Ok, if you want action, this is not the place to get it. Absolutly nothing happens in this story and i mean nothing. Just be forewarned. There is a lot of cuteness, but it actually has no real story. Hope you enjoy!
I wasn't sure why I had them in my house, but it had seemed like a good idea at the time for some strange reason. After all, with the Watchtower potentially compromised, we needed a safe place to discuss world issues and I knew Wayne Manor was secure. I made sure of it every day in fact.
But, it was really awkward to be having a conversation with them while I was still in costume. I just wasn't used to it. I had to be Batman while I was in a suit and tie sitting on my couch at Wayne Manor. It didn't help that Dick was zooming around the background, making loud noises and evading Alfred. I would rather have gone to play with him than sit here talking to Clark Kent, who gazed at me with those intense blue eyes behind those unbelievably dorky glasses.
It made me want to punch him in the nose just so I could break them. Ahh, wouldn't that feel good, the crack of that metal, the splintering of the glass beneath my fist. I was so lost in the pleasantness of the daydream, I almost didn't hear Diana.
"Bruce. Bruce? Bruce!"
"Huh", I said, shaking my head, "What?"
"I asked what you thought of the foreign dignitaries from Dupeyvania coming to Washington for the peace conference."
"Sound fine", I replied.
"Well", Clark prompted.
"What?" I asked, those glasses looking more inviting every minute.
"Do you think it'll be secure enough?"
"Of course, of course", I replied, "I'll see to it myself."
"What are you thinking about Bruce?" Barry asked.
"Nothing", I said quickly, deliberately avoiding a glance in the direction of Clark's bifocals. Arthur blinked interestedly, but said nothing, mostly because right then Alfred came by with a pitcher of saltwater, which the Aqua Avenger poured over his Atlantean head. My butler flinched involuntarily. He hated it when the upholstery got wet.
Dick chose that moment to leap over the back of the couch, performing that magnificent quadruple flip of his, and landed squarely on my lap. I cringed slightly at the feel of forty-five pounds alighting between my legs, but I had to admit, Dick was getting better at making his landings light. "How'd I do on that one Bruce?" he asked excitedly, standing up so he could face me and wrap his arms around my neck.
"Ahh, I'd give it an eight point five", I replied.
He stuck out his bottom lip in that cute little pout he always did and said, "How come not a ten?"
"Well", I replied, "You still cause me discomfort. You aren't quite landing light enough. You should be able to alight without causing me distress." He rolled his eyes.
"It's not my fault you're so sensitive." I raised my eyebrows at him.
"Ohh well, how would you like it if you had a kid land between your legs."
"I'm little", he replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and that, therefore rescinded any blame, "Duh."
"Ohh, I'm sorry, I neglected to notice that, I said sarcastically, I hadn't figured out you were little yet. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I'll make sure to put it on the table at the next board meeting. After all, it is rather ground breaking."
Dick rolled his eyes again and said, "You are so silly." It was then that he noticed the rest of them, who were all watching us interestedly. I was well aware at that moment that I had been bantering with my eight year old in front of the Justice League, the people who were supposed to fear me. Again, I questioned the wisdom of having the league over. "Hiya", Dick said, turning around to face them, "What're you guys doing here?"
"We're just having a meeting with Bruce, baby", Diana answered.
"Ohh", Dick said softly, "So you didn't just come to play with me?"
"No, sorry kiddo", Ollie apologized, "We'll play with you some other time." Dick grunted unhappily.
"Bruce", Hal said, "Shouldn't we get back to what we were discussing."
"No", I replied, putting an arm around Dick and pulling he back a little closer to myself. I always got a little protective when Hal came around. I didn't like that guy.
"Bruce", Clark said, "He's right, come on, stay focused." At that moment, Dick started giggling violently.
"What?" I asked.
"Uncle Clark's glasses are so silly looking." I was unable to suppress my own small snicker.
"You know", Barry said, "He's right, those glasses are really lame." He giggled as well. It was now Clark's turn to roll his eyes.
"Guys", he said in his whiny Kansas voice, "Come on, we have work to do."
"Alright Dickie, he's right, go play, you have to go to bed soon."
"But I can't", he said.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because I have something to tell you."
"Well, can it wait?"
"No", he replied, "It's impooortant." His bright blue eyes widened with the gravity of his message and he faced me with all manner of seriousness on his soft, young face. Unable to resist, I kissed his forehead.
"Alright, what is it?"
He stood up, put his face really close to mine and said in his most serious voice, "I love you." I smirked.
"I love you more."
"Well, I love you the most."
(Ok, Tangled stole this from me, not the other way around, I had it first.)
I rubbed noses with him.
"Now, go play."
"Ok", he said excitedly, leaping off and darting away. I turned back to find them all staring at me. "What", I said defensively, the heat rising on my cheeks.
"You too are just so cute together", Carter said, "I just can't take it."
"I'm not cute", I siad haughtily, "I'm the night." Barry giggled. "Anyway, the embassy from Dupeyvania." I raised my eyebrows, reminding them all of the need to stay on task.
"Right", Diana said.
After about forty minutes of enduring a mind numbingly boring debate on the proper way to greet a Dupeyvanian dignitary, I chanced a glance at the clock. "Damn", I cursed, "It's ten, I have to get Dick to bed."
"Bruce", Hal said, "We're not done."
"Well, you guys can wait then if you want, keep debating while I'm away. I'll only be gone about an hour."
"An hour!" Arthur exclaimed, "How long does it take to put one eight year old to bed?"
"You don't you know Dick. I'll be back soon." I walked up the stairs to Dick's room. I had never been one for prayer before I took on Dick, but now I sent up a silent plea to the heavens that Dick wouldn't be rowdy tonight, or as rowdy I suppose. It would take a bonafide miracle to make his completely acquiescent.
I opened his door and peered in. He was on the ground, quietly coloring and singing to himself, kicking his little legs. I crept in, skulking as I silent as I could and snaked suddenly foreward, grabbing his ankles. He squealed excitedly at being hung upside down and squirmed like a worm on a hook.
I tossed him up, caught him and righted him. He put his arms around my neck and grasped me with his legs, hugging me tightly and snuggling his head into the crook of my neck. I swore for the rest of my days that there was no better feeling in the world.
"Alright", I said, rubbing his back, "Time for bed."
"Aww", he whined, "I don't wanna."
"Well, I'm sorry but you have school tomorrow. I don't want you sleeping through math again."
"It's just math", he said rolling his eyes.
"Well, I don't care, bath and then bed."
He gave a heavy sigh and said, "Fine, but you gotta give me my bath."
"Alright", I agreed, "I'll go run it." I put him down and walked over to the bathroom. I wasn't too fond of the suit I was wearing anyway. It was going to get soaked.
After I had the bath water ready, I added about an extra foot of bubbles, just the way Dick liked it, and called the boy in. He bounded inside, undressed, and hopped in. Splashing me with warm, sudsy water, he grabbed his bath trucks (he's got trucks for everything) and began a race around his porcelain racetrack while I tried in vain to simultaneously wash his hair.
"Dick", I said, "Can you hold still for a sec?"
"No", he replied, "I gotta win."
"You're gonna get soap in your eyes."
"It's Johnson's baby wash. I'm fine."
"When are you going to start using real soap?" He shrugged.
"When I get as old as you", he replied, splashing me with water.
"Hey", I said. He giggled and dropped his head below the bubble line like a little shark. I laughed and rolled up my sleeves even further to put my hands in and seek him out. I was shocked when he bit my fingers.
"Rawer", he cried, "I'm a shark."
"Sharks don't roar", I said.
"This one does", he replied.
"Well", I countered, "Here come the shark boats to shoot the shark." I started to poke him at high speed and he screamed at the top of his lungs, trying to evade. But, he was trapped in his tiled "ocean".
"Alright, alright", I said, laughing, "Lets get you dried off."
"No", he whined. "Lets play shark again."
"We'll play shark tomorrow. Time to get out."
"No", he said adamantly, "Now I'm a whale and I'm breaching." He made a few whale sounds, leapt halfway out of the tub and landed heavily on the water, spewing half of it out onto the bathroom floor and most of it all over me.
"Dick", I said, "I'm soaked." He giggled and poked out of the bubbles.
"Now, you can get in with me. That's the only way you'll get me out." I rolled my eyes, stripped down to my boxers and dove in after him. He squealed, obviously not having expected me to actually get in, and tried again to evade.
But, I grabbed him and hauled him out. "Alright", I said, panting and sopping and sitting on the bathroom floor with Dick on my knees, "Lets get dried off." I wrapped him tightly in the warmest, softest towel in the manor, dried myself and carried him out.
He loved being wrapped up and held like a baby right after he got out of a bath. I made him feel secure. Sure enough, he gave a contented sigh and went floppy in my arms, his sparkling blue eyes shinning up from within the confines of the fuzzy yellow towel. I kissed his small nose.
After shaking the water out of my hair like I was some great dog, I started towards Dick's room. The boy looked me over critically. "Your boxers are wet", he said.
"Well, thank you Dickie, but actually, I already knew that. Quite a shocker, I know." He giggled at my sarcasm. Naturally of course, Barry chose that moment to walk up and see what all the screaming had been about. He took in the sight of me, sopping wet and standing in the hall in my boxers with Dick wrapped up like a tiny Eskimo.
"Ok", he said, and turned around and walking back down the stairs.
"We were just playing shark", I called after him, "Don't be a perv." Dick grinned widely at me, his dark, wet head poking out of the towel like he was a little worm, and squirmed a bit.
I carried him to his room, put him down on his bed and said, "Alright, you get yourself dressed, I'm gona dry off."
"No", Dick said, "You dress me."
"Do I have to?" I whined.
"Yes", he replied.
"Fine", I said, "Wait two minutes." I left and was back in a moment, clad in my soft, burgundy robe. It had felt so good to peel those wet clothes off my skin.
"Yea", he said excitedly, "I love your robe. It's so cuddly and warm, just like you."
"I'm not cuddly and warm", I growled playfully, pouncing on him, "I'm spiky and cold, I'm the Batman." He squealed as I scooped him up and, still cradling him tightly, walked over to his dresser. "Alright", I said, "Which ones tonight."
"Those", he said, poking his little arm out of the towel to point at a pair of neatly folded pajamas in the top drawer. Man, Alfred had everything so organized.
"Aww, why those", I whimpered, "I don't like those."
"You just don't like them 'cause they look like uncle Clark."
"Yea", I said, "You're right."
"Well", Dick said insistently, "I want to show Uncle Clark."
"Fine", I said, picking them up with two fingers. I made a few choice sounds of disgust and held them at arms length like I had just picked up after my dog. "Ahh", I moaned in mock agony, "They burn. Dickie, they're burning my skin off."
"Good", he said.
"Good, why good?"
"'Cause you're mean to Uncle Clark."
"You're right, I am. I'm hoping one day you'll follow in my footsteps."
"Hey, how come I call him Uncle Clark and not Mr. Kent?"
"Well, I'm not quite sure where the Uncle came from, we're definitely not related and neither are you, but mister implies a level of respect Clark doesn't deserve."
"Ohh", he said, as if it all made sense now. I grabbed a pair of his underwear (thankfully none were Superman, Alfred had spared me as much) and sat down on his bed to get him dressed.
He shivered when I pulled him out of the towel and I pressed him to my robe as I unfolded his clothes and pulled them on him.
"Yea", he said excitedly, "I'm Superman." He bounded out of my arms and over to the balcony. "Look Uncle Clark", he screamed at the top of his lungs, "Look at me." He took a flying leap off the banister, knowing Clark would catch him, and went flying through the air, landing in the gentle embrace of the man of steel. I may complain a great deal about Clark, but I trust him with my life and certainly with the life of my little one. I watched from the upstairs hallway, unable to hold back a grin.
"Whoa there kiddo", Clark said, still floating in midair, "You're gona break your neck."
"Look, look, look", Dick said excitedly, holding on tightly to Clark. Clark grinned widely when he saw what Dick was wearing. Complete with a cape, it was a minute model of the man of steel's own costume, right down to the red foot booties. I had often wondered why they put those feet things on children's pajamas, but Alfred had explained that small feet got cold easily and Dick was no exception. I supposed that made sense.
"Well", Clark said, "You look rather dashing today Mr. Superman."
"Make me fly citizen", Dick commanded. Clark put Dick up on his hand and zoomed him around, soaring around Wayne Manor. Dick squealed in delight. No other kid was as lucky as he was and he knew it too.
"The only thing I'm missing is that gay little curl," he said excitedly, in his high innocent voice.
"Gay little curl", Clark said, sounding troubled, "Where did you hear that?"
"That's what Batman calls it", Dick replied.
"Ohh", Clark said, as if it all made sense now, "Of course." He landed lightly, Dick still held gently by him and said, "Isn't it about time you were in bed little bird."
"Clark's got a point kiddo", I added coming down the stairs, "Come on."
"I need my cookies", Dick said, wiggling out of Clark's grasp. The man of steel put him down and he bounded into the kitchen.
"Well", Clark smirked, a smug look on his face, "Superman pajamas huh."
"Yea", I replied, "it caused me physical pain to buy them, but he did that thing with his lip he always does when he wants something and I melted." Clark smirked.
"Bruce", Dick called.
"Coming", I yelled back, and walked into the kitchen after him.
"Hey Bruce", Barry called, "Can I have some cookies too?" I shot him such a venomous look, he wilted like a flower. I smirked. I still had it.
I walked into the kitchen just in time to dive and catch Dick as he toppled out of the pantry, the cookie box in hand. "Dick", I snapped angrily, "You're gona crack your head open." He looked so dejected at being scolded, I couldn't help but snuggle him. Of course, that was exactly what he wanted in the first place and he hopped out of my arms, clutching the box of cookies.
I got the milk out of the refrigerator and poured a glass for Dick. "Now", I said sternly, "that's all you get, I don't want you wetting the bed."
"Bruce", he gasped, sounding appalled, "That's what babies do." I grinned at him.
"Well, don't drink too much before bed and we won't even have to discuss it." He gave a heavy sigh as if he were the most pitiable creature in all the world and crammed about three cookies in his mouth. Crumbs leaping from his gaping maws, he managed to spit out, "You should bring some to Uncle Barry."
"Do I have to?" I moaned.
"Yes", he said, swallowing and taking a large swig of milk, "You have to be nice."
"Fine", I said. I grabbed a glass of milk and a few cookies and walked out. "Here", I grunted, handing them to Barry, "Courtesy of my son."
"Yippee", Barry cheered, taking them eagerly, "thanks B."
"Don't call me B", I growled.
"Aww", Ollie whimpered, "I want some." I gave a heavy sigh.
"Since I appear to be on serving duty, who else would like some?" Clark raised his head. "Put that down before I break it", I snapped, "We're adults."
"Me", Clark said.
"Me too", Diana added.
"And me", Arthur said.
"And me", Carter finished. I looked at Hal.
"I'm fine", he said stiffly, arms folded.
"Good", I replied, "I wasn't going to bring you any anyway." I was back a moment later with trays of cookies and milk, grumbling about servants, sweets and acting like an adult. "Now", I said, "I have an eight year old who badly needs to go to bed. Don't disturb me again." They all nodded, their mouths full.
I went back to the kitchen, where Dick had just finished his sugary treat. "All done", he said cheerfully, wiping his mouth.
I scooped him up and said, "Lets go upstairs then." We hiked up the stairs and went into his bathroom. "Alright", I said, "Brush your teeth."
"Nemo toothpaste", he squealed excitedly, and grasped his Car's toothbrush.
"Brush well", I cautioned, "I don't want you to get cavities."
"Ok", he replied, "but you gotta sing the tooth brushing song."
"No, I'm not singing that dreadful song."
"Yes", he said adamantly, folding his small arms and fixing me with a mini bat-glare, "I won't brush my teeth without it."
"Fine", I said with a sigh, and opened my mouth to sing. "Brush your teeth, brush your teeth, round and round, round and round, brush all your teeth at the end of each day to keep your gums healthy and fight tooth decay, go round and round."
(Now, that's not actually how the song goes, but I couldn't remember the rest so I did my best. Suck it)
Dick finished and spat into the sink. "Good", he said, wiping his hands together.
"Time for bed", I said.
"Nope", he cried, "First, you gotta catch me." And then, he was off and I was after him. We zipped around the manor at top speed, crashing into things and mowing down at least five valuable items in the process. I should have been able to catch him so easily, but he turned corners faster than I did. Then, he was down the stairs, screaming for Clack to hide him.
I was down a moment later, but he had disappeared. I stared at the league suspiciously, but they were all innocently eating cookies and drinking milk. "Are you looking for something?" Clark asked, a little too nonchalantly.
"No", I replied, matching his tone. I quietly walked around the room, eyes searching diligently.
"So", Barry said, "those Dupeyvanites."
"Yea", Diana replied, "quite interesting, those strange customs they have." It was then that Carter shifted slightly and I noticed a little bit of red fabric sticking out from behind him. I lunged, landing on Carter's knees (which was a little awkward) and grabbed the cape.
"Hah, hah", I laughed triumphantly, hauling him out from behind the Thanagarian.
"Sorry Dick", Carter laughed, "I tried."
"No", Dick screamed as I dragged him up, "Help me Uncle Carter." I scooped him up and tossed him over my shoulder.
"He's gona beat me", Dick screamed, "Save me Uncle Barry."
Barry laughed and said, "I think you deserve a good beating."
"He's right", I growled, carrying him up the stairs.
"Good night Dick", they all called.
"Night", he yelled back brightly, still hanging over my shoulder. They all laughed and resumed talking. I righted Dick and he put his arms and legs tightly around me, smiling happily as he took in the scent of me and the feel on my soft robe on his cheek. I put an arm underneath him to support him and the other on his head, stroking his hair.
"I love you Bruce", he breathed.
"I love you more", I replied.
"I love you the most", he finished, an air of finality in his tone. When we got to his room, I pulled back his sheets and put him down. Then, I tucked him in tightly and handed him his stuffed truck.
"I wanna story", he said, "Read me a story."
"Fine", I replied, "but first, go to the bathroom now if you have to." He paused, cocked his head, and rushed out. I chuckled and picked up a book. He was back a minute later. "Did you wash your hands?" Out again and back again, climbing up onto my lap.
"What're you gona read?" he asked.
"Little Red Riding Dickie", I replied.
"Yippee", he called, "I love Little Red Riding Dickie."
"So, once upon a time there was a boy called little Red Riding Dickie." The story took about ten minutes to read and by the end, he was slumping in my lap, snuggled in and practically asleep. I slowly lifted him out of my embrace and placed him on his bed.
His eyelids fluttered open slightly and he gazed up at me, sleep filling his gaze. I smiled and stroked his hair lovingly, lying next to him and propped up by my elbow.
"Alright", I whispered, "time for bed my little Dickie." He yawned widely and snuggled into his pillow.
"Sing me a lullaby Bruce", he whispered.
"Alright", I said, and I started to sing. "Hushabye, don't you cry, go to sleep my little baby, when you wake, you shall have, all the pretty little ponies." I let my slightly less then sonorous voice carry him off to slumber. By the time I was done with the song, he was practically asleep. I pushed back his hair and kissed his forehead. Then, I stroked his cheek.
"Goodnight my little one", I said softly, "Good night my sweet little Dickie."
"I love you", Dick murmured, rolling over. I caught one final sight of his big blue eyes, filled with sleep, before his long eyelashes swept his cheeks and they were closed.
"Love you more", I whispered in his ear, my breath tickling his chin.
"Love you the most", he said through a yawn. "You know, when I get to be really big, I'm gonna put you to bed. I'm gona give you a bath and get you into your pajamas and read you a story and sing you a song and tuck you in." I ran a hand over him and pulled the covers up.
"Maybe so", I said with a chuckle, "Maybe so." Right then, I felt so lucky he was mine, all mine. I envied his Father for having all those years with him and holding that place in his heart, but I knew I held a special one too.
I lay down next to him and snuggled up close. I would lie with him for a few minutes, at least until he fell completely asleep. I placed a few gentle kisses on that small neck and closed my eyes. I knew the League was waiting for me, but this was more important. After all, he wouldn't be mine forever.
Boy was it late and I was exhausted. I rubbed my eyes and almost put my head down on my desk. I would have if I hadn't thought I would just fall asleep. My arm was paining me greatly; it had gotten severely wrenched during a battle with Twoface. It was then that I heard the sound of the door creaking. "Bruce", a voice said, "how late is it, Lord, go to bed." I rolled my eyes and turned to see my big grown up seventeen-year-old, standing in the doorway and rubbing his eyes.
"I have work to do", I replied.
"Not that much", he grumbled, "You're gona die, keeping hours like this. You remember when I was little and I told you I was gonna put you to bed one day."
"Yea", I said, a smile lighting my lips at the memory.
"Well", he continued, "I'm gona keep my promise, come on, time for bed."
"You're not giving me a bath", I said seriously.
"Fine", he replied, "but come on, bed time." I got up slowly and stretched, cracking my back as I arched it. He dogged my heels as I hobbled sleepily over to the bathroom. "Now", he said, pointing to the shower, "Go and take one, I'll get you your pajamas."
"You aren't getting me dressed", I said.
"You're a big boy", he replied, "I think you can handle that on your own." He was off and back in a moment with my pajamas and robe. "Sorry, they're not Superman." I grinned and ruffled his hair.
The shower felt amazing and incredibly refreshing. The water was warm and wonderful. I felt it trickle down my back and mist my hair. It helped soothe the pain in my throbbing arm greatly. I got out only too soon, shook out my hair, and got dressed. When I got out, Dick was waiting by the door.
He smiled at me and said, "Lets go get some cookies."
"Isn't it a little late?"
"It's never too late for cookies." I followed him down the stairs. We sat in silence, chomping on sugar at three in the morning and downing our glasses of milk. "Don't worry", Dick said sarcastically, "I won't wet the bed." I grinned at him.
"Neither will I." He pressed his side to mine and put his head on my shoulder. I put an arm around him. We didn't get times like these anymore.
We went back upstairs and I started towards the bedroom. "Did you brush your teeth?"
"No", I replied. Dick put his hand in front of his mouth in mock horror. "Cavities", he said, "Gingivitis."
"Alright, alright." I went back in and brushed my teeth. He stood behind me, singing that song I hated so much. "Brush your teeth, brush your teeth, round and round, round and round, brush all your teeth at the end of each day to keep your gums healthy and fight tooth decay, go round and round." I spat loudly.
"I hate that song", I muttered.
"I know", he replied brightly, "That's why I sing it." He put his arms around my waist and kissed my cheek before bouncing away, grinning coyly. I smirked and followed him into the bedroom.
"What", he said, "I don't get to chase you around the house and toss you over my shoulder, dragging you kicking and screaming up the stairs."
"Sorry", I replied, "but I don't think you could hold me on one shoulder."
"Well", Dick amended, "I guess you are a little big." He tossed back my sheets and pointed at the bed. "It is time to go to sleep Mr. Wayne and I won't take no for an answer."
"Alright, alright", I grunted, climbing onto my bed. He pulled the covers over me and darted away for a moment before coming back with a book.
"Now", he said, "I shall read you a bedtime story."
"Come on Dick", I said, "I'm tired."
"I let you slide with the pajamas and the bath, but the story is a must, now, settle down. Look, I'm not even making you sit on my lap." I smiled at him.
"Fine", I said.
"Good", he replied, pressing his hip to my side, "Let us begin. Tonight we are reading Chicken Bruce, where an acorn falls and stupid Bruce thinks it's a piece of the sky."
"Sounds like I'll be flattered by this tale", I replied.
"Yes", Dick said, giggling. "Ok, so once there was this stupid little chicken named Bruce. He was really stupid."
I was about to fall asleep by the time Dick finished the story. He smiled lovingly at me, put the book aside and lay down next to me, propping his head on his elbow. "You gonna sing me a song?" I asked blearily, "Since you seem to be sticking to routine this evening."
"Of course", Dick said, and he opened his mouth. "Hushabye, don't you cry, go to sleep my little baby, when you wake, you shall have, all the pretty little ponies." I allowed his soft, lovely voice (which was infinitely better than mine) carry me to the very threshold of sleep. By the time he finished, I was there.
"Good night Bruce", he whispered, pushing my hair back to kiss my forehead. I smiled up at him.
"Love you", I whispered.
"Love you more", he replied.
"Love you the most", I finished. I rolled over so that my back was to him and he pressed himself to me, his breath tickling my ear. "You know", I murmured, "you could have spent tonight up with the Titans."
"Or", he replied, "I could spend it make sure you get the rest you deserve. And I'm going to lie right here and make sure you get it." He snuggled a little and crooned softly, "Dad." I would have given the world for the privilege of being his true father. As it were, those words enough were enough to set me on fire. I rolled over to face him, inviting him into my embrace. He went willingly.
"That suits me just fine", I whispered to him, "That suits me just fine."