Alright, different approach to the mental disorder story I've been wanting to tackle.

Review and let me know what you think.

WARNINGS: Applies to all chapters: Eating disorder, self abuse.


::Prologue::

Kurt Hummel was not a very open person when it came to his health. He hated going to the pharmacy on the first of each month for his refills. He didn't need everyone in Lima and their mother knowing about his problems. He was gay as it was, he was enough of an outcast already. He didn't need people knowing he was a psycho too.

"You're not a psycho Kurt. You just have a few mental problems." Kurt glared at his father, who was trying to tell him he was a freak. Why did everyone insist on lying to him? He knew he was a freak, a fat, gay, FREAK. Who took about five pills a day, and needed them to not rip peoples heads off at any given moment. Yeah sure, Kurt had some control when he went into a rage, but not much. He'd had a few episodes where he blacked out and woke up in a hospital room on lock down.

"Yeah dad. I am."

Kurt knew his dad was only trying to cheer him up, but really, shouldn't HE be trying to cheer his DAD up? I mean after all Kurt knew his father didn't want a fat freaky gay psycho for a son. Who would? No one.

And then when his dad had asked him to tell Finn and Carole about his issues after the wedding he just about flipped out. Not only did he have to be stuck in his own skin while his brain was under siege, OTHER people now get to try and figure him out while it happens. Fucking lovely. So now Finn and Carole walk on eggshells around him, even though Kurt already told them they didn't need to, and it really only made HIM more on edge.

Kurt stepped up to the counter where Deliah -the med student who has been working at the Walgreens pharmacy for the past six months- smiled at him and handed him his white paper bag. On the outside like usual it had the Walgreens logo, and where people would have one slip of paper explaining their medication, Kurt had five slips stapled.

As Kurt walked the block home from the pharmacy the white bag was feeling really heavy with its five pill bottles. He heard the pills rattle around and he went over the list of issues he has memorized in his head:

In First grade Kurt was diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): A personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and mental and interpersonal control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

primary symptoms of OCPD can include preoccupation with remembering and paying attention to minute details and facts, following rules and regulations, compulsion to make lists and schedules, as well as rigidity/inflexibility of beliefs and/or exhibition of perfectionism that interferes with task-completion. Symptoms may cause extreme distress and interfere with a person's occupational and social functioning.

The main things Kurt had issues with were the orderliness, and cleanliness ones. He liked everything to be neat and perfect. He didn't like dit, and he wouldn't let his foods mix. In kindergarten he was always getting in trouble because he refused to lay down anywhere, on anything in the room. Always saying they were covered in germs.

In the summer before first grade one of Kurt's mom's friends -Anita- who was a psychiatrist told them Kurt showed all the signs of OCD:

feelings of excessive doubt and caution;preoccupation with details, rules, lists, order, organization or schedule;perfectionism that interferes with task completion;excessive conscientiousness, scrupulousness, and undue preoccupation with productivity to the exclusion of pleasure and interpersonal relationships;excessive pedantry and adherence to social conventions;rigidity and stubbornness;unreasonable insistence by the individual that others submit exactly to his or her way of doing things, or unreasonable reluctance to allow others to do things;intrusion of insistent and unwelcome thoughts or impulses.

So then he was put on 25mlg of Ativan of Anxiety, now he's up to 125 Mlg.

When he started Eighth grade his dad started noticing frequent mood swings and temperament. But he chucked it up to hormones. But of course, when they went in for a med check his dad told the doc and his said Kurt was showing signs of Bi-Polar disorder, which would make sense, his mom was bi-polar.

Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder, historically known as manic–depressive disorder, is apsychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes.

Bipolar disorder is a condition in which people experience abnormally elevated (manic or hypomanic) and, in many cases, abnormally depressed states for periods of time in a way that interferes with functioning. Not everyone's symptoms are the same, and there is no simple physiological test to confirm the disorder. Bipolar disorder can appear to be unipolar depression. Diagnosing bipolar disorder is often difficult, even for mental health professionals. What distinguishes bipolar disorder from unipolar depression is that the affected person experiences states of mania and depression. Often bipolar is inconsistent among patients because some people feel depressed more often than not and experience little mania whereas others experience predominantly manic symptoms. Additionally, the younger the age of onset—bipolar disorder starts in childhood or early adulthood in most patients—the more likely the first few episodes are to be depression. Because a bipolar diagnosis requires a manic or hypomanic episode, many patients are initially diagnosed and treated as having major depression.

Kurts first episode lasted about three months. He wouldn't talk to anyone, only went to school when it was necessary, and wouldn't get out of bed otherwise. He wouldn't eat, didn't do homework so his grades slipped.

But then he hit s high manic episode and did all of his late work non-stop for two days with no sleep and got his grades back to passing.

Mania is the signature characteristic of bipolar disorder and, depending on its severity, is how the disorder is classified. Mania is generally characterized by a distinct period of an elevated mood, which can take the form of euphoria. People commonly experience an increase in energy and a decreased need for sleep, with many often getting as little as three or four hours of sleep per night, while others can go days without sleeping. A person may exhibit pressured speech, with thoughts experienced as racing. Attention span is low, and a person in a manic state may be easily distracted. Judgment may become impaired, and sufferers may go on spending sprees or engage in behavior that is quite abnormal for them. They may indulge in substance abuse, particularly alcohol or other depressants, cocaine or other stimulants, or sleeping pills. Their behavior may become aggressive, intolerant, or intrusive. People may feel out of control or unstoppable, or as if they have been "chosen" and are "on a special mission" or have other grandiose or delusional ideas. Sexual drive may increase. At more extreme phases of bipolar I, a person in a manic state can begin to experience psychosis, or a break with reality, where thinking is affected along with people in a manic state experience severe anxiety and are very irritable (to the point of rage), while others are euphoric and grandiose.

Kurt was then put on Lemictal. *

High school came around and people noticed Kurt wasn't eating. He just didn't like how fat he was, it was just a few pounds. And Kurt still doesn't even think he's anorexic. He hasn't even lost any wight. He's gained weight. You have to lose weight to be Anorexic.

Lastly the docs told him he has Self-defeating personality disorder (also known as masochistic personality disorder)

Self-defeating personality disorder is A pervasive pattern of self-defeating behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. The person may often avoid or undermine pleasurable experiences, be drawn to situations or relationships in which he or she will suffer, and prevent others from helping him, as indicated by at least five of the following:

chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available.

rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help him or herfollowing positive personal events (e.g., new achievement), responds with depression, guilt, or a behavior that produces pain (e.g., an accident)

incites angry or rejecting responses from others and then feels hurt, defeated, or humiliated (e.g., makes fun of spouse in public, provoking an angry retort, then feels devastated)

rejects opportunities for pleasure, or is reluctant to acknowledge enjoying himself or herself (despite having adequate social skills and the capacity for pleasure)

fails to accomplish tasks crucial to his or her personal objectives despite demonstrated ability to do so, e.g., helps fellow students write papers, but is unable to write his or her owns

uninterested in or rejects people who consistently treat him or her well, e.g., is unattracted to caring sexual partnersengages in excessive self-sacrifice that is unsolicited by the intended recipients of the sacrifice.

Kurt still didn't understand how half that crap fit him, but his dad and Carole say it does. So two months ago he was diagnosed.

In addition to the Ativan and Lamictal, Kurt is also on the lowest dosage of clozapine offered (an anti psychotic) Lunesta: to sleep, and when he needs it, for a panic attack: Valium.


* I am actually on Lamictal for Bipolar disorder. It helps. I still have my days though.