Sebastiannnn -JM

Seb. -JM

Seb. -JM

Seb. -JM

Sebbieeee. -JM

Seb. -JM

What? -SM

Good morning. -JM

Good... morning? -SM

Gooood morninnnggg~ -JM

…. Are you drunk? -SM

Oh Sebbie. Don't be silly. Can't I just say good morning to my favorite sniper? -JM

So nothing is wrong? -SM

Noooope. -JM

Fine. Going back to sleep. -SM

Seb.-JM

Seb. -JM

Seb. -JM

SEBASTIAN. -JM

Jim. I have been awake for two days straight. It is four A.M. I am tired. I am going to sleep. -SM

But today is special. -JM

Today is Monday. Leave me alone. -SM

Seb. -JM

Seb. -JM

Seb. Wake up.- JM

Sebastiannnn wake upppp -JM


SEBASTIAN. -JM

CODE BLUE. -JM

Holy... stay where you are. Let me get my gun. I'll be there soon.-SM

Jim. Jim answer me.-SM

Where are you?-SM

Goddamnit, Jim. Don't die.-SM

If you die, I'll never forgive you. -SM

Are you up?-JM

What? Yes. Where are you? Are you safe? -SM

Oh yeah. Cafe. Having breakfast.-JM

Should I bring you a scone? -JM

Seb? -JM

…..There was no code blue. -SM

Very GOOD, Sebbie! -JM

I am going to murder you. You lying psycho bastard, I am going to shoot you in the goddamn head.-SM

It got you out of bed, didn't it?-JM

Sod off.-SM


Jim. What the HELL is this? -SM

What is WHAT, darling? -JM

You know what. -SM

On my nightstand. -SM

Oh THAT. A heart. -JM

A heart. -SM

3 -JM

Jim, Why is there a heart on my nightstand? -SM

You really don't know? -JM

NO, Jim, I don't know why there would be a HUMAN HEART on my bloody nightstand. -SM

It IS human, isn't it? -SM

Well, Obviously. -JM

NO, Jim, it's really not obvious. Why would that be obvious? You sound like Sherlock Holmes. -SM

Name-calling, Seb? How immature. -JM

Right. I'M the immature one in this relationship. -SM

What are you doing?-JM

Cleaning up blood, thanks to you.-SM

You love blood. -JM

Not in my BED. -SM

Liar. -JM

That's different. -SM

;) -JM

No, Jim. -SM

;) ;) ;) -JM


Jim... where is my bed?-SM

You better answer me. I KNOW this was you. -SM

How the fuck did you move my whole bed while I was in the bathroom? -SM

Oh, Your bed is missing? -JM

How delightfully peculiar. -JM

Well, I guess you can't sleep then! We should do something. Scones? -JM

I am going to kill you. -SM

Gotta leave your flat to kill me, Sebbie. Better get dressed! -JM

Jim, if I have to see you now I am going to drown you in the Thames. -SM

Scoooness, Seb. -JM

Scones. -JM

I can think of at least three different ways to murder you with a scone right now. -SM

I love it when you talk murderously. -JM

Jim. -SM

Yes, my pet? -JM

My food too? -SM

You'll have to be more specific. -JM

MY FOOD. All of it. In my ENTIRE FLAT. -SM

What about it? -JM

WHERE IS IT? -SM

Why, Sebbie, I bet it's where your bed is. -JM

Goddamnit, Jim. -SM

Is this amusing to you? -SM

Are you trying to kill me? -SM

Depriving you of food would be a very boring way to kill you, Sebbie. -JM

Fine. I'll go to Tesco to buy more. So help me, Jim, if I come back and my TV or something is gone, I am going to shoot you in your creepy face. -SM

Have fun! -JM


Jim. -SM

Hm? -JM

Please tell me you didn't kill the cashier. -SM

Which one? -JM

You KNOW which one. -SM

The one I hate. -SM

No no no, I did not kill the cashier you hate. Don't be ridiculous. -JM

I don't like to get my hands dirty. You know that. -JM

Did you HAVE the cashier killed? -SM

Yepppp -JM

….Why? -SM

You hated him. -JM

You're welcome. -JM

He always gave you incorrect change. -JM

That's not a viable motive for murder, Jim. -SM

Oh? Is it not? -JM

It really isn't. -SM

Well, hindsight's twenty twenty. -JM

I bet you had a much better shopping experience with him dead. -JM

Wasn't it better? -JM

It was. -JM

'Thank you, Jim. How thoughtful.' -JM

You're welcome. -JM


So how is your day going? -JM

You don't care how my day is going. -SM

Do too. -JM

Do not. -SM

Do too times a thousand. -JM

FINE. If you MUST know, Jim, my day has been shit. Some fucking maniac wouldn't let me sleep, he stole my bed, and all of my food. He then murdered someone for no fucking reason and forced me to walk through a fucking crime scene to buy my milk, knowing full-well that I am one of the most wanted men in London and could have been shot or arrested if even one person recognized me. -SM

Exciting. -JM

Insane. -SM

Back at your flat yet? -JM

….No. Why? -SM

Jim. -SM

Jim, I swear to God, if you did something to my flat... -SM


JIM -SM

Yes, my dear? -JM

My TV, Jim. Actually, fuck that. EVERYTHING. Where is my stuff? -SM

I didn't take EVERYTHING. I left you something. -JM

.Kitchen. Bottom drawer beside the fridge. -JM

…..an umbrella. -SM

! -JM

You robbed my flat, stole everything I own, and you left me... an umbrella. -SM

Isn't it fantastic? -JM

It really isn't. -SM

Do you know WHOSE umbrella that is? -JM

A harmless girl scout? -SM

The dead cashier? -SM

Mycroft Holmes! -JM

…..You traded me everything I own for an umbrella owned by Sherlock Holmes' brother. -SM

Yes! -JM

It's amazing, isn't it? -JM

Do you know how hard that was to get? -JM

Sebbbbbb -JM

Sebbbbbbastiannnn -JM

No. Give me a few minutes. -SM

Sebbbb -JM

I am about to have a fucking coronary, Jim. Just...shut...up. -SM

Sebbbbb -JM

Shut. The. Fuck. Up. -SM

Sebbieeee -JM

Please, Jim. Just... for five minutes. -SM

You're welcome. 3 -JM

Fuck. -SM


You should really turn your ringer off when you're trying to shoot someone. -JM

Goddamnit, Jim, are you trying to get me killed? -SM

Maaaaybeee -JM

You should crouch down more. He's looking towards you. -JM

Where the Hell are you? -SM

Opposite building. -JM

Why? -SM

I like to take an active part in my partners lifestyle. -JM

Do you think they'd kill you if I yelled where you were? -JM

Do you think I could hit you from here? -SM

I could. -SM

No you couldn't. -JM

Stop darting around, you look like an idiot. -SM

Bet you can't hit me. -JM

Try it. -JM

Seb -JM

Sebbbbbbb -JM

Seb try to hit me. -JM

This guy is boring. I don't even remember why I wanted him killed. -JM

Did you know that starlight takes so long to reach Earth that most of the stars we see are already dead? -JM

Sherlock doesn't know that. -JM

He doesn't know anything about space. -JM

We're like stars, Seb. -JM

Our light will burn this world long after we're dead -JM

and Sherlock won't ever understand us. -JM

Because he doesn't know anything about stars. -JM

Seb. -JM

Seb. -JM

I can't believe you're working on Valentines day .-JM

I brought you a scone. -JM

Wait, what? -SM

I brought you a scone. It has a bit of blood on it from earlier but I think it's still good. -JM

No, not that. It's Valentines day? -SM

Fuck. Jim, I'm sorry. I had no idea. -SM

Jim. -SM

Jim, I'm sorry. -SM

Jim. -SM

CODE BLUE. -SM

Liar. I can see you. -JM

I'm sorry. -SM

I was very nice to you. -JM

I know. -SM

All day. -JM

I know. -SM

It took forever to plan, you know. -JM

The umbrella was really hard to get. -JM

Weeks. -JM

Months of planning. -JM

Seb. -JM

Seb. -JM

Sebbbbbb -JM

Jim, shut up for a second. -SM

Sebbbbb -JM

ONE SECOND. -SM


There. -SM

I missed. -SM

What? -JM

I missed. -SM

No you didn't. I saw you. He's dead. -JM

I missed. I missed his head. -SM

You... missed? -JM

I missed. -SM

Why. -JM

Figure it out. -SM

You shot him... ? -JM

Yes, you evil fucking monster, I shot him in the heart. -SM

Right in the heart. Happy Valentine's Day. -SM

I can't hear you, you idiot. Stop yelling at me. -SM

You have a phone for a reason. -SM


His phone vibrates against his leg, and Seb pulls it up to his ear. Jim's half-crazed tilted voice sounds over the line.

"I love you so fucking much." Jim is laughing manically and Seb grins, eying his partner across the building.

"I love you too, you lunatic. Happy valentines day"

Later, when he discovers that his stuff has actually been moved into Jim's flat, he smiles before finally falling asleep, and finds that he wouldn't have done this day any differently.