Quinn has a sudden realization with who she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
She shouts at Rachel not to get married with Finn.
She has a scene where she's with Karofsky.
They're involved in a car accident.
There's a huge cliffhanger.
"Hey, Quinn", Dave Karofsky shouts out of the window of his car for the girl, "I'm here"
"Oh, hi. I thought we were supposed to meet inside?", Quinn said as she approached him.
"Yeah… But it's a crowded restaurant and I want to say something in private. Sorry, should've had thought about it first", he said, sounding slightly nervous.
"Karofsky, I'd rather go inside…", she didn't even really knew why she had agreed to come here in the first place, she and Karofsky were never really friends. She interacted with him for popularity reasons while in the cheerios but after what he did to Kurt she wanted distance for a long time. It was only because people deserved second chances that Quinn answered to the boy's message to meet him. Alone. That was a first.
"I know I don't have the best reputation, but I swear I just want to talk to you", he was a little offended by the hesitation, but he couldn't blame her, "Please, I mean it."
As she got in the passenger's seat, she could see Karofsky trying to keep his hands from shaking. She didn't know what to say so she waited. She glanced at him only to find him looking at his hands as they were strangers to his body.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Hm, I just don't know how to start, you know?", he tried a smile, but failed.
"But for what's it's worth I bet you'll be surprised. I hope so. Like, I hope you won't mind, because otherwise I'll make a fool out of myself", he kept saying half-smiling, his voice rather shaky.
Then realization crossed Quinn's features. She knew what he was going to say. But she couldn't say she wasn't surprised.
"Oh my God, Karofsky, look, I'm flattered, but I'm trying to be with myself for a while, but you seem like a good guy now –"
"W-what are you talking abo-", he looked genuinely confused for a second, "Oh, no, no, I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but you're not my type", his voice sounded like he was holding laughter.
Quinn felt a little insulted. The thought of him being interested in her was not a joke. People could be into her. There were a lot of people who had being interested in her. Her face was a mix of confusion and embarrassment.
"Oh, okay. What do you mean, then?"
"No, seriously, you're pretty and all… But… That's exactly what I'm trying to say… I'm…", Karofsky couldn't look at her, not that he didn't tried. His heart was beating so fast he felt it might break some of his bones. He could feel Quinn's gaze on him. He pretended he was alone, like that first time he could say it out loud. He remembered how good it had felt, "I'm gay."
Quinn just stared at him. That came out of nowhere. She was sure her mouth was shaped in a form of an "o" but she couldn't really move. Her head was trying to decide if this was a joke or not.
"Are you serious?", she shook her head and blinked a few times. If he was, she needed to regain control.
"Yeah… I am", he still didn't couldn't take his eyes off of his hands.
"You were right. I am surprised", she smiled, trying to sound as sympathetic as possible, "I don't mind and I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to."
"Actually that'd be great", Karofsky's eyes finally met hers, "I don't know if I'm ready yet."
"Not a problem", she kept her smile on.
"Aren't you gonna ask me why I told you this?"
"If you're comfortable with it, yes, I'd like to know", if Quinn had learned something from the whole Santana experience, is that you can't push people about these things. And if she were to be really, really honest, she had learned about this with herself too.
"Well, did Kurt tell you about this Gorilla delivering him gifts and stuff?", he said, getting his gaze focused of something in the horizon now.
"Yeah, he said he was getting gifts from Blaine during the whole week", she raised an eyebrow. The first thing that came into her mind was something really absurd. What if…
Karofsky let out a little laugh that sounded a lot like self-pity, "They were not from Blaine. They were from me."
A 10 seconds silence followed. Quinn couldn't figure out if she was more shocked at the first revelation or this one. Probably this one.
"You were the Gorilla?"
"Yeah", he laughed again. It didn't sound like the best idea he ever had now. But it did feel strangely good to be openly taking about it with someone that wasn't from the internet.
"You like Kurt?", Quinn was trying her best not to sound harsh or judgmental, but this was really hard to believe in. But not that much, said a quiet voice in her head.
"I think I do. That's what I wanted to talk to you about", he sighed.
"Look, Karofsky, I'm-"
"I'd rather you'd call me Dave."
"Okay, Dave", Quinn shook her head slightly, trying to get her thoughts in order. That didn't really make sense, but at the same time made so much sense she wondered why she hadn't seen it yet. She was more than familiar with the whole situation. But she wasn't about to make this about her, "I'm sorry but Kurt is really happy with Blaine, I don't think I can help you with that, but I'm flattered that you told me."
"I know. He told me that."
"You told Kurt you like him?"
"I think he knew for a while, but yeah, I did", Dave sounded relieved. He felt relieved. He had been rejected, sure enough, but he was now talking about this and he was proud to be this brave.
"I'm sorry", was all that managed to come out of Quinn's mouth. There was a lot of things to process. For a while? Since when?
"Me too. That's what I wanted to talk to you about"
"I don't understand…"
"Look, I know we used to hang out years ago, and back then, believe me, I wasn't in the closet, I was in freaking Narnia or some shit like that, but looking back… Don't take this the wrong way, and if I'm wrong please just say so, don't be offended by it, okay?", he was unsure. He didn't know now, seeing confusion cross once again Quinn's features, if that had been a good idea. Maybe he wasn't good with having ideas. But he needed to try.
"Okay", the girl didn't know what else to say. It seemed that in only 5 minutes a lot had changed so she wouldn't risk to try to guess what he was talking about. A lot was going on in her head. Mainly a lot of questioning and crazy parallels she refused to believe in.
"Looking back, Quinn…", Dave shook his head, trying to be inspired, "I see a lot of myself in you. I know no one ever got afraid of their lives because of you you, and I hate myself for that… But you too were always wearing this mask, trying to be the perfect popular girl, not allowing yourself to be honest… And taking out on others for that."
"Dave, I'm not proud of doing that, really, I don't-"
"Please, just let me finish", he said, his voice firm this time. Too late to go back now.
Quinn didn't answer that. She kept her silence. Half of her was curious, the other half was a little scared of hearing those things, specially what she speculated that could come soon after.
"But you always had a special target… Rachel Berry", Quinn's face fell a bit. A thousand thoughts crossed her mind again and she felt a little dizzy, "You could be mean with every girl who wore a ugly skirt, but if it was Rachel, you'd single out every reason why you hated that skirt and why she was such a ridiculous human being..."
Dave stopped for a second. That was when he thought Quinn would stop him. But she didn't. She just stared at him. Maybe the shakiness in his hands went to hers, because they were trembling. He resisted the urge to smile.. A sad smile, for now knowing he was right and for realizing she was in the same ridiculous position he was in. But a smile none the least.
"I think Rachel's your Kurt. I've never seen you being in love with any of the guys, and yeah, I notice a lot of things even if I pretend… Or at least pretended not to show. I don't know if you ever thought about it… But I'm gonna tell you my… Story, I guess, and I hope you take a lesson."
Quinn kept staring at him. When did Karofsky began to notice this? Do other people notice this? Am I being more obvious than I thought? Does Rachel knows? If she does, why does she choose to ignore it? Does she pity me? Why is he telling me this? For how long he thinks that way? Did he tell anyone? The only people that knew for sure were Santana and Brittany. But she tried to forget about these questions for a second. This guy trying to teach her a lesson. And all she could say was, "Okay."
"I was in this complete stage of denial first. I really thought that being straight was just liking being with girls, like talking and having fun. I thought that no one really liked kissing or making out or having sex because I thought that was… Kind of gross. But I thought it was normal..."
Quinn was listening, but her mind flashed instantly to her first make out session with Finn. She had kissed boys before, but never really, really kissed them, or their necks, or felt something weird between their legs. They were in her bed, it was awkward, he kept saying things she didn't understand about mails and she didn't really want to kiss him, but she thought that maybe he didn't really want to kiss her either and that's how things were anyway. He was too big for her bed and when he tried to kiss her ear, they fell on the floor and Quinn demanded that he left because she wanted to be by herself.
She never enjoyed being with him in those moments, but he seemed to like it. Maybe it was because he was a boy and they liked those stuff. She talked to Santana about it and that was she said, anyway. So Quinn believed her and tried to keep in mind that girls didn't really like to kiss boys. It was normal.
"And when I saw that there was boys who didn't like to kiss girls too… But they were called gays or fags and were treated like shit, I convinced myself I wasn't one of them. I wasn't weird, I was a popular jock, right? I could get any girl I wanted. I wasn't gay. But people who were needed to be told that they couldn't be gay, that they couldn't be the way they were because girls were the real deal, so everyone who didn't follow the rules had to be punished and just be normal."
Quinn had Karofsky's voice narrating her memories now… She remembered a sleepover with all the cheerios for Brittany's birthday. A lot of them started talking about boys and about who was the cutest, and which of them they wanted to be their boyfriend, and which was the best kisser and so on. She remembered looking at Santana, scared for feeling completely out of place. The girl had just as a terrified look on her face. She looked at Brittany then, who was chatting with all the girls like all was well… She envied her. But then Brittany said something about kissing girls, what it would feel like, and immediately all the other girls started saying "Eeew", or "That's digusting!", or even "That's a sin, Britt!". Brittany looked confused and they were back to boys again. Quinn learned then that girls kissing girls were not only a prohibited thought in her household, but in her life.
And any girl who wanted to kiss a girl would go to hell. So she either had to save them or just laugh at them for the poor choice of life. Lesbians were losers.
"But then one day I was at a party and a guy, I think he went to the same school as Blaine, said that I looked like a huge teddy bear and was very cute", Dave smiled for a second, "Luckily for me, none of my friends heard that. I punched him in the face so hard, I think he went to the hospital. I felt like crap for the rest of the night and decided to go home. Later that night I dreamed of kissing that dude. I woke up so horrified, so scared… I think I had a panic attack, like those on the movies, you know?"
She remembered the first time she heard Rachel sing. She was walking by the auditorium and she heard a voice that seemed to melt her heart and bring passion to her eyes. She didn't have to think twice before going inside. Rachel was in the middle of the stage, eyes closed, probably picturing a full audience. Quinn hold her breath while her heart skipped a beat. She hated Rachel. She hated everything about her. And she made that perfectly clear. So why was she so emotional hearing her voice and seeing her perform?
She got out of the auditorium just before Rachel could open her eyes. She stopped singing as soon as she heard the noise of the door being so messily closed. Quinn missed the sound as soon as it left her ears. She never forgot the first time she heard I Feel Pretty. It made her want to talk to Rachel, to ask her to sing it again, to applaude, to hug her, to feel her against her body, to… kiss her. And she had panic attacks at the thought too.
"And then I realized that Kurt looked a bit like that guy, and he was so obviously gay that I couldn't help but wonder if he'd think I was cute too. It was torture, because I kept thinking about it but I hated myself for doing so. But it became more and more common and I couldn't really help it, and I didn't know what to do. It was horrible."
Quinn remembered when started dreaming of Rachel. And trying to convince herself it was only her head messing with her. She wondered what would be like to kiss her. And then she began to wonder what it would feel like to kiss girls. But she knew that road was condemned so she pushed those thoughts away. But they always came back. She drew pornographic pictures of Rachel in the bathroom's stalls when the thoughts were overwhelming and she had to excuse herself from class.
"And then Kurt really came out and he was just… so proud to be himself, I thought he shouldn't have the right to be that proud, because it was wrong. And if he was proud then he thought that it wasn't. And I couldn't afford that, because then maybe it wasn't wrong ifb I was too, you know? So I picked him to be my main target. At the end, I think I didn't care about bullying others so much, it was much more of a personal choice. I hate myself for doing that, but I did."
Quinn never really enjoyed seeing people's face when they looked at her during those times. It was always a look of lust, or a look of fear, or a look of envy, or a look of despise. Santana and Brittany were the only ones to actually look at her as their friend. Rachel's look at her always killed her because she thought that although she was scared, she admired her. So she became to slowly pick on Rachel more than everybody else. Her hair, her clothes, her hands, her shoes, her hair accessories, her height, her voice, the way she spoke, the way she didn't… And Rachel fought back most of the time. So she got the nicknames. And then the slushies. And she regretted each and every one of those even back then. But Rachel didn't have to be scared all the time, and she did, that wasn't fair and she didn't know what to do.
"But you know, it was a long process, but I came around… Maybe it was actually okay to be gay, and maybe there were people that would love me anyway. And it was just so frustrating to be two people at the same time… Glee club helped me a lot, even if I watched it from the outside. And I thank you for that, I hope I can thank everyone one day… Specially Santana", Dave looked at Quinn, because he was ready for questions and he hadn't been sure she was listening. But all he got was a nod.
Quinn would have a lot of questions for later. But her mind was lost in memories of her joining Glee club, of learning acceptance, of not being such a bad person to Rachel… Of hearing her say that she didn't hate her, of her support, of her singing, of her obsessive perfectionist ways every single time they'd do a song, of her romance with Finn and then Jesse and how she was really grossed out about it… She began to be more and more sure she was actually gay, and when she found out about Brittany and Santana, she felt that maybe liking girls wasn't so bad. And when everybody helped Kurt, she felt maybe they'd help her too.
"I'm not going to bother you with all the feelings I have for Kurt. But I ended up being okay with liking him. I ended up being so okay with it that I had this huge plan of being a romantic and he'd love all the chocolate, all the cards and see that I had changed and then maybe we could be together. But I was wrong because he's with Blaine. And he's happy. And I'm kind of happy for him, because he deserves it. But there's this pain in my heart that feels like someone is stabbing me when I think about them together. It hurts, Quinn, it fucking hurts because maybe if I wasn't that big of an asshole maybe I'd have gotten my chance. If I had, Kurt wouldn't even know Blaine existed. Maybe I'd have a Valentine. Maybe I wouldn't wake up filled with regret, trying to think of a future where I'm brave enough to be myself and not push people away. And no one deserves that."
Quinn remembered of Finn. Finn and Rachel were together now. And it felt exactly like what Dave had described. It killed her. And they were getting married. She remembered crying into her pillow the same night Rachel told her she said yes. The same night where her mom had made her a special dinner because of her Yale's acceptance, only to find her sobbing in the dark of her room. She remembered her mom calling Brittany and Santana over since she refused to talk to her about it. That night they had the saddest sleepover Quinn could think of. It was the first time she said something along the lines of "I love Rachel" for anyone besides herself. And even now, when she thinks about it, she knows it's true. She loves Rachel. She's in love with Rachel Berry.
"And if you're hearing me until now then I was right Quinn, and you really like Rachel. And I can't go back and unmake my mistakes, but I asked you to come here so you won't be as miserable as me in the future. I know she's getting married and all so that's your last chance, and yo-"
Quinn didn't even hear the rest of Dave's speech. Rachel couldn't get married with Finn. She knew that before, but she had thought about it only from a logical point of view. This time she knew Rachel couldn't marry Finn because she loved her. She loved Rachel more than Finn ever could and she would never hold Rachel back, she would never do anything but encourage her dreams, she would do everything to keep her happy and she would do everything she could to be the one Rachel wants to marry.
"-so really, I don't know what else I can do but you gotta do this. Do you know what I mean?"
Quinn's face was glowing with realization. Yes, of course she knew what he meant. She needed to talk to Rachel. Yes, she could almost see herself shouting: "I'm not gonna stand around and watch you ruin your life by marrying Finn Hudson!". She had to meet Rachel tomorrow. She could think of what she would say tomorrow. God, she imagined how beautiful Rachel would be trying on her bride dress.
There's a few seconds of silence.
"Rachel said yes but she hasn't said I do yet."
She kind of does too.
And then she feels something hitting them from behind, and she doesn't have the time to think that they weren't wearing seat belts, why would they? They were parked and talking. So her body lets go of the seat and she doesn't feel gravity while she floats through the car. She doesn't feel gravity not even before hitting the glass of the window full force, cutting her face like it was made out of paper. She didn't have time to think that maybe when she hits the ground she'll have her last breathe taken away and maybe she won't ever have the chance to say what she wants to say, and maybe she won't go to Yale and she won't see Rachel going to NYADA. Maybe she and Rachel won't get married, maybe they won't have kids and maybe she'll be dead in a second. She didn't have time to think any of that because before she knew all was red and then all was black and she didn't feel her body anymore.