Tourniquet

A/N The song is Tourniquet by Evanescence, something that popped into my mind after reading the book. There is Daelyn POV and then Santana's. Hope you like! Ok, so here... we…go! ^_^

Daelyn's POV

I tried to kill the pain

But only brought more

(So much more)

Everything was getting to be too much. The pain I felt was starting to become unbearable. Thank God that today was the day. Well not God, but...I was just glad I guess.

Because today was my Date of Determination. I was going to die today.

It was Dads- I mean Chips day to drop me off at school. I walk as slowly as possible, without being suspicious. Once he was out of sight, I stopped walking, turned around and headed down the sidewalk.

I didn't worry about anyone noticing I was gone.

I didn't worry that Chip would come back because I left my book in the car.

I didn't worry about anything.

While I wasn't worrying, I didn't notice eyes watching me from a window as I passed by that house.

At home, I put my bag in the last of my trash bags. I log into Through-The-Light one last time, checking the DOD. I shut the laptop down, and put it in the middle of my desk. I took a deep breath, smiling slightly to myself.

I walk out, getting the cinder blocks, and closing the bathroom door behind me.

Santana's POV

I sat there on the couch reviewing what parts of the video I had made the past month. I don't know what force pushed me, but I stood up and looked out through the window.

Daelyn.

Why was she walking away from her school?

I watched, worried, until she disappeared from my view.

As I sat back down I had a really bad feeling that stayed in the pit of my stomach for the next twenty to fifteen minutes, and I couldn't concentrate on my work. I sighed.

Finally I stood back up again, frustrated at this feeling.

What should I do? Go after her. That answer was simple.

'Save her!'

This voice scared me, and I hurried out the door.

Daelyn POV

The tub was filled almost to the top. I stopped the water, and tested it with my hand. It was warm, and perfect.

I already had planned ahead. I planned to keep my clothes on, for a little extra weight.

I stepped in.

The warmth soaked through all the way to my bones. Only my head was above the water. I placed the blocks to balance it out, and then I was under.

I lay dying, and I'm pouring, crimson regret. and betrayal.

I'm dying,

praying,

bleeding

and screaming!

I could feel the weight, both trying to pull me up, but mostly the weight holding me, pinning me down. A few minutes later, I felt drowsy, my head realized against the bottom of the tub. I waited and waited, thinking, "This is it. The end...finally." And it felt wonderful.

Santana's POV

The feeling was getting worse as I ran out the door, rushing down the same sidewalk I saw Daelyn walk. I was wondering what I would do. I didn't really know where she lived, but something was guiding me to where she was, I guessed.

What if my feeling meant nothing? What if I was wrong?

She could have felt sick, and went home.

She could have gotten a call and there was an emergency.

People might have thought that was a good excuse for someone.

But not someone like her.

I knew how she thought, I knew what she had tried, and what she wanted to do.

I finally stopped at a house, and I immediately knew that Daelyn was inside there. How? I don't know. I hurried to the front door, and tried the knob. It was locked.

This just made the feeling worse. I tried pushing for a minute, but let's face it. I'm not that strong. I looked around, and found a rock. I threw it at the small window on the door, and quickly unlocked the door and went inside.

It was silent.

And eerie.

I didn't know where she was in here, but I checked the rooms close by. Nothing. I walked down a hall to the only closed door.

It was also locked. I knocked on the door, pounded on it. This door was defiantly weaker, but I still didn't know if I could break it down.

"Daelyn? Open up! Please, open up Daelyn!" I yelled desperately.

I pushed and pulled insanely until I finally broke the lock on the door and it burst open.

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?

Daelyn's POV

Why was he here?

I didn't understand it.

He was standing outside the door. Pounding on it.

Why did he come? Why him? Why anyone! I wanted to die peacefully! Didn't they know that? I wanted death without it ending in another failure. He was crazily pounding on the door, and I was wishing it would stay locked. I was wishing that the door would hold long enough for him to be too late.

Everything I heard sounded muted, and hard to understand.

But I could hear the door wearing down, bit by bit. But by then,

I lost consciousness.

My God, My Tourniquet.

Return to me salvation.

My God, my tourniquet.

Return to me salvation.

Santanas POV

She had tried again. But I wouldn't let her die. She had to live. She just couldn't give up her life. I wouldn't let her. When I burst through the door, my knees felt weak at the sight. Her eyes closed, lying at the bottom of the tub, hair flowing everywhere. I stared at her for a minute, stupidly wasting precious time. But she was simply, eerily, sadly beautiful.

I snapped out of my thoughts and hurried to pull up the weights placed on her body. It took a moment, but finally she was free of the things pinning her down. I pulled her out quickly.

I bent my head to listen if she was breathing. I didn't hear anything. This started to scare me even more.

I placed my hands over her chest and pushed down.

"Please be alive." I whispered.

I repeated the steps.

Then I lowered my head and placed my lips on hers, pushing the life back into her.

A few more minutes of this and I hear her faint breathing, unsteady, and very quiet, but still there.

I decided to call for an ambulance then.

They took her away in the white vehicle, and they let me ride on the way since no one else was with her.

At the hospital I had to wait in the hall. One doctor came out about a half an hour later.

"Is there any family members we could contact?" he asked me.

I told them they were at work, but I didn't know how to contact them, or where they worked.

He told me that Daelyn would be fine.

She was still unconscious.

Then he said she could be slipping into a coma any minute. A coma? How long would that last?

Months passed by, and she didn't wake up.

Do you remember me,

lost for so long?

Will you be on the other side,

or will you forget me?

Daelyn's POV

I woke up. My first thought?

I failed.

I had failed again, and it was his entire fault.

I couldn't believe it, I was so hopeful, and I thought that last time would be my last failure.

But here I was, in a hospital, the familiar white walls, white sheets, white pillows, white coats on doctors.

It felt like I had been sleeping for too long. I turned my head to my right to see machines. To my left was a chair.

And in it was him.

He looked up and his eyes grew wide.

"You're finally awake. I thought you were gone." he whispered as if he was afraid if he was any louder something might make me explode.

I felt tears fill my eyes.

"As if I want to be here." I said accusingly, looking away.

"I'm sorry D. I just couldn't let you take away something so precious." he tried to reason.

I tried seeing it from his point of view. Of course life would be precious for him.

But I didn't want mine! Couldn't he understand that?

"It means nothing to me, just like I mean nothing to anyone. Nobody would care if I was gone. Sure my parents will be sad for a while, but they would get over it. But now I'm a failure." I reasoned with him this time.

He looked at me with a sad, yet amused look.

Amused?

I'm dying,

praying,

bleeding

and screaming!

My God, My Tourniquet.

Return to me salvation.

My God, my tourniquet.

Return to me salvation.

I WANT TO DIE!

Santana's POV

She couldn't be serious could she?

"You don't know do you?" I asked a little amused. She looked confused.

"What?" she asked, actually curious.

"Isn't it obvious? Me talking to you, bugging you, hanging out with you, even when you ignored me. Saving you." I stated.

She didn't respond, waiting for me to continue.

"I'm in love with you Daelyn." I whispered barely audible, and I wondered if she hadn't heard me.

But of course, she did hear me.

Her eyes widened.

"What? I don't understand..." she said.

I felt like laughing a bit.

"Do I really need to say it again? I'm in love-" I started.

"Don't! You can't say that word. I don't want to leave people behind with feelings." she said.

"What do you mean? Don't tell me you're going to try again? Haven't you tried enough? Maybe its Gods sign that he doesn't need you in Heaven yet." I said.

"I have to try until I'm gone." she said, looking determined and broken.

"Not if I can help it. I'm in love with you Daelyn. I'm in love with you. I can't live without you! You're amazing. You're beautiful!" I said.

She stared at me, tears filling her eyes once more.

"No." she weakly argued, looking down at her hands.

"Yup! It's too late, I already decided. I'm pretty sure I love you." I said determined.

She burst in to tears.

"Daelyn! What's wrong? You know, people are usually happy when they're in love." I said. I hugged her, and she didn't pull away.

"Please. Take it back!... I love-" she stopped herself quickly.

"What's that? You love...what?" I asked, smiling. She sniffled.

Then she sighed.

"I...love you too." she whispered, sounding a little defeated but accepting of the idea.

"I love you Santana." she said.

"Good."

My God, My Tourniquet.

Return to me salvation.

My God, my tourniquet.

Return to me salvation.

Daelyns POV

I was truly shocked by the words that had come out of my mouth.

'When had I realized I loved him?' I asked myself.

Probably a while ago, when he had kissed me..

My head was resting on his chest, and I could hear his heartbeat. I felt a small smile on my face.

Wait.

What was happening to me?

How was it possible I had feelings?

I had gotten rid of those a while ago. Santana had brought them out again. I looked up at him to find a big goofy smile.

It made me laugh a bit, which made him smile even more.

His smile was amazing.

"Thanks." he said.

I blushed madly.

"Oh god did I really say that out loud?" I asked.

He nodded and chuckled.

My own smile that I had had disappeared slowly with silence.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

I sighed.

How could I explain the feeling of still wanting death?

I mean, it wasn't as depressing as before, but I didn't want to live.

My wounds cry for the grave,

My soul cries, for deliverance.

"Please Daelyn. You have to live. I need you to stay here with me." he said.

It was like he could read my mind.

"I'm sorry, but this feeling doesn't just go away with some words! I can't tell if this is real, or my mind just torturing me while I'm still sleeping in a coma..."I said, trailing off.

"But you're not asleep Daelyn!" he argued, "I'm right here with you, and I love you."

I looked away, to the floor.

He lifted my chin up and looked into my eyes.

He started leaning closer and closer.

My eyes closed without my permission, and I could feel his breath about an inch away.

Then his lips touched mine, gently.

At that moment I knew I loved him. Truly.

And I could tell he loved me.

He had fallen in love with someone who wouldn't give up on suicide.

I had fallen in love with someone who saw value in life, and wouldn't give up on saving me no matter what.

For now I was happy in his arms, his lips on mine.

But this was only temporary.

Will I be

denied

Christ?

Tourniquet

My suicide...

In some, weird, sick, ironic way, we were perfect for each other.