Chapter Seventeen: We Interrupt This Broadcast
Kisa and Hatori took in the scene of a lone Takano howling at the full moon with somber glances, and immediately afterward retreated back downstairs to the ballroom. Not many of the other servants had left on account of the after party being thrown by Yukina.
Even as they headed down the stairs they could hear the blaring techno music coming from the ballroom and they both slightly winced as they opened the door and entered. While Kisa went straight for Yukina's speakers, Hatori meandered by the door and caught a conversation happening in a corner near the door between Akihiko the journal and a small sugar pot. Even as he sweetly talked with his silver tongue, the journal made very physical approaches towards the porcelain dish, who was uncomfortably trapped in the corner and trying to resist the slick words.
Hatori ignored them and headed after Kisa, who had managed to get Yukina to turn off the music so he could speak to everyone. The laptop placed himself on top of one of Yukina's larger speakers.
"HEY!" He barked to the still dancing appliances. "SHUT THE HELL UP!"
Once the crowd had quieted down, Kisa took a large breath and began to sullenly address everyone.
"Hey morons, I know you're all excited about getting the curse broken, but we have an eensy weensy teeny tiny little problem…those two aren't in love!"
All the servants froze and hysterical chatter began to echo in the large room.
"What do you mean Kisa?" Chiaki asked. "Master loves the princess a whole lot. After all this time…he's finally learned not to be a huge ass."
"It's not enough," Hatori sighed. "Ritsu has to love him back."
"But tonight seemed to go so well," One of the dishes said. "I'm sure if we wait just a bit longer they'll—"
Suddenly, a side door opened and a frantic Yuu came riding in on a skateboard, Hisashi sitting behind him.
"Everyone! We've got a huge problem!" Yuu spoke. "The play is being cancelled!"
"WHAT?" Kisa yelled as Yuu made his way up to the stage. "How do you know?!"
"I was just talking to the director. They said that tonight was a huge bust and we're going to have to cancel immediately. There's not enough funds or public interest to keep going at this snail's pace."
"You mean we won't even be able to finish the ending?" Yukina cried. "That's so sad!"
"Sad doesn't even begin to cover it!" Kisa moaned. "All of our contracts state that we don't get paid unless the play is COMPLETED!We're all screwed!"
"What the hell will we do for jobs?!" Hisashi moaned.
"Tori and I got offers from The Sound of Yaoi production," Chiaki chirped. "Tori gets to be the clock that chimes during the musical number 'So Long, Farewell (To your virginity)!' And I get to be a stool an anti-gay nazi trips over."
"Well isn't that just dandy?!" Kisa snapped. "And what the hell are the rest of us supposed to do?! Yuu, what else did the director say?"
"They said the play can continue if they have a guarantee that Ritsu and Takano will fall in love faster."
"Fuck buckets! That'll never work!" Kisa screeched. "That stupid twat waffle is so far back in the closet he's probably found Narnia by now!"
"And everyone," Yuu cautioned. "Be careful. The crew was even talking about killing off some of the main characters."
"WHAT?!" Everyone yelled at once. As if on cue, the giant crystal chandelier that hung from the ceiling began to come loose. Appliances screamed and scattered as it disconnected from the ceiling and fell to the floor…tragically landing on a certain coffee pot.
"Mino! Mino no!" A mug sobbed as he saw the shattered remains.
"Oh my god!" Yuu cried. "They killed Mino!"
"YOU BASTARDS!" Kisa yelled. "Guys this is serious! We have to find a way to finish this play? Any ideas?!"
Everyone thought in silent contemplation as a broom and a dustpan came forward to sweep up what was left of Mino and lay him to rest in the trashcan. The mug accompanied them, still heartbroken. The servants all watched somberly and tried to think harder, knowing the same fate could very well happen to them.
"Wait," Yuu said. "Remember how the original movie ended? What if we could just break the curse?"
Kisa, Hatori, and Yukina all exchanged glances.
"You know, that could actually work," Kisa said. "With the curse broken, it'll leave room for those two idiots to spend eternity working out their emotional problems and we can still get our checks!"
"But how do we break the curse? The only known way is for them to fall in love." Hatori said.
"Exactly, the only known way." Yuu smiled. "But what if we ask the person who actually cast the spell?"
"Right. There's surely another way to lift this stupid spell, and if anyone would know, she would."
"But how do we find her?" Kisa groaned. "This doesn't follow the script at all."
"I know," Yuu said. "So we're going to have to break a couple small rules…though in plain terms, we're going fucking medieval."
After Ritsu and Takano's not-so-lovely-dovey balcony scene, the narrator had been relaxing in the east side of the garden and anticipating the shutting down of this ship wreck. Unlike the lesser actors and crew, his contract stipulated that he got paid no matter what the outcome of the play, and so he felt quite secure as he relaxed in the dark garden.
So relaxed, he didn't even notice several pairs of electronic eyes silently moving towards him. And by the time he noticed the power cord slipping around his neck and wrists, it was too late. The snarky man yelped as he was yanked off the stone bench and thrown to the grass, where he was immediately surrounded by Kisa, Hatori, Chiaki, Yuu, Hisashi, and two of Yukina's small wireless speakers.
While Hisashi covered his mouth and Chiaki planted himself on his chest, Kisa tightened his power cord around the narrator's neck and began to speak.
"Listen up crap face," Kisa spat. "We need info, and if you don't spill any, I will personally feed you to the enchanted rose bush in the tennis court. And I have a hunch it will like the taste of human blood."
The narrator's eyes widened in terror at the mention of that flesh eating plant and he began to nod furiously. Hisashi released his mouth and he began to speak.
"I'll talk, I'll talk. What do you want to know?"
"Where can we find the enchantress who cursed Takano?" Kisa asked.
Not wanting to anger the wrathful appliances further, the narrator, quite critical in words but a coward at heart, quickly spilled the beans.
"She's at the edge of the dark forest, preparing for her next parody role. Just follow the path through the woods and you'll find her cave."
"Thank douche," Kisa spat, unraveling his cord. "And I hope I don't need to tell you that if you squeal to the director or anyone about this, the offer for your date with the rose bush still stands. And don't try to run, we have gnomes and flamingos watching your every move."
After the terrified man had run off (checking over his shoulder at every turn), the appliances gathered together to plan their next move.
"Well," Yuu said. "I guess our best move would be to go straight to her while we have the chance."
"But it would take us till next year to hop all the way there," Kisa said. "We need a ride."
As if on cue (again), the group heard an engine rev and a sleek black four-wheeler raced out of the garage and over to them.
"Who are you?" Hatori said. "I wasn't aware of any four-wheelers in the script!"
"It's me, Yokozawa," The four-wheeler growled. "Some of the writing staff caught wind of your little plan and decided to help out. And since we've run low on supporting actors I've been double cast."
"That's rough." Yukina chirped.
"You don't know the fucking half of it," Yokozawa sighed. "They want me to play the wolf in Little Terrorist Riding Hood too."
"Soo," Kisa said cautiously. "Can we…ride you?"
"No," Yokozawa said. "I'm just going to roll along at a comfortable pace beside you—WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M FOR!? NOW! Everyone who's a moron get on, and that means ALL OF YOU!"
With silent, wary glances, everyone began to pile onto Yokozawa's seat, but when Chiaki tried to get up, Hatori and Kisa stopped him.
"No Chiaki," Hatori said. "You have to stay here."
"But why?" The footstool cried.
"Because you're the Steve Urkel of this play and we're not taking any chances," Kisa replied. "STAY."
"Chiaki," Yuu said. "Why don't you go back to the castle and keep an eye on Ritsu for us. Make sure he's comfortable all right? You're in charge till we get back."
"Oh…okay," Chiaki relented, though he was quite excited about the notion of being in charge. Ritsu's light was still on in his room so maybe he needed a nice place to put his feet…
"Be careful!" The footrest said as he scampered back to the castle.
"All right pussy willows," Yokozawa growled, reving his engine again. "Let's go. I have to be back in my bear costume by morning."
And so the appliances took off into forest, each hoping that this plan would bring them closer to breaking the spell—
"Hey, wait!" Hisashi yelled. "What about the stupid rule that we can't leave the castle without Takano's permission?"
"Screw the rules," Kisa growled. "All that was bullshit anyway."
Hello parody lovers and thank you all for your faithful reviews and support of this fic. Sorry my updates have been so slow, but my health hasn't been that great lately and my schedule super busy, not the nicest combination.
Next up we have our cast of household objects exploring the dark forest. Thank you all so much for reading!