The God of Salsa

A/N: This is what I get for taking Honors Classes—sleepless nights, studying til 1 AM, and no time for Fan Fiction. *Cries*. Hopefully, since I just finished a big project, I'll have more free time. Here's the second chappie for The God of Salsa….


We were all ready for the hot salsa contest. Scott had grabbed Kitty and asked her to be the official witness to the contest. She reluctantly agreed, saying she just wanted to see us in pain. She seemed convinced that we were gonna suffer, especially after reading some of the salsa labels.

"Gosh, this one has a safety warning on it. 'Not responsible for personal injury?'" She glanced up at us. "You guys seriously going to eat this? It looks dangerous…"

I nodded. "Yup. We are. That one's the grand finale, by the way," I said, motioning to the jar in her hands. She set it back down on the counter.

"Well, let's get started." She smiled and handed us each a big spoon. "I'll pass around the salsa, and everyone has to take a big scoop and eat the whole thing," she explained, picking up the first jar in the line of pain. She screwed off the lid and handed it to Scott. Scott took a big spoonful of salsa and glanced at it confidently. Next, Bobby took a spoonful. Then me. Then Kurt, then Sam. "Alright, guys. Go."

We all put the spoons in our mouths. The spoonful of hot salsa tasted like watered down fire. It felt a sharp burning in my mouth. I swallowed it quickly and removed the spoon from my mouth. Beside me, Bobby was coughing.

"H….hot!" he said.

"Duh," Kitty snorted, rolling her eyes. She was totally unsympathetic to our pain. "Ready for the next round guys, or do you want a moment to recover?"

Scott, being all macho-y, said, "Nah, let's have it now. That wasn't so bad," he added, adjusting his posture to look taller and more confident. I could see the tightness in his face. Yup, he thought it was hot.

"Ok…." Kitty agreed, opening the next jar in the spectrum of pain and passing it around. "Remember," she said, as Scott was digging his spoon into the salsa, "when you're ready to quit, just say 'I'm done.' I don't want one of you guys to, like, burn your mouths or something. It can happen."

Scott scoffed. He said: "Riiiight. We can take it, Kitty. Where's your faith in us?"

"I have faith in your stupidity, if that's what you mean," she retorted with a small smirk. "You guys work so hard to prove your manliness." She shook her head, as if finding our efforts amusing in some way. How could we expect her to understand? It was a guy thing.

We all ate the next round of salsa. This salsa was sweeter than the last, but the spiciness factor went up. I twisted my mouth uncomfortably and gulped it down. Bobby gasped and spat his salsa out. Yuck.

"I give up," he wheezed. Kitty smiled again.

"There, there, Bobby," she comforted him. "My respect for you just went up a fraction of an inch." Bobby cleaned up the salsa on the floor and sat beside Kitty to watch us torture ourselves.

"Wimp," Scott whispered out the side of his mouth.

Sam, Kurt, and I chuckled. We shut up when Kitty passed around the next jar: 100% Chance of Pain. I dug my spoon in halfway, not wanting to put all that in my mouth. Kitty gave me a look and I scooped a bit more onto my spoon. When we all had a heaping spoonful of hot salsa, we put them in our mouths. This salsa was very hot, and the bitter aftertaste made it really nasty. I saw Sam turning a funny shade of green nearby. He looked a little sick, but he swallowed, gasped, and gave a thumbs up. Kurt wasn't looking so good either. If he was turning green, I couldn't see it, but his eyes bugged out a little and he twisted his mouth into a funny shape.

"Sam? You sure you're ok?" Kitty asked. Sam nodded.

"Can we have a little break?" he asked. Kitty nodded, and we decided to get a drink of water.

"Get out the milk," Kurt instructed, going for the fridge. "Acids and bases cancel out."

Scott nodded and went with him to the fridge for milk. Sam and I followed suit. Milk did sound good, anyhow. We poured ourselves each a tall glass and drank until our mouths felt better. We took out glasses back with us, in case we needed something quick. Kitty nodded with approval.

"Smart, guys. You all recovered now?"



We ate the next round of salsa. Sam dropped out, but not before chugging down his whole glass of milk. "I can't take that stuff," he grumbled, joining Kitty and Bobby. That just left Kurt, Scott, and I.

We had five salsas left. On the next round, Kurt was out. I had to admit, my mouth was burning like crazy too, but I managed to swallow and carry on. Now, it was just Scott versus moi. We had four salsas left.

We got to the salsa called Fuckin' Hot, and it was aptly named so, let me tell you. I felt like my stomach acid was in my mouth, eating the flesh from the inside out. It was mucho painful. Scott and I took the entire gallon of milk out of the fridge and kept it between us, because a glass of milk between salsas wasn't enough.

Up next was Liquid Lava, also named appropriately. Swallowing it down was very painful, like swallowing down too much hot coffee at once and burning the back of your throat. Only worse. Scott coughed a little, and looked like he was done.

"You ready to give up yet?" I rasped. My throat felt like raw meat.

Scott put on a brave face. "No. Why, are you?" he challenged.

"Hell no. Bring it on, dude."

He glared at me. Kitty just sighed and passed around the next salsa. We each took some. Scott and I glanced at each other as we put the spoons in our mouths. He was looking for signs of weakness, and so was I. Kurt, Sam, and Bobby were cheering us on. Sam and Bobby were cheering for Scott. Traitors. Kurt was calling my name. Well, it was nice to know my buddy was stickin' by me.

At this point, Scott looked quite sick. His face turned red, then green, like a stoplight. I was gasping for breath and running for the milk. It wasn't pretty. But Scott managed to hold on, and so did I. "One more round," he choked out. Kitty looked at us, seemed a bit concerned.

"It's a miracle you guys don't kill yourselves," she muttered, giving us a small break. After we had a breather, she whipped out the next jar. It was Brain Damage salsa. My stomach churned just looking at it, but I gingerly stuck my spoon into the salsa. I could smell the hotness of it. I wrinkled my nose and stuck the spoon in my mouth. Scott did the same. We both watched each other out the corner of our eyes.

As we ate, I could tell Scott was really struggling. His mouth twitched, as if he was gonna spit out the salsa like Bobby had. Then he turned green again and he said, "I…I quit." He ran over to the sink and spat the salsa out. He stuck his mouth under the faucet and let the water pour into his mouth. I swallowed and swigged down the rest of the gallon of milk. My mouth was amazingly painful, but I'd eaten the salsa without giving up.

"I guess Evan wins," Kitty announced, smiling and walking over to pat me on the back.

"You gonna be ok?" Kurt asked, punching me lightly in the ribs.

"Yeah. I a second." I let the burning sensation slowly dissipate. The others cheered and Scott….well, he complained about the contest being unfair and that he should have won, etc, but mumbled an "I guess you win," to my face then went back to grumbling and brooding.

Inside, I was happy. Sure, I'd just won a stupid salsa contest, big deal, but my ego was riding the wave of victory. I'd done it. I was a conqueror. A god. The God of Salsa.



A/N: The end! Yeeaah and I'm sorry about not updating this in forever. I do have a life, you know. It may not seem like it, but I do get off the computer every now and then and participate in the world. Anyway, whatever. Hope you liked it.

-The Ember Raven