Author's Notes: Written for the February 14th Prompt of the Day on Hogwarts Online II – "Chocolates, cookies, candies… what should I get her?"

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Well, everyone except Rodolphus. He gets to have a miserable Valentine's Day. Go figure.

Anyhow, enjoy!


"Chocolate, cookies, candies…" Rodolphus mused, tapping his wand against the back of his hand while he pondered. He looked up at Lucius, who was sitting on the other side of the parlour, examining his fingernails while Rodolphus talked. "What should I get her?"

Lucius's lip curled delicately. "She's Bellatrix. Get her a set of handcuffs, not a box of candies."

"It's our first Valentine's day together!" Rodolphus said, indignant.

"Do you think that changes anything?" Lucius looked at his friend and let out a long, resigned sigh. "Listen to me, Rod. She's not going to notice that it's Valentine's day, much less want to celebrate it with you. Please, if you spend money on her, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment."

Rodolphus's eyes narrowed. "You're getting chocolates for Narcissa."

"Yes. Because she's Narcissa and she'll like them. I meant what I said about handcuffs being a better gift for Bellatrix. Honestly, the most you have any chance of getting out of this Valentine's Day is some rough–"

"Shut up, would you, Malfoy?" Rodolphus snapped. "You don't understand anything, you know that? You think that Bellatrix and I aren't happy together? Well, we are. Everything's perfect between us, so you can just keep your mouth shut!"

Lucius raised an eyebrow. "Everything except her level of fidelity…"

"I told you to shut your mouth!" Rodolphus stood up and was across the room in a second, jamming the tip of his wand into Lucius's throat. "Don't stick your nose in where it doesn't belong, or I swear to God I'll cut it off…"

"Touchy," Lucius said dryly, pushing the wand away. "Do calm down, Rodolphus. If you want to get your precious wife a box of chocolates, you go right ahead and do that. It doesn't matter to me."

"Fine," Rodolphus snapped. "Then get out."

Lucius stood and started for the door, and Rodolphus watched him go with a scowl. Lucius… that idiot, he thought just because his wife was oh-so-pretty and demure, he could get away with insulting Rodolphus's relationship…

Rodolphus fumed through the afternoon, when he purchased a box of chocolates for Bellatrix and as he waited in their bedroom for her to return home.

It seemed forever before he heard her quick, light footsteps on the stairs, and they set his heart thumping. He quickly checked his reflection in the mirror, pulling the warmest, kindest smile he could manage onto his face, and looking quickly at her when she burst into the bedroom. "Bella–"

"Merlin, Rodolphus, what are you doing in here?" she snapped, slamming the door behind her.

His face fell, and his eyebrows drew together with confusion. "It's… our bedroom…"


"I was waiting for you," he said, and with every word, he became more aware of how pathetic he must have been sounding. "I… bought you chocolates… for Valentine's Day." He held out the box awkwardly.

Bellatrix looked from it to him, then rolled her eyes. "Oh honestly, Rodolphus… it's not like I have time to eat them with you or whatever it was you wanted." She shed her cloak and pulled open the top drawer of her dresser.

"But… it's Valentine's Day."

"I worked that out from the way you said 'I bought you chocolates for Valentine's Day'." Bellatrix rifled among her clothes for a moment, then pulled out what looked like a mass of red lace and disappeared into their bathroom. Rodolphus stared after her in confusion, then frowned when she came back out, hands empty. "What was that?"

"Oh, take a guess, idiot," she snapped, pulling down the neck of her dress to show Rodolphus the topmost part of her breasts. She was wearing a lacy red bra, presumably the garment she had taken into the bathroom with her a moment ago.

"Why are you wearing that?" Rodolphus asked warily. Surely if she had been planning on gifting him with Valentine's Day sex, she wouldn't have bothered changing somewhere else… and she was starting for the door…

"I'm going to meet the Dark Lord," Bellatrix told him.

Rodolphus felt as though he had been hit in the stomach.

He could not speak as his wife swept out, leaving him and his chocolates behind.