A/N This is a Valentine's one shot from the Dark Effects universe. It is rated M for graphic violence, sexual content and general tastelessness. If you haven't read Dark Effects this will not make sense.
Mad props and V-day love to my beta Asher. She is the best (and an awesome author to boot.)
Disclaimer: Don't own em, no profit made. Just borrowing them for a bit and promise to put them back nicely when I am done.
"This is absolutely delightful! Normally the thought of being around so many mudbloods would sicken me but I approve of the decorations."
Bellatrix looked as though she wanted to hex everyone including the sycophantic woman standing in front of them.
"Please explain to me how the Dark Lord gave you an open license to kill and she managed to have survived the cuts?" Draco whispered in her ear.
They had been sent to the States to meet with some of the more sympathetic members of the magical community. The Dark Lord had taken Europe and most of Asia had fallen under the rule of Mai Bao, one of Voldemort's old quidditch buddies from before his despot days. Mai had no problems taking orders from the Dark Lord considering he had all of Asia in exchange.
The Middle East and Africa were still being slightly problematic but shadow governments had been set up in most of the area. It was decide that it was time to expand into the Americas. They couldn't truly take over the world until they secured the muggle weapons. There was no protego for bunker busters after all.
There were significant skirmishes between the wizards in the States with each side trying to gain an advantage in their Federal and State Ministries. Some of the states had come over to their side others had fallen the other way and the Ministry of Magic for the United States was still up for grabs.
Hermione, Bella, Draco, Dolohov and the woman in question had been sent to rally support for their side.
"Everything is pink!" Bellatrix sneered.
"It's wonderful isn't it?" Delores Umbridge looked as if she had died and gone to heaven.
Draco looked at her and raised an eyebrow. Hermione sighed.
"Well the Dark Lord wanted more women than men and since your wife is home watching our children with Cissy, Pius got to put his two cents in. He seems fond of her although I can't imagine why."
"Hermione, you're mudblooded, explain this holiday to me."
Hermione grabbed Bella's hand, keeping her from pulling her knife and gutting the pink terror.
"I will remind you I am a Malfoy and a Crouch Delores, I will also remind you that I outrank you. I would suggest not using that level of familiarity with me while insulting me. Next time I won't be so quick to stop my wife."
"I mean no offense if course."
"Of course. This is Valentine's day. It is a celebration of love and relationships. Due to commercialization it is also now a required gift giving day for lovers and spouses hence all these fools scurrying about."
They were sitting in a mall. Hermione had absolutely no idea why their contacts wanted to meet in this dreadful place. Ignoring the flurry of shoppers picking up gifts last minute, the place was painted in pink with annoying little cherubs and hearts everywhere.
If there was a hell, Hermione had no doubt that both she and her wife had their own suites reserved and they would look like this. With her luck Delores Umbridge would be assigned to her there too. She looked at the many cherubs strung along the ceiling moving along by wire. Their annoying little bows laced with arrows capped in hearts.
This meeting had to be fast or her wife was going to add red to all the pink.
"Hermione Black! A pleasure to meet you." A slick looking man approached them accompanied by a man and a woman. All three were dressed in robes. Once Hermione realized that they were going to be in a muggle area she cast a spell of her own creation to protect her group.
The spell illusioned their clothing to be whatever the muggle looking thought appropriate. It was integrated into all of their Auror uniforms and everyone in her department used it as well. One can do more damage if they have the element of surprise and it's hard to surprise someone when you are dressed like a comic book villain.
The three wizards approaching were drawing a great deal of attention from the shoppers. Security was approaching as the man made his introductions. He was clueless to the incoming guards. She saw the two nasty looking men were armed and cursed the Yankee's liberal gun laws. The wizard, who she decided was named blah blah, was accompanied by the woman yada yada and the man, some guy.
They didn't deserve real names. The fact that he had them show up in a mall in Valentine's day and then arrived in robes made everything he said and who he was completely unimportant. He was a moron and she had port keyed across the world with her royal pinkness to meet this idiot.
Blah blah was still rambling on with yada yada enthusiastically nodding at his every word when security arrived. Draco, Dolohov and Bella all noticed their approach but Hermione has signaled them to let their wands be. Umbridge, like the trio of stupidity standing before her, only noticed once they were there.
"Is there a problem here."
Hermione moved her hand which looked to the guards as this she was silencing her companions. She was, with a spell. She couldn't trust the rest to speak. This was easy enough to handle.
"No officer, Everything is wonderful. I have the light. Have you found the light of Krishna? Please let me help you find your path."
He rolled his eyes.
"Leave the shoppers alone or you are out of here."
"Of course, peace be with you brother."
Once they walked away she removed the spell. Blah blah looked annoyed to be rudely silenced and to have the two walk away untouched.
"Is this how the Dark Lord deals with them?"
"No this is how I deal with them when we are sitting in a bloody mall. You do realize you are being filmed right? Why the fuck are we here?"
"I want to show you the horrors we face." blah blah said earnestly.
"Department stores. You had me port key across the world to see department stores? Please tell me you have more than this."
"Ms. Granger I believe we should show courtesy to the..."
"Delores it's Mrs. Black and it was Crouch before then, now do shut up before I let Draco use you for his newest experiment. His department has been making wonderful strides in interrogation techniques."
"I apologize Mrs. Black I just didn't realize you were familiar with such things... I didn't know England also had..."
"You haven't heard of fucking Harrod's, never mind don't answer that. Yes we have. Your problem blah blah, I don't care what your name is, you are blah blah...as I was saying blah blah, your problem is that you are a glass half empty kind of guy. You see an annoying muggle ode to tacky commercialism whereas I see a place to seed unrest."
She motioned for them to follow her to a corner in the mall. She discretely pulled her wand and cast a spell to disrupt the video cameras and other muggle technology including phones. She locked the doors and cast a charm that would convince anyone coming there they need to go to the attached ubiquitous chain restraint for a bite instead.
"Now what baby?"
Hermione pulled Bella in for a kiss.
"Now we go shopping."
Hermione cast a notice me not spell and began to shoot charms at the cherubs as they walked through the mall. Half of the arrows became true to form and caused lust while the other half would cause aggression.
The first arrow struck its mark and the two portly guards that approached them earlier started necking in the middle of the food court. They claimed a table knocking the overcooked pizza and freshly baked cookies to the ground. Another arrow flew and a wok went flying across the room nailing one of the kids from the sub shop in the head.
It turned into a brawl between the various concessions until two more arrows had the frozen yogurt woman push the pretzel vendor to the floor to see how much he could twist.
As mob rule took over the mall was overcome with madness. Some couples shagging some fighting.
"You see blah blah, the trick to taking over a populace is to start by creating chaos and fear. Then you offer yourself as the solution to the problems to the powers that be. You need to learn how to enjoy yourself. You're a wizard for fuck's sake, take advantage of it."
She turned to the rest of them, "Enjoy yourselves, don't let them see you cast spells. I am taking my wife shopping we will meet back in the food court in an hour...assuming they haven't burned it down."
She grabbed Bella's hand and pulled her off to join in the now rampant looting taking place. Bellatrix was giggling at the chaos and destruction as they headed off for a bit of retail therapy. The first stop was the lingerie store. Women were fighting over items and the sound of silk tearing could be heard throughout the store.
"This won't work. No slicing hexes baby, blood is impossible to get out of satin."
With some nearly blinding fast wand work the two witches had incapacitated or killed the shoppers. Hermione eyed a little red number.
"Hex anyone who is stupid enough to come in."
She tried on the negligée modeling it for an appreciative Bellatrix whose hands were filled with naughty items for her to try on.
"I like it. Wrap it for us."
Hermione noticed the sales woman who was clearly imperio'd. Hermione smirked, stripped off the item and tossed it to the robotic woman.
Bella handed her a few more items, all but one were keepers. Hermione finished in a set of stockings with garters, lace panties and matching bra. All black, her wife's favorite color.
"You look so hot in that."
Hermione walked over and straddled her claiming her lips. Even after ten years and two children her wife made her feel like the sexiest woman alive. She purred and nibbled on Bella's ear as she felt her hands wander down her body exploring. She pulled away and pushed her head towards her lace covered nipples.
"I am the luckiest witch in the world to have you Bella. Oooh that feels good."
"I am the lucky one love, move up so I can get inside you."
Hermione shifted and Bella entered her with two fingers. The two set a leisurely pace exchanging kisses and enjoying the alone time.
Dru was nine and Violet was six. Between conquering the world, striking fear in the hearts of man, and raising two rambunctious daughters they didn't get enough time for themselves. Sure there was the quickie in a pool of a fallen enemy's blood or the hard fuck ending a good fight but it was hard to be amorous, rein terror and raise a family.
Hermione groaned as a third finger entered her and she increased her pace. She always loved the feeling of riding Bella. The give and take of power was the most delicious. Bella began to thrust into her, pounding up against her.
"My beautiful wife. Tell me your mine...show me... Come for me."
Bella's possessiveness never went away. It was one of Hermione's favorite traits. "Yours, always yours fuck baby I love you...BELLA!"
She collapsed into her arms. They stayed for a few more minutes before Hermione got up and cleaned herself. She dressed and picked up her newly 'purchased' items from the still imperio'd sales woman who Bella killed with a slicing hex.
"What? We already have what we want...what fun is a slaughter without any blood."
Hermione kissed her softly, ran her finger through the fallen cashier's blood and let Bella taste it.
"You are a very disturbed woman...I really do love you."
"Appliance store. There are some muggle things I think will really help Draco with his interrogation project. I want to grab him a few things."
Twenty minutes and five dead sales associates later Hermione left followed by an imperio'd passerby who they were using as a pack mule.
"Ok so I get what he would do with the Miter saw but what is the car battery thing for again?"
"Just wait, you are going to love it."
They found blah blah, yada yada and some guy with Draco in a gadget store. Blah blah and yada yada was doing something rather obscene with what Hermione believed was supposed to be a back massager.
Draco was sitting in a message chair trying to figure out what something was. He kept twirling the object and turning it on an off. Some guy was standing next to him equally entranced.
"Guys it's a nose hair trimmer."
Draco dropped it like it was diseased.
"Where is Dolohov and Umbridge?"
"You would think Antonin would know to avoid the bloody arrows being a wizard and all. Got himself hot with one of the aggression arrows. Good news, we won't have to listen to that cow Umbridge anymore. Bad news we are going to have to find Pius some new kiss ass for an undersecretary."
"Frankly he should have picked one that you would want under you."
The bloody form of Antonin Dolohov appeared in the entrance looking surlier than usual.
"I can't agree more mate. Oh hey...finite incarnatum"
Dolohov shook his head clearing the cobwebs, "fuck Pius is going to be pissed."
"Is Umbridge still one piece?" Hermione sighed.
"Errr more like six or seven. What's with those two." he said pointing at blah blah and yada yada.
"Like you they forgot their shields. Lust arrows. Just find someone equally annoying and incompetent to replace her. Millicent should fit the bill." Draco said still trying to wipe imaginary cooties off his hands. He noticed the muggle holding all the packages standing behind Hermione and Bellatrix. "ooooh did you get me anything."
"Yes but you can't open them yet."
"Not even one?"
"Ok one." She pulled out a box and handed it to him. He opened it up confused.
"What's a random orbit sander?"
"You are going to like it. Grab a muggle and I will show you..."
"Fuck uh uh uh harder baby fuck"
Hermione was on all fours. Bella was behind her pounding her cunt as she yanked back hard on her hair.
"I love how tight you are baby. My perfect pussy. Ah fucking good my dark little angel. "
"Uh God you fuck me so good uh uh uh close."
"Who do you belong to? Say it! Say your mine it's my pussy."
"Yours...always yours baby." Hermione screamed her oath as she climaxed and collapsed. Bella curled up next to her. "I love you Bella. Be a good wife and have the room service elves bring up some food."
Twenty minutes later they were curled up reading the papers with their tea. The headlines were interesting. The muggle papers were focused on a bizarre riot at the mall which was being blamed on drugs or terrorism depending on the papers. They called it a tragedy and demanded more regulation of everything. Both parties of their political system pointed to it as proof they were right on some issue or another.
The Daily Prophet reported on the new treaty between the American and English Ministries which leaned heavily in England's favor. The fantastic negotiating skills of Head of the Department of Foreign Affairs, Hermione Black, was credited. They expected years of cooperation and understanding between the two Ministries.
Underneath it a small article read about the tragic death befalling Madam Undersecretary Umbridge. She was attacked by a muggle bear while trying to make the world a better place in the name of the Ministry. After detailing her life devoted to the purity of magic the article did mention Millicent Goyle would be taking her place.