I was reading through some of my old, unpublished stuff, and I found this. There's a lot going on here under the surface. Please do read too far into it and make all the assumptions you want, especially about the things Kyoya says. XD


Self-Delusion

Ever since she started dating that idiot, Haruhi has been randomly divulging her thoughts and feelings to whoever is around to listen...

"It's strange that I picked him," she said quietly.

Kyoya stopped what he was doing and looked down at her sitting on the couch with her hands folded in her lap. She wasn't looking directly at him, but he knew that she was talking to him since there was no one else around to be speaking to.

Her eyes had that strangely calm, fond look about them that appeared whenever she reflected on her senpai, but they suddenly became stormy and concerned as she contemplated her own motives.

Kyoya only stood there, waiting for her to finish her thought.

"Out of all of my male friends, I would have ruled him out first. I mean, if I had logically considered what I would want from such a relationship from the beginning... I then would have ruled out Hikaru and Kaoru, and also Honey-senpai. I love them all dearly, but they are all very loud and obnoxious. They all, of course, have many admirable traits, but... Honey-senpai seems so young and does not seem ready for that sort of thing. Hikaru and Kaoru still put each other above everyone else, and they are only just now starting to become their own separate identities. And Tamaki-senpai, he is very immature, idealistic, and unfathomably delusional."

Kyoya nodded in agreement before taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch. He crossed his arms comfortably, figuring that Haruhi would be rambling on for a while. He was wondering if she would be forward enough to say that he would be ruled out next because of his evil and calculating ways when she started speaking once more.

"I don't think that Kyoya-senpai or Mori-senpai would ever like me in that way. Even if they did, I would have no way of knowing, because they are not ones to express such feelings. I think I became aware of Tamaki-senpai partially because he would always shove his affections in my face, something that the others would not do. And then there's Casanova-kun-"

"What are you trying to say, Haruhi?" Kyoya interrupted.

For the first time in the conversation, Haruhi looked over at Kyoya, as if she was just now fully realizing his presence.

"I guess I'm trying to say that Tamaki-senpai is not the logical choice, but it's as if the choice made itself, going past logic to some greater method of reasoning. We are opposites, but it somehow works."

The soft look returned to her eyes as she watched Kyoya, waiting for his response.

"Yes, I suppose love is a force that cannot be helped, whether it is beneficial or not."

Haruhi cocked her head at the unusually deep statement, but she then smiled as she realized that the statement fit him perfectly.

"I hope, Kyoya-senpai, that one day you will find a love that goes beyond merit. To see you completely and genuinely in love like that seems unlikely, but it would make me very happy to witness Kyoya-senpai reaching that point."

Kyoya kept his eyes expertly trained on the wall ahead of him and asked, "Would it?"

"Of course," she assured him. "It would be a very happy moment for me, I believe."

Kyoya pushed his glasses up and then stood.

As he walked away, he said, "Some instances of happiness are greater than others. I am glad that you are happy right now, Haruhi."

She was wrong, of course. She and Tamaki were not opposites at all. They were both experts at self-delusion.

And she, oblivious in a different way than before but still oblivious as ever, smiled as he disappeared beyond the doors of the third music room.


Please review, and feel free to give me your thoughts or questions. Thank you for reading.

-Skye