Never Think~ Remember Me/Welcome To The Rileys Crossover
By: Cassie Gonzalez
Disclaimer: I do not own Remember Me or Welcome To The Rileys.
*A/N: This is my first Tyllory story I've ever written. I love Remember Me/Welcome To The Rileys crossovers so I decided to write my own! I hope you guys enjoy it! Don't hesitate to leave me comments/questions! :) This takes place in NYC. The story is not based off the movies themselves, it's just the characters, and the events that happened in the movies did not happen in the characters past. The story starts out like the beginning of RM but it's different, it's 2011, and Tyler is still about to turn twenty-two. Caroline is also in the story. She's twelve and looks the same as in the movie, as well as Tyler's mom and dad. Tyler's mom and dad are not divorced, Les is not in the picture. Mallory is a lot cleaner than she is in the movie. She takes care of herself. So, she's not as run-down looking(wears less make-up, things like that).*
****Looking at pictures encouraged. It helps with the visual aspect of the story. Links to pictures will be throughout the chapters.****
Pictures of Mallorys car/apt. (detailed description of inside her apartment is in story): www. rob-me. tumblr. com/post/17312145594/never-think-mallorys-apartment
www. rob-me. tumblr. com/post/17312256615/never-think-mallorys-car-1994-dark-green-honda
Pictures of Tylers car(his apt. is the same as in the movie): www. rob-me. tumblr. com/post/17312404282/never-think-tylers-car-black-1993-lexus-sc300
Chapter One: A Night To Remember
I open my eyes and my head feels like it's going to explode, and my room smells like throw up.
I scan my memory trying to think about what exactly happened last night.
All I can remember is Aiden and I went out to a strip club, after much convincing from him, and he bought me a whole bunch of shots.
I hate going out with Aiden. He always tries to make me hook up with someone when I clearly don't want to. I'd much rather stay home and drink myself into oblivion. But, I went out with him just to make him happy. After all, he's my best friend.
I groan and roll over. I see a wad of money and a piece of paper sitting on my nightstand. I pickup the piece of paper. It has a phone number on it, but no name. It's a girls handwriting...weird. I count the money. A hundred and twenty dollars. What the fuck? Where'd that come from? And what the fuck happened last night? I really wish I could remember. That would help me a lot right now..I'm so fucking stupid. I shouldn't have drank and taken so many pills.
I stuff the mysterious items into the drawer and walk to the fridge and grab a beer. I pop it open and the phone starts to ring. It scares the hell out of me.
Fuck. I forgot. It's Sunday. And not just any Sunday, it's the anniversary of Michael's death.
I don't want to do anything besides lay in bed all day.
I pick up the phone.
"Tyler! You're late!" Caroline screams on the other end. I wince at the phone from her high pitched voice.
She sounds far away? I hope she's okay. I bet she's just as sad. Her and Michael were close.
"Hey Carebear. I'm sorry. I'll be there as soon as I can." I reassure her. "But, tell mom I can't stay too long."
Great. I really don't even want to go visit Michael's grave today, I went the other day by myself. And I definitely don't want to see my dad. I fucking hate my dad. And, apparently, he hates me too. Reminding me all the time that 'the wrong son killed himself'.
I decide to try and get out of lunch by taking Caroline somewhere. Chances that my parents are going to go for it are slim. But, there's no harm in trying. I go there on my own anyways, sometimes with Caroline, and I'm only going there today to please my mother, and to see Caroline.
I can only be a few feet away from that arrogant bastard in a confined space for a small amount of time before I snap.
"But why? I miss you.." Caroline whined. She sounds like a kid not getting her way.
"Because I'm taking you somewhere, of course." I answer. That will make her happy..
"Okay, we'll be waiting. Love you!" the excitement in her voice is cute, I know she misses me. It's been almost a week since I've seen her, and that's long for me and Caroline.
I grab my half-smashed cigarette pack out of my jacket, along with my lighter, and light a cigarette. "Love you too, Carebear." and hang up the phone.
I scurry over to my closet and realize that my suit jeans and jacket are still in the laundry from the last time I had to wear them. I grab a plain white V- neck out of the closet then grab the jacket and jeans out of the basket. I go over to the sink in the bathroom and wipe off all spots with a washcloth.
I groan with unexcitement. That will have to do.
I put them on, chug my beer, and suck down my cigarette. Put it out, and throw it in the toilet. I grab my bottle of Vicodin out of my medicine cabinet.
I need one. My head is still throbbing.
I take one and put five more in my pants for later. Fuck being addicted.
I observe myself in the mirror. My eyes grow wide.
What. The. Fuck?
There's a fucking hickey on my neck. A dark one.
Seriously? What the hell happened last night? I groan and rub my hands over my face. Goddammit.
I grab the Listerine.
I gag. The taste in my mouth is the nastiest thing I have ever tasted. I rinse my mouth out with some water and slide my black Nike's on.
"Fuck! Where the fuck are my keys! This isn't happening." I half scream, trying not to wake Aiden.
I already don't want to go and now I'm going to be even more late. I start to try and think where I had laid them when I got home last night but I don't even really remember coming home.
"OH!" I run over to the pants I was wearing last night and grab them. Then quickly run out the door to my car.
As I start to drive I light up another cigarette and think about Michael, and what life is like without him around. My eyes start to get hot and I feel a tear run down my face and quickly wipe it off with my sleeve.
Michael was the best brother anyone could have ever asked for. He protected me, and didn't let anyone come in the way of our friendship. He taught me how to play guitar, and even bought me one of my own. A really expensive one. It's a beautiful Yamaha acoustic. A cherry red in the middle of pure jet black. I've never seen any guitar as beautiful. I got his guitar now, as well. He was a genius when it came to a guitar, and his voice was mesmerizing. He taught me how to sing, too. I don't think I'm that good but it's always a good escape to just lock myself in my room with my guitar, and get lost in the music me and him played together. We had the same music taste, too. Psychedelic rock, reggae, classic rock, alternative rock, some bluegrass, and jam bands. He loved Grateful Dead and Pink Floyd. Both the bands I loved since the first time I heard them when I was eleven. I think I listen to them a lot more since he's been gone..
Tyler's guitar(the one his brother bought him-check it out)- www. rob-me. tumblr .com/post/19519191709/guitar [links always have a space in between dots]
He's the one who got me smoking weed, too. He had been fifteen and I was fourteen. I looked up to him, so I tried it. I saw it as a pleasurable escape to my somewhat dull, and at times, rough, life. A little time after that, I tried acid and mushrooms for the first time with him. I will never forget those times. We had been laughing so hard that we were crying and our stomachs hurt. I think it's the hardest I'd laughed my entire life. We did DMT together, but it was completely different from acid and shrooms. It's like your soul is shooting off in a rocket ship. Separated from your body, motionless, unable to move, yet, the happiest you could possibly ever be.
But ever since that day, the day I lost my best friend, and brother, I've been a total mess. I'm addicted to a pain killer, I have been since I got in a car accident a week after and I lost another good friend. I got it prescribed for the back and knee injuries I got and still have. The only good friend I still have, is Aiden.
Aiden has been my best friend since the first day of sixth grade. When we moved from New York to Indianapolis. I love him and all, but he in no way has helped me through this. He tries his own way, I understand that, but it just doesn't help.
I flick my cigarette out the window and immediately light another one.
I have completely become an introvert. I am in my own little world in my head. I haven't made any new friends or met any girl that I am even slightly interested in, and whenever I go out I barely ever talk. I just drink myself into oblivion, and keep to myself. It's not like fucking random chicks is going to make me feel better? I wouldn't even do that if I wasn't depressed. It's just not me. It's like all girls prey on vulnerable, semi-cute guys. I in no way think I am attractive. Yet, all girls seem to fawn over the fact that I look depressed, and it's all a big mystery to them as to why I don't want to have sex with them? They're not even worth my time, really.
And the nights are the worst. I almost feel like a darkness has taken over me. I haven't been able to sleep through the night unless I am completely blacked or passed out, I have nightmares, and I've been crying a lot. In, and out of sleep.
I pull up to the cemetery and see Caroline and the rest of my family standing together next to the grave. It sends a sharp pain straight to my chest and I feel as if I'm going to throw up. I walk up and give Caroline a kiss on the forehead.
"Thanks for the wake up call, Carebear." Even though I wish I wasn't awake. I'm still glad I get to see Caroline. She's one of the only good things in my life.
She winces. "You smell like beer and cigarettes."
I smile lightly and shake my head.
"You couldn't wear a tie?" My dad says, like an asshole.
Yeah, I could've. But I didn't. Just to fucking spite your ass.
I stare him down and he gives me a smug know-it-all look.
Yeah, I'd like to fucking smack that smug look right off your face.
"I could've. " I say, pretending to be disappointed in myself. "But I couldn't find one." Lie.
"Whatever." He snaps back.
"You look nice." My mom says, nudging my shoulder, trying to lighten the mood.
"Thanks." I throw her a smirk to show her my thanks.
I can't stop thinking about how awkward everything is. I just want to run away and go back to sleep so I don't have to think about it anymore. Or if anything else, I just wish it was me and Caroline so we could show our respect without the asshole here to disturb my train of thought.
"I'm taking Caroline to the park for some ice cream here in a little bit" I say softly. "I promised her."
Fuck. They are going to be mad. Vicodin gives me some inner fucked up bullshit courage or something. But I'm glad it's kicking in, my headache has subsided. Vicodin has come to my rescue once again.
"Why?" My mother says curiously.
Because I hate Dad.
"Yeah. Why Tyler?" My dad says.
Because I hate you.
"I want to spend time with Caroline." I put the emphasis on 'Caroline'. "And, I'm not hungry for lunch. I'm not feeling well."
"That's fine, darling." My mother says gracefully. She's okay with it? What? "Me and your father will just go to lunch by ourselves." What? ...
"Okay, want to go to the park, Carebear?" I say, completely ignoring the fact that them going to lunch by themselves is completely out of the ordinary. I overheard them talking about divorce when Caroline was asleep a few weeks back, but right now I think they might be reconsidering. I don't know why, my dad is a huge dick to my mom. Maybe he feels bad? Wait..never mind. That would never happen.
"Yeah! Right now?" she says eagerly, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Sure, let's go." I say quickly. Caroline to the rescue. I love her.
"Thanks, mom. I love you. I'll see you later." She pulls me into a hug.
"I love you too, Ty." She whispers in my ear.
Caroline says bye to Mom and Dad. I give a head nod towards fuckface.
Caroline and I start walking towards my car.
"I could tell you didn't want to be there." She says thoughtfully as we finally reach the car.
"Yeah.." I reply forlornly.
She puts her little arms around me and squeezes.
"I didn't either." She replies sadly. "Dad just made my anxiety worse."
Caroline is on a low dose of Xanax. I don't like how she got diagnosed with anxiety because my father won't be there for her and actually be a father. He's a big shot for his own company, Hawkins Enterprise. So he was rarely even around for our childhood, and even then, he was a better father than he is now.
"We can come visit Michael on our own sometime soon. Okay?" I squeeze her tighter and kiss her forehead.
"Okay. I'd like that."
"I'm glad I have you, Carebear." I say truthfully. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
Taking Caroline to the park will get my mind off things. She is the only one I truly love besides my mother. They understand me. My father has only torn our family apart since Michael died, and the car accident. I know he blames me completely for the car accident, but I wasn't driving, Kara was. And he knows it. I mean, yes, I supplied our alcohol, and we were underage, but she chose to drive. She wanted to get away from her crazy mother who was chasing us. I had pleaded with her to just talk to her and not run, and that her mother was only looking out for her best interest. But she didn't listen to me. She was my good friend for two years. I never once thought we'd get into an accident. I mean, I always blame myself for letting her drive drunk, but so was I. When you're drunk you don't think of consequences. But, I cared a lot about Kara, I would never wish harm on her, and I wish she would have made it out of the accident. And, sometimes, I wish that I was the one who would have died..
Me and Caroline are sitting on our favorite bench in Central Park near the Alice in Wonderland statue eating our ice cream.
"So I have an art expo coming up soon." She says buoyantly as she snuggles in closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder. "Are you gonna come?" She asks, looking up at me with hopeful eyes.
"Of course I'm going to come, Carebear." I reassure her.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Of course, I couldn't promise her Dad is going to make it. He'll probably be busy with a meeting at work or something.
"I wouldn't miss it."
"I love you, Tyler. You're the best brother in the whole world." She looks up at me and smiles.
I try as best I can to keep Caroline happy, even if I can't make myself happy.
"I wouldn't say that, but I try my best."
"Do you think Dad will come?" she asks wistfully as she licks her strawberry cherry ice cream.
I don't want to disappoint her. "I hope so." I pull her closer to me and squeeze her firmly. "We can only hope."
I have to admit, I will be extremely mad at him if he doesn't come, he knows it would mean the world to her. Why can't he just be here for her for once? I don't understand it. She's the sweetest twelve year old and her father won't even be there for her.
"Is your new friend Jessica going to come?" I ask.
"I don't know..I haven't asked." She answers, and shrugs her shoulders casually.
"Well, you should ask her to come with us to the beach house if she can't come to your art expo. I know it's in a few days but maybe her parents would be okay with it."
"I don't know." She looks down at the ground sadly. "I was just going to draw and hang with you anyways. I'm not sure how I'd feel if a friend came with."
"Yeah, I understand. I love you, Carebear."
"I love you too, Ty."
Caroline doesn't have many friends since we moved back out here after the accident. Everyone here isn't too nice to Caroline either. It really pisses me off. Who could be so cruel to a sweet twelve year old? Sure, she's a little different. A lot smarter than someone her age should be. With a higher vocabulary and a bigger imagination. I'd have to say Caroline is very well rounded, and mature. I was a little relieved we moved out here, and I think she was too. I know I wasn't comfortable sleeping across the hall from the room Michael had died in, let alone the same house. Dad wanted to stay for work. But, as soon as he asked about his job back at his other firm in New York, it had worked out for the better. For him at least. And, Aiden gladly came with, and him and I quickly found a cheap one bedroom apartment together. Away from that arrogant fuck of a father. Of course, Aiden didn't mind bunking in the computer nook. So everything worked out here, kind of.
After I dropped Caroline off with Mother, I drove home.
I walk in the door, take my jacket off and throw it across the room.
I totally don't care where that lands.
I quickly walk to my room, ignoring Aiden, who is sitting on the couch with a girl I've never seen before.
I put on a red,blue, and white plaid shirt over my white V-neck, and a pair of black jeans.
I walk back out into the living room and notice Aiden sitting on the couch, smiling at me strangely. "What?"
"Dude, you don't remember anything from last night..?" He cocks an eyebrow and pulls his arm from off of the girls shoulder.
"Uhm..no..what the hell are you talking about?" Seriously. I'd love to fucking know. The wad of money, the number, the throw up, and the hickey all make me very fucking confused.
"You got laid my man!" WHAT? No...I wouldn't do that..I fucked a stripper? I was black out drunk..does that mean she took advantage of me? No, that's not like me. I wouldn't do that. I can't believe he would fucking let me do that.
"What?" I gulp and take a step further into the room closer to Aiden. My anger is rising and my bloods starting to boil. I clench my fists at my sides.
"Yeah dude, you went into a VIP room with a girl. She was fucking beautiful dude. You got really lucky..I would have taken her but she really liked you." He gets up and walks over to me and punches my shoulder jokingly. I wince. Does he not fucking understand that this whole situation pisses me the fuck off? I'm so mad I'm on the verge of angry tears.
"Lucky?" I scoff. "Fuck you! I don't even remember it! Why did you let me go back with her! You're supposed to be my best fucking friend! How long have you known me? You know I don't have sex with random girls! Let alone a fucking stripper. I actually believe sex should be something special." I say the last line like an insult.
"Dude, chill the fuck out! She seemed to really really like you. And you left with her, too."
"All strippers pretend to like you Aiden!" I scream at the top of my lungs and get in his face. He winces and tries to step back, but I take another step forward. "That's what they're paid to do!" I'm inches away from his face.
I push him. He pushes back just as hard. "What the fuck is your problem, man! You got laid! And, strippers aren't even allowed to kiss us, and she was kissing all over you! Hence that hickey on your neck! You didn't push her off so I thought you wanted it! Chill the fuck out." He was screaming just as loud, trying to convince me it's okay? What the fuck! This is not okay!
As if this day couldn't get worse... I have to get the fuck out of here..
I mumble a 'fuck you' under my breath and slam the door behind me.
I need to go sit and think.
I decide to walk to the coffee shop Michael and I used to always go to alone to have breakfast together before we moved to Indianapolis. I go there whenever I can to write to him and think.
I chain smoke all the way there to try and calm myself.
I walk in, sit down, and light another cigarette.
I look over and I notice a girl sitting at the counter.
My heart rate instantly increases at the sight of her. She looks oddly familiar and she looks extremely sad. She's smoking a cigarette, wearing a small black Pink floyd t-shirt, tan baggy corduroys, and...holy shit...black Nike's. This girl has amazing taste. I can't believe we have the same exact shoes on.
She's fucking beautiful. Probably the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and she doesn't even have to try. She has the most unique features I have ever seen. Her natural, full, and pouty lips. Her eyes. I can tell they are a striking green from where I am sitting. Her sharp, but feminine jaw line. Her long, curly, chocolate brown hair that flows down right to the middle of her back.
She's skinny, but not too skinny, perfect in all the right places. I can tell she doesn't have much of a chest, but I don't like big boobs anyway.
I usually pay no mind to girls, but something with her sticks out. I haven't thought a girl was beautiful or even thought about a girl in a long fucking time. I'm sure she should have noticed me staring by now, but she seems deep in thought, in her own little world.
I pry my eyes away from her and try to just ignore what I am feeling and take a couple drags of my cigarette.
Kathy walks up to me. "The usual?" She says, just as perky as normal. She has her hair back and it makes her neck tattoo stand out more.
It's pretty cool. I've wanted another tattoo for awhile now. I just don't know what I would get, I was contemplating on something for Caroline, or Kara.
"No thanks. I'm not hungry."
She gives me a worried look, pats me on the shoulder, and walks away. She always knows when it's a bad day, and leaves me be.
I open my journal and start to write.
I've been thinking about you so much. Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about you. Caroline asked me a couple weeks ago what I would say to you if you could hear me. I know what I would say now. I love you, God I miss you. I'm so sorry. And, I forgive you.
Nothing is the same without you. Depression has nearly consumed me.
I remember you telling me a quote from Gandhi: Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it. I tend to agree with the first part.
Nothing in life seems to have any meaning, and I don't see the point in moving forward in life. I will never be able to make up for the bad I have done. Or, the bad that everyone else thinks I have done.
A beautiful voice broke my train of thought.
"Hey Tyler." I look up and my eyes meet the most beautiful bright emerald-green eyes. I don't know what to say. I'm star-struck. Like someone hit me over the head with a blunt object.
My heart rate is probably so high it's dangerous. That rock is my stomach is most definitely heavier. And that feeling in my chest has changed slightly, it's almost a warmth, and sudden urges to touch and hold her?
I can't look away from her eyes, there's a look in her eyes that I recognize in my own. Pain, loss, and hurt. It's faint, but I notice it.
"U-uhm, What?" I stutter.
"I said hi, Tyler." How does she know my name?
She's looking down at her hands, fidgeting with them. Is she nervous? Why would she be nervous? I've never even met this girl before.
"How do you know my name? Wh-who are you?" Great, way to be rude. I clear my throat. "I mean, not trying to be rude I just don't believe we have met." Even though she does look oddly familiar, and the way I feel when I look at her and when she speaks. I run my hand through my hair and let out a long sigh.
I run my eyes up and down her. I can't help noticing her skin is so pale it's almost translucent. It's beautiful. And the look on her face...is she hurt? Shit. I've hurt this beautiful girls feelings? I fail at everything.
"We...we met last night..my names Mallory?" She looks up at the ceiling and I think she's holding tears back. "You don't remember...anything?" She asks like she's almost offended. But I can tell in her eyes that she's more upset..and..concerned?
A sudden realization smacks me in the face.
Oh my God..This is the girl Aiden was talking about? Fuck...no...she's a stripper? The first girl I'm attracted to in two and a half years and she's a fucking stripper. God-fucking-dammit.
"No..no..uhm.. I don't..I don't remember anything from last night. I'm sorry." The feeling in my chest is right back to pain.
She gives me a look like she's boring into my soul. My heart skips a beat.
It feels..sort of nice though? ..No..fuck.
This is awkward. It looks like she wants an explanation from me but I can't give her one. She slides into the booth seat across from mine and takes my big hands into her little ones. My shoulders instantly relax and I feel a shock-wave of electricity shoot up my arm and straight to my heart. The feeling in my chest has vanished. Yet, my heart rate still has not calmed down. It's so loud I can hear it in my ears, and I think she might possibly be able to hear it too.
And...now I'm fucking shaking...awesome. She probably thinks I'm a fucking pussy.
"You came into my VIP room last night, sweetheart." I feel like I'm about to throw up. I had sex with this beautiful girl and I don't even remember it.
I swallow hard. "Uhm...uh..did we...have..sex?" I whisper sex like it's a forbidden word. I'm fucking stumbling like an idiot.
She looks down at our hands and smiles to herself. She seems a little uneasy. "No, Tyler. We didn't..." She looks...dissapointed? What?
That makes me feel a little better. I think...Wait, why didn't we have sex? Did she not want to? Did I break down? Cry? Tell her about Michael...and Kara..and all the things that I've been going through this past year?
She looks me in the eye and rubs her thumbs back and forth soothingly on the top of my hands. Her skin is as soft as it looks, and it makes my heart rate ease slightly.
"Are you okay?" There is a dark ring around her bright green eyes, it's sadness. And...worry?
I shake my head to take me out of my stupor, and clear my throat. "I'm fine. Why?"
"I don't know..." She looks a bit confused now. "You don't seem fine... I mean..you definitely weren't okay last night.." She leans her head in. "You told me some things that...concern me.. a lot. I'm worried about you, Tyler." She squeezes my hands. "I'm glad I saw you here. I...I..uhm...I thought I'd never see you again..and I...nothing."
She what?.. She cares about me? What? This is some crazy fucked up shit. I really want to know what I told her.
"I...um..What...what did I tell you? What happened?.."
"We shouldn't talk about it here..want to go back to my place? I don't have work for another few hours." She says nervously and way too fast.
She wants me to go back to her place? Should I? I should. I need to know what happened or I'm going to go insane. ..More insane than I already am.
"Um..okay..yeah...sure..." I trail off. She lets go of one of my hands and pulls me up by the other and links my fingers firmly in hers.
Why is she being so nice to me? I mean, I can't complain I have a beautiful girl holding my hand..but I'm still very, very fucking confused.
We walk out the doors and to a dark green Honda Accord. It looks like a really old model. It has to be at least fifteen years old. But it looks very well kept.
"We're taking my car okay? That cool?" She looks at me as though she already has her mind set and it doesn't matter what I say.
I nod in response. "I uh.. I walked." I'm still in complete shock.
I plop down in the seat and she looks over at me and smiles. She has such a beautiful smile. The way her lip curls up, it's incredible. Mesmerizing. I could stare at it all day.
She reaches over and sets her hand on my thigh. I tense up then relax.
I still don't understand why she's being so nice to me.. Does she feel sorry for me?...Well, she's a stripper. It's not like her life is fine and dandy either. I'll just go with whatever is happening. It's my only choice really.
We pull up to a three story brick building with blue frames around the doors and windows. It has two bright red doors with a sign above it that says 'Garden View'. We walk up a flight of stairs and stop in front of apartment number 22 C.
Well, If that isn't ironic. And creepy as fuck.
She fiddles with the door for a minute and ushers me inside. She takes my coat and gestures for me to sit down on her couch.
I freeze like an idiot, and just look around.
Her apartment looks very...homey. It looks like it's cleaned well, but it is very cramped and small. She has a Grateful Dead tapestry hanging behind her long, light green couch.
Damn, she likes my favorite band.
She also has an Alice in Wonderland poster too, which is very vibrant and psychedelic. And, is also one of my favorite movies. The original movie, not the newer one. The newer movie sucked.
"You have amazing taste." I say out of no where.
"You like?" She looks at me in question, then smiles.
"Of course." I reply back with a small smile.
"Make yourself comfortable." She says while disappearing into the kitchen.
I look around and notice she has an oval-shaped wood coffee table in front of her couch, and a small round side table next to the right side of the couch closest to the wall. The round table has a few loose books scattered on top of it. Her bed is in her living room in the corner, I'm guessing she doesn't have a bedroom. It's just two queen sized mattresses stacked on top of each other on the floor. But, I like it. Her sheets are tie-dye and she has a Pink Floyd pillow case-which is totally awesome. She has a poster of a field of weed plants and a poster of Kurt Cobain on the wall by her bed. She has really good taste in music. And, it's really cool she smokes weed. I'd like to smoke with her. Her kitchen is just as small as mine, maybe smaller. You could probably take eight steps, in a circle, and walk through the whole thing. Her refrigerator has a post card on it. I can tell it's vibrant from where I am standing.
I walk to the couch, sit down, and observe everything around me further. She seems really down-to-earth. I like that.
She comes back with two cans of Coke.
Damn, I am thirsty.
She sits down next to me and hands me mine.
"I thought you'd be thirsty. I hope you like Coke."
"Favorite. Thanks." I say with a dip of my chin.
I need a fucking Vicodin. Bad. I'm starting to freak out again.
I pull one out of my pocket and quickly throw it into my mouth and wash it down with the Coke, hoping she doesn't notice I just took something.
"What was that?" She asks with big, questionable eyes.
Well, maybe I should at least offer her one to be nice.
"Uhm, It's a Vicodin. A pain killer. I take them for my back, or whenever I'm...nervous..angry..or depressed..Do you want one?"
"Oh..uh sure." she whispers, and looks me in the eye. "What's wrong with your back?" She holds out her hand for me to drop it in her palm.
"I got in a car accident a little under a year ago. Gave me back problems." I answer vaguely, not telling her what happened.
Her eyes meet mine momentarily and it seems as if she's sad again. "I'm sorry to hear that." She answers back softly and pops the pill into her mouth.
"So..what happened last night..between me and you?" I ask, dreading her answer. I feel my heart constrict in my chest and I feel like I can't breathe.
Just get it over with, Tyler.
She lifts herself onto her knees on the couch and leans over and kisses my left cheek, then my right, then my forehead, then my nose, and my chin. But not my mouth. Like she's saying sorry..
Then it hits me.She just kissed me. Kissed me. Five times. I swallow the urge to grab her at the waist and kiss her lips.
What she is about to tell me must be extremely embarrassing. But why is she doing all this for me? Does she like me or just pity me?
"Well..." She starts trailing off like it's really hard to say. "You told me a lot of stuff."
*A/N: Enjoy the flashback! I really want to know what you guys think!*
"Alright..." is how I start. "I'll tell you everything, okay? Even the details.." I take a deep breath to calm myself. My heart beat is so loud my head is pounding, and there's a pain in my chest.
I can't believe I..care? I care about him? Is that what I feel?...
"Okay." he says faintly. He looks really scared. Like, the look he had in his eyes last night. It makes me want to cry. It reminds me of..myself. It's almost uncanny.
Well, I think this might be awkward since he doesn't remember it. I can't believe he doesn't remember anything. It blows my mind. How could he forget? I know I'll never forget it.
"Don't worry, okay?" I say, grabbing his hand and linking my fingers in his.
I take another deep breath and begin the story.
[[The music is blaring a loud R&B song at Fast Eddies Strip Club. Dim red and blue lights come from all around making the whole room light up with sex appeal. Seven poles, fourteen girls dancing, and in VIP rooms. All the VIP rooms are upstairs. There are nine rooms all with different themes and colored lights. The stages are jet black marble. All girls are to 'keep it classy' at Fast Eddies. It is the cleanest strip club in New York City. Mallory is one of the best strippers Fast Eddies has, making the most money.]]
I've been on my shift for four hours and have four more hours to go. Three if I'm lucky. I've already had four customers tonight and I've made probably around six hundred dollars.
I'm dancing on the pole, moving my body with the music, crawling and growling at horny customers who are stuffing ones and fives in my purple lace g-string-which is pretty much see through. I have a shoelace top on with black X's covering my nipples, a thin strip of fabric this place calls a skirt, and my white four inch heels.
I twirl around the pole and lift myself up onto it, keeping the pole between my legs, and slide down sensually until my ass hits the floor. I am taken back by the very sexy, very depressed looking guy before me. He is with a friend, but his curly-haired friend looks really happy. Why didn't I notice this beautiful guy before? He has been sitting there for quite a while considering he has almost fifteen empty shot glasses in front of him. Obviously all his.
I move myself around the pole once more and dance soothingly to the music, keeping my eyes on him. I notice from the lighting that he has brown hair that looks like he's already been thoroughly fucked. A sharp,sexy jaw. Amazing, sensual, thin, but slightly scornful lips. He's wearing a green, blue, and white flannel shirt and a black jacket, leather I think. From where I am I can tell he has an amazing body. Not scrawny, but lean. Not in a workout kind of way, but a natural way.
I crawl over sexually so that he notices me coming. When I reach him I notice that he is looking right at me. His eyes are droopy but they are a beautiful blue-green. He is definitely shit-faced. Fifteen shots? He can drink that much? That's a lot...
"Hey baby, what's your name?" I say lustfully as I sit my ass on the ledge of the stage so my legs are on either side of him.
"W-why do you w-want to know my name?" His voice is deep, and throaty. It sends an extreme sensation right between my legs, and a light moan escapes my mouth.
What the fuck was that?
I plop down from the stage with a loud 'clap' of my heels to the ground, and slowly sit down on his lap straddling his waist. I lean down to put my mouth to his ear. "Because you look sad, pretty boy." I whisper so that my breath tickles his ear. I hear him let out a long breath of air. "I need to know who I am gonna make happy tonight."
"T-tyler. The name's Tyler." I swear this guy has a stutter. But he's extremely sexy. I haven't been attracted or actually wanted someone my whole life. I will conquer this sexy guy underneath me.
I lean down and place kisses along his jaw line and stop at his ear, nibbling and sucking. I feel him tense up and relax.
We aren't allowed to kiss clients but I don't know what has come over me. I've never even kissed someone before. But, I want to kiss him. All over. And, I will definitely take advantage of this opportunity to.
"Well, Tyler. Do you want to get a room with me?" I blow in his ear gently, and I can feel his hair stand on end. I move down to his neck and start sucking on it, when I pull back, I notice I left a mark.
"Uh.. sure." He sounds hesitant but I've never wanted anything but to survive and forget since I was nine years old. Now that I want someone and he is accepting my offer? I think my heart just clenched from being so happy. Fuck, this is a really nice feeling to have someone you want, want you back.
I stand up before him and grab his hand, linking his fingers in mine instinctively, and start to drag him along. I am stopped by a light grab on my shoulder.
"How much?" It's his curly-haired friend, smiling creepily between me and Tyler.
I'm Tyler's. "I'm already with your friend, sorry." I turn to start walking, still clinging onto Tyler, towards the stairs and I'm stopped. Again. Does this guy not get the fucking hint?
"I said, I'm already with your friend. Fuck nuts. Back off." Woah...hold-the-fuck-up. Did I really just get defensive?
"Woah, Dollface." He holds his hands up in surrender. "It's on me. How much?"
Well, Don't I feel like a huge fucking bitch.
"Oh, sorry." I give him a half-assed smirk. "It's one twenty for an hour." I want more than an hour with him but I don't want to clean his friend out.
He hands me the money and I shoot him a small, crooked smile and start leading Tyler up to my favorite room. It has pink and blue dimmed lights, a pink heart-shaped bed, a big love sack on the side, and a blue shag carpet in the middle- which I've always had the urge to steal.
I hand half the money to the guard outside of the door, and lead the way inside the room.
I look up into his eyes while I slide his jacket onto the floor. He's looking at me like he's like he's in love. I think I'm enjoying it a little too much.
I push him slowly to the bed with my hand on his chest and he stumbles backward and lands, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I straddle his waist and cup my hand in his hair. I can feel how hard he is becoming underneath me. And, I instantly feel my thong start to dampen.
"You want this, sweetheart?" I trace his bottom lip with my thumb. He nods in response.
I lean in and place a firm kiss on his beautiful lips. I lick his bottom lip then take it between mine and suck lightly. He tastes like brown sugar and whiskey. He lets out a deep grunt into my mouth.
I moan right back into his.
I've been horny since I first saw him. I want him more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.
His arms are still at his sides so I grab them and place them on my hips. I lean down and whisper in his ear, "I want you to touch me, Tyler." He starts to let out a moan but I quickly smother it and take his tongue into my mouth. I kiss him with so much passion, I want him to feel how much I want him.
Our passionate kisses turn to needy and frantic kisses. I tear his shirt off and throw it beside the bed on the floor. I push him onto his back and he crawls up to the pillows, and I follow by crawling on top of him. I lean in, practically attacking his face to make out with him again. I'm sucking and pulling his hair and biting his bottom lip, and his hands are coursing my hips and finally one reaches my right tit.
I'm damn near going insane with lust, so I stop to untie my top and throw it on the floor with his shirt. I pull off the X's, which kind of hurt but I couldn't give two fucks. I take my skirt off and throw it with the pile, then move down to his pants and undo them faster than he can say 'no'. Not that he would, anyway. At least I hope not.
We are almost completely naked and I stop. I run my eyes up and down is body, taking in how beautiful he is. A light moan escapes my mouth.
Really. I've never seen anyone more beautiful than him. It makes me curious to why he's depressed. I want to take all his pain away.
I run my hands up and down his stomach, then trail kisses up and down it until I reach his..woah..now extremely hard..and big dick.
He wants me. I smirk to myself then pull on his boxer brief waistband to tease him.
"Come 'ere." I hear him whisper in a velvety smooth and sexy voice.
I do as he says and crawl up to his face and give him chaste kisses on his lips and neck.
"You're so beautiful." He whispers into my hair. It makes a tingle go straight up my spine and a shock wave of sensations go coursing through my body.
He moves me from my straddling position and onto my back. What's he doing? I feel his hand move to my panty-line and I let out a light moan at his touch. It's almost electric and feels incredible.
He obviously likes my moan because before I can even think his hand is touching my pussy. And..it's found my clit. I let out an even bigger moan and I feel heat radiate throughout my entire body and my heart rate increase. If that's even possible..
This is the most intimate and erotic experience I've ever had.
I reach my hand down to his cock and his hand stops me. What the fuck?
"What is it, sweetheart?" Please don't be backing out..please don't be backing out.
"I don't know..I..I.." he mumbles.
I put my finger over his lips. "Shh..it's okay. We don't have to if you don't want to." What am I saying?
I look him in the eye and I see...hurt? Are those tears? Oh my God he's crying...
It's tragically beautiful to me. His eyes changed from a blue-green to a vibrant bright green. I've never seen a color so beautiful. I wrap my arm around him instinctively, lay my head on his chest, and snuggle him in effort to comfort him.
I don't know why he's crying but it's starting to upset me. And, I don't get upset. So that's saying a lot.
How could such a beautiful guy be so hurt and broken?
I learned how to numb myself at age ten. I learned to bottle every bad feeling up, keep them inside, and to just take shit as it comes. No matter how bad, sad, or hurt I should feel. It's helped in a lot of situations. I mean, you have to numb yourself while someone is pretty much raping you, and pain and loss are thrown at you. I also learned how to protect myself. I've had to go through some shit to learn that men aren't going to go easy on you just because you're a girl. You have to fight with everything you have, fight dirty. And show no weak emotion.
But, with Tyler..my emotions are beyond my control. I just don't understand why this guy gets to me so fucking much. It's almost ridiculous.
I feel his chest start to jump..and hear a light moan escape from his lips, but it's far from a sexual moan. He's sobbing. I lean up. "What's wrong, sweetheart. Talk to me. Is it me?" He nods a slow no in response.
Thank fucking God he's not crying because of me. I would hate myself for causing him so much sadness.
"What is it then?" I say softly and run my fingers through his hair soothingly.
"I just..I..I haven't been with a girl..for a long time." There's more to this. He can't just be crying because he hasn't had sex in a long time. "And I just..haven't been the same since..since.." he mumbles and throws a shaky hand through his hair and pulls, hard.
My heart hurts. It actually fucking hurts. A kind of pain that shoots from your heart to the very tip of your fingers and toes. Like there's a gaping whole there and your effortless to make the pain stop. I haven't felt this since my father killed himself when I was nine. And, I quickly learned to ignore the feeling and push it aside. It's like I feel his pain.
I realize we are still half naked and I look at his chest and notice a tattoo on the left side of his upper chest. Where his heart is.. Why hadn't I noticed before? Michael? Who's Michael..?
"Since when, babe?" I ask with a smooth and curious whisper, and wipe the tears that have fallen down his cheeks.
"Since he..since..he.." He trails off and starts violently sobbing. I can't take this. I feel heat start to rise behind my eyes and a tear run down my cheek.
He notices my tear. "Don't cry...please...don't cry." He wipes my tear away from my eye and I wipe his. "You're too beautiful to cry." He's the one too beautiful to cry.
I've never met a guy so sensitive, that actually cares about my feelings..
"It's hard." My whole body starts to shiver with waves of unbearable sadness and hurt. All the emotions I'd been hiding for years. I can't take this. The normal me would run away at any sign of my vulnerability. Shove every bad thing to the side, pick myself up, and move on. But I have never seen a guy so broken in my life. It breaks me.
I let my head fall into the crook of his neck and we sob in unison.
Once we both calm down a bit, he starts to trace his finger along my collarbone. His touch is feather light. It gives me goosebumps, and is oddly comforting.
After a few more minutes I get the courage to speak. "Who's Michael?" I hear him let out a shaky breath, and it's silent for a few moments.
"My..my..brother." He finally answers, and wipes his cheek with his free hand. He groans. "Ugh, Fuck." He rubs both hands down his face.
"Did he...what happened?" I hope that's not too personal. I can't believe this. Did he die? Did something horrible happen to his brother?
"He..he.." He trails off into silent sobs.
I wrap my arm around him again and squeeze. "It's alright. It's alright." I get up and straddle his waist and pull him up into a hug by his shoulders. I hold him while he cries into my hair.
"He killed himself. He's gone." he mumbles into my hair in between now more violent sobs. "He's gone..."
My eyes widen in shock.
Holy fucking shit.
I pull his face out of my hair and kiss his forehead. "It's alright, it's alright." Another kiss. "I've got you, sweetheart." Another first kiss. I mumble into his forehead, "I've got you."
"I'll never let go." I whisper so quiet I know he doesn't hear me.
Ever. I can't. How could I? This guy has a hold on me so strong it's overbearing.
He leans back and looks me in the eye and his sobs momentarily stop. I can't get over how beautiful his eyes are right now..
"I'm so sorry. I just..I..I'm weak." his voice is almost incomprehensible it's so quiet. But I understand him. I kiss his forehead firmly and pull him back to me and hold onto him tightly.
"No, you're not. You're not." I start rocking us back and forth in a soothing motion and he begins to cry again.
"I found him.." he cries into the crook of my shoulder.
Holy shit. This isn't happening. How coincidental is that? This is so fucked.
"He..he was..just.. hanging there.." I almost didn't hear him..it's like he was talking to himself. "He was a year older than me. He was my best fucking f-friend. I loved him so much..so fucking much." He sniffles. "It was his twenty second birthday...his..fucking birthday."
"I'm so sorry, babe. I'm so sorry." I feel tears run down my face and they land in his hair. I lean back and cup his face into my hands and I kiss him with so much passion that I feel it in my heart. The whole in my chest is filled. Something I've never felt before in my life and I know he feels it too. He pushes back with equal passion and cups my face back. Our kiss tastes like tears. It's beautifully bitter-sweet.
A loud knock on the door bursts our bubble. I seriously forgot where I was. "Times up." It's the big and bald guard.
I don't want to leave him. I can't. I just can't. My heart won't let me. I feel as if my heart will break even more.
"Give me thirty minutes. Please." I beg him in a shaky voice.
"Fine. Is he paying?" He furrows his eyebrow in question. He shouldn't have to pay. I even want to give his friend his money back.
"I'll pay it." I reply quickly.
"I don't know if you're allowed to do that, Mallory."
Technically I can do whatever I want. If Joel didn't have me working here, he would probably be in some deep shit. I make him a lot of money.
"I don't give a flying fuck. Go. Please." I beg. "You're wasting my time. Leave me be." I dismiss him with a wave of my hand.
He quickly follows my order and leaves the room. Tyler is definitely an exception. To any rule. I turn back to him and he looks like he's going to pass out in my arms.
"You don't have to do that..Mallory." He says my name like it's foreign.
Yeah, I never told him my name..I'm an idiot.
"I want to. It's okay." I'd do anything for him.
He throws his arms around me and starts silently sobbing again.
"I'm so weak. I'm so fucking weak. I'm crying to an extremely beautiful girl I just met about how fucking depressing my life is." he sobs into my shoulder.
Extremely beautiful girl? I'm surprised he didn't say stripper. Maybe he doesn't think of me that way?
"It's okay, Tyler. I'm here for you... I'm..I'm.. here for you." I start rocking us back and forth again to calm him but it doesn't work, he just starts to cry harder.
"I..I...haven't been able to..to sleep during..through..th-the.." He sniffles. "Night..in a year. And the nightmares are so..b-bad..I'm lost..I-..I'm so fucking.." He hiccups.."lost.."
My hold on him increases ten fold. "Me too, Tyler. It's okay." I feel more tears start to run down my cheeks. "Me too."
"I haven't b-been with a g-girl in two and a half y-years." He starts sobbing harder after he says it.
"It's okay, sweetheart." I don't know if I'm trying to convince myself, or him, that it's okay. But the way I sound isn't very convincing. I run my hands through his hair and trail sloppy kisses along his jawline and neck. I can feel my chest is wet from his tears and it makes me start to cry harder.
"And..you're so beautiful..and I'm just..I'm just..a horrible fucking person." he mutters.
"You're not, Tyler. Not at all." Of course he's not. But what he said doesn't make very much sense.
We hold each other for the next five minutes and cry until another knock comes from the door.
"Mallory." is all he says.
"Okay." I dismiss him without looking.
I turn back to Tyler and pull his head up by his chin.
"Let me give you a ride home okay?" I don't let him answer I just immediately get up and grab our clothes, hand him his and we start putting clothes on. He's having a really hard time putting his back on..he's so fucked up..I feel kind bad he told me all those things..what if I never see him again after tonight? I don't think I could handle that..I'd..miss him? ...But after tonight I'm gonna have to go through life like this never happened. Unless he actually wants to see me again. I doubt he'll want to see a stripper he poured his heart out to while he was shit faced.
"You don't have to y-you know. What about your job?" He looks at me with sad eyes.
"Fuck my job. You need me, Tyler. I'm not leaving you like this." I see the smallest of smirks appear on his face but it subsides quickly. He doesn't say anything he just nods in response.
After we both get our clothes on I give the guard the money and an extra twenty for his silence about me leaving with a client.
I guide Tyler out the back door of the club, making sure we aren't seen by my boss. I don't think he would see us though, he's almost always in his office. Unless, some sort of aggressive confrontation happens between a client and one of the girls. I've had a fair share of unhappy clients...all did not end in their favor.
He mumbles the directions back to his house once we're in the car.
When we start driving I notice he has his eyes shut. I think he's passed out. He looks so peaceful, it's cute.
His profile is stunning. I keep looking over to stare at him. I can't help it. I just want to nibble and kiss his jaw.
We finally pull up to his apartment. I put the car in park and go around to his side and open the door. I try to shake him awake but it doesn't work.
"Tyler..Tyler.." Still nothing.
I finally get him to open his eyes and he mumbles something..I think he just said I was beautiful?
I get him to stand up and I put his arm around my shoulders to hold him up, not very well either..I'm 105 pounds probably holding around 150.
The stairs are the fucking hardest. We finally get to his door after a minute of me stopping for breath and making sure in my head that it was the number that he mumbled.
The door is unlocked..not safe at all. I look to my left and notice a baseball bat sitting next to the door. Ha. I turn on the light switch above the baseball bat.
No one is home. I half-carry him to the only bedroom which I guess is his..it smells like him, and it has a very large book case. His friend doesn't seem like a book smart guy. I'd feel extremely awkward if this isn't his room.
I lay him down on the bed and I see that his eyes are half open..and he's looking right at me. I definitely thought he'd be passed out by now..
"Thank you, Mallory.." he breathed.
"You don't have to thank me.." I crawl in the bed with him and pull the covers over us.
I'll stay for a while and make sure he's okay. Then I'll leave. Should I leave my number? I don't know if that'd be a good idea.
I roll over on my side and he's already looking at me like a sad little puppy dog. He's so beautiful. It's kind of dark in here but the hall light is working in my favor. I can actually see his beautiful features and every line on his face. He's even more beautiful than I thought.
I run my fingers through his hair and he lets out a long breath of air and closes his eyes.
"You're so beautiful..." He whispers and re-opens his eyes. I feel my cheeks go red, but don't say anything. I trace his jaw line with the back of my fingers, then his lips with my thumb, and he mimics me. He grabs my hand and puts it over his heart. It's thumping hard against my palm. I understand the feeling, because I'm feeling the exact same way.
"Do you feel that?" He asks softly, and lets out a long shaky breath.
I feel my chest tighten at his words. "Yeah." I reply back just as soft. I grab his hand and place his palm over my heart. He smiles gently, and it's the first time I've seen him actually smile. I feel my heart beat skyrocket, and I can't help but smile. His smile is incredible.
"I don't know what it is." He closes his eyes and starts breathing heavily.
He goes silent. I wait fifteen minutes. I guess he's passed out..
I get up to leave, but when I do I hear him cough like he's going to throw up. I run out of bed and quickly find a trash can near the bed.
He immediately throws up. I grimace. it smells like whiskey. He starts mumbling things I can't understand.
I rub his back and whisper, "It's okay." I run my hand through his hair. "I'm here. Don't worry."
I notice he has a little throw up on his face so I go to grab some tissue from the bathroom to wipe him off. When I come back he's snoring lightly. I try the best I can to wipe his face off without waking him up.
I sit at the edge of the bed and watch him for awhile until I'm too tired to stay awake anymore. I decide to leave and go home.
Before I'm out the bedroom door I realize I don't want the money his friend gave me. That's not fair at all. I feel bad taking anything from him. The time we spent together was enough for me.
I leave the money on the nightstand next to his bed.
Should I leave my number? It's not such a bad idea...I guess..he probably won't even call me.
I notice a pen and a notepad sitting on the nightstand. I write my number down and leave it next to the money.
I'm surprised his friend hasn't come home yet..
When I finish talking, I notice he's holding back tears.
"Well, that explains everything." He mumbles softly.
He pulls his hand out of mine, covers his face and mumbles a 'Thank you for listening to me' and a 'I'm sorry'.
I scoot closer to him and run my hand through his hair. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Tyler. And there's no need to thank me." I huddle in close to him and wrap my arms around him.
"I just..I.." He mumbles into his hands.
"I know..I know..It's okay. I didn't mind. Not one bit." I say delicately. "I understand. Really, I do. What you're going through is not easy. I know."
I do. I've gone through it. Our loss is so similar. What he's going through I have already gone through. But I didn't have anyone. Not one person. Until Doug and Lois came along. But, when I met them I had already learned to deal with the pain in my own fucked up way.
I pull his hands away from his face and notice his cheeks are wet. It makes me want to cry.
"I'm here for you." I say sadly.
I'll be the person for him that I never had.
I trail the back of my hand down his face and wipe his tear stained face. "Losing someone you love isn't easy. I've been through it."
I don't want to think about my dad. Why the fuck did I just say that? He probably doesn't give a shit.
He looks at me with wide, teary eyes. "Really?" He whispers.
"Yes, Tyler." I say softy. "I lost.." I trail off...
I don't want to say it. Why did I even say anything in the first place?
"Who?" He whispers while looking me in the eyes as if he was looking straight into my soul. My heart starts to beat a million miles a minute. And my face starts to feel hot.
I think I'm going to throw up. I really don't want to think about this.
"N-no one." Lie.
"I'm here for you..." Really? Is he just returning the favor or something?
"Really..?" He puts his arms around me and squeezes. It's a really nice feeling..
"Yes..really." He pulls back and traces my bottom lip with his thumb and looks at them like he really wants to kiss me.
I wish he would. I want him to. I miss his lips on mine. I've wanted to kiss him since I saw him again in the coffee shop.
"Can I..Can I ask you something?" I say and start fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt.
"Anything.." he says concerned.
"Kiss..me?" I ask shakily.
Really? Who asks for a kiss? Apparently fucked up strippers who don't know what they're doing.
He crashes his lips into mine immediately and I feel my whole body get goosebumps. The hair on the back of my neck is literally on-end. It's the weirdest, and best feeling ever.
He deepens the kiss even more by pushing into the kiss so hard that my head falls back and hits the arm of the couch softly, so he's on top of me. One of his hands runs down to my hip while the other slides up to cup my cheek. He pulls away slowly. "Who?"
"Both my parents..both of them.. separate times..different things.. " I don't necessarily want to talk to him about how my dad died, I had found him, and my mom made me do unspeakable things to get her drug money. I mean, I know Tyler had gone through something similar to what I had been through with my dad, but it's really hard for the words to find the exit route through my mouth.
I look up into his eyes and they are full of hurt, and concern.
"I'm so sorry, Mallory."
I've never once heard that said sincerely to me.
"My dad was the only person I've ever loved or cared for..and my mom..I hope she's rotting in hell." I say shakily. I look away and blink, and feel hot tears roll down my cheeks and onto the couch.
He pulls my face back to look at him and wipes my tear stained face with his thumb. "It's okay, I'm here for you." He kisses both my cheeks, my forehead, my nose, and my chin. Just like I did for him. I smile lightly. It's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.
"You don't have to tell me what happened.." He whispers, and lays his head down on my chest. I know he can hear, and feel how fast my heart is beating just because the fact that his body is on top of me.
"I don't think I'm ready.." I run my hand nervously through my hair. "No one has ever been here for me since he...died. And..I'm afraid..when you find out some things about me..you won't care anymore...you'll see that I'm just a piece of shit and not want to see me anymore.."
I can't believe it's been that long since someone has been here for me. It's been ten years..and I've been on my own for four. And, I know when he finds out what my mother used to do with me, he'll run. And I'll never see him again...and just the thought..scares the hell out of me.
"I'd never think you're a piece of shit, Mallory. Never. And I'll always care." He slides his hands underneath my back, and holds me in a warm embrace.
"I've never talked about it to anyone.." I trail off into my thoughts. "It's been ten years..."
"Really? It's been that long?" He leans up and kisses my forehead.
I've never been this personal with anyone..it's really getting to me.
I feel my eyes start to water up and I just can't take it anymore. I start sobbing, and I feel I need to hold onto him or I might lose myself further. I'm really starting to feel that Vicodin he gave me.
He holds onto me equally as tight. "It's okay, Mallory. It's okay." he whispers into my ear, making a shock-wave of electricity shoot up my spine.
"I-I- no one has ever cared about me, besides my f-father." I mumble into his hair.
"I care." he mumbles back, "I care."
"My mother was a-a fucking drug addict. She-she...would make me.." I sniffle. "God..I can't even say it." I look at the wall as if the wall is going to say it for me. And, I don't even know why I'm going to say it. I just..I feel he has a right to know I guess...since he told me all about his. I want to tell him everything about me..it's just..really hard. I don't even think I've come to terms with the horrible stuff that has happened to me, I've just pushed it to the back of my head.
He pulls my face so I am looking at him and smiles lightly. It makes me smile a little, too. But, why is he smiling?
"Do you want a cigarette as bad as I do?" He asks, trying to lighten the mood.
He gets up and pulls his pack out and lights one, then another and hands me one.
"Just tell me whenever you're ready. I'm not going anywhere." He looks over at me and smiles.
I smile and nod in response. I look over at the clock and see that it's three o' clock. I have work in three hours. I don't feel like going into work. I might not show up. It's not like my boss will give a shit...I mean..he might. But I work a lot and I've never had a sick day since I started three years ago. And I don't really need the money.
"I don't think I'm gonna go into work tonight." I say and take another drag of my cigarette.
He takes a drag of his. "Why?"
"I don't know..I don't want to really.." I look over at him and he gives me a smile. His smile is so fucking beautiful. I just want to hug him whenever he smiles. "I've never called in sick before."
"Really? I call in sick all the time." He chuckles and takes another drag.
We finish our cigarettes in a comfortable silence and put them in the ashtray.
"Wanna move to my bed? It's more comfortable.." Why do I feel so comfortable with him? It's all so new to me but it feels so natural. Like I don't even have to try.
"Yeah, sure." He replies and grabs my hand and links his fingers in mine.
The only person I've ever held hands with is him...
I look at him and smile awkwardly. "You know you're the first person to ever hold my hand?"
"What? That's crazy." He shakes his head. "I guess I'm gonna have to do it more often then."
We reach my bed and he picks me up by my waist and sets me down on the bed gently. I giggle.
"Come 'ere." I whisper and pat the space on the bed next to me. He crawls up and lays on his side to look at me. I mimic him so we are face to face.
I stare into his eyes and my heart beat is so loud I can hear it in my ears, and feel it in my throat. His eyes are so beautiful. They've changed colors from last night and are now a shamrock green with yellow around his irises..the yellow is shaped like a sunflower. My favorite flower.
I feel as if I need him touching me for my heartbeat to slow down. I don't know why. I grab his hand and place his palm over my heart like he did last night. His eyes widen when he feels how hard my heart is beating. And grabs my hand and places it over his heart. It's beating just like mine.
"I've never felt something like this.." I whisper softly.
"Me neither." He whispers back. "Do you think it's a good thing?"
My chest tightens. "Yeah." I whisper back. "Do you think it means anything?"
"I don't know..I don't know." He pulls me closer and entwines our legs together. I put my face in the crook of his neck and breathe deeply. I've never been more comfortable in my entire life.
*A/N: I want your guys' thoughts on how they are with one another! What do you guys think about right after the flashback and Tyler's reaction?*