loose to date a Muggle? I wouldn't have a clue about most of what she spoke about."
"Oh!" she said, thinking that made sense. "Well that adds the grand total of one other person to my list, if I'm not allowed to count Hufflepuffs."
"Who's that?" Malfoy asked.
"Marta Robinson, Ravenclaw. She was in the year below us."
"Aren't you forgetting someone else, Granger?"
"Who?" she asked, non-plussed.
"You," he replied with a smirk.
She rolled her eyes. "You're not funny, Malfoy. Right, now Gryffindors are on the menu, I'll find out their schedules and we can arrange to bump into them at strategic points and you can ask them out."
Hermione missed the annoyed look Malfoy gave her as she started to think out her plans. She was desperate to get back to her life and ditch these fairy wings for good.
"I don't know what to do. She pretty much laughed in my face when I said that she'd left herself off the list," Draco complained to his mother.
"Draco, you haven't exactly been very nice. You've mocked and destroyed all her efforts to set you up," Narcissa replied.
"Okay, at first it was because it was amusing to see her get all angry with me. But the more girls I saw, the more I enjoyed talking to her. She's funny and smart and she doesn't get all upset and start crying when I'm mean."
"Who are we talking about?" Lucius asked, strolling into the room and entering the conversation.
"Hermione Granger. Draco thinks he's fallen in love with her," Narcissa explained.
Lucius looked at his son. "You couldn't have chosen a pure-blood?"
"They're all boring or I've known them since birth. Besides, they're always too in awe of the Malfoy name, especially the Slytherin ones," he responded.
"But Granger? Why her?" Lucius persisted.
"Why not? She's a brilliant witch," he said, firing up in her defence.
Lucius held his hands up in mock surrender. "Okay, no need to kill me. Besides, she's never going to like you back. You've been too horrible to her and then there's the fact that I tried to kill her in the Department of Mysteries."
"Thanks, Father. You really know how to scupper a man's chances. If worse comes to the worst, she stays a fairy forever and I get to keep her with me."
"Stop being morbid, Draco. What a horrid future that would be," Narcissa said repressively.
"I thought you just had to fall in love with a girl and the spell was broken," Lucius commented.
"No, he has to kiss her and she has to love him back," Narcissa informed her husband.
"This was a stupid idea of yours, Mother. You're still no closer to getting any grandchildren and look at the position you've put me in," he grumbled.
"Don't blame your mother. If you were sensible and just liked someone from our circle, none of this would have happened," Lucius scolded.
Draco paced up and down. He was anxious - he never got anxious, as he hated the feeling. Why couldn't he have fallen in love with one of the girls who were constantly falling at his feet? So what if they the majority of them just wanted his money? At least they weren't complicated, stroppy, bushy-haired brunettes with friends who'd rather kill you than look at you.
He sighed and looked at his mother helplessly.
"Don't worry, darling. We'll think of something. Just give me a few days," Narcissa said.
Hermione was a little sceptical of this whole date that Malfoy had come to her with. His mother apparently had remembered a nice girl from Beauxbatons. The daughter of an old friend she'd recently bumped into on a visit to Paris and Narcissa had invited them to dinner at the Manor and had told Draco to attend.
Now, they were all sitting here awkwardly waiting for the mother and daughter duo to turn up. Hermione was hidden as usual under Malfoy's hair at the back of his neck. The whoosh of the Floo Network went and Hermione could hear Mimi the house elf greeting the guests.
"Now, Malfoy, try and give it a shot this time. The only person left after this is Demelza Robbins. Unless you want me to set up a date with Umbridge," she hissed in his ear before darting out of sight.
Hermione grimaced. She could hear all the greetings going on but couldn't understand a much because there was a lot of talking in French and she'd let her French language skills lapse when she decided to concentrate on Ancient Runes, which had been more useful in the war but weren't giving her much help now. All she could do was hang on to her usual strand of hair as Malfoy sat back down. She could feel the rumble of his voice through her feet and hear the answering tinkling laugh of the French girl.
By the time dessert rolled around, Hermione knew she did not like this Beauxbatons girl. She'd snuck some peaks around Malfoy's neck and it was as she thought. The girl was tall, slender, and blonde. It brought her fourth year screaming back, when the arrival of the Beauxbatons girls had made every Hogwarts girl take a hit to their self-esteem. They were that gorgeous and confident. The same couldn't have been said for the Beauxbatons boys, who'd seemed overly sensitive to a girl used to Ron Weasley. Malfoy, however, seemed charmed. He flirted throughout the meal and she really couldn't fault his effort but it stung, which disturbed her even more.
At some point during the long meal, she'd come to terms with the fact that she had developed a crush on Malfoy during her time as his love fairy. He'd started off abrasive and rude towards her but they'd soon realised that they shared the same dry wit. She also appreciated his intellect. He could keep up with Hermione when she discussed something intellectual and that was a massive turn-on. The rapport between the pair had become teasing and more than a little intimate, probably due to the time she spent riding around on his shoulder. She hadn't gotten used to the wings and, to be honest, she had to flit them a ridiculous amount to keep up with Malfoy, anyway. They were tiny in comparison to his legs.
She concluded that she'd become used to being the one who Malfoy complained to and joked with. His other dates had all been treated with contempt, but not Coralie. She was on the receiving end of the Malfoy charm in full force and the former Beauxbatons girl loved every minute of it. It was all Hermione could do not stomp out of her hiding place and fly into the giggling girl's eye.
And she thought she'd vomit down the back of Malfoy's neck if she heard "Oh Draco, you are so funny," coming from that vacuous ninny once more.
Now, she was leaning against Malfoy's neck, sulking and suffering through the goodbyes and Malfoy's promises to owl Coralie. To make matters worse, she'd almost fallen off his neck when he'd bent over the French girl's hand and kissed it. It had been tempting to exact some kind of tiny, fairy revenge that would incapacitate the girl for good. If she had hit on something then no doubt she would have been petty enough to do it.
Instead, she'd settled on glaring at Malfoy's hair and swearing that she'd boycott France from now on. No more eating croissants or buying French perfume. She and France were officially breaking up.
Hermione sighed, as she endured more gushing about Coralie between Narcissa, who seemed excited by the prospect of tall, blond grandchildren, and Malfoy. Hermione couldn't imagine her getting as excited about ones who could turn out short with curly brown hair. Oh, and be tainted half-bloods. She was thoroughly fed up and thinking longingly of her flat, her comfortable bed and the pile of books sitting on her bedside table. She could avoid Malfoy and his Coralie by hiding in her flat. Crookshanks was a clever cat. She could probably train him to go the supermarket for her.
She was pulled from her morose thoughts by Malfoy's hand searching around the back of his neck for her. Rather than suffer touching hands that'd been groping the unmentionable Beauxbatons girl, she fluttered down onto his coffee table. Wow, she'd been so caught up in her self-pitying attitude that she hadn't even realised they'd returned to his flat.
"So what did you think?" he asked.
Hermione tried for a fake smile. The only thing that could make this night anymore miserable would be for her jealous feelings to be revealed. She really wouldn't be able to cope with his laughter. "Oh, she was very nice. You guys really seemed to hit it off, too. Not long now until I'll get rid of these wings and be back to my real life."
Draco thought for a brief moment of squishing the irritating brunette flat there and then. She was infuriating and, for all her intelligence, seemingly as blind as bat when it came to love. Some love fairy she made. It seemed his mother's plan to make the stubborn witch jealous hadn't worked. But in order to be jealous then she'd actually have to have feelings for him in the first place. They may have been getting on better recently but for her that may have been just circumstances rather than any tender emotions. Now he was seriously tempted to date Coralie just to show Granger that he didn't need her.
He soon decided against that. It wouldn't be nice to lead the innocent French girl on and she seemed like a decent girl.
Instead, he decided to do the bravest thing he'd ever done and just confront her about his feelings. "You're impossible, do you know that? You drive me crazy. Could you be any more oblivious? Is it not clicking with you as to why so many of the last dates haven't worked?" he ranted at her.
She looked up at him, blinking rapidly. Where was this coming from? Surely, he should be ecstatic that he'd potentially met the woman of his dreams tonight. "Huh?" she said eloquently.
"My preferences have been pretty much screaming at you. I don't want someone vacuous who can only gossip. I don't want some shrinking violet who is too afraid to stand up to me and put me in my place. I want someone who can hold a conversation about shrinking potions. I want someone who has a fiery temper, can give as good as she gets, and who doesn't run off and cry when I say something nasty," he yelled at her.
She was getting more and more confused by the moment. "Coralie might be all of those things. Or are you having a go at me because I didn't find her?"
He threw his hands up in the air. "Maybe I should add mind-numbingly stupid when it comes to anything to do with love or feelings."
Hermione put her hands on her hips and glared up at him. "I don't understand where all this anger is coming from, Malfoy, but you do not have the right to rant and rave at me about cryptic things that make no sense."
Draco gave a twisted smile. Maybe actions would speak louder than words and he picked her up and gently kissed her on the lips.
It rendered her speechless. One minute he'd been going on about how great Miss Beauxbatons was, then screaming at her, and now kissing her despite her being five centimetres tall. As Hermione thought this, she could feel herself start to lengthen. Malfoy suddenly needed to snake an arm around her waist to keep her from falling and then the arm was there for purely decorative reasons and she could slide down and touch the floor. His lips followed her descent until he was kissing her properly.
Hermione disentangled herself from him. "Are you crazy?!" she exclaimed. "You could have killed me - or eaten me!"
He said nothing but just stared down at her with a smug smirk on his face.
"You can't just go around kissing fairies when you're a giant to them. I could have been suffocated between your lips," she continued. "Aren't you even going to apologise?"
Malfoy quirked an eyebrow. "Aren't you missing something?" he asked, clearly amused.
"Apart from the fact that I was nearly a midnight snack for you?"
"Granger, look around," he ordered.
Hermione did just that and then it dawned on her. "Oh! Oh!" she exclaimed. "I'm not a fairy anymore."
He clapped sarcastically. "Well done, Granger. Ten points to Gryffindor."
"Hang on, you kissed me, the spell broke. Oh! Does this mean…" she said before trailing off, a little embarrassed now.
"Does this mean you're the one? Who knows. But it does mean that I've fallen in love with you and would like to date you. And apparently you feel the same," he pointed out.
She smiled shyly up at him. "I hated Coralie," she confessed, feeling brave now he'd admitted his own feelings.
"That's what I was hoping for but then you got all Gryffindor-like and noble and I had to take drastic action and … er … nearly eat you," he mocked.
Hermione blushed. "Well, you could have killed me," she insisted.
"I was always going to have to kiss you to break the spell," he whispered before pulling her in for another kiss.
Marietta was feeling very pleased with herself. Hermione Granger had been filed as missing for a month now and her friends were scouring the earth for her.
She'd been thrilled when Narcissa Malfoy had ordered a love fairy for her son and the plan to trap Granger had gone perfectly. With any luck, the bushy-haired bitch would remain a love fairy forever. Marietta couldn't see anyone falling in love with that cold-hearted Malfoy.
She'd been amused when Granger's need to set him up had led to several of her friends going out on dates with him. They'd all returned complaining about how horrible he was and no amount of money or good looks could make up for his terrible personality. That had been the perfect news. Granger would have her work cut out for her to find anyone to fall in love with him - not even the Slytherin girls would put up with him.
A regal owl pecked on her kitchen window and she stood up, intrigued. She'd never seen this owl before. She untied the parchment from its leg and it bit her finger before swooping back out of the window. Marietta sucked her thumb, irritated at the owl's bad manners before sitting back down at the table, picking her toast back up and nibbling on it as she unfolded the parchment.
Dear Ms. Edgecombe,
I am writing to express my thanks for your love fairy service. I am a very satisfied customer now that my son is finally settled down in a loving relationship and I look forward to many grandchildren in the future.
The fairy that you sent was perfect and she's become a delight in our lives. However, I feel obliged to drop a word of warning in your ear - my soon to be daughter-in-law (I hope), has a very vengeful nature when crossed. I wouldn't feel it right not to suggest that you take precautions or at least spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder, as Hermione Granger excels in the punishments she hands out. I believe you have prior experience of her revenge.
She'll make a perfect Malfoy.
Marietta turned a nasty shade of puce as she choked on the bit of toast she'd accidentally inhaled. However, she was soon as white as her plate as the consequences of her actions hit home. In getting revenge on Hermione Granger, she was now faced with a terrible fate because, with the Malfoy money behind her, Hermione would be unstoppable in her desire to pay Marietta back.
AN: I like the thought of Marietta Edgecombe having to spend the rest of her life worrying about what Hermione will do to her. You can just imagine Hermione and Lucius plotting something truly horrible (well you can if you get past his nasty blood supremacy ideology and the fact that she'd probably hate his guts and never want to be near him). I hope this put a smile on your face.