Ladies and Gentlemen! Another classic short for the Shortman family.

Burp Contest

The children were in the living room, up to their usual bickering. So, they decided to have a little contest. Phil took a big gulp of his Yahoo and let out an audible belch. He smiled to himself, thinking she couldn't beat him.

Stella took a big gulp herself, and burped out carbon dioxide into the air. Other girls didn't usually burp like she could, but she would do anything to beat her brother. Her father had come into the room enough times to tell them to stop fighting.

Suddenly, Arnold came into the room, looking confused. "What are you kids doing now?" He asked, agitated.

"We're having a -'burp'- contest, Dad." His five-year-old son answered with a belch.

"A what?" Arnold asked again, hunching his eyebrows.

Stella giggled at how her father's face looked. "We're having a burp contest, Daddy."

"Well, knock it off. I do not allow burping in this house." He half scolded his kids. He swore, they acted more and more like their mother every day. Thank. Goodness.

If only Helga was still with them... but she left for work a few hours ago. When they were kids, their mother could burp the whole alphabet by the time they were 13 or burp for five straight minutes without saying 'excuse me' once, but that was a long time ago. He knew Helga would back him up by explaining to the kids that burping is rude and impolite. At least, he thought.

With that done, he left the room to work on some papers, leaving the children all alone again.

"Jeepers, Dad sure is fun." Phil said sarcastically to his younger sister. He couldn't understand what the harm was in just a little burping.

"But..." Stella hinted to her brother.

Phil understood what the three-year-old was saying as he slurped up some soda and belched again.

Stella did the same and let out a huge burp of equal volume.

"- the show must go on." Phillip finished her statement.

The sound of carbon dioxide leaving a human being's body was a pretty interesting thing. But sadly, only the kids thought so.

Phil took another slurp of his soda and was about to let a big one until...

"Phil!" Arnold yelled, bursting into the room.

"Mm?" Phil hummed because of the hot, weak air building up inside his mouth. He couldn't open his mouth in fear of burping in his Dad's face,

"What did I say about burping?" Arnold asked, upset.

"Mm-mm" Phil said in his I-don't-know voice.

"I said no burping." Arnold answered his own question. "And when I say no burping, what do I mean?"

"Mm-mm-mm (No burping)" Phil managed with his lips pressed together, firmly.

"That's right, no burping." It was amazing how Arnold could understand him. "I know you won't disappoint me." He nagged, leaving the room.

Unable to keep it in any longer, Phil burped a thundering belch and collapsed on the floor. Stella clapped, giving him applause.

And from there that was their father's cue to come bursting through the room and spoiling the fun. He had a vicious look on his face, ready to clobber Phillip. "BURP!" Arnold shook his head, realizing he called his son by the wrong name. "I mean, Phil! Are you burping again?" He asked, furious, knowing what the answer was going to be.

"Maybe" Phil gave a weak reply. The children looked at each other with guilty expressions.

Arnold narrowed his eyes. "What is it with this burping? Why? What's the thrill?" He questioned, raising one of his brows.

"It's fun?" Stella guessed, raising her drink in the air.

"It's crude." Arnold corrected. "It's vulgar, it's impolite... and it's nauseating." He said as he left the room with an exhausting look on his face.

"Dat's what I said, it's fun." Stella said, scratching her head in confusion.

"I'm still the burp champion of the world." Phillip bragged.

Miles let out a big burp of his own, sitting on the floor. His own brother, beat by an infant. And in front of his sister, too. How embarrassing.

"Hey, Phil, meet da new champ." Stella giggled, pointing her finger towards the baby.

Phil sunk his head in shame, scolding at his sister. All right, enough games. No more Mr. Nice Brother.

Phillip gulped the last of what was left in his soda and belched a longing burp, leaving an odor. He exhaled a sigh of relief and smiled to himself. Nothing could ruin this accomplishment. Except for...

That was the last straw. Arnold marched into the living room, staring each and one of his kids down. "How many times do I have to tell you kids?" He said in a hushed voice, clenching his teeth. "I absolutely forbid burping in this household."

With that said, Helga came in through the front door with a Yahoo soda in her hand, and saw her family in the living room. "How's it goin' everybody?" She asked with a smile forming. It fell when Helga made an awkward face. She let out a booming belch. "Oops, pardon my French." She said as she chuckled.

Phil and Stella were snickering, trying to hold back their giggling. It was official. The winner for the best burp went to Mom.

"Danks, Mommy." Stella managed, still trying to breathe.

"Good one, Mom." Phil congratulated her and gave her a thumbs up.

Helga took a grateful bow, not noticing Arnold gripping the bridge of his nose as he inaudibly groaned. How could he think that Helga would be on his side when it came to manners?

Oh, well. He had to look on the bright side. Better out than in, right?


The End (Burps)