Title: Do What Feels Natural
Pairing: Quinn Fabray/Rachel Berry
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Just having a little fun.
Summary: On Rachel's request, Quinn accompanies her to the bridal shop to pick out their dresses. Quinn tries to keep silent for as long as she can, but she finds she can't keep quiet about how ridiculous Rachel is being when Rachel is standing in front of her in a white wedding dress and asking for her honest opinion.
A/N:The promo for the next episode gave me all kinds of Faberry feelings, so I started writing last night and finished this today after class. Hope you all enjoy. :)
And happy belated Valentine's Day! Hope everyone got to get some lovin' on.
Quinn gripped the steering wheel tightly with a barely there sigh as she mindlessly drove through downtown Lima. If what Lima had to offer could be called a downtown. There were a few buildings standing upright with pride, but even more leaning towards the side in shame and decay. She was looking for a bridal shop that was apparently a few blocks ahead if the directions that her passenger gave her were correct. The light ahead suddenly turned to yellow and she slowed, coming to a smooth stop at the now red light glaring at her in authority. She casted a glance over to the passenger in her seat, eyebrows dipping in incredulity at what she was seeing.
Rachel bounced giddily in the passenger seat as she stared out of the car to the buildings passing by. Her smile stretched wide until a dimple pocketed her cheek in what Quinn came to know was Rachel's tell of when she was truly happy. Happy about going to the bridal shop apparently, which Quinn couldn't understand. How Rachel could actually allow herself to marry Finn Hudson, Quinn would never—
She wasn't going to do that today.
In a quick turn, Rachel was suddenly facing her, all deep brown eyes that clearly showed her happiness and a blinding smile that Quinn almost wanted to turn away from. Instead, she took a deep breath, and plastered on a thin smile. "Excited?"
Rachel nodded immediately, brown curls bouncing in her enthusiasm. "I just—I never thought you and I would be doing this…hanging out like friends," she finished with a smile.
Quinn blinked owl-like at Rachel's statement and turned away to find the light green. She eased into motion like second nature, feeling rattled all of a sudden for some reason. "Actually, I was talking about Finn, and the fact that you're getting married," Quinn elaborated.
"Oh!" She saw Rachel jerk in realization from the corner of her eye and threw Rachel back into her blind spot before she crashed from not paying attention. "O-of course I'm excited. Why wouldn't I be?"
Rachel sounded defensive, to which Quinn just shrugged a shoulder, leaning forward in her seat to better see the addresses on the buildings. "I didn't say you weren't, Rachel," Quinn said in that authoritative tone of voice she used in order to squash any possible disagreements between the two of them. "It was just a question."
"Sorry," Rachel murmured, deflating back into her seat. She took a deep, calming breath, eyes slipping shut as a smell that was uniquely Quinn wafted around her. "I just know that you don't approve of my marrying Finn and I thought you were going to try to stop me."
"I'm driving you to a bridal shop, Rachel. I hardly think now's the time to stop you," Quinn replied dryly.
Rachel chuckled, eyes peeling open to stare at Quinn's profile. "You'd be amazed at the lengths my fathers have gone to to stop this wedding."
"I don't blame them," Quinn said simply. "Getting married at our age is a stupid idea."
There wasn't a response after that, and it kind of threw Quinn off. Rachel was the queen motor mouth, especially when it came to things she 'believed in'—her silence was intriguing to say the least. She turned to look at her briefly before facing forwards. "What?" she replied defensively to the strange look Rachel was giving her.
Rachel shook her head softly. "It's just, you said 'our' as if we were—never mind," she stammered. "I'm probably being weird."
Quinn licked at her lips nervously as she pushed out a forced laugh. "Yeah, but when aren't you weird?" she played off.
"Please," Rachel scoffed. "I happen to know that you enjoy my friendship now, Quinn Fabray, so you can't hide it anymore."
Quinn rolled her eyes. "Why would I enjoy your friendship, Berry?"
"You tell me," Rachel replied haughtily, crossing her arms.
Quinn casted a glance towards her. "You're pretty smart," Quinn admitted. "Your engagement to Finn notwithstanding."
"You can't make fun of my engagement, Quinn," Rachel huffed.
"I reserve the right to take as many pot shots as I want until May. And probably after."
"The building is on the left," Rachel told her as she leaned forward in her seat. She clutched the bridal magazine Hiram had given her tightly to her as Quinn pulled smoothly into a parking space. "You're such a good driver," she murmured absentmindedly.
Quinn's lips ticked upwards at the small compliment as she shut her engine off. She released her death grip on the steering wheel and rubbed her hands together. "Ready?"
Rachel looked towards the little boutique, then over to Quinn. "You'll be there for me, right? When I go in there and try on dresses?"
"That's what I'm assuming you asked me to come for," Quinn said slowly. "And to pick out my own dress."
Rachel smiled, pink dusting her cheeks as she ducked her head to fumble with her seatbelt. "Yeah, okay," she said quietly. She opened the door and stepped out, looking over to Quinn as she stepped out as well. "Ready?"
Quinn barked out a laugh. "I'm not the one getting married." She turned to walk towards the building.
Rachel sped along to keep up. "Yeah, but in a way you're sort of giving me away," she called from over Quinn's shoulder.
Quinn spun around abruptly, expression sharp. "I'm not," she replied curtly. "Your fathers are. I'm a bridesmaid. They…support," she finished, a little unsurely.
"But you don't…really," Rachel whispered.
Quinn stared down at her for a long moment, trying to figure out what Rachel's angle was. "Are you trying to start an argument?"
She watched the way Rachel's lips pressed together hard as a look of repentance drew her features downwards. "No, I'm not, sorry," Rachel said quietly. "I don't know why I just said that."
"I'm just going to assume you're nervous about this wedding and acting weirdly," Quinn said with finality as she turned around to keep walking.
A bell above the door chimed charmingly as Quinn opened it, walking inside and absentmindedly holding the door for Rachel before releasing it closed. There were dozens of mannequins adorned in white dresses on the floor of the boutique and even more plastered along the wall. She stared at them all with a sense of detachment. When she was younger she used to visit bridal shops with her sister and they would stare adoringly at the dresses, hoping one day they would get to wear one down the aisle. Now she was eighteen years old without even a hint as to when she was going to get married or who she was going to get married to. The one person she thought she was going to marry was now getting married to her…friend.
"Wow," Rachel breathed as she walked further along in the store without sensing Quinn's apprehension. "Some of these are simply exquisite."
"They're something," Quinn replied flatly. She followed a little ways behind Rachel with her hands clasped behind her back as she surveyed the dresses and Rachel's reactions to them. Her eyes, dark and oddly alluring with such depth, would swell with surprise at the beauty of some of the dresses, or squint in silent judgement of ones she found ugly. She would take her bottom lip between her teeth as she pondered on her feelings for one of the dresses and Quinn would sigh quietly and force herself to look away.
"Don't you want to look for your dress, Quinn?" Rachel asked after she had racked up about five dresses.
Quinn's eyes squinted as she looked at the numerous dresses draped across Rachel's arm in the way she always did when she thought Rachel was doing something particularly ridiculous. "Are you allowed to walk around with those many dresses?" she asked curiously.
Rachel blinked as if she had been asked the stupidest question in the world. "I'm the bride," was all she said as if that explained everything.
Quinn shrugged a shoulder as if that actually made sense. "Anyway, no, you go ahead. We can pick out mine afterwards, or something."
Rachel seemed to crumble right before hazel eyes. Her eyes slowly widened to an impossibly endearing size as her bottom lip jutted out without warning. Quinn's shoulders deflated subconsciously as she stared curiously at the pout on Rachel's lips. "You don't want to be my bridesmaid, do you?" Rachel asked sadly.
"What about my last statement gave you that idea?"
A shoulder was shrugged halfheartedly as Rachel's eyes strayed to Quinn's collarbone instead of her eyes. "I don't know. You don't seem excited."
"That's because you're—"
"Getting married at such a young age, but…" Rachel looked back up at her, eyes defiantly sharped and focused. "But if I don't marry Finn, who else is going to marry me?"
"That's not a good reason to marry someone, Rachel," Quinn said quietly.
Rachel huffed in exasperation. "Why? Because someone like you is going to come along and sweep me off my feet?" Rachel blurted out suddenly, looking almost angry as she stared up at Quinn. "I don't think that will ever happen."
Her eyes scanned over Rachel's face to search for any kind of sign of amusement pulling her lips upward or crinkling her eyes into a smile. But all she saw was near resentment, resentment directed at her of all people in a way Quinn didn't understand. She cleared her throat, shifting a little where she stood. "Everyone is meant to end up with someone," Quinn told her. "I mean, I thought I was going to marry Finn and, well—" She gestured around them, figuring their environment and the mountain of wedding dresses in Rachel's hand would say it all.
The fabric of the dresses rubbed together in a chorus sounding like nails on a chalkboard as Rachel stepped closer. She rubbed up and down Quinn's arm with a warm smile. "Anyone would be a fool to not love and marry you," Rachel said sincerely.
A not quite so bitter smile lit her face beautifully as she muttered, "Tell that to every guy I've ever dated," with an eyeroll.
"I said they would be a fool to not love and marry you, Quinn," Rachel giggled. "And you're-you're wonderful, but I find your taste in boys…lacking."
Her jaw dropped in outrage, which only made Rachel laugh harder. "Go," Quinn ordered. "Go try on those dresses before I hurt you." She walked closer and grabbed Rachel's shoulders, spinning her around and pushing her along.
Rachel reached up with a free hand that she shouldn't have had for someone carrying five dresses and grabbed Quinn's hand on her shoulder. "Come with me," she said warmly.
Quinn frowned behind her. "In the dressing room? No."
"Why?" Rachel whined as Quinn pushed her along. They ended up in a room in the back of the shop full of bright lights and mirrors where women came to try on their dresses. Women five and ten years old than Rachel. Quinn sighed.
"Because you can do this by yourself."
They came to a stop and Rachel spun around quickly to face her. "Stay here?" she prompted softly. "A-and help me fix my dresses when—"
"I'm a bridesmaid, Rachel. This is my job," she reiterated for what felt like the hundredth time.
"Right," Rachel murmured. "Well, then—" She rose up on the tips of her toes to sling her free arm around Quinn's neck. Their bodies crushed together everywhere in a sudden hug that caused Rachel's eyes to shut tightly and Quinn's chest to constrict with a shuddery breath. "Thank you for being here, Quinn," Rachel whispered.
There was still an arm anchoring her down to Rachel's body and, after a few seconds of shock, Quinn tentatively placed a hand on Rachel's hip. It seem to set off a set of chain reactions as the arm around the back of her neck slowly slid away until Rachel was gently cupping her there. She turned her face to nuzzle Quinn's neck softly.
Quinn's lips pressed tightly together, knowing the breath she was about to release was going to be a shaky, gasping mess. She didn't really know whether or not friends hugged each other the way Rachel was clinging to her. But then again, they were hardly friends, so those particular set of rules hardly applied to them. The hand on Rachel's hip slid upwards, and Quinn couldn't help but notice how soft Rachel was as her arm slid around her waist. She heard Rachel sigh quietly and practically melt into her like a reciprocated hug was all she had longed for the past three years.
This hug, if it could be called that, gave a new meaning to the word torture. After having spent four years tormenting Rachel, it seemed Rachel got the last laugh in the end as she pulled back from their embrace with that blinding smile that dimpled her cheeks and a healthy flush to her face. "I should probably try these on," she mumbled.
Quinn could do little more than nod, not trusting herself to speak as Rachel walked into the dressing room in front of her and shut the door. Her eyes wandered from the door Rachel was currently behind and towards the countless mirrors around the room. She slipped away, walking towards a nearby mirror. There was a small blush fading from her face that surprised her. Quinn stared herself pensively as her head tilted. She wondered how she got here. How she went from the quarterback's girlfriend and future Mrs. Hudson's to playing second fiddle to the supposed loser in the school as said loser married the boy she was supposed to marry. It could be said that she was jealous, but it was more than a little unnerving when she realized that she wasn't jealous of Rachel. She was jealous of Finn.
"Quinn?" Rachel called from behind the door.
Quinn spun around quickly, berating herself and wondering where the hell these feelings came from as she walked towards the door. "Yeah?"
She inhaled a deep breath, feeling antsy at having those words directed at her. "Then come out."
The door jiggled in Rachel's excitement to fumble it open. It opened slowly, peeling away to show a glowing Rachel Berry in a white, flowly garment, tan, delicate shoulders lifting into an unsure shrug as Rachel slowly shuffled out of the dressing room. "What do you think?" Rachel asked softly.
She smiled reflexively and twirled her finger. "Turn around."
Rachel echoed her smile, as she gathered what she could of her dress in her hands and slowly turned around. Quinn inhaled deeply at the sight of Rachel's back, tan, smooth skin partially hidden by wavy dark hair as Rachel continued to turn. They faced each other once more and Rachel looked up at her hopefully. "What do you think?"
Her eyes squinted, caught between trying to be a supportive friend and wanting to voice every protest for this wedding that was steadily climbing up her throat. "I think…that you're showing too much skin."
"But I have good skin," Rachel instantly defended. "I-I moisturize every day and night with a therapeutic lotion to restore what I've lost through the day." She shuffled closer, looking towards her shoulder. "See? Feel."
There was so much golden skin from Rachel's neck and down her shoulder that was instantly made available to Quinn as Rachel strived to prove some point Quinn wasn't even sure about. "I'm sure your skin is very soft," Quinn said lowly, prying her eyes away from Rachel's shoulder to meet her eyes. They were close again, very close to the point where Quinn could smell that lavender moisturizer Rachel had been talking about. Rachel's eyes darted wildly all around her face as Quinn wrestled with her vocal chords to choke out a sentence. "But it's a wedding, not a frat party," she whispered with a quirk of her lips. "You shouldn't be showing so much skin."
"A little shoulder and back is a lot of skin?" Rachel breathed airily as she stared up into hazel eyes.
"For a wedding? Yes."
Rachel turned away suddenly with a huff, gathering her dress and walking away. "I'll try another one."
Quinn took quick breaths in an attempt to calm her heart beat as she watched Rachel walk away. She had never felt things like this before, the rapid pitter-patter of a heartbeat that she had heard people associate with being in love. The closest she came to feeling this way was a dull warmth in her chest when Puck used to speak about wanting to be a good father for Beth when they were sophomores and she was pregnant or when Sam would do his lame impressions that had somehow endeared him to her in a way. But this was so different. There was a churning feeling that catapulted her heart out of her chest in indignation every time she reminded herself that the only reason she was here with Rachel was because Rachel was stupid enough to accept a proposal from Finn Hudson. It was ludicrous to even imagine how far Rachel's self-esteem had fallen if she was ready to waste the rest of her life on a boy who showed no potential of being anything.
Her heart thumped again, loud and clear and she placed her hand against her chest absentmindedly as if to cage the beast inside. She had been biting her tongue since she found out about the engagement. Well, as much as Quinn could hold her tongue, which meant not much, but she had never done what her heart was screaming at her to do. And as she looked through the mirror to Rachel opening the door and walking out of the dressing room, she worried that she wasn't going to be able to keep silent for much longer.
"Look at me," Rachel voiced softly from across the room.
Reluctantly, Quinn turned around as Rachel walked closer to her. Brown eyebrows knitted together the closer Rachel to Quinn. She stopped right in front of her with a frown. "What's the matter with you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You look upset all of a sudden. Did one of those saleswomen bother you while I was changing?"
She forced out a small laugh at the genuine care that dripped effortlessly from Rachel's voice as if the two of them caring for each other was the most natural thing in the world. "Nothing's wrong. I was just thinking."
"About what?" Rachel inquired with a mix of apprehensive eagerness.
Quinn shook her head resolutely as she grabbed Rachel by the shoulders again and spun her around. "Stand on the platform so I can see what you look like."
Rachel looked a bit perturbed at having the conversation interrupted, but her face lit up as soon as she saw the platform that awaited her, illuminated by glowing lights. She quickly stood atop it, feeling like a giant as she stared down at Quinn. A thought struck her and her face erupted into a smile as she giggled cutely. "You're going to have to teach me how to walk in heels more smoothly before the big day, so I don't fall and break my nose."
Quinn smiled up at her, recalling Rachel's dream of being elevated like this, being a star in bright lights like this. "That's going to be a disaster," she commented dryly, ignoring the nagging thought in the back of her mind that asked herself if Rachel was going to be able to make all of her dreams come true while dragging someone like Finn Hudson behind her, or if the tables were going to turn and he was going to drag her away from bright lights she had been chasing after for as long as Quinn had known her.
"How do I look?" Rachel asked with intense eyes that bore into Quinn's own with so much sudden emotion.
The room was beginning to feel suffocating. Quinn found herself wanting to take measured steps back until she was out of the room, out of the boutique, out of the wedding, and out of Rachel Berry's life because no matter how this was going to end it probably wouldn't be well. "You look…really beautiful," she whispered, returning countless compliments Rachel had given her since the dawn of time in one single moment. She took a deep breath, begging herself to keep it together for at least a half hour longer until Rachel had changed back into her own clothes and purchased a dress. Then they could leave, Quinn could get some much needed space, and maybe they could try for her own dress next week unless Rachel decided to move the fucking date up to tomorrow morning at the ass crack of dawn.
"Yeah?" Rachel asked with a small smile. Her gaze dipped bashfully as she smoothed down the front of her dress. "You really like it?"
"I do," Quinn choked out. Her chest felt like someone had sat on it, everything felt so compressed, nothing felt like it was functioning properly. Her heartbeat was getting slower and slower by the second as Rachel stared down at her with an expression on her face Quinn had never seen before. It wasn't happy. It was resigned, and Rachel fucking Berry of all people was never the type to resign or yield to anything, and the look on her face absolutely killed Quinn.
"Well, thank you, Quinn," Rachel murmured. "I think this is the dress that I want to buy, so we can go now and—"
"Okay, stop," Quinn cut in sharply. She stared blankly down at the platform Rachel was standing on as she muttered, "I can't—there's no way I can do this."
"Do what?" Rachel asked, voice heavy and strained.
"I'm not gonna do it," she said resolutely. It was like her heart kick started and accelerated rapidly in an effort to tell her that what she was doing was right. So much indignation swelled inside of her as thoughts that she had held off all afternoon swirled around in her mind. Thoughts of Rachel ruining her life, thoughts of Rachel marrying Finn, the upset of realizing years too late that the one she had been jealous of this whole time wasn't Rachel at all. "I'm not gonna stand around and watch you ruin your life by marrying Finn Hudson!" she said forcefully in a grave voice that teetered on a growl as her upset casted outwards into a glare as she stared up at Rachel.
Rachel's lips pursed tightly together, features pulled taut in anger. "How dare you?" she whispered, voice gaining strength until she practically yelled, "How dare you, Quinn!"
"What did you expect, Rachel?" Quinn fired back in exasperation. "Did you really expect me to sit around through this entire asinine engagement and stand by your side like a good little friend while you said 'I do' to Finn? Finn Hudson? Get real."
Rachel struggled in her fury to gather her dress and walk off the platform. She stormed over to Quinn, delicate shoulders Quinn was admiring an hour prior now tensed in anger. "Get real?" she screeched. "What, Quinn—am I living in some sort of fantasy world again?" she asked snidely. "Am I so far caught up in a fantasy that I can't see what's in front of me—I'll never get it right, is that it?"
"Yeah," Quinn spat bitterly as she stared down at Rachel. "Yeah, you know what? You are still living in some school girl dreamland and you know what else? If you don't wake up, you're going to miss everything."
"Stop telling me that I'm wrong!" Rachel screamed. "I am so sick of everyone telling me that!"
"Then maybe you're fucking wrong!" Quinn shouted right back. "Have you not noticed that the only people supporting this wedding are you and Finn?"
"That's a lie!" Rachel shouted. "Tina and Mike support us, too!"
"Because they think they're in love!" Her eyes pinched together tightly as the urge to grab Rachel's shoulders and shake sense into her became overwhelming. "They've hardly faced any real hardship in their lives and will break up at the first sign of trouble when Mike is off at school next year; I bet you."
"Oh, right, because you know everything," Rachel replied derisively. "Yeah, okay, Quinn."
Quinn took a threatening step closer, blood boiling at the look of contempt shown clearly on Rachel's face. "I'll tell you what I know," Quinn growled lowly. "I know you and Finn aren't going to make it."
A hand lashed out at her but she quickly grabbed it, holding harshly onto a thin wrist as Rachel thrashed around her. "You have no right!" Rachel shouted, suddenly enraged. "You have no right to say that about my marriage, Quinn!"
Quinn held strong to Rachel, careful not to put too much pressure on her wrist as she stepped even closer. Their joint contact hovered between them as a sneer appeared on Rachel's face that could rival Quinn's. "While you're upset, let me drop another bomb on you," Quinn said in a faux-sweet tone of voice as she glowered down at Rachel in anger at their joint stupidity. "You don't even want to get married."
Rachel stopped struggling suddenly. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she stared up at Quinn. "Face it," Quinn spat. "You're only getting married because you tricked yourself into believing no one else was capable of loving you, not because you love Finn."
"Who else is going to love me?" Rachel whispered thickly with emotion as her eyes began to mist over her. "Huh? Who the hell is going to love me enough to put up with all of my idiosyncrasies aside from Finn? You?" she asked incredulously.
The question caught her off guard and Quinn could do little more than look away from the tears gathering in Rachel's eyes. Her jaw clenched as she stared at Rachel's limp hand in her grasp and the way their bodies had swayed closer in their argument. The hand she had hostage curled into a tight fist until she could feel Rachel's wrist flexing against the palm of her hand. Her eyes slid over to Rachel and away again as Rachel's jaw dropped in slow realization.
"What!" Rachel spat. "Y-you can't be. No, Quinn, no. Stop it," she babbled in fear at Quinn's suspicious silence.
"I didn't do anything," Quinn growled as her gaze slid over to the worried expression on Rachel's face.
"Take it back," Rachel begged.
"I didn't say anything."
"Quinn, you can't," she whispered. "You can't, okay? You can't be in love with me. Please." The tears that had been welling in her eyes began to fall down her face, along her cheeks, falling onto her collarbone. "Just tell me I'm imagining things. Tell me I'm crazy; tell me something."
Quinn didn't respond. She just stared at the tracks of tears on Rachel's face.
"You can't be, Quinn," Rachel mumbled over and over again. "You can't-you can't tell me that while I'm shopping for wedding dresses!" Rachel suddenly yelled.
Quinn dropped her hand immediately. "I didn't tell you anything!" she yelled back.
"Is there a problem here?" a reedy voice asked behind them. Rachel looked over Quinn's shoulder as Quinn turned around to find one of the saleswomen glaring at them. "The two of you have been arguing for over ten minutes. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask one or both of you to leave."
"Quinn was just leaving," Rachel said, eyes hard and angry when Quinn turned back around to face her.
Her eyes narrowed as she glared down at Rachel for such a cold dismissal, but then she simply turned away, fists clenched at her sides as she walked out of the room without a word.
She walked directly through the shop and out of the door without a glance in anyone's direction and quickly fished her keys out of her cardigan. The door was yanked open once it was unlocked and slammed shut, the car raddling the barest hint as Quinn settled into the driver's seat with a long sigh.
Fuck Rachel. Fuck Rachel and her fucking wedding.
Rachel had always complained about how she wanted them to be friends, and the very second Quinn was acting like a genuine friend to Rachel, she gets yelled at and ordered away. Fucking ordered away, like she was one of Rachel's lapdogs or something. She was not Finn, and Rachel had another thing coming if she thought she was going to be getting into Quinn's car and calling the shots.
There was a part of her that wasn't too thrilled about Rachel's less than stellar reaction to the notion of Quinn being in love with her, but Quinn refused to even entertain that thought. If it disgusted Rachel as much as she acted like it did then she could fuck off and marry Finn.
Her door handle was jiggled loudly in impatience and Quinn casted a sideways glance to Rachel glaring at her through the window. Quinn slowly reached over to the buttons on her side door and pressed the unlock button for Rachel's side. The door was flung open, then slammed shut much like it did when Quinn did it, but when Rachel did it it was annoying. "Don't slam my door," Quinn said curtly.
Whatever holier than thou complex Rachel had been sporting instantly left her as she deflated into the seat and reached for her seatbelt. "Sorry," she grumbled.
Quinn thrusted her key into the ignition and turned it harshly until the car purred to life. She put the car in drive and pulled quickly out of the parking lot. She just wanted to get Rachel home. She bypassed the turn that would have taken her directly to her own house with a sigh as she came to a stop at the stop light.
"I want to go to your house," Rachel told her from the passenger seat.
Quinn ignored her completely as she adjusted her sideview mirror and leaned back in her seat.
"Please," Rachel pleaded after a moment.
Her eyes clenched shut at the sound of Rachel's voice losing all its bravado. It was such a helpless sound that stirred something of akin to a forgiving nature in Quinn. It always had ever since the day she forgave Rachel for telling Finn he wasn't the father. She sighed and flicked on her signal light, turning left when the light flashed green.
The ride to her house was silent. Every few seconds she would see Rachel watching her overtly, whole body turned to survey her profile. Quinn would sigh and shift uncomfortably, but never say anything as they winded down long roads until they were pulling onto her street.
Rachel's eyes strayed away from her long enough to look at their surroundings. They were in a neighborhood of big, century old houses and freshly cut grass, backyard pools and probably Noah Puckerman as a poolboy. Quinn came to a stop in front of a giant house, pulling into the driveway smoothly.
She killed the engine and sat there for a second, wondering if Rachel was going to say anything to hint at why the hell they were at her house. When Rachel did little more than continue to stare at her, Quinn unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car. She ignored Rachel as she bypassed her to unlock the door and open it.
Rachel followed closely behind until she was shutting the door and locking it. She turned around to see Quinn walking towards the dining room, throwing her keys onto the table. "I want to talk," Rachel said evenly.
"Nothing to talk about," Quinn replied, staring down at the table. "I said your marriage is stupid, you got angry, and…here we are." She finally looked up to meet Rachel's eyes. "If you don't want me to be your bridesmaid anymore, I understand."
"I…" Rachel scoffed with a shake of her head. "I am so furious with you, Quinn Fabray!" Her fists shook at her side as she stared at Quinn across the room.
Quinn shrugged. "Why, because I told you the truth—that your marriage to Finn will be a sham?"
"Oh, you told me the truth, alright. And you had no right telling me that!"
"Truth hurts," Quinn replied flippantly.
Rachel shook her head vehemently. "You had no right telling me you were in love with me!"
Quinn pushed out a harsh breath as she stood upright. "I didn't tell you that."
"Then deny it," Rachel replied quickly. She took quick strides to stand directly in front of Quinn. "Tell me right now that you aren't in love with me, Quinn."
Quinn turned away from her. "I'm not going to play this game."
"You shouldn't have told me that!" Rachel yelled after her. She followed Quinn into the living room and grabbed her arm to turn her around. "You have no right to-to love me, Quinn!"
"You act like I planned this!" Quinn exploded suddenly, jerking away from the hold Rachel had on her. Her lips turned downwards in scorn as she glowered at Rachel. "Quit telling me I have no right to do anything as if this was some sick plan all along! What, Rachel, you think I planned on having Finn propose, you say yes, and then you make me your bridesmaid and drag me through every excruciating detail of your fucking wedding, all to tell you I love you? Are you crazy?" she shouted. A shiver of sheer anger rolled down her spine and she turned away, pacing around the living room as Rachel stood stock still in the middle, trying to process everything.
Breath after painful, labored breath pushed from Rachel's lungs as she stood there, nearly curling in on herself. She folded her arms across her middle, feeling like Quinn had punched through her stomach and taken all of her insides. "How long?" she whispered faintly.
Lost brown eyes looked up to find Quinn across the room. "How long have you felt this way?"
Quinn visibly recoiled at the question and Rachel huffed out an exasperated breath. "Now is not the time to pull away, Quinn. It's not like I don't know how you feel."
"You're getting married," Quinn replied flatly.
"Two months ago?" Rachel guessed helplessly. "Three? The beginning of this year after I reached out to you—when?"
"Sometime…after prom," Quinn replied vaguely.
Rachel gawked at her in what hardly looked like relief or any form of real happiness as she shrieked, "Prom? After you slapped me in the face you realize you're in love with me? That doesn't make sense, Quinn!"
"Then quit trying to make sense of it!" Quinn spat. "Just leave it alone. Like I said, you're marrying Finn."
Rachel heaved a deep breath, then seemed to collapse at the last of Quinn's words. She looked away towards the curtains that had been drawn shut to keep out the sun. Her fingers toyed with the fabric of her dress at her side as she stared blankly at the curtains. "I'm mad at you, Quinn," she murmured mournfully.
Quinn gave a curt nod and began walking. "I'll drive you home."
"I don't want that," Rachel said, turning towards Quinn just as she was walking past.
Quinn stopped mid-stride immediately. Her foot landed softly on the carpeted floor before she turned to Rachel with a skeptical expression. "Then what do you want?"
Rachel arms tightened around her middle as her gaze dropped from hazel eyes watching her intently.
Quinn hazarded a risky step closer. "What do you want?"
They were playing with fire. Quinn knew that even as she grabbed both of Rachel's arms and jerked them away from her body. Her fingertips slid up to Rachel's wrists and felt twin pulses going haywire against her index and middle finger. "What do you want, Rachel?"
She watched the tight swallow bounce all the way down Rachel's throat as that smooth, moisturized neck presented itself to her. Her gaze washed over her until she was staring at Rachel's profile. Her eyes were clenched shut as if she was trying to get ahold of herself, lips parted to inhale quick breaths.
Quinn's head tilted to the side to see more of Rachel's face as she leaned closer. She tried not to get too close, but the memory of Rachel nuzzling against her a couple of hours earlier played over her mind. "What do you want, Rachel?" she breathed again.
Rachel whimpered as her head lolled to the side. Her eyes opened and Quinn gasped quietly at the sight of now black eyes staring up at her. "Quinn…" she whispered, leaving the rest of her sentence forever lost as her mouth clamped shut. Her eyes clamped closed as she leaned up the barest hint.
Her lips were plump and pink, begging to be kissed and Quinn's fingers flexed around Rachel's wrist as she held herself back. "You have to take it," she rushed out lowly. "If you really want it, take it."
"I'm marrying Finn," Rachel whispered tremblingly, eyes still clenched shut as tears squeezed through.
Quinn swallowed thickly at the sight of what this was doing to Rachel. This wasn't what a friend was supposed to be doing. "Then back away," Quinn told her, giving one last out.
"I can't," Rachel whined.
"Why not?" Quinn challenged.
A frustrated groan tumbled from Rachel's lips. Her eyes fluttered open, glistening with tears as she pried her wrists free from Quinn.
Quinn stared down at her, fully expecting Rachel to walk away, but then small hands were cupping her face softly before Rachel brought her down for a bruising kiss.
She felt more than heard Rachel whimper into the kiss as arms snaked around her neck and pulled her closer into that same bone crushing, soul searching hug Rachel had given her hours prior. Quinn moaned and snaked her hands around Rachel's waist more surely than she had earlier and tugged her even closer. She felt a slippery tongue touch her bottom lip in a brief warning before Rachel was thrusting completely into her mouth. Rachel tightened her hold on Quinn, twisting her fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck and canting her head to the side.
Quinn panted hotly into Rachel's mouth, curling her tongue around Rachel's as she completely lost any since of self-control she had had all day, all month, all year. She grappled for a secured hold on Rachel's waist as if any moment she could slip away. She pulled away from Rachel's mouth in a gasp of air before she kissed the edge of her mouth, pressed her lips fleetingly against her cheek, open mouth kissed her jaw, and tongued her throat down.
"Quinn," Rachel moaned as her grip tightened on Quinn's hair when she found a particular spot. "All this time," she murmured.
Her tongue peeked out to lave the side of Rachel's neck. Her lips puckered and pressed and pressed and pressed deeper, until a small patch of skin worked its way between her lips. Quinn groaned into her neck at the feeling of so much soft skin at her disposal. She suckled gently on the small patch of skin as Rachel squirmed around her.
"Please," Rachel whispered.
Quinn wasn't sure what Rachel was begging her for, but the second she sucked just the slightest bit harder, Rachel hissed out a, "Yes," that shook Quinn inside and out.
Blood rose to the surface of the patch of skin she had been working over with her teeth and when she pulled away, a bright red hickey greeted her proudly.
Rachel quickly grabbed the side of her face and kissed her again, slowly, deeply as she crushed their bodies together yet again until there was no space left. A hand teased a trail down her collarbone and Quinn gasped, back arching as that hand burned a trail across her chest. Rachel cupped her breast softly with reverent fingers that stroked across her nipple with care. "I'm so, so angry with you," Rachel whispered against her mouth even as she kissed her again. "All this time," she whined.
Rachel's thumb ran over her nipple again and Quinn moaned into her mouth. She gripped it tightly then, surely as if it belonged to her and gave her nipple a harsh pinch. Her other hand grabbed at her other breast desperately as Rachel tried to get her fill of the girl she had known for far too long but never quite like this.
Quinn stumbled backwards in Rachel's haste as her knees began to buckle at the dual assault of both of her nipples being toyed with shooting straight between her legs. She grabbed Rachel's hips to steady herself as her tongue plunged deeply into Rachel's mouth and curled in a way that made Rachel nearly collapse against her.
Rachel pulled away from her, steeling her hands back to herself and stared up at fluttering hazel eyes. There was desperation in Rachel's black eyes that Quinn didn't understand until Rachel said, begged, "I want everything."
Quinn just pulled her closer as she backed away until the couch caught her fall. Rachel more than eagerly settled on top of her and covered her lips with her own. Quinn had never done this before. Not with a girl, not with someone who mattered and she guessed that Rachel had at least never done this with a girl by the way she fumbled down her body without much foreplay. But Quinn felt so hot, sticky and swollen, she was sure anything more wouldn't be necessary.
"I can't believe I'm doing this," Rachel whispered tremulously as her fingers edged clumsily along Quinn's panties. She looked up at Quinn with stark innocence that didn't seem to belong in this moment and that certainly wasn't there minutes ago when Rachel's hand was welded to her breast.
Quinn found herself cupping the back of Rachel's head and kissing a blushing red cheek tenderly before pulling back and saying to her, "You don't have to if you don't want to."
Rachel just continued to stare at her as she worked Quinn's panties down past her knees. "I have to," she whispered back. Her eyes fluttered shut at the first touch of warm, wet heat. "I have to," she moaned.
Quinn shivered at the first touch of cold fingers. Her head fell back against the arm of the couch as Rachel worked over her inexpertly.
"I can't believe this," Rachel mumbled as she traced over Quinn. Her fingers paced up and down her bare pussy until she felt something poke along her hand.
"There," Quinn choked out immediately as her eyes rolled back. Her hands flexed at her side each time Rachel rolled her between her fingers. She released barely there whimpers through clenched teeth as her hips began a slow, even roll into Rachel's fingers. If she had known when she got up this morning that her day was going to end with her being fucked by Rachel Berry…she wasn't really sure what she would have done. Her hand latched onto Rachel's bare thigh where her dress had ridden up. "Did you—do you want me to—"
"Please," Rachel whispered. Her legs were already spread by the time Quinn summoned enough strength to work a hand between them.
Her body trembled. It felt like Rachel had somehow gotten inside of her and was directly touching every pleasurable nerve ending that ever existed inside of Quinn's body with one circular swipe over her hardened clit. Her fingers slid easily inside of Rachel's panties as Rachel easily slipped inside of her. She broke out into goosebumps as her entire body shuddered around the two fingers buried inside of her.
"Is this okay?" she heard Rachel distantly whisper.
Quinn nodded rapidly, not trusting herself to speak. Her dress suddenly felt way too constricting and her nipples ached to be let loose into the cool air and out of the confines of her bra scratching tortuously over them. Her shoulder hurt from where it was twisting awkwardly to fit both of them onto the couch. Nothing about this setup was perfect, but it was so them in a way that made her clench around searching fingers as Rachel loved on her neck.
Rachel was obscenely wet by the time Quinn had stroked from her clit to her opening. She was dripping onto her fingers in an eagerness that Quinn would have loved to have felt whenever she was making out with a boy, but now felt as her hips chased after Rachel's hand. She circled her opening slowly, waiting for some sort of sign.
It came in the feeling of the couch dipping and contorting as Rachel's knees spread apart until one was buried deep in the back of the couch and the other was hanging onto the edge, threatening to teeter over. "Inside, Quinn," she hissed out as her fingers twisted inside of Quinn.
Her eyes practically crossed as she eased two fingers into Rachel without preamble. Rachel sank down on slender fingers with a longing moan and quickly set a rhythm with her hips. They picked up speed naturally after that. Quinn stared down at their undulating bodies, especially the way Rachel rolled her hips forward and backwards after Quinn had angled her fingers differently. They rolled slowly as if Rachel was trying to savor the moment, make it last, but in mere minutes she was already gasping and shaking.
She stared down at Quinn with so much warmth and tenderness. "Do you know—" she broke off into a groan as Quinn brushed against a rough patch inside of her. "Do you know how-how long I've loved you?"
Quinn's eyes clenched shut at the unexpected declaration. She spasmed wildly against Rachel's fingers, chest heaving up and down with quick breaths as her head flung back. Rachel watched it all until a high pitched whine crawled from her throat and warm liquid rushed down Quinn's fingers.
Her hand fell away from Rachel as they both collapsed into the couch. Rachel curled up on Quinn until she had an arm wrapped around her waist and her head tucked under her chin.
She panted quietly as tingles slowly dissipated. Overwhelming guilt began to sink in as post coital bliss fell away. Quinn stared up at the ceiling, wishing that she and Rachel had actually been friends because perhaps if they were this line would have never been crossed. Because friends didn't do this. But they were never friends no matter what Rachel deluded herself into thinking and they never would be because they meant too much to each other to simply be friends. It was true sophomore year when they couldn't stand each other, and it rang painfully true now as the scent of sweat, sex, and lavender moisturizer wafted around the room.
Rachel's eyes slipped shut in despair even as she nuzzled into Quinn's left breast. "He'll never forgive me for this," she whispered.
Quinn wrapped an arm around her in, what was she was surprised to learn, a comforting manner. "Yeah, well…you'll be going to New York soon anyway," she muttered, attempting to care that Finn Hudson was potentially heart broken as she spoke.
There wasn't a response. She felt like she had said something wrong until Rachel softly said, "I never-I never thought I'd ever have the chance to be with you this way." She shifted to lean up and bury her face into Quinn's neck to place a soft kiss there. "We did a bad thing."
"I know," Quinn mumbled. She would forever be a cheater in one way or another. Small fingers tightened their hold on her as Rachel clung tightly.
There was so much to say. And a loud mouth person like Rachel wouldn't keep quiet for long. Quinn had so many questions, namely if the wedding was still on, if Rachel really loved her, what the hell was going to happen tomorrow. But she couldn't find the courage to ask them all.
She felt hot tears splash against her neck and just wrapped her arms tighter around Rachel as her own eyes began to sting because of the mess they had just made. Then again, nothing was ever easy when it came to the two of them. They always went from zero to sixty in a matter of minutes and this time it had ended in what would surely be catastrophic consequences.
"Visit me when I'm at NYADA and you're at Yale?" Rachel mumbled in a watery voice into her neck.
Quinn curled a hand around Rachel's shoulders and tried to soak up her warmth as overwhelming coldness began to sink in. But there was hope in Rachel's voice, and it was the first time she had heard her sound like that since this whole engagement fiasco started. So perhaps that was the one shining moment to come out of this fuck up.
"Yeah," she whispered. "Yeah, I can do that."