Chapter Eighteen: Electronic Charms
As four-wheeler Yokozawa sped through the dark woods, all the various appliances tried not to let their creepy surroundings get to them, though some members of the party were far more incredulous than others.
"Okay," Hisashi piped up sourly. "Why does this feel like some stupid remake of The Brave Little Toaster?"
"Eck, don't say that," Kisa muttered. "That movie scares the hell out of me."
"Any movie with a junkyard scares you," Yuu retorted. "That's why you kept shorting out during Toy Story 3."
"Oh shut up—YUKINA! Stop humming 'Thriller'!"
"But why Kisa-san?" Yukina asked. "Maybe if I hum it long enough the writers will put in a dance number."
"Because we can't afford the fucking rights to that song…and it's creepy."
"Scaredy cat." Yuu said under his breath.
"I heard that!"
"Though he is right," Hisashi said. "A tissue used by Michael Jackson is worth more than all our warranties put together and tripled."
"Damn straight," A sudden voice piped up. Everyone immediately looked down at Yokozawa in surprise.
"I didn't know you were an MJ fan Yokozawa," Yukina said.
"Well," The four-wheeler grumbled awkwardly. "Who isn't?"
"Look," Kisa piped up. "There's a cave up ahead. That must be it. Pull over."
Yokozawa came to a halt a few feet from the ominous looking cave and the appliances hopped down and formed a circle.
"We have a slight problem," Hatori said. "We didn't plan out how exactly we're going to get this enchantress to tell us anything."
"Good point," Kisa replied. "We'll have to use our manly charms."
"PFT!" Yokozawa snorted from a distance, trying to keep from laughing aloud.
"How the hell are we supposed to charm anyone?" Yuu groaned. "Unless she's a total nerd and likes slightly used old computers and a mish mash of home electronics, we're screwed!"
"Maybe we could get Yukina to sing a trashy Maroon 5 song and attempt to dance with her." Kisa muttered.
"Ooo! I know all their songs!" Yukina chirped.
"Welp," Hisashi sighed, starting to scoot his fuzzy form towards the cave. "It looks like it's up to me."
"Huh?" Kisa said. "How the hell could you possibly convince her? You're a blob of fleece."
"Are you kidding?" The blanket retorted. "Have you seen me? I'm so cute people mistake me for a puppy covered in kittens. Watch me work you dolts."
Curious about this so-called "work" Hisashi was going to do, everyone followed him into the rather spooky cave, but it seemed to have no end. Terrified that Vincent Price's voice from 'Thriller' was suddenly going to pop up, Kisa called out.
"Hello? Is anyone here?"
"Who is it?" A voice echoed from all around them.
"Er—uh Mrs. Enchantress-chan-sama, it's us. The uh, people you cursed at Takano's castle?"
"Oh goodness," The voice said cheerfully. "Come on in! There's a door to your left by the stalagmite."
The five quickly found the disguised door and went inside, more than a little stunned that the creepy cave now harbored a room that looked like the set of I Dream of Jeanie's magic bottle. And seated on a plethora of pink cushions was a beautiful woman with strawberry blond hair and a pleasant expression.
"Hello," She smiled. "I'm the Enchantress Eri, but you can call me Aikawa. It's so nice to see you all again! I don't get many visitors these days."
"It's uh, nice to see you again too," Kisa said. As he greeted her, Hisashi slithered over to her feet.
"Thank you for rescuing us," He said petulantly. "That cave was so scary."
"Ohh precious," Aikawa crooned, picking him up and stroking him. "The cave is a necessary measure so I'm not hounded for spells, but I'm sworry I frightened you. You are just so adorable."
"Sorry to be the bringer of bad news my lady," Hatori said. "But a spell is precisely why we're here. The one you cast on Takano."
"Well, seeing as how the play is going to be cancelled," She replied. "I don't quite see the purpose in you meeting me. In fact, the writers are already getting ready for the next parody, though they can't seem to decide between alien abduction or mermen. They say they're going to let the readers vote on it."
"But we need that spell broken Aikawa," Yukina pleaded. "Can't you just wave your hand and make it go away?"
"I'm sorry," She said. "But even I am bound by the rules of my spells. In order for Takano to return to a human state, he must meet with his true love."
"But WE KNOW he's met his true love!" Yuu said. "But that princess is emotionally constipated and it's taking forever to develop. Can't we come to a compromise? I mean, isn't it enough that they're living together?"
"That they have mild dating interest?"
"How about a bribe?" Kisa asked. "I know for a face that there's a journal in the castle who's writing some pretty raunchy man smut, and he could mysteriously lose a hunk of his pages."
"Hmm," Aikawa murmured. "As tempting as that is…I can't. I'm sorry."
"Please Eri," Hisashi said, snuggling closer to her. "You have to help us. You're are only hope."
Aikawa's heart went out to the little blanket and she finally came to a decision.
"All right, here's what I can do. I can't break the curse, but I can give you a hint. Try reading the original script of Beauty and the Beast and note the exact circumstances in which Belle admitted her love. There's a copy of it right over there on that pink table.
"Now I'm afraid all of you must be going. No matter what the fans pick for the next parody, I'll have a role in it and I must be prepared for both parts. But feel free to come back any time, especially you Mr. cuddly blanket."
The appliances sighed and reluctantly took the book and headed back out of the cave, trying to ignore how smug Hisashi was at the moment. They all got back up on Yokozawa and began to drive back to the castle. Kisa propped the book up on the dash and hurriedly began to peruse the contents for Aikawa's so called hint. But the closer they got to their home, the more anxious everyone got.
"Have anything yet Kisa?" Yuu asked.
"All I've got so far is that Walt Disney really hated women and Jews…and we haven't even touched on the issue of beastiality."
"Stop reading the biography and tell us how the original ended!"
"I tried!" Kisa growled. "Villagers came and invaded the castle, the beast died, but then he was okay and the spell was broken. We don't have the budget for an attack and killing Takano is out so what the hell are we supposed to…"
Kisa's electronic eyes suddenly widened and Yuu picked up on the idea immediately.
"Step on it Yoko!" Yuu barked. "I think we've just found a way to trick our princess into confessing his love."
Well yaoi loving gals and guys, as I said, this parody is coming to a close after a few more chapters...so it's time to vote on the next one! Either idea will be a Junjou Romantica fic, but what'll it be?
A. Alien Abduction
Most votes will get written next so cast your ballot now!
And thank you all for the awesome reviews! It's thanks to all your enthusiasm that this fic was even written and I am very grateful.