OK, so yesterday, on Valentine's Day, I was out looking for that chocolate place I heard about in my city that is run by an Austrian American and sells all sorts of amazing European chocolates, including Mozartkugeln. But when I got there, I found out that it was just the place that makes the chocolate, not the place that sells it! Checking my phone for the location of the actual shop, it was rather too far away for me to figure out how to get there by bus before they closed down. So I, well, was pretty much angry at Roderich for having stood me up (I know, I really need to stop RPing in RL) and THAT is what inspired this story! Enjoy!
Elizaveta was thrilled.
She had been waiting for it for half the month.
The day when her dear sweet Roderich would take her out to to his finest Kafe Konditorie, serve her the finest pastries and Kaffee, all of which he will have made by hand, and then present her with a gigantic and ornately decorated handmade heart-shaped box of freshly handmade Mozartkugeln. Just as he had promised at the start of the month, and had been talking about for nearly a week afterwards.
It would be a heavenly night - eating drinking the most heavenly food and drink, listening to the most heavenly live-performed music, and then dancing the night away with the most heavenly man. It would thrill anybody.
She sighed, thinking of how lucky she was to have him. They might have forced the two of them to get a divorce, but the U.N. couldn't stop the lovebirds from seeing each other.
She was certain that he would be pleased with her gift as well. She took a thin paintbrush, dipped it into a tiny jar and put the finishing touches on it before locking it up in one of Roderich's spare guest bedrooms.
She headed out to the place where Roderich promised to treat her to, arriving well before six o'clock, the scheduled time of the date.
The clock read six-fifteen.
Fashionably late, isn't he? Elizaveta wondered. But then, isn't that more Gilbert's style?
The clock read six-thirty.
Hm, maybe he's stuck in traffic, or held up by some urgent business? Or more likely, LOST - leave it to him to get lost in his own hometown. I'd better call him.
Elizaveta took out her cell phone and selected Roderich from her contacts list. She listened to the "Rock Me Amadeus" ringtone, which Roderich had switched to because Gilbert would not stop teasing him for having a Mozart piano sonata as his ringtone, for several seconds before hearing Roderich's voice recording telling her that he was probably too busy with his music to answer at the moment. She called again and again, but there was no picking up.
That's all he cares about is his damn music. Elizaveta felt more than slightly bitter at the moment. Perhaps he is seeing someone ELSE? But who...
Vash? No way, Vash wouldn't hear of it; he would never be so unfrugal as to buy into the sort of commercialism that keeps the businesses of the E.U. alive, even though he was quite willing to cash in on it.
Ludwig? She was well aware, as was the rest of the world, that he had a bit of a thing for him, but Ludwig was dating Feliciano, and that was that. Ludwig was a trustworthy and faithful nation, and Roderich was neither willing nor able to coerce him into acting otherwise.
Francis? She could just smack him with her heaviest black iron skillet until he bled black and blue all over, knowing what sorts of sickeningly erotic thoughts crawled through his head whenever he stared at the sparkling piece of easy prey that was Roderich... and there was no way that Roderich would be able to fight him off. But it was rumored that Francis was all the way in Canada dating Matthew this year, and either way, even Francis would never date more than one person - in the same Valentine's Day, anyway.
Or, heaven forbid... Gilbert? No, that's crazy; Roderich HATES him.
...she thinks. But either way, Gilbert could very easily overpower Roderich and hold him against his will to be his unwilling submissive...
Or... maybe Roderich's just busy still at the chocolate shop.
Elizaveta left the cafe and used the GPS on her phone - now if only HE would learn to use this feature - to help her find her way to Roderich's little confectionery.
The door was open; Elizaveta opened it a crack, but that was all it took to capture Vash's notice from the inside.
"HEY! This is a PRIVATE building in a PRIVATE lot! KEEP OUT!"
His little sister was also there, presumably to learn how to make chocolates from him; she smiled and waved at Elizaveta before she closed the door and hurried away.
Elizaveta couldn't help but snigger at having seen Vash in a chocolate-stained apron, making sweets of all things; even knowing that he holds the reputation as one of the finest chocolatiers in the world, and a worse chocoholic even than her dear Roderich to boot, it was hard to picture such a stern, frugal, and trigger-happy man engaging in as artistic, frivolous, and feminine an activity as chocolate making.
But above all, Elizaveta was even more concerned about Roderich – or angry at him, she wasn't sure which to be yet. If this property was so PRIVATE, why did Roderich allow Vash and his little sister in there?
Oh, well, obviously to keep the shop's supply up while Roderich was busy making a special batch for her, which may have taken longer than anticipated. But then, where was he?
Elizaveta dialed him again, but still no answer. By now, she had "Rock Me Amadeus" stuck in her head, and it was driving her nuts. She fervently wished that he had stuck to the old ringtone...
Elizaveta returned morosely to the cafe, becoming further disappointed when she saw that Roderich had still not arrived.
Elizaveta had been sitting and fiddling with her phone for about five minutes when a large and familiar presence - but most certainly NOT the presence she was hoping for - plopped down at the seat across from her.
"Waiting on someone, Liz? Kesese..."
"Yes, I am. I'm just fashionably early," she lied. "How about you?"
He'd BETTER NOT be waiting on the same person, she thought, her mind colored with a raging tone.
"Why, yes, dear old Specs, of course!"
Elizaveta clenched her fists and raised her right hook, but the Prussian stopped her, laughing.
"Kidding, kidding! Kesese, he's not coming, is he?"
"Um..." Elizaveta looked down at her phone. "I'm sure he's just fashionably late." Her eyes glanced at the time in the corner of the phone's screen, and she sighed. "By about an hour and twenty minutes."
"Please. If he were coming, he'd have been here an hour and twenty minutes early, the man's as punctual as your monthly cramps, and you know it. Let's face it, Liz, this Valentine's Day, we are the only two dateless countries in the entire world – and Roddy doesn't count, because he's having a hot date with one of his precious pianos – did you know that he gives each of his pianos a name? I wonder if it's going to be Elise this time, or maybe he's going to see Nannerl again like he did last year…"
"STOP IT!" If she only had her frying pan right now...
"Kesesese, don't tell me he's been holding out on you! Anyway, since we are both dateless, me because I am simply too AWESOME for any of the other countries to handle, and you because the man you are hopelessly in love with - and let's face it, who isn't? Kesesese - has a sick piano fetish...
Elizaveta found it clear that Gilbert was coming on to her. "Back off! I am not desperate enough to date you, even if Roderich indeed stood me up!"
The more she thought about it, the more angry she got at Roderich. It wasn't even so much that he wasn't dating her as that he had promised her so much on this special date and then broken it... and missing out on a sparkling night with the sparkly Austrian, whose dates are the most spectacular in the world, no less, is a MAJOR letdown, to say the least.
He will pay...
Elizaveta's phone rang, with her Für Elise ringtone that made Gilbert snicker.
"Elizaveta? You called five times within the last hour or so, and I'm afraid that I couldn't hear you over my piano. Is everything all right?"
Of course. His piano, Elizaveta thought with bitter anger. "Oh, everything's fine, I just called to tell you about this... brand new Kaffeehaus that I wanted to try out... so now I'm here having a coffee... all alone... enjoying myself... at the new, um..." Elizaveta gulped, trying to think of a name for her imaginary Kaffeehaus. "Sechzig Bohnen."
"Good to hear that you're enjoying yourself," Roderich said politely, oblivious to the intonations of subtly repressed anger in his ex's voice. "Sechzig Bohnen, huh? So they're opening another one? I didn't know it was a chain coffee shop..."
Drat, it already exists? "Oh, so it's not so new after all? Well, I'm about to get myself another slice of Linzertorte..."
"Ach, don't, you'll spoil your appetite."
"Spoil my appetite for what?" asked Elizaveta, now hopeful that the Austrian had not forgotten her on Valentine's Day after all.
"For Wiener Schnitzel. I would like for you to cook that for dinner tonight, if you don't mind. I'm rather put out from tuning and playing my piano all day. I thought your Wiener Schnitzel was excellent last time you prepared it."
Why... how DARE he asks me a favor like that, on Valentine's Day no less! I am not his servant, I am not even his wife anymore, I will only cook for him whenever I please!
"Why, I would be happy to," Elizaveta said, her voice falsely cheery. "I just need you to go out and pick up the veal."
"Why don't you do it? You're already out."
"But I need to get to your house right away to clean up the kitchen and get things, ah, set up."
"Very well, then. I'm off to the market now. I'm leaving it unlocked for you."
"Good." Elizaveta hung up. Oh yes. He's paying for this. If I can't have my fancy perfect date with him, then I'm having the next best thing.
She shot Gilbert her evil are you thinking what I'm thinking? look. The Prussian understood at once what she was thinking.
"Now, if you try anything funny with me, I will smack you so hard there will be a fault line on the map where your kingdom used to be!"
"Take it easy, woman, at least TRY to be romantic for when Specs arrives."
Just then, they heard Roderich opening the door, and they had to immediately adopt their happy lovebirds poses. Gilbert pursed his lips and put his finger on Elizabeta's chin. Elizaveta rested her elbows on the table and lay her head on her hands, her eyes sparkling from the candlelight, her face rapturous with a dreamy espression, in anticipation of the events that would follow that night.
"All right, Elizaveta, the veal was too expensive, so instead I bought some cheap t-"
The Austrian's jaw dropped, and he dropped his grocery bags.
Gilbert and Elizaveta were leaning over a little glass table, covered with Roderich's finest white tablecloth, their lips almost touching. They perked and turned around to face the shocked and angry brunette.
"ELIZAVETA, WHAT IS HE DOING IN HERE? AND WHY ARE YOU... WHAT IN BLAZES ARE YOU TWO DOING?"
Elizaveta blew out both of the candles. "Nothing, actually. So, do you remember what day it is?"
"What do you mean... Elizaveta, we're divorced, we don't celebrate our anniversary anymore. And it's not today, anyway!"
Elizaveta turned her eyes over to Gilbert. "Have at him."
Roderich screamed as the burly Prussian grabbed him by the neck and thrust him into the table.
"ACH! Please don't make me bleed, I don't want to ruin my pristine white linen tablecloth..."
Elizaveta was getting excited. She could see that Roderich's prissiness was turning Gilbert on.
"Elizaveta, aren't you supposed to protect me from this - AUGH!" he yelped as Gilbert smacked his bottom "- abolished nation..."
"Actually, no. We're divorced, remember?"
Elizaveta sat down to the nearest piano.
"Elizaveta, keep your hands off of Elise! She used to belong to Beethoven!"
"So Gilbert was right about you naming your pianos!"
Roderich winced. Gilbert was now yanking the Austrian's pants off. "I, uh, no, Beethoven named her that. Für Elise was written in dedication of this piano, you know!"
"Mmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm..." Elizaveta banged her fingers to the piano and began playing the Chopin melody that her ex-husband always played when he was angry.
"Elizaveta, when did you learn how to play like that?"
"Believe me, you've played it enough times for me to know it by heart!"
"Kesesesese... " Gilbert lowered his face down to Roderich's bottom, opened his mouth wide, and slowly licked his anus, causing the Austrian to whimper pathetically. Elizaveta turned away from the piano to watch, like the rotten fujoshi that she was.
Gilbert's pants were about ready to burst from the erection that had grown in response to the lovely man's desperate pleading.
"Would you at least put a condom on first?" Roderich had caught nearly every STD on the planet short of AIDS from being raped by Gilbert at one point or another; though he had been treated for most of them, he still had to make sure to wear a condom every time to prevent himself from spreading genital herpes to Elizaveta.
Gilbert continued to laugh and ignore the prissy Austrian. He pulled his pants all the way down, coughed up a wad of phlegm and rubbed it over his "five meters" as lubricant.
"Ach, Mein Gott, Gilbert..." Roderich shuddered, wondering what sort of oral diseases he might contract from the albino.
And then Gilbert drove his five meters clear up Roderich's rectum. And then he pulled it out, and shoved it in again, and again, going up deeper each time. Despite the mucous lubricant, the friction chafed the walls of Roderich's rectum, and he feared that it would rupture his lower intestine.
"Mein Gott, Specs, you're sooo tight, like a fucking virgin... you clearly haven't been fucked by so much as a dildo lately, have you?"
"Elizaveta, please, STOP HIM!" The Austrian's face burst into tears, which Elizaveta found adorable in a semi-sadistic way.
"Not until you remember what day it is!"
"AUUUWCH! Um, uhh... is it your birthday?"
Elizaveta shook her head, and said, in a frightening singsong voice, "Wrong again, Austria..."
"Gilbert, a little hint, bitte?"
"Who are you kidding, Specs? You're fucking ENJOYING this!"
"Not until you tell me what day it is!" Elizaveta said, again in singsong.
Elizaveta's eyes narrowed. "Give him the deep throat."
Gilbert pulled his dick out of the Austrian's anus and dropped him to the floor. "Kesesesese, open wide, Prinzessin, cause Doctor Prussia is here to give you a little checkup!"
Gilbert pulled the bespectacled brunette up to his knees and shoved his five meters down his throat, nearly choking him.
"Now suck it, Specs. And you had better swallow."
Roderich did as he was told. Even asides from the taste of the interior of the Austrian's own ass, Gilbert tasted filthy, like somebody who seldom showers. Great, now I'm going to have oral herpes as well, Roderich thought.
Roderich bit the Prussian's dick in fury, but it did not seem to bother him; in fact, he may have even enjoyed it. He continued thrusting into Roderich's throat, faster and faster, guaranteeing that the Austrian's voice would be hoarse for weeks afterward.
"Get set for it, Specs... and I mean SWALLOW. ALL of it."
"Yes, ALL of it!" Elizaveta echoed, her voice rough with her nearly-quenched desire for vengeance.
Roderich tried his best to swallow the semen, although it was simply DISGUSTING. He could practically taste the venereal disease-causing microbes on it.
Gilbert sighed and groaned in pleasure from feeling the Austrian's delicate little palate retch while sucking his softening penis dry.
"And you'd BETTER not gag it all out, Priss!" Prussia shouted at Roderich, now wretched with wrinkled, practically torn-off clothing, a bruised bottom that felt as though it were split open and would hurt to sit on for quite some time, and a face sticky with cum that was dripping off of his lips and down his chin.
"N-now can you..." Roderich fell down from his knees to the floor, heaving. "...tell... me... what... day it is..."
"Geez, Specs, you really need to get out and exercise more, if a little action makes you pant and gasp like you're fucking drowning..."
Roderich turned over onto his back, keeping his legs crossed out of embarrassment. "Elizaveta?"
Elizaveta patted her frying pan against her hand. "Oh, but you're not done yet! Now it's YOUR turn! Open your legs so we can see..."
Gilbert pulled Roderich's legs apart to expose his erection.
"Kesesesese! I knew he was getting off to it! West says that he loves to take it hard!"
Gilbert grabbed Roderich's erection and opened his mouth for it.
"Why, yes, Roddy, I WOULD like your sausage!"
"Gilbert, please, DON'T!"
"Come on now, Miss Priss, you can't go around with a fucking BONER showing through your pants all day, can you?"
"Certainly not. I'm not YOU, of course... AH..."
Gilbert started to slurp greedily on the penis, lapping it like a dog, savoring the precum, mashing his lips over it as though he were munching it.
"Ugh! Gilbert, you are such an animal!"
"What, would you rather I blowjobbed you in a more CIVILIZED manner?"
"Ach, whatever, fellatio is fellatio. Just get it over with..."
"Mmm... umm... oh, Roddy, you're so delicious..."
"Too bad I cannot say the same about you."
"But you found my brother to be quite delectable, ja?"
Roderich panted and heaved on the floor, struggling to withhold his moans, as Elizaveta waited eagerly to hear him.
Gilbert then removed Roderich's "sausage" from his mouth. "Say it."
"What day it is," Elizaveta said.
"I honestly have no clue..."
"Or say, 'fuck me'," Gilbert added, with a wink. Elizaveta nodded in agreement, an evil smirk on her face.
"N...n...never. I am not enjoying this at all."
"Who are you kidding? Your dick is practically SCREAMING for me to finish!"
"I... I can resist..."
"Yeah and just jerk it off, ja?"
"NO! I am not the sort of pathetic Arschgeige who masturbates, like you are. I.. can just let it go soft on it's own... "
"You're not fooling anybody, Prinzessin. You are not strong enough to resist..."
Gilbert stroked one finger down the length of the Austrian's sausage. When it got to the head he pinched it, ever so lightly, and then continued to tap his fingers over it, causing Roderich to groan in frustration.
"Stop with the titillation... STOP IT! For heaven's sake, I'm BEGGING YOU! Just leave it alone to soften, for crying out loud... JUST GET IT OVER WITH AND FUCK ME!"
Elizabeta and Gilbert gasped simultaneously.
"Can I hear that one more time?" Gilbert leaned over with his hand to his ear.
Roderich took as deep a breath as his exhausted lungs could muster and screamed, as loudly as his hoarse and strangled throat could possibly allow for, "FUCK MEEEEEE!"
"With pleasure!" Gilbert immediately resumed his work on Roderich. He loved how Roderich gritted his teeth to keep himself from screaming with pleasure as he gnawed with just the right amount of pressure on his dick. He jammed it hard into his own throat, back and forth, as fast and as deep as he could, and it was not long before the cum burst out.
Elizaveta shrieked in delight at the entire sight of this, even climaxing herself at the same moment that Roderich did.
"Aaahh, do you have any idea how sparkly and delicious you taste?" Gilbert said, licking the remaining traces of Roderich off his lips.
"Nein. I don't FUCK myself all day like you do."
"Well, that explains it," said Gilbert as he pulled his pants back on. "Gott verdammt, you are fast... no wonder you haven't been fucked in a while..."
"Your business here is over, Prussia," Elizaveta said. She held her frying pan up. "Out."
"OK, OK, to steal a quote from a famous former citizen of that fucked up country lying on the floor over there... I'll be back! Kesesesesesesese..."
With that Gilbert pranced out the door and slammed it behind him.
"Austria, are you all right?"
"What... were you... thinking?" Roderich gasped between strangled, wheezing breaths. "Letting Prussia into my house, setting me up to be RAPED, no less... had I not signed a permanent declaration of neutrality, I'd declare war on you right now! And to think I was going to take you out for Kaffee and Mozartkugeln for Valentine's Day tomorrow..."
"TOMORROW? WHEN DID YOU LAST CHECK YOUR CALENDAR? VALENTINE'S DAY IS TODAY!"
"Is it?" Roderich scratched his head. "Well, that wouldn't be the first time I forgot what day it is... My, how time has been flying lately..."
"Now let me show you what I made you for Valentine's Day."
Elizaveta helped Roderich to pull his sticky, partially ripped pants back on and led him over to the spare bedroom where she had put Roderich's present away. Roderich groaned in pain a little, still sore from Gilbert's five meters being shoved down him.
Roderich gasped. It was a multilayered Sachertorte, with a marzipan piano painted all over with genuine gold paint, and a marzipan figure of Roderich himself, accurate all the way down to the mole.
"I... I'm sorry I forgot... I must have been so caught up with this..."
Roderich led Elizaveta to the nearest piano.
"What did you name this one?" Elizaveta scoffed.
"Hush, and listen."
Roderich began to play, with considerable energy, what reminded Elizaveta of Für Elise, but at the same time it was remarkably different and unique; she had heard enough of Roderich's music to know that she had never heard this piece before. It sounded like he was improvising in the middle, to make this particular performance sound rather angry, as befitting his mood at the moment, but it was overall a pleasant piece, and it ended on a pleasant note.
"Why, I don't recall ever hearing this piece..."
"That's because it is brand new. I have been working on it for weeks. I call it Für Elizaveta."
Elizaveta melted, and she could not help but hug him.
"I'm afraid that, since I had not planned for today to be Valentine's Day, it is too late for me to take you out on that date I promised you, especially considering the state that I am in..."
"Oh, that's OK. That little show between you and Prussia was a fine enough present for now. The Kaffeehaus will be far less crowded tomorrow anyway."
"Well, I am taking a nice hot shower and changing into something clean, and please, no more action tonight, if that is OK with you."
Elizaveta blushed, thinking about how she needed to change her own wet panties. "That's perfectly all right with me. I've, uh, had a little much excitement today myself."
Sechzig Bohnen, by the way, means "sixty beans", in reference to that little tidbit about Beethoven you might have learned from Austria in World series episode 29.
Arschgeige, roughly the German equivalent of "dickhead", literally means "ass violin", thank you SafetyScissors for that one! ^_^