A Flight For Bobby Compilation
Learning to Let Go – Evan POV Outtake
Disclaimer: Twilight…I don't own it *sad panda*
A/N: Many thanks to Massy and Cat for pre reading for me... Love ya both! Okay, so I was planning on posting this on April 20th, but I found out it's okay to post it now, so I thought you'd all like this sooner rather than later.
I've gotten myself in such a mess.
I never should have started the affair…or let it go on for as long as it did.
I mean, I already have everything I need at home.
Bella is a beautiful, loving wife.
She's everything I could have every asked for.
We've always been happy together.
Our relationship was always easy as breathing.
We're planning on starting a family…which is why this affair needs to end, and Bella needs to never find out.
Bella said the ovulation test said she was ready today.
And could anything be more perfect than starting to build our family on Valentine's Day…the most romantic day of the year.
Maybe it's not so romantic for Charlotte, but I don't want a life with her…even if she is pregnant.
She told me a few months back, when she found out.
She thought having my child would make me leave my wife for her…fall in love with her.
She underestimated me though…I may have been stupid in pursuing her in the first place…excited by the thrill of doing something forbidden…lusting after what I shouldn't want, especially sinceI never loved her.
It was a physical attraction for me, nothing more, and I made sure to never make her think otherwise.
When she first told me she was pregnant I told her she needed to give me time to figure out what I was going to do.
She immediately thought that translated into my finding a divorce lawyer and proposing to her.
I told her it wouldn't happen, but she wouldn't listen.
I tried considering how I could make things work where I could still be in the child's life and keep my marriage to Bella intact, but more and more Charlotte was mentioning us being a couple, getting married, moving into a big house together and having a family our own.
More and more she would mention those stupid wedding shows on TLC, she'd keep wedding magazines scattered around her apartment, and every time we would go out and walk past a jewelry store she'd always comment on the engagement rings.
She just didn't understand that I didn't want any of that with her.
So I had to take more aggressive steps.
I never wanted to abandon my child, but for the sake of keeping my marriage intact, of preserving my life with Bella, I would make that sacrifice…it would kill me to do it, but I guess it's my punishment for what I've done anyway.
Which is why I went to see Charlotte today…to say goodbye and end things for good…
"I'm ending this now Charlotte…I can't do this anymore. I have a wife, who I love…who loves me despite how horrible a human being I may be for the things I've done."
"But…the baby...the baby needs a father. I can't do this on my own," she cries.
"Then I suggest you find a new father for the baby, because it won't be me. I love my wife. We're trying to build a family of our own…a family that doesn't involve you or that child inside you. As for doing on your own…I'm sure you'll be fine, plenty of women all over the country are single mothers and do just fine. Besides…how do I know this kid is even mine?"
My words are harsh I know, but…I don't see any other way to make her understand. I try to tune out her sobs and pleading. I need to just end this quickly and get out of here. I'm supposed to pick up Bella soon. I'm taking her out to a romantic dinner for Valentine's Day.
"Evan! This baby is yours. I haven't been with anyone else. I love you. I want us to have a life together…be a family."
I can tell nothing of what I'm saying is getting through…that I need to go for the low blow and just take the kill shot…just end it and get out.
"Well I don't love you Char! I never did," I shout. "This was only ever a fling for me…an easy lay that became far too complicated and went on for far too long. I should have ended this months ago. I don't want this child. I want nothing to do with it. Once it's born I'll file papers giving up my parental rights, and after that…I want nothing to do with you or it again."
My words reverberate off the walls of her apartment, mixing with her crying. I turn a deaf ear to it all, toss my copy of her key at her crumpled form on the floor and storm out.
I feel bad for what I said…not that I didn't mean any of it, but I shouldn't have been so harsh. My mother raised me better…taught me to treat women better than that. She also taught me to honor my promises, and I clearly hadn't done that in respect to my wedding vows to Bella, but I'm hoping today is where I can start over.
I keep telling myself that it's over and that Bella never needs to know…it does nothing to assuage the guilt that is eating me alive though.
As I enter the freeway, I pull my phone out to send a text to Bella to let her know I'm on my way to pick her up.
Just as I'm about to hit send, the jarring force of an impact forces the phone from my hand as the sound of metal hitting metal echoes in my ears.
Everything starts getting hazy, my head feels wet, my arms won't move and it's difficult and painful to breathe.
People are shouting everywhere, telling me that help is on the way.
I don't understand what's happening until I finally manage to get a glimpse of my surroundings…there's a huge eighteen wheeler being backed away from my car.
My car! I try to figure out what happened…by the way my legs feel pinned down and the pain that is radiating throughout my body, I suspect that truck hit me head on.
The firemen are here, they're using something to pry me out of the car.
I feel so sleepy…I just want to close my eyes, but there's one EMT who won't shut up about me staying awake.
I'd love to see him try to do that while feeling how I do right now.
Eventually I feel them put something around my neck and then pull me out of the car.
The board they strap me to is so cold…or maybe that's just me, I feel like I'm freezing.
I can barely tell when they put me into the ambulance; the EMTs are screaming all sorts of things that I don't understand.
I just want to go home and be with Bella and pretend like today never happened.
Something tells me though that I may not get to go home again, and the idea of never getting to see Bella again kills me.
Does she know how much I love her…how much I regret what I've done with Charlotte?
Have I told her enough how much she means to me?
Will she be okay without me?
I hope she'll be able to move on…find happiness…find someone who is truly deserving of her and won't throw away the gift that she is the way I did.
If I could just see her one more time…see one more smile…give her one more kiss…
"Bella!" I cry out, the tears streaming down my face.
I can tell this is it for me…it's so hard to breathe…
"Bel..la," I gasp out again, because all I want right now is her.
I think the EMTs realize there isn't much they can do for me.
I feel one of them take my hand…they kind of look like Bella…brown hair and a kind smile.
"Be…Bella…love you…" I finally manage to whisper.
My grip on the EMT's hand slackens and my hand flops against the floor.
I try to breathe, but no air comes.
I'm so tired…I can't fight anymore…the beeping machines are so loud.
I let my eyes close and feel everything fade away.
A/N: So...how do you all feel about Evan now? Hate him more? Hate him less? Let me know... Next posting related to this story will be on April 25 when i post the next few chapters in EPOV in Holding On To Hope...