TITLE: "Normal again" (1/?)
AUTHOR: Richard Bachman
EMAIL: bachman_rchard@hotmail.com

SITE: nope
FEEDBACK: Give it to me luv, you know you want more of this!

DISTRIBUTION: Do whatever you like poodle. As long as Richard is mentioned I'm fine.

RATING: NC-17 Humor/angst
SUMMARY: Got this wonderful idea after watching normal again. Instead of Buffy, Spike gets a dose of demonic goodness inserted into his system. As his consciousness is transported to an AU where he finds Sunnydale is no longer the good old Sunnyhell he despises and knows so well, things are getting a bit surreal for the poor bleached wonder.

WARNING: This fic is dark and ansty but I suppose that we kinda got used to it after watching whole bleedin S6.

THANKS: To anyone for reading my senseless dribble.

CHARACTERS: expect some Spike and Buffy interaction here.

ACT 1: Well, at least she cared…

I'm not here to see her tonight. I'm not gonna walk up and talk to her. I'm just gonna follow her till she gets to the nerds lair. Watch her a bit. If she gets herself into trouble at least I will be here to watch her back. Throw a couple of migraines at the little wankers before she gets all pissed and tells me to sod off again.

I snorted, disgusted at the fact that even my inner voice was turning sarcastic on me and tossed away the burning bud that I had held between my lips for the last 10 minutes. It landed on the small pile of casualties in front of my feet. 34 buds; 12 Marlboros, 15 Barclays and 7 Bristols, since they were on special offer. I didn't want to smoke that crap till I've finished everything else that was decent, but "strolling along" with the slayer every night made me nervous, compelling me to lit one fag after another, keeping the chimney smoking. Since my packs of smokes were getting finished so quickly nowadays, switching over to a cheaper brand seemed to be a good idea, till you actually have to smoke that bloody shit that is.

On the open dark street, the small but lithe form of my Slayer finally appeared around the corner. I disappeared into the shadows where I had been waiting for her to turn up after her briefing with the Scoobies. As she was walking along and I stalked behind her, I noticed that she was holding two pieces of stapled-together paper that she studied intensively.

So the slayer got the address of the three Nerds of Doom whereabouts. Probably from Red with her rediscovered computer cleverness. Good. That should make things easier for her.

I stopped walking when she halted. She frowned at the paper and looked up at a nearby house, then walked toward it. I followed but hesitated as she crossed the street. Better wait here in the dark till she was at the other site. Following her immediately into the broad streetlights might just give away my lurking habits too easily.

She peered into a couple of windows. Then walked around the ruin a couple of times. I was convinced that the place was deserted. The Nerds must have already packed and fled the place, smelling the Scoobs tagging their tails. Rats do tend to have a bleedin good sense of smell. Just as I was going to call it a night and was roaming in my duster for a new pack of smokes, a strange sound bellowing through the house like a rancid mountain deer caught our attention. Buffy disappeared once again behind the building, followed by a curious and not-so-careful-to-be-seen-anymore vampire.

Turning the corner and facing a dirty alley, I was just in time to see her being ambushed by a pissed off glarghk guhl kashma'nik. A bloody ugly one too if you asked me. The Slayer, with her back turned, was too occupied with thinking up a good punch line to notice that I was even there.

"You didn't by chance happen to just eat a couple of nerds, did you?"

Winching mentally at her sad excuse for an attempt at being miss smart mouth, I watched warily as the demon took a swing at her. She leaned back and avoided it. It swung again and then tried a roundhouse kick, which my little Goldylocks ducked underneath. Blocking a punch and punching it in the stomach, she then administrated one of her own trademark Slayer kicks, and sent the poor bugger flying against the wall.

Well done Luv.

The demon was back for round two within secs and hit her to the ground. It grabbed her and threw her against a car. She landed on the hood, making that tiny little squeaking noise that used to turn me on so badly, when I'm the one who made her squeak that was, not some gory and disgusting demon. I decided that I've just seen enough Slayer bashing for tonight and threw myself at our large scaly friend, sending him rolling over the pavement. I got on top of it and served a couple of well - aimed punches into his ugly mug, pinning his lethal arms down with my Docs.

"Spike! What are you doing here?"

"What does it look like luv?" I sneered, trying to defend myself against her plain annoyance that I noticed in her voice. "I'm helping you out here."

"I don't need your help. Now get off of my demon so I can do my job."

"No can do." I panted while turning the already gruesome features of the kashma'nik into something that was coming closely to resemble a plate full of mashed greens. "Having too much fun right now. Need my violence before bedtime."

Done with saying that, the bloody wanker of a glarghk demon got me off guard for a sec and headbanged me. Seeing more stars then Dru in her most elusive moments, I backed off and got punched in the stomach. Roaring and drooling, the demon got up and was about to remove my head from my brainstem for ruining his smouldering good looks, when the Slayer jumped off the hood of the car and airkicked it full in its chest.

Punch, kick, dodge, dodge, punch. The demon went down and she spun around in full defensive battle pose.

"You were stalking me again, weren't you?"

Annoyance in her voice had made way for anger. She looked at me with that other Buffy trademark, the hurt and accusing stare. Great, just what I needed.

"No! I was not stalking you!" Trying to sound offended here. " What do you think I am? A sodding creep?"

The demon tried to hit the Slayer's legs but she jumped up, crouched on the hood and kicked it again. Getting off the car with one majestic flip, she picked up a metal garbage can and slammed it on the demon.

"Spike! You went into my house last year and stole my clothes to do whatever disturbing things with it! You kept a sexbot in your crypt that looked just like me and you even built me whole freaky shrine! If that doesn't define your behaviour as creepy then I really don't know what does!"

"I was just making sure you wouldn't get your ass kicked too much without me or the Scoobies around." I tried. "Getting your Double Medley served by a girl behind the counter who looks like she had been part of the meat process isn't exactly appetizing."

"Spike, shut up."

The demon shoved the garbage can out of her hands, then hit her in the face. She spun around and ended up with her face pressed against the car window. The demon grabbed her from behind, but she spun around again and kicked it, and the demon reeled backwards, crashing with its head through the window.

A wave of panic shot through me as my eyes caught the glimpse of a long thin bony structure spurting out of its knuckles.

Bleeldin hell. She didn't know…

"Buffy! Watch out for his hands!"


The demon struggled his head and shoulders out of the busted car window. She tried to grab its arms but he elbowed her off, turned around, grabbed her and locked her tightly against its body.

Then it raised its spiked hand towards her, ready to strike.

Rage and anxiety boiling in my stomach, I launched myself at the monster, knocking it down. Pinning his stabby limb on the pavement with one hand, I used the other to urgently convince him to let go of her. It growled animalisticly as I planted jolt after jolt on his bloody marble googly eyes. His grasp receded, and the Slayer managed to struggle free. As she was getting on her feet again, I suddenly realized that with not having to hold on to her, mister stab-a- lot had his other hand free to do whatever he bloody liked.

"Spike! Watch out!"

I turned around a sec too late and saw how the second spike burst out of the demon's knuckles, right into my stomach, penetrating my flesh and ripping though my organs.

"Spike?! Spike!"

I gasped, hot searing pain shooting through my body. Collapsing on the spot with my hands reaching for the burning wound I got tossed aside by the demon. My head hit the pavement while the slayer's screams rang in my ears.

"Spike! Spike! Are you alright?!"

Well luv, the moaning and uncontrolled shaking should pretty much tell you that I really wasn't.

"You are not going to get away with this!"

Anger was vibrating in her suddenly low and dangerous voice. Surprised, I blinked my eyes. So she was going to kill the demon for hurting her favourite fucktoy. Some part of me was actually shouting out of happiness to know that she at least cared, but another should we say more lucid part was yelling something completely different. Put that bint's temper on a leash! Don't let her turn the big green into mash yet! My mind raced, fighting against the white flashes of a scattering pain that took over my body, but I couldn't figure out with the mush that was now my brains why she shouldn't kill the bleeding demon scum. I just knew she shouldn't. She really shouldn't if I wanted to get out of this one alive.

"Buff… Don't…just don't…"

My tongue was getting useless, sitting in my throat like a sluggish snail. My mouth refused to form words. Alarmed, I tried to lift my head off the pavement, only to be greeted by a headache that made a zap from the bleedin chip feel like a Disneyland funride. World spinning, I still overheard the slayer conducting her wrath on the kashma'nik as the snapping of bones and breaking of skulls indicated that she was really not trying to hold back.

Bloody hell Spike. This time you're really, really buggered.

Then, all of my senses started to shut down. Pain receded, leaving my body numbed. The noises of combat faded away. Her voice seemed to be far away too, though I knew she was no longer yelling or screaming. The scent of her rage and perspiration was no longer there. Finally, the images of her fighting off the demon, blurry first, deteriorated fast into pitch-black darkness.