Hi guys, it's Cloud here saying hello and introducing myself. Oh! Right, I was meant to tell you that this is the second chapter of How to be a Mary Sue. To wrap up last chapter, for those of you who skip the first few chapters before actually reading a story/only read a story with 1,000+ reviews (Which, by the way, is totally rude towards the author, it's not their fault you're not reviewing), here's what happened, in a short, easy to understand form…

Become total Mary Sue in real life

Fall through Plot Hole

Fall onto Whitebeard's ship

Meet Ace first

Then meet Teach (Optional)

Threaten to murder Teach with his breakfast (needed)

All this BEFORE Teach murders Thatch (Needed)

And that's it, basically.

But before we begin, here's a rant the author has been keeping inside for a long time…


Calming down, calming down. Ok. But seriously, people. We One Piece fans (WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A FREAKING NAME FOR FANS? Well, better than Narutard… ) must catch up! So! One Piece fanfiction marathon! Review every chapter of every story of One Piece that you find! Write One Piece from now on! Rise, my friends, RISE! We must topple the evil that is Naruto, and rule the world! Gwahaha! Sorry Naruto fans, but… It's just… Naruto is boring in shippuden, in my opinion. Plus everyone seems to be angsty, and it's very overrated. Hell, we should all take a leaf out of Japan's book and follow what they think is better. Heaven for One Piece fans- One Piece never taken in by 4Kids, but by Funi. Naruto not being shown before 8.30 (That's pretty much the only reason it's famous, then people read the manga and say, "12 YEAR OLD BOIZ BEATIN' EACH OTHER UP IS DA BAWS!" hence the FanFiction), but One Piece uncut. Aaaah… The life. But more stories= more OCs and Yaoi… but then again… more stories= more Robin x Zoro/Ace/Luffy and more Nakamaship. And more Harry Potter and One Piece crossovers, some of them that's not about Harry falling into the OP world, but the Straw Hats in Hogwarts.

Isn't that what we all really wish for?

Also, looking back on Naruto…

Sasuke is now my favourite character. Why? Ok, I admit he is a douche now, and he did have his ass moments in classic, but…

He had his family destroyed before his eyes, got mind raped, was told to avenge his family by the guy who killed them (who he had a close bond with), and spent the next years of his life alone. That's hard, man. Then, when he joined team 7, he started to open up and care about his comrades. He was still awkward, but he matured. And he wasn't annoying like someone else (Naruto). I don't like him because of his looks alone. I like him because of what I said before.

Lee comes close. Because if a spinoff is more interesting to you than the original, you must love that character.

Ah, to rant.

Holy crap we're starting! Random POV changes in this one. Because, what would a Mary Sue story be without some?

Ace stared at Cloud, a longing look in his eyes. Her beautiful eyes, holding so much pain and angst behind a curtain of pain and angst (Which, to be honest, was a crappy curtain), was fixed on the large, muscular man in front of her. "Is that… Whitebeard?" Cloud asked in an angsty voice that held so much angst inside.

Now, my friends, that is the 'Angst pain angst torture angst crying babies angst' power. This one has so much angst in her. See, it all began when her puppy was run over unicorn…

Her long, beautiful eyelashes blinked a few times before giving a small smile. "Hello, Whitebeard-kun," Cloud said. "Watashi wa Cloud desu. Surname D. Cloud. And I want to join your crew."

Whitebeard nodded. "Well, it seems like you are the most trusty worthy person I have ever met, so I guess that's ok. You're now my daughter!" He declared before gulping down some booze. "Now be gone, newbie. I'll pay you some attention when you've done something so powerful it puts Shiki the Gold Lion to shame."

Cloud gasped. "OH MAI GODZ HE'S IN DAT STRONG WORLD MOVIE ISN'T HE?" she screamed. Ace drooled a bit. She was so sexy when she screamed. "Oh…" All of Whitebeard's crew stared at her weirdly. "I'm sorry, it's just so much angst, pain and sexual harassment in my life, that… that…" Cloud broke down and started crying. "And not to mention that the Demon Lord Ghirahim resides in my mind, and only I can awaken him!"

Now, two lessons here. Lesson # 1: Reference to HAWT character in other fandom. I chose Ghirahim, because he's super sexy, evil, awesome, sexy, fabulous and did I mention the sexy part? Also he's the only person I can go super fan girl on. Apart from Pandaman. Lesson # 2: Demon lives inside the Sue. How original. Although, I wouldn't mind having Ghirahim inside me (that's what she said!).

Ghirahim is hot. Nothing you say will change my mind. He is hotter than Zoro, Ace and Sanji combined. Look him up in Google images now.

I mean it.

Oh crap I've become a fan girl. Oh well, as long as I don't go into one of THOSE fan girls it'll be alri- HOLY CRAP IT'S GHIRAHIM! I SHALL GLOMP HIM!

Ghirahim: What the…? Oh, it's you again. You know, the fact that you're glomping makes me feel…

Me: Here it comes…



Whitebeard's eyes widen in shock. "Demon Lord Ghirahim? What does she mean by that?" Ace looked to his pops for answers. Whitebeard sweated a little, a rare sight even by Ace's standards. He was shaking, too. That was a first.

"I will have to tell you the entire story," Whitebeard began. "It all starts millions of years ago…"

One day, an incredibly sexy guy went on a very awesome quest to save his friend. This amazingly sexy guy used his awesome ninja skillz (and some sword) to defeat ugly villains (Apart from the SEXAH Ghirahim) and rescue his friend. Then, the Demon Lord Ghirahim tried to stop him. He won. 3 times. Last time, not so lucky. The hero then sealed Ghirahim into a young girl, and the descendants of that girl all have the ancient Ghirahim inside of them.

That or you could just look up/play Skyward Sword. I don't care.

Wait, how does that work? I thought this author was self-insert?

It's a Mary Sue story, nothing makes sense.

Whitebeard finished explaining about Cloud's tragic past. "I'm sorry," Cloud said, all angsty-like and what-not. "I'm putting you in danger just by being alive…"

Nico Robin, anyone?

Ace held Cloud by her shoulders and shook her lightly. "No, you're not!" he declared. "Cloud, you're perfect. You can be alive. No one can tell you that you can't!"

Cloud cast her eyes down. Ace was so handsome, but… I was a demon. An incredibly sexy demon, at that. "Ace…" I started, looking up to stare into Ace's eyes. "I…"

"I love you!" Ace leant down and kissed me on the lips.

And then I declared him a rapist before running towards Whitebeard and making him my daddy. :3. And random P.O.V change. Ha!

The kiss was so tender and amazing. Ace's lips taste sweet and yummy. Ace ran his fingers through my hair. I could hear the other nakama wolf-whistling, and some of the girls dying a little inside.

{Insert 5 more paragraphs of explaining a single kiss}

It took a few seconds to kiss, but to us it felt like hours. We finally separated.

Cloud smiled as she gazed into her lover's eyes that she just met recently. Like, just now. Ugh. What a loser- I mean, what an amazing girl.

Then other random crap happened…

Cloud quickly became a powerful fighter and got a bounty of 140 million beri. Then Thatch came back, and the real plot started…

"Oh! It's Thatch!" Ace yelled. "Hey! Thatch's back!"

Thatch waved to Ace. "Yo, Ace! Look, I gotta a Akuma no Mi! And guess which one?"

"Gero Gero no Mi?" Ace tilted his head, smirking.

"Haha, very funny. Nope, I got the Yami Yami no Mi!"

Then everyone had an OVER-THE-TOP ANIME REACTION! Blackbeard chuckled darkly. Cloud narrowed her pale blue/yellow/back/brown/rainbow eyes. It's almost time… she thought. My plan is coming into motion…

Ah, what is this plan, you ask? Well, that is for the next chapter, because the author feels bad about not updating for a while and has run out of ideas.

Ta-ta, biotch!