Summary: Edward hates February 14th. When Emmett drags him to an anti-Valentine's Day party, a blast from the past might just turn Edward's least favorite day of the year into the best night of his life… AH/ExB/fun,fluff/EPOV

A/N: This is just a little bit of fluff and fun, written in the hopes of jump-starting my non-existent writing mojo… Between being sick for the better part of 8 weeks from Thanksgiving through the end of January, the craziness of the holidays, and our vacation last month, I just haven't had the time to write. Hopefully that will change now.

This story is short (7ch), complete, and should post in its entirety over the course of the day today.

Thanks to tiffanyanne3FF and areao for the beta. Tkegl made the awesome banner.

Happy Valentine's Day!

KL


Long Way from Heaven

~ 1 ~


Valentine's Day sucks.

It's supposed to be this great Day of Love, but everyone knows that's a load of crap. It's really just a made-up holiday that was created solely for commercialism. Rumor has it that the greeting card companies and chocolatiers got together and conspired to create some fake holiday to boost sales.

I really don't give a shit why or how Valentine's Day came about. All I know is that I hate it.

I didn't always feel this way, but years of having bad things happen on this particular day have jaded me a bit. On Valentine's Days past, I've broken bones, failed tests, totaled cars, received college rejection letters, and even had my proposal of marriage turned down. All of this is why, at nine o'clock in the evening on Tuesday, February 14th, 2012, I'm lying on my bed, alone, and feeling rather depressed.

I don't have a date. I'm not going out for dinner. I didn't give or receive a card or gift. I didn't pass go, and I definitely didn't collect $200.

This is the one day of the year that I've learned to just ignore. It's better to pretend it doesn't exist. Lay low and play it safe. Stay in.

So why the hell I agreed to go to a party with Emmett, I'll never understand.

And speaking of my roommate… He's just sauntered into my room, and I'm struck speechless by his attire. It's… well, I don't even know what the fuck it is.

"Time to get ready!" Emmett announces cheerfully. "Party rock is definitely in the house tonight."

He catches me completely off guard when he tosses me a large shopping bag; I barely get my hands up in time to keep it from landing on a particularly vulnerable spot. I shoot him a glare, not only for his deliberately bad aim, but also because I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what that damn bag contains. I toss it back without even opening it.

"No way."

"Why not?"

I raise my eyebrow in disbelief as I take in Emmett's costume. "Do you really have to ask?"

"C'mon Edward… It's a costume party. Everyone's gonna be dressed up."

"Dressed up? Sure. Looking like a fucking pimp-slash-wannabe-rapper from the seventies? I don't think so." I shake my head. "What the hell are you supposed to be?"

"We are going as those funky LMFAO dudes."

"I don't need anyone laughing their fucking ass off at me."

He rolls his eyes. "LMFAO is a band, dude. You know, the 'Sexy and I Know It' guys?"

Even though I have no clue what the fuck he's talking about, I laugh. What else can I do? Emmett is decked out in a pair of ugly glasses, some god-awful bling, a wife beater tank with a local gym's logo, and a pair of pink-and-purple animal-print spandex biking shorts that leave very little to the imagination. Ankle socks and a pair of Vans that have seen better days complete the outfit. He's flexing his pecs and posing in a way that I can only assume is supposed to be sexy.

It's not.

"Emmett, let me assure you that there is absolutely nothing remotely sexy about…" I wave my hands in his direction. "That."

"Shut your trap. I'm totally sexy and you know it. You're just jealous, bitch," he states in an affected tone that's accompanied by a hand flick and a sly wink. "You'll never be able to fill out an outfit like this." He flexes some more, then licks his finger and sticks it on his hip while making a sizzling sound before singing, "I-I-I-I-I work out!"

I snort.

"Seriously, Edward," he finally continues, "this is an anti-Valentine's Day party. You're not supposed to look good. That's the point—for those of us without significant others, this day sucks. It's the perfect opportunity to let loose and act stupid."

As if that statement justifies his ridiculous fucking outfit, he tosses the bag back to me. This time, I decide to take a peek. Costume components similar to the ones Emmett is wearing fill the bag—glasses, jewelry, cotton, and spandex taunt me; the shorts in this bag are neon green and royal blue. And, wait… Is that an afro wig?

No fucking way.

Acting stupid and looking stupid are two completely different things. I'm okay with the first every once in a while. Not so much with the second.

"No fucking way," I state resolutely.

He bats his eyelids at me.

"Absolutely not," I confirm.

"C'mon, Edward. Trust me... Chicks dig shit like this. Just because you don't have a significant other on V-Day doesn't mean that you can't get lucky. This," he pauses and waves his hands around his costume, "is our ticket to the bedroom." He wiggles his eyebrows at me in a lecherous manner.

I seriously doubt that claim, but that's not the point. I shoot him a pointed glare and his smile falls.

"I'm not in the mood for this tonight, Em. It's been a long day, and, as if you could ever forget…"

"I hate Valentine's Day," we chime in tandem. I sigh and he nods.

"I know, I know," he concedes. "I just hoped that you'd be willing to forget about all that shit and have fun for once."

"I'm going out with you. Isn't that enough?"

"It's a step in the right direction," he states, but disappointment laces his voice.

For a moment I feel guilty that I've been bringing down his good mood. The guilt isn't enough to change my mind, though. I don't think there's anything that could make me don the costume contained in the bag.

"Maybe Jasper will dress up with you?" I offer as a concession.

"Oh! Did he decide to come with us?"

"Yeah… He's single, bored and horny—just like you—and thought it sounded like fun. He should be here any moment—" The words aren't even out of my mouth when a pounding knock vibrates through our apartment. "That's probably him."

Emmett's smile reappears, and he reaches out to snatch the bag from my hand. "I'll get it," he enthuses as he jogs to the door, horrendous costume in hand.


A/N: Thanks for reading! Next chapter will post shortly.