You guys! After a long hiatus, seeing Kurt and Dave together on the V-Day episode made me want to write again! My writing is a little rusty, and there isn't enough dialogue in this first chapter, just a lot of Kurt's inner monologue. But I want to make this story my best yet, so hang in there with me please and here's to finally getting a little Kurtofsky angst and love on Glee.
I think I love you….
I think I love you…
I think I love you…
The words were echoing in Kurt Hummel's ears over and over. He heard them whispered in passing as he walked down the hall. The words were in every song he listened to. They colored and changed every part of his day. And at night..God, at night it was the worse. Because when he closed his eyes, he could hear not only those trembling, hopeful words but he could the tortured hazel eyes of this boy…
This dumb sweaty jock..
This homophobic, closeted, self loathing jerk..
Who had turned his life upside down with 5 words.
His boyfriend, Blaine, the boy who had rescued him in so many ways- he'd sung to Kurt probably a million love songs. He'd sent Kurt cards and letters and one time a dozen red roses. Blaine had said 'I love you' so many times in the nights they spent wrapped up together in his bed.
And he cherished each one of those words from Blaine. Each song lyric, each sweet note, each heart felt promise of forever. He held them close to his heart and they had always filled him with a dizzying thrill of happiness.
But none of those words, none of those songs, or notes from Blaine had ever sunken into the very pores of his skin. None of those words had wrapped themselves around his heart until he felt like he couldn't feel anything but those words. Couldn't see anything but the pain in those eyes.
Those five words spoken by Karofsky, whom he didn't even really know and was still kind of afraid of. They should have made him laugh or made him pity the boy who spoke them. Those five words..
I think I love you
They felt burned onto his soul.
Kurt didn't want to think about what that meant. He didn't want to deal with this. He wanted it to just go back to before Valentines Day, before Dave's gifts, before his shy smile, before..
But there was not going back. And he had to deal with this. He needed to figure this out before it made him crazy.
He wanted to at least see Dave. To talk to him, if only for a few minutes. Maybe it would help lesson the pain of rejection for the other boy. Maybe it would break the spell that Dave's words held over him. It would help him remember that Dave had hurt him, while his boyfriend, Blaine, the only boy he should be thinking of, had healed and loved him.
Yeah. This would work. Seeing Dave again, talking to him, Kurt knew that he'd realize he was dramatizing the whole secret admirer thing and he'd laugh about what a ridiculous tailspin it had sent him into.
This would work.
It had to.
Bright and early Saturday morning Kurt edged into the door of Dave's workplace, bracing himself for whatever came next. Though at the moment, he was so nervous that he was pretty sure that him puking was what was going to come next. Taking a short breath, he stepped out of the entrance and into the store.
It would be an understatement to say that Kurt felt out of place in the sports store that Karofsky worked at. It wasn't that Kurt didn't like sports. He just didn't understand the clothing choices that accompanied them.
Looking at all of the poly cotton stretch material and calf length sturdy white socks was giving him the hives.
But he needed to do this, he sternly reminded himself, feeling the sweat start to bead on his forehead. And he figured public was probably the safest place. Dave couldn't stare into his eyes, trying to mesmerize him, sending chills down his spine in aisle 6, in the middle of jock straps and brightly colored tennis rackets.
Not that he could mesmerize him anywhere, Kurt hastily reassured himself. It's just that public was better. Too many feelings…too many things happened when they were alone. Yes, public was the way to go.
Still mentally psyching himself up, he almost missed when Dave appeared from the back room. Dressed in pressed khakis and a dark blue shirt emblazed with the name of the store, he looked every inch the all American boy that Kurt knew him to be.
There wasn't a shred of evidence that he was anything different than what he appeared. Kurt's gaydar wasn't even mildly buzzing. And seeing a giggling 40 something brunette asking Dave a question, he guessed that no one else's was either.
Taking another deep breath and wiping his sweaty palms on his black Marc Jacob skinny leg pants, he forced his feet to stumble forward, in the direction of the other boy.
With each step he could feel the heat in his cheeks increasing. God, he was blushing like he'd come to bring flowers and ask Dave to the Prom.
At the word Prom, Kurt's mind abruptly leapt to an image of him dancing with Dave. Being cradled in his strong hands, protected by his big, tough body. Before he could stop himself he compared it to the reality of dancing with Blaine. Blaine was shorter than him, and typically more interested in fancy steps than losing himself in the music. Kurt liked dancing with him, but it didn't feel like he'd always thought it would feel to dance with the love of his life. He'd always thought it would feel like it was just the two of them, that the entire world would fall away. With Blaine he felt like he was putting on a show, like...
Oh God, this was already not going right. He was supposed to be here, ridding himself of this silly obsession with Dave, not thinking such disloyal thoughts about the greatest boyfriend he could ever ask for, comparing him unfavorably to his former bully.
Sure, before he'd met Blaine he'd always had crushes on jocks. Look at his obsession with Finn. But Blaine had changed all that. This Dave attraction thing was probably just physical, based on the type of guy he didn't like anymore.
Not at all. He was so over the jock thing.
A sudden sharp intake of breath caught him off guard in his halting journey. Looking up, he froze, his own breath caught in his throat.
Standing at the register, ringing up the brunette's purchases, Dave had caught sight of Kurt and his whole body stilled. Kurt finally understood the phrase "like a deer in the headlights". Dave appeared to be immobilized by his presence.
Dave's body might have been frozen, but not his voice. In the same trembling, earnest tone in which he'd told Kurt that he thought he loved him, he spoke again.
"God, you are so beautiful"
Half way across the store, half turned away, Kurt could see the intensity in those hazel eyes that he'd been dreaming of since Valentines Day.
His knees felt weak and; in that moment, everything did fall away. The horrible socks, the staring coworkers, the distance between the two of them. These words were sinking into his soul, just as Dave's declaration of love had a few days before.
Kurt didn't know what would have happened next. Whether he would have tackled Dave down to the ground or run screaming from the store. But he was saved from either of those fates by the shrill, girlish laughter of the brunette at the checkout.
"Why thank you, handsome. An old married lady like me doesn't get too many compliments. Wait until I tell my husband that he's got some competition!"
Dave smiled and glanced apologetically at his nearby manager, before quickly apologing to the brunette, not bothering to correct her mistake. Kurt could tell that she wasn't offended at all, but flattered. He could also see relief shining in Dave's eyes. He'd come close to outing himself to a sports store filled with jocks and families on a Saturday morning. It was not an ideal setting for telling the world you're gay.
It probably wasn't the ideal setting for anything except maybe getting a new mouth guard or scoring a discount rate on cleats for the baseball team.
He didn't know why he'd come here. This was stupid.
Spinning as rapidly as his still weak knees would let him; he turned to face the door, intent on getting out of there before this got any more out of control. He'd have to call Dave or something. This wasn't going to work.
But the sound of running feet stopped him before he could leave. And the wordless plea in those haunting hazel eyes was too much for him to resist. Dave held out his hand. He couldn't speak. He could only slip his hand into Dave's larger grasp and follow where the bigger boy led, past the counter to a back office, empty except for an old desk and two chairs.
They were alone and they wouldn't be disturbed.
This was his chance. This is what he had come to do.
Looking up, he faced Dave for the first time since Valentines Day. He was prepared now; he knew what he had to say. He had to do this. For him and Blaine, and for Dave's own good. He needed to say those words. But when he opened his mouth, the words he'd so carefully planned and rehearsed in his mind didn't come out.
Instead, his cheeks flushing, raising his deep blue gaze to Dave's solemn hazel ones, he spoke without thinking at all.
"You are so beautiful too".