Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo
Notes: I had so much fun writing this! We all know that Ichigo doesn't really hate Rukia even though he tries to act like it ;) Reviews are appreciated, enjoy!
15 Things I Hate About You, Rukia Kuchiki
A list compiled by Ichigo Kurosaki
1. First of all, you always charge recklessly at hollows that are a thousand times your size (and you're like what, five foot nothing?) If you would just move aside and let me do the fighting, I wouldn't have to worry about turning around and finding your corpse in the jaws of a hollow. Sheesh.
2. …thus bringing me to the next point: you could technically qualify for a midget. I don't have anything against short people, but let me make myself clear- I am not, I repeat, not your personal staircase damn it! The next time you want to reach for the cookies on the top shelf, you're on your own! After making me get on all fours because you "dropped your soul candy," you used my back as a freakin' step ladder. So you can just forget about those cookies!
3. Your sucky little drawings (I think this one is self-explanatory...but I will say that I am not a rabbit, a bear, or any other furry animal that you like to illustrate).
4. You always leave all your crap lying around in my room. Just this morning, I found one of your Chappy-faced bras under my bed. Who knew that you even needed to wear one?
(In case you do happen to stumble across this list, I was just kidding about #4…
…please don't hit me).
5. Your choice in company. I'm sorry, but I don't see the appeal in hanging out with those who have pineapple shaped hairstyles. Plus Renji always butts in whenever I'm about do something really impressive. And what's with Byakuya? I don't think I've ever seen his mouth twitch once, let alone smile. Why do you choose such freaks for your friends?
6. You always end up getting yourself captured. And when it happens, it's me who has to bust my ass over to whatever lair you're being kept in this time. I have to go out of my way to rescue you when I could be doing really important things like…
…just important things okay? And don't give me that crap about being a girl, because I don't see Rangiku getting kidnapped every five minutes.
7. You physically abuse me. Even when I don't do anything wrong, you still throw a punch in my gut! For example, there was that one time when I bought you a pair of these really awesome sunglasses for your birthday. Orihime told me that you'd love them, and since she's a likeable girl, I figured that I could trust her instincts. But when you opened the present, you actually looked angry and was all, "Is this your way of saying that you don't like how my face looks?"
Me (who was completely baffled) responded with, "What? Well how would I know what your face really looks like anyway? You always have that piece of hair hanging over it!"
"Oh, I see. So now you're saying that my hair looks stupid?"
And then you kicked me in the shins.
What. The. Hell did I do to deserve that? I mean, you do always have a lock of hair over your face. I never once said that it looked bad!
8. You're a big suck up. For some odd reason, you're able to sway Yuzu and my old man with that goody-goody attitude of yours. He even calls you his third daughter, which pretty much implies that you're supposed to be like a sister to me. Over my dead body will that ever happen, because it's just wrong on all kinds of levels. The last thing I'd want is for you to be my sister.
9. Your fake goody-goody attitude. Everyone must be really stupid or something because you are a far cry from a good actress. I can practically see the glittery cloud of bullshit that surrounds you when you curtsey. Remember when you baked everyone those burnt Chappy cookies? I could hardly stomach one, but people were gobbling them up like they were sent straight from the heavens or something. You must've drugged everybody with some weird Soul Society medicine, because there's no way that people would eat your crap without so much as a grimace...
10. You always use my window as a door. My dad and sisters already know of your existence, so why do you insist on scaring the crap out of me by hurling yourself inside through the window? Once you accidentally kicked me in the face and gave me a nosebleed! This is especially irritating because you run off to God knows where for the entire day, then waltz back in through your preferred entrance in the middle of the freakin' night. What goes through my brain is not, "Oh it's just Rukia, I better roll out the red carpet for her arrival." When I see a leg making its way into my room, I usually think, "OH SHIT, A ROBBERY!"
(You're lucky that I always realize it's you before I swing my sword.)
11. Your stupid Chappy Gikon. Every time she sees me, I end up with a dislocated shoulder or a broken limb. Also, her cutesy voice makes me want to bash my head against a wall (oh wait, your psycho gikon already does that for me). I swear to God if you don't put a leash on that creature, I will.
12. I bet if we were placed in a situation where someone had to be sacrificed, you'd have no qualms about roasting my ass then tossing me over to the wolves yourself. Like that one time when we got in trouble for going to Don Kanonji's live show. You tried to blame the entire thing on me! (Does "So you'll punish Ichigo and let me go?" ring any bells?) What the hell was that all about?
13. I always wake up finding you beside me in my bed. The day you officially moved out of my closet to sleep in Yuzu and Karin's room, I was ecstatic. No more having to hear you snore, or that stupid beep of the hollow signal anymore. I think I even threw myself a party that night. So imagine how I felt when I woke up to get a glass of water, only to find you hogging all the sheets on my bed! Every time you come home from one of your late night excursions or whatever, you seem to get too lazy to go to your own bed so you crawl right into mine! I will not stand for this- this invasion of personal space!
14. I hate how I can't see, smell, or feel your presence anymore. I don't know whether you've come back to visit me or not, but if you did, the least you could do is leave a note or something (and I promise I won't mock your dumb illustrations this time, but I'd appreciate it if you'd just write a normal letter instead of making me decode your crappy little 'clues').
The room feels kind of quiet without you around because...shit, I don't know, you were always screaming at Kon or dramatically reciting literature in my closet. Don't get me wrong, it was annoying as hell, but I guess I've grown used to hearing your voice. It's weird now that it's gone...
Today, Yuzu opened my window to air out the house because she burnt our dinner, but she forgot to close it when she was done. I came home to find my curtains flapping...so you know what I did? I practically flipped the entire house upside down just searching for a glimpse of your black hair (despite the fact that I knew I wouldn't be able to see you anyway without my shinigami powers).
…I hate that I just really fucking miss you.
Yeah Ichigo, you wouldn't want her to be your sister 'cause you'd rather have her be your girlfriend, right? ;D