~Cookies, Towels and a Rubber Duck~

A Fanfic by Bond Of Flame08

"You don't need my help."

Xion Fair pouted, her lips wobbling gently as she looked up at her (much, much more) taller (and skinnier) friend with wide eyes. The 'Cute Puppy Eyes Look', as her older brother had so affectionately nicknamed it, worked every time.

"Look, Xion. I've got to help Lea, alright? He's stuck on his homework again."

"No I'm not!" Lea called from upstairs, his voice bouncing through the whole house due to the tiled walls. "It's not my fault if I don't get these stupid things that Miss. Farron sets us..."

"Lea! You have to help your brother in his times of great need! Got it memorized?"

"No! Go and get Reno to memorize it or something! Commit that to memory!"


"Alright then, I guess I'll have to walk all of the way back to my house in the soaking rain while I have a cold and then a car will most likely hit me and then... then..." Xion sniffled, wiping her face sadly as she turned around to the front door. "Nice to know that you're such an amazing friend, Axel..."


"Alas! Out into the world of sorrow and cruelty I shall venture, with my friend's betrayal hanging heavily over my heart like a raincloud about to-"

"Alright, alright!" Axel shouted, throwing his hands up in defeat. He hated being called a pathetic friend, even if it was true for the most part. "Jeez, you're sounding more like Roxas by the second! Maybe Cloud as well, if you count the depressing parts."

Xion smiled warmly, turning back around to face her friend. "Thanks, Axel!"

"So what do you..." his face drained off all possible color when he read the small note in Xion's hands; even his tattoos and hair seemed to leave their bright, outrageous colors behind. "This is a joke, right?"

Xion kept her face completely serious, "Yes, Axel. For some reason I do not understand, nor particularly wish to, I have to deliver cookies for my exam."




"...Got it memorized?"

Axel laughed, smirking as he hit Xion on the head. "You're learnin' from the best, Xion!" he ruffled it warmly. "So, whose houses do we need to visit?"

"Hell no."

"Axel." Xion was walking along the streets of Destiny Islands, half-dragging her unmovable friend with her. The sun was shining, the seagulls were squawking loudly overhead, the trees and grass were swaying with the gentle breeze, and Axel hated his life.

"I am not."

"Come on Axel! Please?"

"This," he thrust the map in his hand into Xion's chest. She took it off him, giving him a baffled look as she twirled the chain on her green shorts in her hand. "Is Saïx's house. We have a bad history with each other; didn't Roxas tell you about that?"

Unfazed by her friend's words, Xion continued to skip along the path. "Then you two can kiss and make up!" she said cheerfully, smiling at her friend with an innocent smile. Axel knew better than to trust that smile, however.

"...I'd rather not have the kissing part, thank you very much."

"Well I think it would be interesting to see you two-"

Axel clasped a hand over her mouth, making her scream softly in order to mask out the rest of the sentence.

"Finish that sentence, and I will shove these cookies down your throat very slowly and painfully. Got that memorized?"

Xion only nodded, ocean-blue eyes wide in horror. Axel tried to ignore the fact that she looked pretty cu-

"Ouch! You just bit my hand!"


"You're worse than Kairi!"


Axel merely grumbled and held his aching hand, wondering about what misfortunates would await them later on in the day.

He had a very bad history with cookies.

Despite his hoping against hope prayers that no, he would not have to face the fury of Saix's Papa, Axel found himself at the front step of Saïx's house, small tray of cookies in hand as Xion hid behind a bush nearby. She was so paying him back later.

Before he could knock on the silver door, it creaked open to reveal his friend's dad wearing nothing but a towel.

Awkward turtle.

Axel blinked.

Seymour blinked back, his crazy light-blue hair sticking up like Saïx's when he got near a wolf or dog.

"Do you need something?"

"Hey, does your hair always go like that?"

"Does your face always make people want to strangle you?"

Xion barely managed to stifle a full-out laughing fit at Axel's open jaw. He rubbed his face slowly, itching the spot where he had his tear-drop tattoos. An awkward silence followed, as Aqua, Saïx's younger sister, poked her head out of the window upstairs and drew a knife across her throat with her fingers. Xion snorted with laughter, laughing silently as she did her best to not make any sound.

"You have caught me in a very unpleasant moment, Axel Sinclair."

"I worked that much out."

Seymour gave Axel 'That Look' that parents often gave to their children when they were about to kill them. Xion ducked lower behind the bush, brushing a few leaves out of the way so that she could watch her friend be killed in safety.

"Uh... maybe I shouldn't have said that?" he offered weakly, chuckling as he rubbed the back of his head.

"I will give you ten seconds to run for your life."

"Will do, sir!" Axel mock-saluted and began to slowly back away, anxiously glancing at the bush for a familiar tuff of black hair.

"Sorry, I can't count." Seymour smirked and kicked Axel between his skinny legs, forcing Xion to shut her eyes to try and block that out.

Nononononononono, I did not just see-

Axel fell to the ground, dropping the box of cookies as he howled in pain. He glared acid green eyes at Seymour, who had a smug look on his face. "You mot-"

"Aqua!" Seymour said in a sing-song voice, looking up to where the blue-haired teen was leaning out of the white window while smiling sweetly, "Go and fetch your father his giant staff, wouldn't you?"

Axel hobbled away as fast as one fatally-injured teenager could at the mere mention of a weapon, dragging Xion along with him.

Seymour sighed, closing the door as he looked in the mirror nearby. "My, my. Still looking as fabulous as ever, Seymour Guado."

"Dad?" Aqua asked, poking her head around the living room door with the giant staff in hand. It was pretty heavy in her hands.

"Aqua," Seymour rested a hand on her shoulder. "Do not take after your brother. He has some, ah, interesting humans as friends."

Aqua gulped, knowing that it would mean an early grave if she did.

Please don't find out about Ven, please.

Saïx stopped playing his large piano, glancing over his shoulder. Due to the fact that the TV was blasting some raucous music that Isa had wanted to watch earlier at full volume, he didn't hear anything. "Did something happen, father?"

"We just had, some... exceptional guests."

"Father," Saïx said dryly, looking at the person who had helped create him. Aqua gulped, and then looked away when she realized that gravity had taken over Seymour's towel. "Go and get some clothes on, for our sake."

"I'm too sexy for my shirt! I'm too-"


"...Then when he's on the floor begging for mercy, I'll-"

"Axel," Xion said that one simple word, and she had one fuming teenager who liked to set things on fire glaring at her with a twitching eye.

"Yes, Xion?" he gritted his teeth. Xion handed him the box of cookies, which no longer had its fancy red bow tied on top of it.

"Go and deliver those cookies."


Just as Axel was about to give her a good telling-off, she rung the door bell and grinned evilly. She darted behind the nearby pole, giving the redhead a thumbs up.

"Who the hell are you?" Axel turned around to face a small teenager, who was currently buttoning up the top of his buttoned shirt while glaring brilliant amber eyes at him. His spiky black hair puffed up on top of his head; how many people had spiky hair? Seriously? Was it some new fashion trend or something?

"Hey Vanitas. What business were you up to, hmm?" he asked, gesturing to Vanitas' crumbled shirt, messy trousers, and lack of shoes or socks.

Why couldn't have Sora answered the door? Or even Tifa? Whywhywhywhywhywhywhy?

Vanitas glanced up to him, buckling up the belt on his trousers, "Hey there, loser."

Axel's eyes quickly took in the black-haired boy's appearance. His lips took on a smirk once he reached Vanitas' waist. "My, my, is that a skirt I see there, dear Vanitas? Something you're not telling me?"

"That I need to whoop your sorry behind soon?"

"C'mon man, can you buy some cookies? For old time's sake?"

Vanitas looked at the box with a mixture of horror and disgust, as if there was an adorable puppy licking his face.

"What the f-"

"No swearing in front of the kiddies!" Axel scolded, shaking his finger in mock disappointment. Vanitas blinked at the redhead, confused.

"What kiddies?"

He's not meant to know about Xion! Gah!

"Uh..." Axel quickly looked around him, desperately searching for an answer in the bright summer's day. "The birds! They've just hatched; you can't teach them any bad words, you know!"

Axel could swear that he felt the glare of every bird in Destiny Islands on him.

Said birds chirped.

Vanitas blinked.

Axel smiled.

Xion fell.

Cookies rattled.

"What loony bin did you come out of, idiot?" Vanitas took a step back, getting ready to slam the door shut in Axel's injured face. Axel pulled at his vest-top, already regretting wearing a black one. It made him sweat, for Gaia's sake!


"Oh, by the way," Vanitas smirked, nodding his head towards the lamppost which Xion was hiding behind, or at least trying to; she had since fallen on the ground from laughing so hard.

"The birds, the birds are alive with the sound of swearing!"

"Tell Xion that she's one of the worst hiders that I've ever seen. And with Ven around, it's pretty bad quality as it is."

"Sooo..." Xion tapped her blue pen thoughtfully on her teeth, humming to herself gently. "Who have we done so far?"

Axel laid on the long stretch of plain green grass, rubbing his dead leg painfully as it throbbed angrily, "That dude with the rubber duck..."


"He threw it at me!" the redhead shouted, earning some odd stares from the people walking past as he hissed in pain. "And then his girlfriend came out..."


"That ended well."

Xion quirked an eyebrow at her suffering friend, taking a seat on the swaying grass beside him, looking at the sun beginning to dip into the darkness of the sea. For now, dancing rays of the twilight flickered on the sea, as the familiar scent of salty air hit her nose. She pulled on her white vest top, frowning as it refused to cover her shivering body.

"Axel. She punched you in the nose and then took a cookie off you."

Axel waved his hand dismissively, "Ah, details, details."

"Then there was that blond kid and that girl who was dancing all of the time..."

"Vaan and Penalo?" Axel asked, falling back to the grass with a thump. Xion followed him, smiling as the grass tickled her neck and made her giggle.

"Yeah. At least they bought them with no trouble!"

Axel smirked widely. "Then we met Lea's English teacher..."

Xion took a few seconds to think of the strawberry-blonde girl that Axel was referring to. "Who, Claire and Serah? Serah was a sweet person, I thought."

"Claire has anger issues. No wonder that everyone calls her Lightning."

Xion burst out laughing, her eyes creased at the edges. Axel blinked curious green eyes at her in surprise at the sudden outburst.

"It's a little bit frightening!" she sang in between her giggles, making both of them laugh out loud. After a few minutes of peaceful silence, Axel sat up, throwing one arm over his left leg and pulling Xion up with the other. She came up in surprise, before noticing the stars starting to twinkle in the sky.

"You know..." Axel mused to himself, glancing his eyes upwards in a rare moment of thoughtfulness. Xion looked at him, noticing how the stars reflected off his eyes beautifully with a tint of green.

Stop it! He's two years older than you! Xion scolded, hoping that the veil of darkness would hide her burning cheeks.

"All in all, ignoring Saïx's dad, that rubber duck, getting punched, glomped by Yuffie and running away from Sazh, today's been a good day."


Axel took the last remaining cookie out of the cardboard box, snapping it in half before handing one half to Xion. She took it from his hands, blinking at it in curiosity.

"'Cause I got to eat a cookie with you."

Who knew that doing an exam could be so much fun, or end in a night under the stars?

Disclaimer: Nah.

A/N: A cracky AkuShi-ish one-shot that attacked my mind a few hours earlier. XD Please do forgive the sheer awfulness of it.

Seymour's in it because I was thinking of someone as Saïx's parent, and then 'The Unsent Laugh' came onto my media player (I'm such a Final Fantasy geek XD XD XD), and I was like 'BAMN!' I was thinking of doing Yunalesca for the LOLs, but I can't write her. This is my first time writing Seymour; in a crack KH AU. D:

Take whatever Vanitas was doing behind closed doors whatever way you want to. ;P

Yes, the birdies know swear words. I did this because one time me and a group of friends were walking through this wild area, and the birds were completely silent. I said the f-word, and then they all started chipping their sorry peaks off. We LOLed so hard. :D

Leon with a rubber duck is funny. And I don't know why I made Xion deliver cookies for her exam; or where the idea even came from. It just ruthlessly assaulted me and refused to leave me alone. Alas, this was born. The small AkuShi tease can be taken whatever way you want to take it.

Thanks for reading! ^_^