A/N: Thank you for reading – this is my first attempt at Fanfic, and any reviews /feedback would be gratefully received! This chapter has been retro-edited to combine the Prologue and Chapter One into the one chapter, the early chapters set the scene for the actual storyline and I am told Chapter 5 is where the story starts to come into its own (You will have to let me know your own opinion in this!) The M rating becomes more evident further down the line, Hugs Hissy
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.
You know that quiet guy at the edge of the room?
That's me; watching, waiting, and hoping for something or someone to distract me from the turmoil. You see, the children at school aren't wrong when they describe me to others as 'The one who looks like he's in constant pain', for I'm irrevocably, constantly, and deeply in pain.
With the agony of everyone else's emotions pile on me, the only break I get is sitting high up in my tree miles from home, and yet, I still can feel them—my 'family'—at the edge of my mind.
They have no idea how much they affect me though their highs, their lows, and their lusts…Well, Carlisle does, but he has locked it away in his mind and guards my secret for me. I couldn't take it –the guilt they would feel on top of everything else…
My name is Jasper, and this is the story of how my world changed.
It all started when Edward brought her into our lives. Humans are not supposed to know of our existence, but dear, sweet Alice insisted that everything would be ok, that Bella would be her best friend. She saw her as one of us, and I trusted Alice—my dearest friend and confidant—so I withdrew my objections.
I am so glad I did.
Bella is different. She is never scared of us, she understands us, and she loves us—even Rose and I. Edward and Alice keep Bella away from me and never allow us to be alone. They always pester to ensure I have hunted before she comes over, concerned over my lack of control and my bloodlust.
Edward is such a hypocrite. He's constantly lusting over her blood; it sings to him, she is his singer, his la tua cantante. Her blood calls to him, begs him to taste it, drink it, drown in it, and he never realises how much strain he puts on me every time they are around.
He doesn't know that to keep her alive, I pull his bloodlust into me. Just enough to keep her safe, and when I can't any more, I will send Alice to be with her, to tell her any reasonable excuse as to why Edward can't be alone with her at present. Luckily, they trust my gift even if they don't trust me.
Humph… if only they knew the real me. The 'me' who lived through the Southern wars, the man who led armies to triumph, who controlled entire batches of newborns through their bloodlust and desires. No, they wouldn't want to meet that me. Not the Major, the only one who can balance the empath within me…
Alice has seen the ghost of him, when she picked up my shattered pieces, but it was Peter and Charlotte who rescued what was left of 'me' from Maria's army.
Peter and his mate, Charlotte, my trusted friends, they know both sides of me—the Major and Jasper. Peter was the only one in the army who knew Jasper's psyche was still there and active. Time after time, he protected Jasper from Maria and helped the Major recover once Maria had finished with him.
Once I let Peter and Charlotte escape, the punishment lasted for endless weeks—and once she was finished, there was no Peter to pick up the pieces, no Peter to talk the Major down, and no Peter to stop the mass slaughter when Maria freed the Major to go and feed. A village was lost that night, as well as any vampire that got in his way…
Maria got her wish that night. The ultimate tool for her army, She had starved me so much that she released my beast and he ravaged the countryside until he was sated and then, may they forgive me, I, Jasper, returned, saw what I had become, and collapsed in the agony of that knowledge. The anguish caused the Jasper side of me to retreat into his shell; the Major came to the fore and stayed in command, until years later when Peter rescued me, him, us...
Alice's visions had shown her glimpses of me at my worst. She knew what she would be getting into and, yet, she still came for me. My dear, sweet, tiny Alice, small enough that the Major felt no threat when they met, submissive enough to follow his lead, brilliant enough to know when to guide and when to just be Alice.
She pulled Jasper fully to the fore and allowed Jasper to get back in control of me, to stop the spiralling emotions that had brought the Major back to the surface. But the Major is still there, in the background, just supporting me on bad days. Not that the family knew, not even snooping Edward. All he heard when the Major was near the surface were thoughts of the past, of the pain I suffered, and it keeps him out of my mind.
The Major doesn't like snoopers. "Oh the memories I have to share, if Aro ever dares" he snarls.
Is he brave enough to access my mind and which mind will the Major allow him to see, Jasper, the Major, or the Beast?
A sinister chuckle echoes through my head, and then the Major drawls "Oh, I have so much to share with him." He continues in a venomous voice, "How I would love to let him into MY head." The desire is almost palpable. "Enjoying your musing, Jay?" 'His' tone is sarcastic, with strained amusement, "Distracting enough for you? The pretty girl is just arriving... get your head in the game –or Let Me OUT!"
I wipe a hand down my face and stare at my palm in mild confusion; of course there would be no sweat, I'm a vampire. Time has flown by again and I find myself smiling. At least, with Bella around, I will be able to focus on her ordered emotions, rather than the mass of fluctuating feelings from the family, not including Edward's conflicted emotions.
I let out a soft sigh. I suppose there has to be balance. Edward's emotions are chaos to deal with, but the reward is so rich... Bella's emotions… a purity which is beautiful to feel, so warm and comforting in comparison to the agony I will be in later today—but it's worth it.
She's worth it.
Sitting at the edge of the room, I pick up a book and settle into an armchair. I lean back, relaxing in the firm support of the leather and open my mind further, allowing myself to fully feel the expanse of the gentle emotions that start flowing around the room.
Such love, comfort, calmness, and there—I grimace, the undertone of bloodlust ever so slowly increasing. I wait and wait, and wait, until Edward's lust starts to creep toward a level that is concerning. Only then do I put my book down, close my eyes, and start to pull that lust into myself, trying to hold on to the beautiful feelings before Edward's crushes them….
My eyes fly open, the multi-hues of gold, darkening to browns; I call her name quietly, "Alice," all the while exuding trust, enthusiasm, compliance, and affection towards her. Alice dances into the room, causing me to smile. I move to join her and take her hand in mine as she dances around me, the skin contact enhancing my subtle emotional manipulations. "Isn't it time that you and Bella had some girl time?" I suggest.
Alice smiles brightly. "Yes, beyond time… are you heading out to hunt?" she asks.
I smile gently toward her. "Yes, shortly. Why don't you go and get Bella now?" My eyes are firmly on hers as I bow my head over her hand and kiss it gently, lightly with a smile.
My concerns settle down as I sink into the chair to wait, and shortly I am rewarded with my wish. Alice and Bella walking together into our room, chatting. I hear a soft sigh of relief emanating from Edward's room as his bloodlust starts to recede.
The quiet man, my human face in this world of ours, rests as I run into the forest.
The musky scent of bear draws me closer and closer, the desire to let off some tension growing steadily. I smile to myself sensing the bear's acknowledgement of a predator nearby, while exuding irritation towards the bear. As I step into the clearing, the bear rises to his back legs, aggressively growling at the intrusion. I drop into a hunting stance, before rumbling back my own challenging growl, egging the bear on to attack. The bear charges forward, swiping towards me with his paw, to only find air. The bear swings his head around looking for his prey, not understanding that it is the other way round. I attack him from the side, sending him rolling across the clearing. Pouncing onto the bear, my shirt rips as the bear's claws swipe at me once again, and with a swift move I break the bear's neck. My teeth sink into the soft skin covering the bear's neck, ripping the fur away, uncovering the artery, and the wonderful pulse that calls to me. Mouthfuls of blood pour down my throat, easing the torment of the burn brought on by Edward's bloodlust, and returning a sense of control to me.
After burying the kill, I look around, enjoying the respite from the family, while I wander through the forest. I finds myself thinking of Carlisle, and the day Carlisle learned about how the others bloodlust affected my gift.
Carlisle and I had just returned from a substantial hunt, both of us fully sated for once, and we headed upstairs to shower and change. Afterwards, I joined him in the study to continue our earlier conversation, and settled into one of the armchairs, while Carlisle finished writing his notes. I started to feel the others returning home and just ignored it, as usual, pushing the additional emotions to the back of my consciousness. We carried on talking, I was so relaxed after our hunt, that I didn't notice the change of levels of bloodlust coming from downstairs, or that the Major was exerting his presence over me, slowly taking control. It wasn't until Carlisle didn't reply to my question, that I noticed him observing me, as if I was under a microscope. "Jasper, Your eyes… Are you ok?" I raised my eyebrow at the question, and then suddenly his question made sense, the sensations flowing through my consciousness became clear to me.
I was no longer sitting relaxed back in the chair, but rather sitting to attention, back straight, mind fully focused on Carlisle, shutting out everything else in the house. My throat was on fire, I was swallowing venom, I was battling with someone's bloodlust, in a sharp commanding tone, the Major replied, "Someone's losing control of their bloodlust – I can't control it for them any more – Deal with it!" With that, I flew towards the balcony, leaping towards the nearest creature, in desperate need to assuage the thirst.
It was only later that evening that I found out what happened. Once I had returned from my hunt, I found Carlisle waiting for me, wanting to talk in private. He explained that a visitor had arrived while we were in the study, and was waiting to pay his respects and to gain permission to hunt in our territory. When Emmett returned, covered with blood from playing with his food, it triggered the escalation of the visitors' bloodlust.
"Son, how long have you been controlling our blood lust?" Typical Carlisle, give him a mystery and some time to dissect it, and he will find the truth of the matter.
I chuckled at him, "Did it never occur to you that everyone hunted more often when Alice and I are away?"
I looked him in the eyes, my stance changing once again as the Major spoke "I have always done it, from just after the end of my newborn year onward. How else did you think I controlled my army?" He queried sarcastically. Carlisle stepped back, as the charismatic power that exuded from the Major's presence, washed over him, and his eyes locked with mine in shocked understanding. "You MUST NOT tell anyone else of this, Jay needs the protection from their guilt, I am pretty certain you don't want me active the whole time, do you?" He threatened menacingly.
Carlisle nodded thoughtfully, "I can block this from Edward easily enough, he only can read the surface thoughts, and so whatever you have been doing to block him is working. I doubt he will try too long if you think of your experiences from the war." He looked up at me appraisingly, "Just let me know if there is anything you want me to do to assist you – or if another situation is arising, let see if we can nip it in the bud before it gets too much next time?" The Major nodded his head once, and relaxed into the background once again, his stance and presence returning to that of Jasper once again. Carlisle shook his head, as if trying to remember something. I smiled gently to myself; the Major had quite a knack at making people forget unneeded information.
"Ok Carlisle?" I asked, smiling inwardly at his confused emotions.
He looked up a little bemused, "I think so, I was going to ask you something, but it's slipped my mind." He frowned in confusion as he looked at me.
"Don't worry about it, it can't have been important," I soothed him, subtly giving him reassurance through my gift.
It was a turning point that day, having someone in the family who understood what I was doing, and that I didn't have a choice, either I controlled the bloodlust, or I am affected by it. Being swept along in the speeding current of bloodlust was a ride from hell, Maria found this out the hard way after she lost an entire batch of newborns—all because she wanted them lusting after blood. Stupid woman wouldn't listen to me and let me control the newborns. It was only once food was brought into the compound and the rush of bloodlust hit me that she figured out she should have listened. Before I knew it I had charged towards the humans, and as soon as anyone moved near, I protected my meal; I snarled, ripped and tore into any who dared approach until the older soldiers, eyes as black as my own, held back the lusting newborns, so I could devour the blood, relieving me of the bloodlust enough to take control once more.
I learned that day more about my gift, that when I lose control of my emotions, anyone nearby will be caught in the backlash from it, feel what I was feeling, experience what I was experiencing, until I was able to rein it back under my control once more.
I suddenly become aware of Rose and Emmett's emotions start to flicker at the edge of my consciousness, warmth flowing through my body—a desire, longing, need. A cold shudder runs through me as the Major's tension rises. I sigh heavily and pick up my pace, moving from a jog to a run. I keep as far away from them as I can, rushing to get back to the house before this other type of lust starts to affect me. I just don't fancy a cold shower right now… Don't they ever stop?