The First Step
Monica didn't know how she was going to be able to tell the counselor the truth. After all, she knew that this was going to be the first time she'd meet her. Therefore, she didn't know just how much she was going to be able to tell her. Telling Chandler had been hard enough, and she loved him with all she had. How in the world was she going to manage revealing her darkest, most painfully intimate secret to someone she had never met?
The thought of that paralyzed her with a fear that she couldn't begim to understand. She wanted the help because she wanted very much to be there for Chandler, Jack and Erica in the way she was meant to be. Both she and Chandler had been so blessed when they were finally given the kids, and she wanted to be able to enjoy that to the fullest. She even had her own bakery, a little place she called Monicarlo's, out in Manhattan.
She loved working there. She'd always wanted something like that. She'd worked in several places, but none of them had been her own, and it felt good to be able to see her dream of owning a place of her own coming true.
On the other side, though she often found it hard to work there because there were a lot of foods that she would have used when it came time for her binges. It was a lot like an alcoholic working in a bar because she was exposed to lots of temptation. She knew she had to be strong. If she gave in, people would know her secret, and she didn't want them to know for fear that they wouldn't respect her as a boss. If they knew, they would confirm what the logical part of her already knew, which was that the things that she did to make herself feel secure and safe were also abnormal things that made her seem crazy to anyone she told that she didn't know well.
These chattering thoughts were in her head as she pulled up to the office building that housed her new counselor, Dr. Robin Cassidy's, office. She hoped that, with Robin's help, she would be able to begin to find better, healthier ways to cope with the many emotional scars and wounds she had acquired over the years.
"You're Monica, right?" asked a blonde woman who had green eyes.
"Yes, Monica Bing," she answered, giving the woman a nervous smile.
The slightly older woman smiled and said, "I'm Robin. Come on back."
Monica followed her into an airy, colorful little office that instantly put her at ease.
"Would you like a cup of coffee?" Robin offered, seeing Monica take a seat in a big green leather armchair.
She smiled and said, "Sure." She took the cup and doctored it to her liking.
"So, what brings you to see me today?" Robin asked in a gentle tone that told Monica she was willing to listen to anything she would bring to the table.
With a nervous breath, Monica told her everything she could think of. She could feel the weight lifting off her shoulders with every word, and she knew that even though she had a ways to go, she was on her way to healing, and to her, in that moment, that meant everything.