A/N: This is not the first story I've written that contains self-harm, but lately I've been struggling and the last story I wrote that had this subject content helped me get through it so I decided to start this one in a different universe to see if it can help me like my other fic did. That said, obviously, this story does contain self-harm. I was a cutter for five years. It's been two years since I last cut but it continues to be a struggle. This story was written to remind myself and others like me, that we are not alone. We just need to learn to ask for help when we need it. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to please feel free to PM me.
This is my first Glee fanfic so I hope you enjoy it. It might take me a while to figure out how I want to do everything. For now I am going to write as close to canon as possible. Events that take place on the show will take place in this story, for now. I cannot guarantee that that will not change in the future. One thing that will not be canon is Blaine's age. I don't buy that he's a year younger than Kurt. So for my own selfish purposes I'm making him the same age as Kurt.
The Prologue sucks, but the first chapter is a lot better I promise.
Warning for this chapter: Self-harm
Spoilers for: 2x08 – Furt
Disclaimer: Glee and all of the characters are owned by Fox and Ryan Murphy.
Kurt Hummel stood in front of his bathroom mirror, repeating the same words over and over again until they hardly seemed like words anymore. "You can do this."
He looked at the razorblade lying next to the faucet. He had to be strong.
"You can be strong," he told himself.
"Kurt, time to go!" his dad, Burt, yelled up the stairs.
"I'll be right there!" Kurt answered, grabbing the razorblade and pressing it into his wrist. His skin opened up and blood trickled out.
There. Now he could be strong.
Kurt wrapped his wrist carefully, not wanting his dad to see any traces of blood.
"Kurt!" Burt called again.
"Coming!" Kurt grabbed the last of his bags and sprinted down the stairs.
Today he was heading to Dalton Academy. After Burt had found out about Karofsky's death threats, he had pulled his son out of McKinley. Kurt would be safe at Dalton, with the zero tolerance bullying policy.
"You're not going to be sharing a room with anyone, right?" Burt asked.
"No, Dad." Kurt replied. They had gone over this several times before.
"I'm just making sure, kid. I worry about you." Burt glanced at his son.
"I'll be fine, Dad," Kurt assured him.
Burt nodded. "And this Blaine kid? Is he treating you right?"
"We're just friends, Dad." Kurt pressed his wrist hard into the armrest, twisting it so his wound was in direct contact with it. There. That was better.
Burt harrumphed in reply.
They didn't speak for the rest of the drive. Kurt was glad. He had always been close to his dad, but lately they'd been drifting apart. The distance was killing him but he didn't know how to talk to his dad anymore. There was so much he couldn't tell him. If Burt ever found out his son was intentionally causing himself harm, well Kurt didn't want to think about what would happen then.
Finally they pulled up in front of Dalton. Blaine was waiting outside, just as he had promised.
"Mr. Hummel," Blaine greeted Burt first, shaking his hand.
"Please, call me Burt. Mr. Hummel is my father." Burt moved out of the way so Blaine could greet Kurt.
"Burt." Blaine nodded, testing the name out.
"Well, this is it," Kurt said, stepping out of the car and looking up at the school.
"You'll be fine here. Don't be nervous." Blaine pulled Kurt in for a hug. Kurt couldn't help but inhale when he was in such close proximity to Blaine. It felt good being in his arms, and he smelled amazing.
"I'm not nervous," Kurt lied.
"It's okay to be nervous. You don't have to be perfect," Blaine told him, moving to help Burt unload Kurt's things.
Kurt didn't reply. Perfection was what he strove for. That was almost his entire reason for coming to Dalton, except for the bullying. At Dalton, Kurt could start over. He could be whoever he wanted to be. And Kurt wanted to be perfect. Perfect like Blaine was. He couldn't be the perfect son for his father, but he could try harder at Dalton. He could become a son that his father deserved. This was his chance for perfection. And Kurt was going to use it. He would be perfect.