Lydia was the last to join the phone call. "I am sick of this," she said in lieu of a greeting.
"We all are." Jackson and Allison said together.
"They have been living together for a year, a year and neither of them has cracked and just torn the others clothes off to do dark and dirty things to the other." Danny said exasperated.
"We could handcuff them together." Allison suggested.
"Sit them down and tell them that they are in love and should just get over it already." Danny put forth.
"God, I thought that whole thing with Jasmine might have prompted Derek to finally crack." Scott said.
"I think that was yet another example of how Derek could hurt Stiles; he is insanely obsessed with the idea that he is going to hurt Stiles if he lets himself get any closer." Allison said sadly.
"Is it even possible for the two of them to get any closer?" Scott asked.
"Mistletoe." Jackson suggested.
"Christmas is months away." Lydia reminded him. "And yes Scott they could be naked and wrapped around one another that would be closer."
"Ugh." Scott moaned into the phone.
Danny and Lydia laughed at him every time he got disturbed by the mental image of his best friend having sex, which was one of the reasons Lydia so enjoyed bringing it up, in occasionally graphic detail.
"Plus now Derek's decided Stiles should date, I told you about that frat party. My God they were both as bad as one another watching the other all night and the way Derek looked when Stiles even spoke to someone else, it was both heartbreaking and pathetic. How are they so fucking oblivious?"
"Years of practice?" Jackson suggested.
"I say we get them home under some pretence, lock them in the panic room, throw lots of lube and condoms in after them and just don't come back to let them out for a week." Lydia said into the phone.
"Would that work?" Allison asked. "Couldn't Derek break out?"
"Werewolf proof, built to withstand rabid alpha."
"I don't think a week is enough time. How much food does he have down there? I say we leave them until they run out of food." Danny threw in over the phone.
"I don't want to think about Stiles having sex." Scott added.
"Yeah because mopey, horny, grumpy alpha is so much better than the image of Stiles riding his cock…actually it totally is. I need to wash my brain out with something." Jackson said muttering at the end.
"Three months." Scott said. "If they haven't sorted themselves out by the end of July, we lock them down there for August, they will still be able to go to school for the start of the year and hopefully have enough of it out of their system I never have to walk in on them having sex."
"That was one time." Jackson countered.
"Seven." Danny and Scott said at once.
"Seriously Jackson go to your room to have sex, and lock the door." Lydia said disgusted with her ex-boyfriend and herself for having dated him.
"End of July." Allison said to bring them back. The problem with the pack was without Stiles or Derek to keep them focussed they ended up getting side-tracked and bickering.
"Agreed." Four werewolves responded.
"Good, I am hanging up. Talk to all of you later." Allison said.
One by one they all hung up happy to finally have a plan. It had been three years since Derek and Stiles had started developing feelings for one each other and they had steadily progressed until they were both completely and utterly stupid for one another and pissing off everyone as they seemed to deliberately ignore the other's feelings. They needed to fix things for their friends, who they desperately wanted to be happy together (hopefully before someone hurt the two of them), and for their own sanity.
The End (I promise the next thing I post in this series will be them getting their freaking act together before someone kills them!)