So...this is another one-shot that my blood, sweat and tears went into. Yep.
Warning: Shonen-ai...unrequited feelings, maybe...virgin-violators...swearing...other stuff...
Disclaimer: After extensive searching of each DVD box, I found no contract declaring I was the owner of Hetalia...yet...
Pairings: USUK obviously, hints of FrUK but mostly friendship, Frachelles, Spamano, PruCan, GerIta, DeNor and one-sided RusBel. Hints of UK/World? Maybe?
So, this is my little contribution for Valentine's Day. It's a little late, but whatever...
The Virgin's Guide To Knowing You're A Virgin
"Alfred, I think I had sex with Francis last night."
Now, dear readers, there are two different possible reactions that Alfred can portray when faced with this statement.
Reaction one is where he spits out his drink and gapes at Arthur for a while, blinking dumbly and not really computing what the British boy has just said.
Reaction two is where Alfred immediately springs to action. He tears off his clothes revealing his superhero uniform underneath, causing Arthur to swoon like the Lois Lane he truly is. Then Alfred proceeds to fly over to Francis' house where he then beats up the French boy and ensures that Francis will never reproduce again. He then returns back to his house where Arthur falls into his arms, kissing him and batting his eyelashes, whilst proclaiming that Alfred is 'his hero'.
Three guesses as to which reaction actually occurred.
"The fuck?" Alfred gasped, before throwing his Coke down in fury and standing up in a totally heroic pose. Then, he tore off his shirt to reveal a latex costume underneath with a massive 'A' on the front. Women everywhere began swooning. Men felt emasculated. Francis immediately feared for his manhood. Arthur almost fainted in shock and adoration and—
Yeah. I'm totally bullshitting you. Sorry.
"The fuck?" Alfred gasped, choking on the Coke he had been drinking. Arthur shifted under the heated gaze that Alfred was throwing him and averted his eyes quickly. Honestly, it wasn't like he had stuttered or anything. Alfred clearly must have heard him. Fuck. He wasn't repeating himself!
"You heard me," Arthur muttered, glaring down at the floor of their shared apartment. Well, I say shared when what I really mean is that Arthur pays for it all and Alfred does nothing but play video games in return. So really it's Arthur who owns it, but it's Alfred who mooches off it.
Alfred blinked and shook his head in disbelief. "Yeah I heard you dude; I think that's part of the problem!" he said, blue eyes wide with shock. The British boy sighed and folded his arms, feeling increasingly uncomfortable under Alfred's astonished gaze.
"Stop looking at me like that," Arthur muttered. "It's not like I planned for this shit to happen." Which was true, 'cause when he left the apartment last night as a virgin, he had fully intended on coming back the morning after as a virgin too. Obviously Fate, the ever-loving bitch, had other intentions for him. Intentions that he hadn't known about, nor received any warning for!
"Th-Then, how did it happen?" Alfred asked slowly, not really sure if he even wanted to know. He was torn between smacking Arthur for sleeping with Francis and smacking Francis for taking what was supposed to be his. Arthur shrugged and glanced away, cheeks burning with embarrassment.
"I-I-I don't really know. I just went to Mathias' Valentine's Day Party -which I went to alone, because someone refused to come- and got hammered. When I woke up, I found myself naked with a frog next to me," Arthur explained, still staring hard at the wall. Alfred found this all too hard to process. Plus, the image of a naked Arthur kind of sent his brain into overdrive. Then there was the whole 'I-was-all-alone-how-dare-you-refuse-to-come-crap' that Arthur was issuing. Pfft.
As if Arthur had actually asked him!
"First of all, you didn't ask me dude. Which is totally rude. Secondly, what did you do when you woke up?" he asked, frowning and crossing his arms. There would be hell to pay if Arthur actually denied the fact that he hadn't asked him and there would be more hell to pay if Arthur didn't actually do anything to the guy who took his virginity. Especially if that guy hadn't been Alfred.
"I did ask you," Arthur glared at him. "And I declared him a bastard and threw a lamp at him."
"What?" Alfred asked, blinking rapidly.
"Oh don't worry; the lamp is fine," Arthur said nonchalantly, waving off the matter. Alfred shook his head.
"No, fuck the lamp! I mean...what, as in, what the fuck bro'? You so did not ask me to go to the party with you!" he said heatedly. Trust me, Alfred would have known if Arthur has asked him out to a party. He would have celebrated the moment with fucking lasers and fireworks and a fucking rocket to the moon. He also would have had Arthur repeat his question so Alfred could record the whole thing. For future and permanent evidence. Obviously.
"Yes I did!" Arthur snapped back, obviously oblivious to Alfred's deep inner torment.
"No, all you said was: 'so, Mathias is having a Valentine's Party, you coming?' and don't you dare say that was you asking me to come!" Alfred said, his tone almost daring Arthur to argue against him. Which Arthur did. 'Cause come on; this is Arthur, we're talking about.
"I was asking you to come and you said no!" the British boy snapped back, hands on hips and eyes sparkling dangerously. Alfred blinked and shook his head in annoyance. Arthur may be beautiful, but damn was he annoying sometimes!
"Because I didn't think you were asking me!" Alfred said heatedly. Arthur sighed in exasperation and rolled his eyes.
"Well, if I had asked you, would you have come?" he asked, folding his arms and cocking his head slightly. Alfred froze and averted his eyes, scratching his nose nervously. He could say 'yes' and just end the conversation there and then; but that could lead to the chance of Arthur finding out about his crush and Alfred just didn't think he was ready for the shit yet. So he did something stupid.
"No-o. 'Sides, I had to look after Mattie last night anyway," he said, shrugging it off like it was nothing. Arthur flinched slightly at his answer and wondered why they were even having this stupid argument if Alfred wouldn't have even answered 'yes' in the first place. And Matthew? Really?
"Your brother?" he asked dryly.
"Yeah dude, my brother," Alfred replied coolly. Arthur wasn't buying that crap for a second.
"Your brother who is seventeen and is quite capable of looking after himself?" the British boy elaborated, wondering if Alfred had been dropped as child. Repeatedly. And on purpose.
"Dude, we were watching 'Silent Hill' and you know how Mattie gets during horror movies!" Alfred said, shifting in discomfort under Arthur's sharp gaze. And the blatant lie he was spewing out.
"Yes, I remember him being quite calm and unafraid whilst we watched 'The Ring' the other week. You, however, stole three of my unicorns and hid under my bed hoping that if you did so, then the girl would never come near you due to my eyebrows scaring her off. Dickhead," Arthur sniped back, his body language telling Alfred that there was a chance of being punched today.
"...did I mention that I like your eyebrows?" he asked sheepishly, wincing at Arthur's scowl. Inwardly cheering at the blush on Arthur's cheeks.
"F-Fuck off! Besides, even if I hadn't asked you, why didn't you go regardless? You usually do to these types of things," the Brit asked, eager to move the conversation on to more comfortable subjects to talk about.
"We-ell...I didn't want to. It's a Valentine's Party and there probably would have been a lot of mushy couples gettin' it on in front of me. Talk about gross dude," Alfred said, wrinkling his nose. That, and he was worried that Arthur could have been a part of one of those mushy couples. Never in a million years would he have wanted to see shit like that.
"Yes well, that's what I had to put up with! At least if you were there we could have been stuck in the same boat. And you would have kept that demonic frog away from me as well," Arthur scowled. Not that he needed the American Idiot to protect him; if it weren't for the alcohol, Arthur would have been perfectly fine in beating the frog away.
"Ooh? And why's that bro'?" Alfred teased, eager for any slight indication that Arthur found him heroic.
"Because he's scared of you for some bloody reason...wish he was scared of me," Arthur muttered, rolling his eyes and scowling. If only the French-fancy was scared of him; life would be so much easier and simpler.
"Yeah, totally true. I guess it's cause I'm an awesome and epic hero and heroes would never allow poor defenceless maidens to get molested by dirty, old men," Alfred declared, punching the air with a grin. Arthur faced the heroic moron with a dead-panned expression; he was obviously not impressed.
"Call me a maiden again, I dare you! Also, Francis is the same age as me and he is not a dirty, old man!" Arthur stated, green eyes glaring at the American in annoyance. Alfred quirked a brow and smirked.
"Gettin' quite defensive there; you sure you're angry that he took your V-Jay?" he asked, waggling his brows playfully. His actions earned him a punch to the shoulder.
"I'm absolutely pissed," Arthur stated. "But Francis is still my friend. Regardless of how...touchy he is, he is not an old man. Idiot."
Alfred frowned. "Dude. Sounds like you really are sticking up for him."
"I'm not!" Arthur snapped. "I'm going to kill the fucking bastard once I find out the truth! And that's only if we had sex, got it?"
The American's frowned deepened. "And why didn't you just find out whether you had sex or not this morning? Didn't you ask him?"
Arthur coughed nervously and averted his eyes. "No-o. I was too busy throwing things at him, to be honest," he admitted sheepishly. Alfred chuckled and shook his head. Arthur was so fucking predictable; it was just too cute. "Then I just ran out of there before anyone else woke up...after putting my clothes back on that is." He fingered his shirt and frowned. "Which strangely enough, have some holes sliced in them..." he murmured to himself.
"Dude, you're just fucking...I'm totally putting a cap on your drinking limit," Alfred said, take a sip of his Coke thoughtfully. He wondered if that would actually work...then he realised just how boring parties would be if Arthur never actually got drunk again.
"Fuck that. I'll put a fucking cap on your talking limit if you don't fucking shut up!" Arthur scowled, before padding off towards the sofa to collapse on it. Alfred watched him fondly as he curled up in a ball and rested his head on a cushion with the Union Jack printed on it.
"So...what are you gonna do about Francis practically raping you last night?" Alfred asked. Arthur threw the cushion at him and scowled.
"First of all, it's 'going'. What am I 'going' to do about Francis. Secondly, Francis is not a rapist. If he slept with me, then I must have consented in some way. Thirdly, if he did take my virginity then, regardless of the fact that I gave my consent, I am going to curse his balls off," Arthur said darkly, his finger-tips crackling the magical energy as he sat up.
Fortunately, Alfred couldn't see this magical energy. Unfortunately, this led to him believing that Arthur was completely insane. Again.
"Yeah, sure dude. Curse him all you want," Alfred said dryly, shaking his head when Arthur glared up at him with determined eyes shining.
"I bloody will!" the Brit promised, feeling rather excited at the prospect of cursing Francis' balls off.
Alfred sighed in exasperation and drained the rest of his Coke. "Dude, no offense...but you don't actually know if he took your virginity or not," he said, although it was more wishful thinking on his part. Arthur hummed and tapped his lip in thought.
"That's true...I suppose I'll have to wait until I actually speak to him. If I speak to him...and if he gives me a proper answer. Fucking git," Arthur mumbled, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. Francis had a way of always getting out of trouble by giving vague answers to those demanding them. Or at least, it's how he got out of trouble when Ivan accused him of spying on his sister, Katyusha, when she was showering.
Well...it worked until Ivan became tired of the vague answers and just pulled his iron-pipe out of fucking nowhere!
"Oh? And what if he doesn't give a proper answer? How are you going to make sure that you're a virgin then? 'Cause dude, I don't think there is a way to check," Alfred said, very unhelpfully. Arthur rolled his eyes and scowled. Honestly, sometimes the American was just so dense.
"Obviously! It's not like I can go up to some doctor and ask: hey, I think I had sex last night, can you check my hymen to make sure? Stupid boy!" Arthur snapped, crossing his arms with a huff. Alfred blinked.
"Dude. You don't have a hymen," he said, totally confused.
"Exactly!" Arthur declared, like he had discovered one of the many mysteries of the universe.
Alfred blinked, wondering if insane Brits were another mystery of the universe.
"So...how are you gonna get him to talk?" Alfred asked, cocking his head. Arthur blinked at him; clearly this idea hadn't come to him yet.
"Oh! I don't even know!" Arthur moaned, grasping at his head. "This whole situation is shit!"
Alfred snorted. "You could say that again," he muttered. Honestly, how dare someone take Arthur's virginity before he did? And on fucking Valentine's Day too?
"This whole situation is fucking shit!" Arthur repeated with a smirk. Alfred smiled back and ruffled Arthur's hair fondly.
The Brit leaned into the comforting touch and sighed. He was a good person. He was achieving good grades in university. He was doing great at his job. He had healthy relationships with his friends; both spiritual and physical. He hadn't fallen out with his family in forever. He was even being nicer to the damn, fucking frog lately!
So why the fuck was Fate being so horrid to him? What the fuck had he done?
Groaning, Arthur pulled away from Alfred's touch and buried his face in his hands.
"You know, it'll only get worse," he sighed almost mournfully. "Knowing that stupid bastard, he's probably going around telling everyone how awful I was! Oh god! Everyone's going to find out that I have zero experience and they're all going to laugh and my brothers will disown me out of shame and everything will be shit," Arthur bemoaned, already envisioning just how shit life will become for him.
"Dude, chill out. 'Sides, you couldn't have been that inexperienced," Alfred said, rolling his eyes. Honestly, Brits could be so melodramatic.
"Are you kidding? I haven't even been kissed before Alfred! It's like, not only was I virgin, but I was also a lip-virgin! Understand, you stupid wanker?" Arthur scowled, glaring heatedly at the American. He was totally unaware of how ridiculous he sounded, which is pretty fortunate for everyone in this situation.
"Lip...virgin? Like, you had 'lip-virginity'? Seriously bro'? And you still had that?" Alfred asked, cocking his head to the side and stifling an amused smile.
Arthur flushed and gritted his teeth. "Oh shut up Alfred! And yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. I'm an eighteen year old boy, who has never been kissed. Happy?"
Alfred blinked. Well, yes. He was pretty damn happy. Arthur's lip-virginity was his to take! "Is there such a thing as like...cheek-virginity and hand-virginity and stuff?" he asked, teasing Arthur playfully, knowing that it will distract him for a while.
"Don't be so fucking stupid! And even if there were such things, I hardly believe I even have any virginity left after last night," Arthur moaned, cradling his head in his hands. Alfred frowned at this, not happy with the contemplation that Arthur might have had sex and had been kissed as well. That was just a step too far!
"You might though," Alfred said. "You never know." He was trying to be helpful. Operative word here being: trying.
"Yeah and I probably still won't bloody know because that bloody idiot will probably never give me a proper answer," Arthur said, slamming his fists down on the sofa in frustration. Alfred blinked and then grinned as an idea hit him like a train.
"Well, I'll talk to Francis," Alfred offered. "Like you said, he's scared of me. Maybe I could use this to my advantage and get the truth out of him!"
Arthur blinked, his expression a perfect dead-pan. "Yeah, right," he said dryly. "Whatever."
Alfred frowned and crossed his arms. "Really dude! I can totally do this for you!" he declared. Arthur scoffed and rolled his eyes, falling back onto the sofa with a smirk.
"And why would you do this?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
"'Cause I am a super awesome hero! And as such, I'm going to help you find out if Francis really did take your virginity last night!" Alfred proclaimed, walking over to the front door to grab his jacket. Arthur used his elbows to support himself, in order to look over the sofa. The American had pulled his jacket on and was now punching the air with excitement. He was stood like the Statue of Liberty; except he had half of her grace and double her thickness.
"Good luck then," Arthur stated, and then fell back down on the sofa. "Come back if you find anything." Strangely, Arthur's voice lacked any enthusiasm and if Alfred didn't know any better, then he would have thought that Arthur had no faith in him and was simply mocking him. But this was Arthur, who so totally believed he was hero and needed him right now! Obviously, his words were pretty damn sincere.
"Don't worry dude! I'll find him and I'll make him pay!" Alfred promised. A hand reached over the sofa and waved him off.
"Well, off you go then, brave soldier. Find this virgin-violator and make him pay," Arthur said, sounding tired and monotonous. Alfred beamed in delight at Arthur's support and saluted him, despite the fact that the Brit couldn't see him.
"You can count on me Artie!" Alfred said, opening the door to begin his epic quest.
"Don't call me that!" Arthur snapped, but Alfred ignored him easily.
"I'll be your hero," the American declared and left, leaving a red-faced Arthur to splutter on the sofa alone.
Knock, knock, knock!
The door opened to reveal a ruffled French boy. Alfred wasted no time in questioning him.
"Did you, or did you not have sex with Arthur Kirkland last night?" Alfred demanded, hand on hip and foot tapping out an impatient beat on the pavement. Francis blinked and quirked a brow at him.
"Non, I did not," he said, a small smile curling on his lips. Alfred felt relief hit him like jumbo-jet. "But I did make love to him~!"
Francis felt a punch hit him like a jumbo jet.
"Dude, you should have said you were just joking! I totally wouldn't have punched you if I knew you were!" Alfred laughed, his Hollywood smile making Francis' head hurt. The Frenchman wrinkled his nose in distress and readjusted the ice-pack on his jaw.
"Stupide...I thought it was obvious!" Francis snapped, wincing as the pain flared up on his jaw once more. Alfred raised an eyebrow and snorted.
"You kidding? You do this kinda shit all the time!" he said, rolling his eyes at the French boy before him. Francis scowled at him and narrowed his eyes dangerously.
"Non, I do not! I never take advantage of people; especially someone like Arthur. Contrary to popular belief, I do not rape. I make love to people. Rape is disgusting. Seeing the pleasure I can create in another person however...that is beautiful. Understand stupid boy?" Francis snapped, silently mourning his beautiful face and the inevitable bruise that would form there.
"Yeah, yeah dude. What-the-fuck-ever!" Alfred waved his words off. "Just answer me this: why the hell were you in bed with a naked Artie?" If Francis was telling the truth and he really hadn't slept with Arthur, then that was cool. But that still didn't explain why the French boy was able to see Arthur in all his naked glory. It wasn't fair. Not even Alfred was allowed to see that!
"Not even I know," Francis admitted. "All I remember is Arthur falling unconscious from the amount of alcohol he consumed. Then, because I am so lovely and kind, I dragged mon cher up to Mathias' bedroom to keep him safe. Then I left. Understand? I left him, fully clothed and safe."
Alfred narrowed his eyes. "You sure bro'?" he asked uncertainly. Francis sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Yes, I am pretty sure! You can even ask Michelle," Francis said. "After all, it was she who I spent the majority of the night with. In the garden. And the kitchen...and the games-room. And a saucy, quickie in front of the bathroom mirror—"
"Yep! I believe you dude!" Alfred interrupted quickly. Francis hid a smile behind his hand as he adjusted the ice-pack.
"Besides, I wasn't even the last one in the room," the French boy said with a shrug. "Consciously," he added, when he saw Alfred open his mouth to argue back.
The American puffed out a cloud of air in annoyance. "Then who was?" he asked, feeling the urge to punch something build up again inside him.
Francis smiled slightly. "Antonio."
Alfred blinked. "B-But...he hates Arthur!"
Knock, knock, knock!
"Did you have sex with Arthur?" Alfred demanded, getting straight to the point as soon as Antonio opened the door.
The Spanish sweetheart blinked blankly, before cocking his head to the side and uttering an intelligent, "Huh?"
Alfred sighed and tapped his foot impatiently. Honestly, some people could be so useless! "Did you, or did you not, do the nasty with my BFF Arthur?" he said, one hand on hip and the other hand itching to punch the Spaniard before him. Not that I understand why anyone would want to hit Antonio; he is far too lovely for that shit.
Wrinkling his nose in disgust, Antonio crossed his arms and cringed slightly. "Me? Have sex with that cold eyebrow-monster? Mi amigo, I thought you knew me better than that," Antonio said, feeling rather ill at the thought of having sex with Arthur. Alfred couldn't understand how anyone could feel disgust at the idea of having sex with the Englishman...although he wasn't really happy with the thought of anyone else thinking about having sex with Arthur either.
"Dude, just answer the question! Did you have sex with Arthur?" Alfred asked once more, his patience wearing thin. Antonio sighed and shook his head.
"No, I didn't. And I would never wish to either," he said, shivering slightly at the mere suggestion of sleeping with that cold, cruel Brit.
"But Francis said that he saw you last going into Mathias' bedroom. And that Arthur was fully-dressed! Artie told me he was naked when he woke up, so you must have done something," Alfred said crossly. Antonio was about to respond to the ridiculous accusation, when a loud, angry Italian voice cut across him.
"I knew it! Bastard! You just couldn't wait until I turned eighteen, could you? Just had to get it out and fuck anyone who looked at you twice, didn't you? Bastard! I hate you! I hate you! I fucking hate you!" Lovino snapped, before throwing a nearby vase at Antonio's head and storming upstairs to lock himself in his bedroom. Antonio and Alfred blinked at the space where an angry Italian had just been, utterly clueless as to what had just happened.
Antonio's eye twitched with annoyance when he turned back to the American. "First of all, I never slept with Arthur. Second of all, I went in there to get my coat and came straight back out of that room to find my precious Lovi~! I would much rather have a feisty, cute Italian in my arms than an angry, cold Brit on St. Valentine's Day. Understand? Thirdly, Gilbert was in there after me, so why don't you try asking him? Eh, amigo?"
Alfred wilted under the glare and nodded quickly. "Right-o! I understand! See ya, dude!" he called out and tried to escape; except a strong, tanned hand had latched onto his collar and yanked him back with force.
"Before you do anything," a beautifully angry Spanish voice whispered. "You are going to march straight up to Lovi's room and explain to him that you had a misunderstanding concerning Arthur and I. Got it?"
Alfred gulped audibly. "Y-Yes sir!"
"Yo Gilbert! Did you bang Artie last night?" Alfred hollered to the albino's bedroom window.
He was tired and annoyed and angry and just downright pissed off.
The American had spent the majority of the morning traveling from one location to another, then he had gotten threatened by an angry Spaniard and then once more by a pissed off Italian and then he had managed to splurge almost forty quids worth of petrol to fuel up his car! Arthur really owed him something now; Alfred already had an idea as to how Arthur could pay him back and it included five video games, one can of whipped cream and two pairs of handcuffs!
"Oi! Gilbert! Dude, open up!" he called out again, half-tempted to throw a rock at the freak's window. Looking around, he already caught sight of some decent sized rocks that he could throw; then the window opened up and the last person Alfred had ever imagined to be in Gilbert's bedroom addressed him.
"Alfred? What do you want?" Matthew asked. Matthew. His brother Matthew. His little fucking brother Matthew!
Alfred felt his brain break for a second before his fury caught up to him. "The fuck are you doing in the freak's bedroom!"
The Canadian sighed in exasperation as an angry Prussian voice cut across him. "Tell your fucking brother to get the fuck off my lawn!" Gilbert spat from inside his room. His voice was loud enough to be carried down to where Alfred was standing. Matthew held up a finger to signal for Alfred to shut the fuck up. Then he turned to face Gilbert, who presumably, was still in the room.
"Quiet you! It's too early for you and my brother to get into an argument, so please," Matthew begged. "Just behave this once. For me? Gilbert?"
Alfred strained his ears to hear Gilbert's reply.
"Fuck me birdie...it might be too early to argue with the fucker outside, but is it still too early to fuck you? No? Then you should have thought twice before looking at me with such a cute expression. Kesesese~!" Alfred heard the Prussian purr to his innocent baby brother. The American growled deep in his throat and clenched his fists. In his world, there were only two important people that existed: Arthur and Matthew. Ronald McDonald cut a close third, but seriously now.
No one fucks with Alfred's most important people. No one.
"Gilbert! You even think about touching my brother and I swear! I will fucking tear you apart," Alfred promised darkly, earning a bark of laughter from the Prussian who appeared besides Matthew at the window.
"Should have told me that last night! I fucked your awesome brother five times, bitch!" Gilbert boasted, wrapping an arm around Matthew's shoulders. He didn't notice the air of death that radiated from the Canadian boy; mainly because no one really expected an air of death to surround Matthew unless it was hockey season.
Alfred gasped in shock and pointed an accusing finger at the cackling albino. "I'm no one's bitch you freak! Let go of my brother before I turn you inside out!"
"Fuck that, you unawesome bitch!" Gilbert hissed deliberately, red eyes almost demonic in his mirth. Alfred cursed him under his breath and clenched his fists once more.
"Dude, call me that one more time and I swear, I'll make you eat your so-called 'five metres' bitch!" he snapped back. Gilbert flipped him off and pulled Matthew closer to him. The Canadian, on the other hand, was deliberating on whether it was possible to knock two idiots out with just one hockey-stick.
"Fuck off, you damn Yank! Why are you here anyway? You're wrecking what could have been an awesome and sexy morning," the albino asked, pressing a kiss to his silently fuming boyfriend's temple. Alfred wrinkled his nose in disgust and ignored the gesture.
"I wanted to know if you fucked Arthur. Guess I have my answer, you dick," Alfred growled. Gilbert smirked, sharp teeth glinting in sunlight.
"Guess you do. Bitch," the Prussian said, leaning his head against Matthew's gently. The American closed his eyes and counted to ten, hoping to calm down by then.
When he opened his eyes, he saw the familiar obnoxious grin and the glinting red eyes and knew that counting to ten had done fuck-all.
"Before I break your fingers for touching Mattie, answer me this: do you know who fucked Arthur? Antonio said you went into Mathias' room after him and that's where Arthur was. If you're not telling me something, I'll fucking fuck you up," Alfred promised, trying hard to keep his voice cool and collected. Quite a feat, considering he was talking to Gilbert.
"Pffft! Whatever. Ask Ludwig, he went in there after me. I never even touched the guy," Gilbert said. "Didn't even notice he was there. Guess I was too busy thinking about fucking your baby brother instead!" The awesome albino cackled once more, only to cry out in pain when a hockey-stick made contact with his head.
Matthew, with his pretty violet eyes turning indigo, turned to his brother and glared. "Alfred, I think it's safe to say that Gilbert didn't sleep with Arthur. Now get lost, so I can kill my boyfriend in peace!" he snapped, before slamming the window closed.
Instead of making a retort about how he refused to allow Matthew to acknowledge Gilbert as his 'boyfriend', Alfred simpered and wiped an imaginary tear from his eye.
"I have nothing left to teach him," he sighed proudly, as he heard the absent cries of pain from a certain Prussian freak.
Knock, knock, knock!
The door opened.
"Hey! Ludwig...you didn't sleep with Arthur last night by any chance, did ya?"
The door closed.
Alfred blinked. Guess that's a 'no' then, he thought. The American sighed and kicked at the gravel on the ground. Absently, he thought he could hear an Italian shrieking about cheating boyfriends being tired of their current lovers. Alfred glanced at the door and edged away from it, fearful of another Antonio-incident.
He had just about managed to get to the end of the driveway, when a strong hand yanked him back and away from his car.
"Get in there and convince Feliciano that I am not cheating on him. Now," a scary Godly German voice growled.
Alfred saluted him immediately and felt himself being frog-marched straight back to Ludwig's house. The moral of this story was pretty fucking clear in his eyes.
Never deal with Italians. Or their boyfriends for that matter...
Knock, knock, knock!
This time, Alfred decided to just go to the guy who hosted the damn party. After all, he could be a culprit too, right?
Makes sense, right?
"Mathias! Open up, bro'! Did you fuck Arthur last night?" Alfred asked brightly. He was trying to hide his desperation, but it obviously wasn't working.
The door opened to reveal a rather pissed off Norwegian. Alfred blinked and recognised him as Mathias' un-boyfriend. Meaning that to everyone but Nikolai, they were boyfriends and totally in, like, love and shit. The American grinned cheerily and attempted to ask his question again.
"Hey dude, can you ask Mathias if he screwed Arthur last night? Please?" Alfred asked, feeling the temperature around him freeze as Nikolai's gaze grew colder. Jesus, it was like dealing with a blue-eyed, lighter-haired version of Arthur.
"No," he said frostily, his expression almost bored with Alfred's inane questions.
Alfred blinked. "Well, why the fuck not?" he asked, slightly annoyed. Nikolai rolled his eyes and glanced off to the side.
"Because," he said simply. Alfred wrinkled his nose in irritation and sighed.
"Dude. Seriously now. Did that Dane fuck my Brit?" he demanded, one twitch away from slapping some emotion into the boy before him.
Nikolai raised a brow. "No, he didn't," he said and wondered if the stupid American would be satisfied with that and leave. His troll was seriously beginning to get pissed off as well and was eyeing the American with the intention of bitch-slapping the boy quiet. Fortunately for Alfred, he couldn't see the troll; otherwise he would have been plagued with nightmares for life. Unfortunately for Alfred, he also couldn't keep his damn mouth shut.
"How the fuck do you know? Unless he was sexing you up instead," Alfred said with a smirk, waggling his eyebrows mischievously. Nikolai didn't find that funny. Neither did his troll. Before Alfred could even comprehend what was going on, he was lifted up into the air by eight feet, and then knocked back, ten feet.
Rubbing a bruised head, the American heard Mathias' door slam shut and winced at the noise. Obviously some people couldn't take a joke. Struggling to his feet, Alfred wobbled around until he regained his balance and sent a one-figured salute to Mathias' house. Wiping the dirt off his trousers, Alfred turned back to his Hero-mobile, intent on finding more clues. As he was digging around in his pockets for his keys, however, a loud "PSSSST!" distracted him from his actions.
Glancing back at the house, Alfred saw Mathias hanging out of the window with a scary grin on his face. The American blinked and wondered if this mission of his could truly end up killing him. "Hey dude, why the grumpy face?" Alfred called out, keeping a safe distance from the house and ensuring that no matter what Mathias threw at him, it would never hit its target.
Mathias' eye twitched as he laughed. "Not much; just a sweet, little Norwegian claiming that he's going to castrate me. Totally your fault, by that way!"
"Sorry bro'! I didn't mean to get you into trouble," Alfred replied. Mathias just shrugged.
"Whatever. Just so you know, I didn't fuck Arthur...thought he was yours anyway," the Dane said. Alfred grinned falsely, wishing badly that his statement were true.
"It's, uh, complicated. Do you know who might have screwed him then?" the American asked. Mathias hummed thoughtfully.
"We-ell...I walked past my bedroom at some point and I remember passing Ivan on the way. He might have gone in after me," the tall blond said. Alfred felt his entire body twitch at Mathias' word. In fact, it was the mother of all twitches and really should go into some World Record Achievement's Book for Biggest Twitch Ever Produced.
"You let Ivan in there? Ivan Braginski? Are you insane, dude?" Alfred demanded hotly. Mathias shrugged and beamed, holding up two fingers that had an inch of space between them. "A little insane...well, at least you admit it."
"I know it was stupid, but I had other things to do!" Mathias said in protest. Alfred scoffed and folded his arms.
"More like other people, douchebag!" he snapped back. Honestly, to think that this stupid Dane left his beloved Arthur all vulnerable and drunk with Ivan-fucking-Braginski of all people!
"Nikolai can be very demanding," Mathias sighed dreamily.
Alfred's eye twitched. "You don't say..."
"Alright, ya commie-bastard! Get your ass out here right now so I can beat it to a pulp!" Alfred sighed, rubbing his aching body with a wince.
Honestly, who knew that one mission could be so detrimental to his physical health?
"Hey! Open up!" Alfred said, banging on the door again, feeling his annoyance build up like a toxic bubble.
Once again, no answer.
"Oi! Ivan! You pudgy fuck! Open the damn door!" he demanded, kicking the door this time. To his surprise, the door opened. To his shock, the 'pudgy fuck' Ivan came running out of it at top speed, tears streaming down his face as his expression contorted into clear horror.
"Leave me alooooone!" the Russian cried out, clutching his pipe for dear life as he ran. "And I am not fat, American scum!" he snapped back darkly, throwing the pipe at him in an accurate manner. In fact, if it weren't for Alfred's nicely honed reflexes, his face would have been wiped off clean by the weapon.
Which really shouldn't be classified as weapon, but I guess in Soviet Russia, weapons classify you.
The American ducked in time and watched in confusion as his rival continued to sprint away from his house at a speed that only an Italian could match.
"Fucking hell," he muttered and turned to see what it was that Ivan was running from. "Fucking hell!" he repeated, ducking once more to avoid a knife in the face. Standing in the doorway was Ivan's beautiful and youngest sister: Natalia.
"You scared big brother off," she hissed, completely ignoring Alfred's protests. 'Cause seriously, I think we all know that if someone scared Ivan off, it was obviously not Alfred. "You shall pay!" Natalia threatened, lifting her knife up again to bring it down upon the freaked out American.
"Dude! The fuck?" he spat and dodged the slash expertly. "I only came to see if he fucked my bestie!"
Natalia paused and grinned eerily. "You mean that little blond boy with the eyebrows? Oh no...he tried to seduce big brother, but I saved him. Yes, I did. I made sure that the little British boy would never seduce my brother again!" she said, her eyes lighting up with dark mirth.
Alfred blinked and gulped audibly. "D-Did you...fuck Arthur?" he asked hesitantly. His question earned another jab to the face.
"Of course not! I am saving myself for brother! Stupid," Natalia hissed. "I just threatened him a little with my knife. I showed him just how sharp my knife can be by cutting off his clothes. Until big brother ran off...then I left the little blond brat there and went off to follow my brother. Ivan should never be left on his own, you know. Who knows what little harlot may come to take him from me..."
Alfred blinked again and slowly started to edge away. "You were the one to strip Arthur?" he asked, slightly horrified. Especially as Natalia clearly had no morals concerning the issues of threatening unconscious young boys...
Natalia rolled her eyes and frowned. "It wasn't fun. I'd much rather strip Ivan," she mused. Alfred stared to sweat in horror. "Which reminds me, you scared my brother off. You need to be punished!" she declared and then slowly stroked her knife with an affectionate look on her face. "And what better way than to strip you of your skin!"
Alfred decided there and then to cut his losses and run away.
"Well it's official!" Alfred declared when he returned to their shared apartment. "Everyone is gettin' some but me!" he called out moodily, utterly pissed that even his brother got some on Valentine's Day.
"That's nice," Arthur called back, sounding as if he really couldn't care less.
Alfred rolled his eyes and entered the living room, only to find Arthur lying in the middle of it, surrounded by chalk-drawings. The fire was blazing and all the curtains had been pulled shut. The American sighed as he realised that Arthur was, once more, convinced that he could perform magic.
Whelp, Alfred thought, better stop him before he pokes his eye out. Again.
"Dude. What the fuck?" Alfred said, walking over to the Brit and poked at Arthur's ribs gently with his shoe. "You remember what happened last time you tried out this shit?" Alfred stuffed his hands in his pockets and quirked a brow when Arthur glanced up at him with a frown.
"Fuck off Alfred, you're ruining the atmosphere," Arthur told him politely. The American rolled his eyes and turned to head off to the kitchen. If Arthur was that determined to 'perform witchcraft', then who was Alfred to pass up some free entertainment. And what was a little entertainment without food. Grabbing a bag of ready-made popcorn from the cupboard, Alfred returned to see Arthur waving his 'wand' around like a menace.
And no, it wasn't that kind of 'wand' either. Perverts!
"Dude, you're totally fucking weird," Alfred drawled, throwing pieces of popcorn in the air, only to catch them in his mouth when they fell back down again. Arthur threw him a dirty look and literally threw a pillow at his face. Alfred, through years of experience, neatly dodged the oncoming missile and quirked a brow. "Really, dude? Really?"
"Oh fuck off, you prick," Arthur muttered. Then he paused in his wand-waving and turned to face Alfred, his expression softening slightly. "Did you find anything out?" he asked hesitantly, rather apprehensive as to what Alfred would say in response.
The American chewed thoughtfully, before swallowing hard. "Well...it wasn't Francis," he began slowly. Arthur deflated in relief. "It also wasn't Antonio, Gilbert or Ludwig. Or Mathias. Or Ivan. Or Ivan's sister, Natalia, by default. So...to be really honest; I don't have a fucking clue as to who took your virginity. Oh, and it was Natalia who undressed you. Apparently it's she was trying to kill you, or something. She wanted to get you back for what happened last time you got supremely drunk," Alfred said, chewing over his popcorn whilst mulling over his culprits. Truth be told, he was feeling pissed off that he didn't actually have a culprit to take his anger out on.
That really sucked.
Arthur, on the other hand, tensed up and threw a hateful glare at the American. "You bloody idiot! You asked that many fucking people? Are you insane? And Natalia? Oh bloody, fucking, pissing hell!" he snapped, his fists clenched tightly and more magical energy crackling around him. Once more, Alfred was fortunate enough to be incapable of seeing magic. Unfortunately, he was also incapable of being subtle.
"Dude, you're the insane one; not me," the American said with narrowed eyes. He received a face full of Arthur's wand for that one. And I'm talking about his magic wand; not his other magic wand. Duh. "Really? You're trying to decapitate me with a wand? Really?"
Arthur quirked a brow, clearly amused. "You know longs words such as 'decapitate'?" he asked. Alfred flipped him off, not really annoyed at the dig to his intelligence when Arthur started to laugh. Alfred had only really seen Arthur laugh with his imaginary 'friends', so he decided to savour this rare moment carefully.
The Brit calmed down quickly, wiping away a small tear from his eye. "So...you really didn't find out who slept with me?" he asked, wrinkling his nose. Alfred shrugged apologetically.
"Sorry bro'...but hey, if no one says they fucked you, how can you be so sure that someone actually did sleep with you? Natalia was the one to get you all naked and that was just to threaten you. So really, there's a chance that you're still a virgin," Alfred said, making Arthur hum thoughtfully. After thinking about himself, Alfred truly started to believe the possibility that Arthur might not have slept with anyone after all.
Which led to one whole fucking day of his life being wasted due to interrogating possible 'suspects'.
"You have a point," the Brit admitted. "But still...what if I'm not though? There's still a slim possibility that I might not be a virgin after all!"
Alfred sighed. Honestly, sometimes Arthur could be so melodramatic. "Dude, wouldn't you like...feel it, if a guy really had fucked you last night?" he asked, popping more popcorn into his mouth. Arthur paused and glanced up at the American with furrowed brows.
"I...I don't think that always happens. Like, not every girl bleeds during her first time, so maybe I might just be one of the few guys who don't suffer the consequences after their first time either," Arthur said, shrugging slightly. Alfred dead-panned him.
"Yeah, sure...whatever," he muttered, knowing perfectly well that Arthur was the most sensitive person in the entire fucking planet. "So, what are you gonna do to this 'person' who 'slept' with you last night?" Alfred asked, his tone laced with sarcasm.
"I'm going to curse the fucker who stole my virginity and have his balls fall off!" Arthur cackled, green eyes sparkling madly. Alfred raised a brow and hummed. Yeah, like that will fucking work...honestly.
"Dude, what if ya banged a girl?" he asked, trying hard not to imagine Arthur with a girl. The mere mention of it made his skin crawl.
Arthur frowned and tapped his lips with a finger. "I hardly believe that a woman would sleep with me...not even a man wishes to, if what you told me was correct," he sighed, poking at the fire to get it going once more. Alfred wrinkled his nose at Arthur's words.
"Dude, I'm pretty sure plenty of guys would fuck you." Like me. "Fuck, it was obvious that even Francis wanted to fuck you!"
Arthur choked and gagged at the mention of Francis wanting to sleep with him. "Francis? He is not a 'guy'! He is a disgusting excuse of life and a waste of breath! As if I'd sleep in the same house as him, let alone the same bed! Consciously anyway," he snapped, feeling in much need of shower. It's how he always felt after a discussion on Francis.
Alfred held up his hands in surrender. "Dude, it was just a comment; nothing serious. 'Kay?"
Arthur sighed and nodded. "Of course, I'm sorry...I'm just stressed, I guess," he murmured, poking at his fire with a pout. Alfred threw his empty popcorn tub in the nearby bin and walked over to the mopey Brit. Crouching down, he gently stroked Arthur's hair and sighed himself.
"I don't think you should be; 'cause dude, I've said this once and I'll say it again...you might not have slept with anyone last night. I've run out of culprits, we now know why you were naked and Francis...was probably being Francis. That doesn't excuse why he was in the bed with you, but still," Alfred stated, his voice going dark slightly, before brightening once more. "You're probably just as much a virgin now as you were when you left last night!"
Arthur sighed and placed the poker down to sulk. "But...I just want to make sure," he sighed, his eyes then lighting up as an idea came to him. "Maybe there's a spell somewhere that could tell me..."
Before Alfred could tell the Brit just what an AWFUL, AWFUL idea that would be, a knock on the door distracted them both from what would have been an inevitable argument.
"I'll get it," Alfred said, ruffling Arthur's hair as he stood up. Arthur scowled at him and tried to tame his hair down before their guest could see what a mess he was. Then he realised he was surrounded by a magic circle drawn in chalk and the only light source was the fire he had made.
"Oh bollocks," he muttered and slumped over to sulk some more.
Alfred walked over to the door and opened it, mildly surprised to see Kiku standing there. "Kiku, dude! What are you doing here?" Alfred exclaimed, opening the door wider to let the Japanese boy through. Kiku bowed to him and walked past, blinking as he happened upon Arthur who was still sulking in his circle by the fire.
"I came to give you the game you wished for," the dark-haired boy said, presenting Alfred with the latest horror game that Japan had to offer. It wasn't even out in the States or Europe yet! Alfred felt blessed for having such awesome gaming connections! "Um, did I come at a bad time?"
Alfred glanced up from the shiny cover of his new game to see Kiku staring at Arthur with an unnerved expression. The American grinned and just shrugged.
"Nah, it's okay," he said. "The dude is just depressed~!" All notions of sympathy had vanished once Alfred had his new game in his hands.
Arthur heard him and stood up, scowling. "Horrible, obnoxious git! I am not fucking depressed!" he spat, folding his arms with a furious expression on his face. Alfred was nonplussed however and turned to shrug at Kiku. The Japanese boy quirked a brow in question.
Alfred grinned. "Yeah, he really is. He's acting like a total girl, 'cause he reckons someone stole his virginity last night. He had me running around town trying to find out who it was!" the American laughed it up, like it was some sort of fucking hilarious joke.
Kiku blinked and frowned. "Mr Arthur didn't sleep with anyone last night," he said, slightly confused. If Arthur had...well, Elizaveta would've most definitely told him if anything occurred last night that was worth telling. Apart from a few accidental hair-tugs caused by the Italian brothers' significant others and a scandalous scene between a Dane and his un-boyfriend, nothing really happened.
It was utterly boring.
"Eh?" Alfred uttered, pausing in his inspection of his new game to turn to face Kiku.
"W-What? How do you know?" Arthur asked, feeling quite flushed and eager for information.
Kiku blinked and the shifted slightly, trying to hide his minor discomfort. "Well, last night I decided to...keep an eye on you. I felt that after last time you needed someone to look after you and Mr Alfred wasn't around, so I took it upon myself to do it," he said, hiding the true reason as to why he 'kept an eye' on Arthur.
The Brit blinked and then smiled softly. "Y-You looked after me? All night?" he asked, astonished that he had such a good friend in Kiku.
The Japanese boy nodded and smiled. "Yes. Although, I'm afraid I was rather distracted when Miss Natalia tried to kill you; I apologise most profusely for that ordeal," he said, bowing slightly in apology. Of course, the reason why he was distracted was due to a certain Danish boy having the dominance fucked out of him by his Norwegian un-boyfriend.
Not that anyone needed to know that.
"It's fine, it's fine," Arthur waved it off, feeling rather relieved that his virtue was safe and sound. Inwardly, he was still freaking out about Natalia trying to murder him in his sleep. But he could always deal with that another day. Anyway, Alfred on the hand, wasn't about to let the whole ordeal go off lightly.
"What the fuck about Francis? How the hell did he get into Arthur's bed?" he asked, wrinkling his nose in disgust. Kiku blinked and then nodded to himself as he remembered what had happened.
"He and Miss Michelle had a falling out over...I think it was a cucumber and some ribbon. Apparently, Miss Michelle threw the cucumber at Mr Francis' head, knocking him out. Then, with the help of Miss Elizaveta, they managed to drag him upstairs and left him in one of the bedrooms. I didn't know it was the same one that Mr Arthur had been occupying. I'm sorry. But I promise, no one else went in there afterwards," Kiku explained, omitting the fact that both he and Elizaveta knew exactly which bedroom Arthur would be in.
Which is why they shoved Francis in there with him.
"Thank you Kiku. And it's fine, it's not like it was your fault," Arthur reassured him with a gentle smile.
"Yeah dude, don't beat yourself up!" Alfred said cheerily. Kiku had to avert his eyes; the guilt began to eat him up on the inside and feared that he wouldn't be able to stand it for much longer.
"If that's all you need, then I shall be going. I hope you enjoy the game, Mr Alfred," Kiku said, trying to repress his guilt and tried to concentrate on the 'gifts' that Elizaveta had for him at her house. It was his next stop and it was highly anticipated.
"Totally," Alfred said, giving the dark-haired boy a double thumbs-up. "I'll call you later, yeah?"
"O-Of course," Kiku said, making his way to the door. Arthur waved to him, his smile as sweet as ever.
"Thank you Kiku, I'll see you soon," the Brit said, gaining a nod in return.
"See ya later dude!" Alfred cheered, waving to Kiku as he left. The Japanese boy bowed to them respectfully and left. Alfred closed the door and leant against it, smirking slightly when he saw Arthur deflate with relief.
"So. I'm...still a virgin," the Brit said, his voice shaking somewhat. Alfred grinned his trademark Hollywood smile.
"Looks like it bro'," the American declared, throwing an arm around Arthur's shoulders and grinning down at him.
"And you spent the entire day asking the whole world if they slept with me," Arthur stated, clenching his fists slightly. Alfred shrugged.
"So?" he asked, not really getting what Arthur was trying to say. The Brit blinked before shrugging Alfred's arm away from him.
"So? Alfred, the point is that everyone we know now believes me to be some irresponsible harlot who opened her legs for some guy she doesn't even know!" Arthur snapped, fists clenched and eyes narrowed. Alfred quirked a brow.
"Dude, you do know you're referring to yourself as a girl, right?" he asked, slightly concerned that some of Arthur's 'magic' had gone to his head.
"Not the point! Everyone believes that I've lost my virginity to someone that I can't remember," Arthur said, his face flushed with anger and embarrassment. "There's no way that I could convince them that it was all a misunderstanding. Even if I did, that would just make everything worse! They'll probably think that I just made the whole thing up to get some attention and that's not even the beginning of it!"
Alfred rolled his eyes as Arthur began to ramble on about how sucky his life was. He sighed and decided to step in when Arthur began to talk about how he was going to end up FOREVER ALONE, because no one would want to date a boy who made up lies about losing his virginity to create some drama.
"Hey, dude," Alfred said, lifting up a finger to press it against Arthur's lips. "Maybe you don't have to tell that...that it was a misunderstanding at all," he said slowly, gauging Arthur's reaction. When the boy seemed more confused than anything else, Alfred removed his finger.
"And how the bloody hell am I supposed to recover my reputation if I tell them it was a misunderstanding?" Arthur asked, quirking a brow. Alfred wrinkled his nose and grinned sheepishly.
"Well, I guess you could tell them that it was me? Who took your virginity," Alfred said shrugging, averting his face so Arthur couldn't see the light blush developing on his cheeks.
"But...I couldn't," Arthur said, his face a similar shade of pink to Alfred's and looking completely shocked. "You weren't even at the party. And besides, you spent all day interrogating other people about whether or not they slept with me. Not you." Alfred shrugged and smirked.
"So? Tell them that I sneaked in just to have sex with you and then sneaked out again. We could pretend that I thought someone fucked you after I left. 'Course, that would take some serious lying skills, but I reckon we could get around that, bro'. We could even get Kiku in on it. He's good at this kinda shit," the American said, proud of how strong his voice was. Not a single tremble in sight!
Arthur blinked. It was a stupid plan, but that wasn't the point. The point was— "Why would you do that?" he asked, truly confused. Alfred looked up at him, gleaming blue eyes boring straight into the wide green ones of Arthur's.
"Because I love you," he said simply. Arthur shook his head, thinking along different lines to Alfred.
"No, I don't mean, why would you sneak in to have sex with me...I mean, why would you lie about having sex with me?" Arthur asked, thinking that he had clarified the situation. Because naturally Alfred would pretend to love him as a way to excuse wanting to have sex with him. 'Cause, after all, it's not like Alfred actually—
"Because I love you," Alfred repeated, his blue eyes hard and serious.
—loved him? H-He...he loved him?
"W-What?" Arthur asked, his voice breaking slightly in shock. "Y-You mean...like a friend, right? Ahahaha...you love me like...like a friend," he stammered, laughing nervously and trying to convince himself that this was so not fucking happening. Alfred reached out to grab Arthur's shoulders, steadying the Brit carefully and forcing green eyes to stare straight into blue.
"Arthur," Alfred said. "I love you."
The Brit emitted a high-pitched noise of disbelief and shock, before shaking his head desperately. "N-No! You can't...you don't! At the very least, y-you shouldn't! Why would you love me?" he asked seriously. Alfred knew that Arthur wasn't asking for compliments, he was seriously confused as to why Alfred would even consider falling for him. And yet...
"Because when you walk into the room, my whole day instantly brightens. When you smile, my heart feels like it's gonna explode. Because when you're angry with me, your eyes sparkle and all I feel like doing is holding you to me and to kiss the anger out of you. Because when you talk to your 'friends', I feel like grabbing you and forcing you to talk to me instead, because I'm selfish and I want all your attention to be on me. Always. Because I love your eyes. I love your hair. I love the way you walk, like you own the world. I love your accent. I love your secret punk-side that only comes out when I put MTV on. Because your love for unicorns and fairies and fluffy, cute animals makes me melt with adoration. I love your fucking eyebrows, because in all honesty, those fuckers are damn sexy and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I love cheering you up when you're down. I love the way you try so hard to make me something to eat, even when it goes wrong. I love the way you'll watch horror movies 'til two in the morning and then let me sleep with you for the rest of the night. Because I just simply adore you and love you. And, because I love you, I can't help but want to protect you. I don't want anyone else touching you or kissing you or even thinking about having sex with you! Because that's everything that I want to do!" Alfred said, his glasses steaming up slightly by the amount of passion he was radiating.
"A-Alfred," Arthur stammered, feeling like he was trapped in an Austen-novel and the only way to leave was to faint from his over-whelming emotions. "I-I didn't know you felt that way."
The American grinned and shrugged. "And here I thought I was being pretty fucking obvious dude," he chuckled. "Guess it's a good job you're freaking oblivious to these kinds of things!" Arthur frowned and pushed him away, his cheeks and the tips of his ears tinged with a pink blush.
"Sh-Shut up!" he scowled, then softened and sighed when he turned back to Alfred. "I...I care about you. A lot. And I like you. A lot. But...the thing is...oh Alfred, I don't know how to say it, but..." he trailed off, not wanting to reject Alfred, but not knowing how to accept him either.
Luckily for him, Alfred F. Jones knew exactly what he was trying to say.
"I know. You don't exactly love me back; at least, not in that way...but Arthur, let me try and persuade you to love me," Alfred said. Arthur flushed in slight pleasure.
"W-What? H-How?" the Brit stammered, feeling his whole body weaken and his mind cloud over with mixed emotions and thoughts.
Alfred grinned in that special, handsome way of his and winked. "Easy...I'm going to court you," he purred.
"C-C-Court me? You mean you'd...woo me and...and stuff," Arthur said lamely, secretly delighted that Alfred wanted to court him. Although, if the guy started bringing him flowers and chocolates every day, he would have to knock some sense into him...
"Yeah, I'd do all that. And more," Alfred said, cupping Arthur's face and gently stroking the nape of smaller boy's neck.
Arthur trembled slightly in the strong, warm grip. "Just remember that I'm not a girl. I can take my own chairs out and open my own doors too. And no flowers. Or chocolates. Find some originality if you want to 'woo' me," Arthur demanded, feeling very much like a prima-donna with his commands. But Alfred just smiled and took his demands in stride. He took Arthur's hand and held it up to his lips.
"Alright. No girly-stuff. No roses, no chocolates...just unicorns and fairies, right?" he teased gently, before interrupting Arthur's inevitable rant with a sweet kiss to the smaller blond's hand. Arthur stuttered, all of his angry words evaporating from his throat quickly. His heart thudded dangerously in his chest and his face flared up in a delightful pink shade.
"St-Stupid!" he snapped and yanked his hand away. "I'm not a girl!"
Alfred smirked at him and held his hands up in a surrender position. "I know that; I've seen the evidence," he said with a wink. Arthur choked on the air he was breathing and was seconds away from personally wiping the smirk of the American's face.
"And when the fuck did you see the evidence?" he spluttered, absolutely outraged and embarrassed by the possibility of Alfred seeing him naked with his knowing about it. The American grinned and chuckled slightly.
"Two years ago at Antonio's B-day party. You were stripping in his bathroom and tried to give Ivan a lap-dance on the toilet. I think he would have let you go all the way if it weren't for Natalia. She was freaking pissed, bro'!" Alfred stated. And she wasn't the only one, he thought darkly.
Arthur moaned in humiliation, hiding his face behind his hands and wondered if he had a spell to turn back time. "This is fucking ridiculous," he muttered. "I swear...I am never drinking again!"
Alfred rolled his eyes. If he had a penny for every time he had heard that; well, he would a fuck-tonne of pennies in his pocket!
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say," the taller blond sighed, gently pulling Arthur's hands away from his face. Large green eyes glared up at him and the American smirked as he leant in to kiss Arthur's nose. The Brit wrinkled it and pulled away, slightly flattered and also unnerved by Alfred's behaviour.
"Don't get sappy," the Brit muttered. "You'll make me throw up."
"Sure I will," Alfred grinned, knowing all too well that Arthur enjoyed romantic gestures like being kissed randomly. He also knew that if he did so in public then he would end up living the rest of his days as a eunuch. Hah, fuck that shit! "C'mon, let's go have a romantic Valentine's Day meal," he said, changing the subject abruptly and pulling away from Arthur to grab his coat. Arthur wrinkled his nose.
"But...Valentine's Day was yesterday," Arthur said, furrowing his brows in confusion. Alfred grinned and winked, zipping up his jacket and throwing Arthur's mackintosh coat to him. The Brit caught it and slowly began to pull it on, wary about what Alfred had planned.
"So? Aren't I supposed to be wooing you?" Alfred asked playfully, leaning over to tie the sash on Arthur's coat tightly. The Brit wrinkled his nose in annoyance and slapped the American's hands away.
"Well, yes but...what does that have to do with Valentine's Day?" Arthur asked, truly confused as to what madness Alfred was conjuring up in his mind.
Alfred grinned and threw an arm around Arthur's shoulders, leading the boy out of their shared apartment.
"It means that every day will be Valentine's Day for you," he said sweetly, before frowning shortly. "Or...at least, until you fall in love with me. Or until I run out of money. I reckon the latter is more likely to happen first though dude. So...hurry up and fall for me, 'kay?" Alfred said, his eyes twinkling with love. Arthur blushed and averted his eyes as a tender kiss was pressed to his temple.
This one-shot almost killed me. Almost.
Firstly, yes there is nothing wrong with being eighteen and a lip-virgin. Secondly, no I don't think France is a rapist. Thirdly...well, there isn't a third point except that I hope everyone had a better Valentine's Day than I did! I worked for the entire day! ^_^
Perty please review!
Love City Girl
P.S. - I'm studying Shakespeare's 'Measure for Measure' which is where the quote 'virgin-violator' came from. It's freaking AWESOME~!