Author's Note: So good and bad news today lovelies. Good news: I got to meet my idols for the second time yesterday. Anyone that's a HIM fan, me and Mr. Valo had quite the encounter yesterday and, if I wasn't married, I would've gotten on the damn bus when it was offered. Fuck my life. Bad news: I'm updating now because my brother is currently in the children's hospital. He shot himself with a loaded .45 yesterday in the lung and isn't doing well. I have no idea when I'll be able to update but I will as I find time. I'll put up the AN for this story and the first chap of the sequel in a few minutes and from there, I can't make any promises on how long it'll be. Please help me out with prayers guys. He needs all he can get.
Kakashi'sRubiMoon: XD I bet you would comfort Kakashi. Hell I would too if given the chance. Aww I never got the chance at a honeymoon! I'm hoping to vaca soon in Italy, but it isn't set in stone yet. Anyways... Oooh! Kakashi would be a beautiful name for a baby boy! -blushes- If you name your baby 'Sayomi' after my OC I think I would owe you my soul. That's soooo sweet! In the sequel: I have Kakashi fluff buried in it, and I believe I've kept the tone in the same genre. Personally, I think I favor the sequel more than I do this story but I could just be biased. In my opinion, all of you will enjoy it as much as I have writing it. Maname is a lovely character and is terribly sweet, more so than Sayomi, but the mysteries I have in it are awesome. Join the contest posted on my homepage if you want... I'm trying to get everyone more involved and be more involved with my readers. It is all in the AN I'm posting at the end of this story in the next chapter. ^^ Oodles of love darling and I hope you're well!
MissTheScreaming: I'm sorry for the wait darling. I've had complications as it says in the beginning AN. Thank you for the review and your constant help in making sure the story is fantastic. I appreciate it, truly. Join the contest on my homepage if you have the time and if you want. I'm trying to get more involved. Details are in the AN in the next chap. Oodles of love!
Guest: I can't tell you! I'm sorry! There's a ton of juicy stuff in the sequel so I hope that works for you. =3
Smiles: I know! I cried writing it! Thank you for the review sweetie!
LostBeyondReality: I knoooooooow! Like I said, at least you have a sequel coming! Read the AN in the next post of this story for details sweetie. I'm sorry I'm ending things! Kinda ending at least...
Midnight: I felt Kakashi was the one that needed to know more about Sayomi's ending journey, ya know? I mean, she screwed him over in many aspects but at the same time she still loves him and knows she acted up. I mean, this was a Kakashi story and in some ways, he really wasn't starring as much as he should've. That'll change, to some degree, in the sequel. In any reality, it would've been hard for anyone to leave if they would've had some sort of physical interaction at the end with their lover. I wouldn't have been able to do it... Not even Sayomi is strong enough to do so, despite her previous reputations. She's changed a lot from who she was in the beginning. I've been a huge freak about character development. Anyways, I'm rambling... Check out the AN at the end of the story sweetheart and I hope you'd be willing to join the contest I have posted on my profile. There's multiple contests; I'm trying to get more involved with my readers, ya know? Lots of love, darling!
An Author's Note is coming next. Please read it for details on the sequel and other sundries.
XXXVIII: I Am What I Am, A Demon, A Ghost
Now you have heard my story, seen what I have seen through my eyes. I will never return to what I have known and I will never become anything to the man I love. I was forsaken now, nothing but a distant memory that would vanish in time.
Though I said before that Itachi might be dead due to my escape, I will admit that I had lied to draw you in to my tale. It was a selfish desire to keep you yearning for the truth, and now you know what I have been through. I needed someone to listen, someone to know in case the future held my death close. Itachi will live until Sasuke has the chance to kill the man that would give his life for his younger brother.
It is I who may never live to see Uchiha Sasuke or Hatake Kakashi again.
Time had passed and I had gone from being a kunoichi of fierce, deadly repute to a woman with a broken heart, shattered into millions of pieces to never be repaired again. I was not the Za Youma I had once been; I was not even Kobayashi Sayomi any longer.
I was a broken shell with only one thing left to live for.
If it had not been for Youko's sacrifice, I might have killed myself when the Akatsuki took me. Now, if it was not for the life growing in my body, I might have ended my misery the moment I gave Kakashi that scroll and told him he would never see me again. At least then I would have been certain I could not be a hindrance for those I loved so irrevocably.
But, I had to live for the unborn I was carrying.
My mother had died to protect me, and now I would live to protect the one I carried. Though I had not ever known the woman, I had meant the world to her. I knew now what that feeling was like. I was to be a mother and I would cherish my offspring like I did breathing.
Does your heart ache now? Did it break as mine did when I wronged so many? I hope you have seen through what I have done and will realize I do everything from this point on for those I must live for. I hate myself with everything I am, everything I once was, but I had a duty now.
My misery would be my ruin one day, but for now I would survive. I always did in tough times, whether it was by my own choosing or not. I was a survivor, a fighter, and I was once Kobayashi Sayomi, Za Youma. But I could not be her, them, any longer.
I was simply a woman that had been broken.
Kakashi would forget me in time, as I hoped, and Sasuke would grow to know that I will never be seen by the eyes of the shinobi and kunoichi I cared for again. I had secret plans, secret agendas I would carry out for them from the shadows. I refused to ever be drawn from hiding unless the very world- their lives- were in danger.
I would forever love Hatake Kakashi, this I mean fully. I pray you understand just how deeply I cared for him, despite my discretions and misdeeds. A moment of weakness that made me realize I would do anything to stay by his side if it kept him safe. He was truly my day, my bright light, and I was serious about what I wrote in the letter. Each morning, I would greet the day and smile because it would remind me of him.
Yet, in a different way I would love Uchiha Itachi as well. I would not love him as I did- do- my Jounin, but I would love him nonetheless. Someone that seemed so tainted as him, only to be revealed as a hero deserved nothing less than my gratitude and a small piece of my heart. If things were different and if I would have never met Hatake Kakashi, I might have surrendered my entire being to the forsaken Uchiha Itachi.
But things were not different. I had met Kakashi and I had grown to love him. He would be my heart, the empty piece where my soul was torn.
Do you understand now what my life has consisted of? I wonder if you now see how my story is a macabre romance, a tainted fairy tale. Where many receive the happy endings and glowing smiles, I am forced to bear the burden of what circumstances I had created.
After all, who had done all these things but me?
I had accepted the mission to Konohagakure no Sato.
I had become part of Team Seven, and in turn met Kakashi, Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura.
I had told myself that Uchiha Sasuke deserved someone to show him the light, and I had been the one to lull him into my charms and become something akin to family to the beautiful boy.
I had pursued Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigaki Kisame, only to allow the Uchiha to know of how I loved his brother.
I had wanted to go to Konoha and visit Kakashi, only to be sent on a mission that would inevitably lead to an intimate moment shared with the dashing Jounin back in Konohagakure.
It was I that had accepted to go to Otogakure to try and see Sasuke and learn the truth of my past. And I had… though the tale was a gruesome one that made me hate the world even more. It had been my decisions though…
I had killed Youko because of a jutsu that was deemed forbidden by the Fox Clan for a reason.
I had thought too much on Uchiha Itachi's strange mannerisms and past, only to discover more than I had intended.
And I had been the one to do what I did during my stay with the two Akatsuki members.
All in all, everything that came to pass was my own creation. I had made all these circumstances come to a head and I regretted most of them. If I had never even accepted the mission to Konohagakure, I would not be in the position I am now. I would never have been anything more than the kunoichi I was.
But then I would truly be the shell of a woman I was before, a kunoichi that cared for only two people in this world and had no use for others. To this day, I would find all those around me, save Youko and Mei, to be expendable, useless, and nothing more than a means to an end.
No, I did not regret taking the mission in the first place. I was destined for it and now I was being punished for all that I had gained. Had I taken the wrong roads during these troubling times? I had once heard that all paths lead to the same destination, regardless of what you do to stop it.
Please, I will not ask you to know of me any more. I will not ask that you listen to my story and think me any more of a villain than I really am. I wish you to forget me, to forget I ever existed as well.
Will you though? Will you forget about Kobayashi Sayomi and what she had to endure? Or will you spread my story so it becomes nothing more than a legend, a rumor told around campfires of unrequited love and an ending that is nothing but sorrow? Am I to become a monster people tell their children about at night? Or will I be seen as a hero that will do anything for those she loved?
You make your decision. I will not sway you any longer. Should you hate me, I understand. Should you love me, I will not stop you.
But from this point forward, I will not exist any longer. I am nothing more than a scar on this world now. I will become a shadow in the darkness, one that bends and blends whenever any approach I wish to remain away from. I will be a passing memory, a rumor, and a story none believe. After all, I am nothing without those I love, and now I will never have them again. It is best I am forgotten.
My fairy tale ending is drenched in blood.
And so it ends... I wonder if all of you dislike how things turned? Well, as I said to one of my loyal reviewers, not even the strongest person would be able to touch or kiss their lover when they were leaving without wanting to stay and probably doing so. Anyways... AN in the next chapter.
AN in the next chapter.