Unknown: A War of the Roses episode tag
DISCLAIMER: The Mentalist does not belong to me. It is the creation of Bruno Heller. I'm writing this fiction to express my love for the series and maybe vent a little.
Long after Lisbon left the attic, long after he'd finished his tea and sat brooding for an hour, Jane emerged from his attic. Running on auto, he went into the kitchen to prepare himself another cup of tea. Suddenly, and without an particular reason, he was struck by an intense craving for the Cabernet Eve Mulberry had bestowed upon the team during the last case. As Lisbon was long gone, Jane settled to pick the lock her office, knowing she wouldn't mind. He opened the last drawer in her desk, where the cabernet should have residing, replacing the bottle of tequila she used to have there.
The drawer was empty.
Jane sat in Lisbon's chair thinking about what that meant.
They'd agreed to share it. It was supposed to have been the start of their own little case-closed tradition. But Lisbon had obviously taken it home with her, probably after she left him upstairs.
Jane knew his non-reply of whether he'd known Erica would escape, of whether he'd let Erica escape had rankled her.
But what else could he possibly have told said? That he'd let Erica out of prison because he wanted to see if he was still smarter than her? To see if he could stop her from escaping? He already knew what Lisbon would say to that. After her initial disappointment in him that he'd let a criminal loose for the sake of a game, she'd point out that he lost said game. Then she'd get started on Red John and how wrong Jane was to continue keeping Darcy out of the loop.
Patrick had no interest in that conversation. More importantly, he had no intention of letting Lisbon know that she seemed to be right in her assessment that he was losing his touch.
It was bad enough he was always second guessing himself when it came to Red John, he didn't need Lisbon to do that as well…
Jane shut his eyes upon hearing his wife's voice in his head. It's been a while since he pretended to talk to her, imagined what she would say.
Of all the times for his brain to conjure her up…
Erica was right about one thing, you're still pushing people who care about you away.
That's not true.
It is. Teresa's been supporting you for so long now, more than you ever dreamed she would, even when she disagrees with you. And that's scaring you. You want her to think you were attracted to Erica, that you let her escape, because that might get Teresa to stay away from you.
Actually, I'm just worried Lisbon'll stop following my lead if she learns of this mistake.
Which mistake? Letting Erica out of prison or allowing her to seduce you?
Jane rubbed his hands over his face.
I kissed Erica because I was sick of her trying to get under my skin. So I was trying to get under hers.
Riiiight. But you were also testing yourself, you wanted to see if you could, in fact, kiss someone. Turns out you can. That must have been shocking.
Not at all. I was just pretending to be affected. It was part of the ruse to let Erica think I was bewitched by her.
Uh-huh. Then why don't you tell Teresa that? I'm sure she'd forgive your mistake if she found out the lengths you went to to beat Erica.
Jane stood up.
No, he though inwardly as he exited Lisbon's office and set about locking the door again with his picks.
I thought it was cute when I saw how jealous she was, but the more I think about it, the more hurt she seems by everything. She doesn't need to know more.
Who do you think you're kidding? If Lisbon's feelings were your concern you would have just told her the truth instead of shutting her out. What you mean is you want her to suspect you had feelings for Erica, enough that she'd back off a bit, but you don't want her to know something that might make her write you off for good. Like that fact you kissed a criminal.
Fine. I'll admit you go away now?
Patrick, you know sooner or later you're going to have to let go of your ego, of this need to control the people around you. You had to to get me, and you'll have to if you want Teresa.
Who says I want Lisbon?
Jane could practically hear how his wife would exhale in exasperation if she were here. She'd go "Fine. Be that way" before leaving him alone so that his words would sink in. After a while, they would and he'd go apologize to her. Because Angela was always right.
But Lisbon, she wasn't Angela. She was his boss. And if he was to continue working the way he wanted he needed her trust.
He couldn't swallow his pride when it came to her. Because that would mean baring his soul completely. And he couldn't do that with Lisbon. Not with the constant threat that she might be taken away from him. It would be the end. It wasn't only Red John he was worried about.
Lisbon was a good person. And more and more, Jane was starting to suspect he wasn't. When he kissed, Erica, he actually felt himself responding to this woman; a wife who killed her innocent husband in cold blood.
Lisbon didn't deserve to be with someone like him, not the way he was now.
And if he didn't put distance between them, then he'd risk losing her to his own lack of morality. She was already more lenient than ever when it came towards him, and Jane suspected it was because she had finally starting feeling for him what he'd been feeling towards her for a while now.
But unlike Angela, Lisbon still didn't know him enough, was still not strong enough to resist his tarnishing of everything around him.
And that's what Jane wanted to prevent; Lisbon from hating herself when she found out what she'd become because of him.
He'd be willing to give his life for that. If he had to push her away to protect her from himself, his darkness, then so be it.
Hearing the click of Lisbon's lock sliding into place, Jane stood up re-entered to make himself another cup of tea before he retreated once more into his solitude.
I would swallow my pride,
I would choke on the rinds,
but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside,
Swallow my doubt turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing
Wanna put my tender
heart in a blender
Watch it spin around in a beautiful oblivion
Rendez-vous then I'm through with you.
Eve 6, Inside Out
Please excuse the total wishful thinking here. We were all affected and as I had to be all reasonable when I wrote this episode's review I couldn't help but nurse my wounds with the best possible interpretation for Jane with this fanfic. As to Jane's subconscious conjuring up Angela, I needed her to convey all the possible interpretations. If you liked this method, feel free to check out my other story, Mend This Tear where she plays a pretty important role. Anyway, review please?