I've missed this AU! And I didn't like last chapter either! Well, actually it had me giggling a little, but it was a bit sub-par. Whatever, I'm sure it'll turn out to be somebody's favourite because people are weird and diverse and that's a good thing, so biology teaches us!
"... and who could forget how absolutely magnificent, indeed, heart-stopping, he was when he freed Lake Hylia from its lengthy drought, which would surely have quenched the land? And no one-!"
Zelda, regal and lovely princess of Hyrule, had long since stopped trying to hide the mixture of boredom and astonishment that defined her mood. She rested her head on a hand, leaning overall to the right as the man not so much praised as gushed over everyone's favourite hero and hot topic of the day, Link.
Who just so happened to be lying in a haphazard manner next to her, gracelessly snoring in a way that must have been intentional. Zelda very, very carefully inched her elbow closer to her strategically placed goblet, causing it to just tip over the edge and land squarely on Link's head. The wolf yelped, snorted, sat bolt upright, caught the goblet, and turned to give her a disapproving glare in one, smooth go.
She just smiled at him and daintily picked the goblet from his jaws.
The man hadn't stopped gushing, and it might just be her imagination, but Zelda could swear that he'd started sparkling.
Link, personally, thought he'd showed up in the wrong outfit. He should have been wearing an imitation of his cap and a shirt with the words 'LINK FOR THE WINS!' and '#1 FAN OF HYRULE'S BEST HERO EVAR' and perhaps even 'OMG SQUEE LOVE YOU, LINK!' in the biggest, boldest, brightest letters available.
Zelda had to turn her head to hide her smile and attempt to throw a disapproving look at the wolf. "Link, please stop that, I should try to take him seriously, even if he has bad taste in idols."
Oh, please! As if she wasn't his fan, too! In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if she had the shirt he'd just been thinking of! Ah, he could just imagine her wearing it, with the same partially adoring partially crazed look on her face, eyes all aglow...
Zelda couldn't hold back a small snort of laughter at the thought, and reminded herself to have a lock put on her wardrobe so Link wouldn't get the idea of rummaging through it.
She sat up straight, cleared her throat, and held up a hand to stop the barrage of adoration. It took a good twenty seconds before the man registered the gesture and fell quiet. "I am sure that we are all in agreement that the Twilight Hero is, indeed, a most admirable personality," she ignored the miffed pout the man sported at the, to his mind, most severe understatement, "but this only furthers the question, good sir, what your point is? Surely, you do not believe me unaware of his heroic deeds?"
"Of course not, milady, I just thought it prudent to remind those with less stellar memories," he explained amicably, getting a few hard stares from the people spread around the throne room that had been kept waiting by his long-winded monologue.
"I think it safe to assume that everyone here is quite aware of the services brave Link faced for fair Hyrule. So, please, what do you wish regarding our dear hero?"
Aww, was he her dear hero? That would have been so sweet if it didn't still miff him every time someone thought he was just her pet and put bows and frills and condescending words and mouthwatering treats and he could totally eat a cow and-
"Ah, yes, your Majesty. I think you will find that such valour deserves commemoration! I am here to petition a statue raised in his honour and a national holiday to celebrate when he liberated our fair nation!"
Zelda raised an eyebrow. "I am sorry to say that or valiant hero has already declined the raising of any monument in his honour," Damn right he had! Marble would just make him look fat! "requesting instead that the money such a project would cost should instead go to a worthy cause, such as feeding the poor, granting medical services to the poor, or finding new homes to orphaned kittens." A collective 'aww' went through the room at the last of the statement, as well it should have. Although, in all fairness, Link had added an 'or whatever you wanna' after suggesting the new homes for kittens. "Instead of a statue, then, a fund was started in his name to regularly donate substantial amounts to all of these projects, as well as several others that benefit the people."
Link's jaw actually dropped at what Zelda said, and he turned to stare at her. She'd taken him seriously? And she hadn't told him? How could she not tell him she was giving money to kittens in his name?!
"Furthermore, a substantial reward was granted to all the villagers of Ordon, who helped raise and shape the Twilight Hero. As for the national holiday," she waved a hand negligently, "the council cannot decide on a date. It is either too close to the Festival of Din, too far from the actual date, or on the same day as someone's birthday. But aside from these minor snags, we are very much progressing toward instituting such a thing. Would that be to your satisfaction?"
The man looked as flabbergasted as the wolf beside the princess. "Yes, your Majesty! Most certainly!"
"Good, then. Anything else?"
"Ah, no, your Majesty, that will be all."
The throne room turned momentarily into a class room, as everyone in it quickly turned towards the exit and started packing their way out, with the exception of a few more sedate people who stayed as they were until the worst of rush had cleared out.
"Well," Zelda muttered, getting up and slipping out of the much smaller door behind the throne for servants and just her. "That was a monumental wast of time."
What in the world was the woman talking about? He'd been gushed about! He hadn't been gushed over in ages! And all because she was in denial.
"I'm not in denial, Link, I just happen to know something he doesn't, which is that you snore and turn into a puppy when it snows."
It was tragic, really, how deep it ran.
"Whatever you say, Link. You're the one who has a stuffed bunnyskin to lose."
He gasped audibly. She wouldn't dare! He wouldn't be able to sleep without Bunny-Munchkins!
Do note that most of this (*cough*all*cough*) was written late at night, and as I am writing this sentence, I am in fact dreaming of pizza/cat hybrids having a dance off with muppets. It is adorable.
Please review and tell me what you liked/disliked.