A/N: It is extremely informative to have watched the entirety of season one to understand most of what's going on. I shall attempt to explain and summarize as I go along, but I tend to forget important details when focused. All italics material is the work of the producers, not my own. Consider this my citation.
"Is there a trick to getting it to switch from tub to shower?" Penny called from down the hall. I sighed as I watched Howard stand immediately. I stepped closer, wondering if I should head him off now, or watch and wait.
"Enchante Mademoiselle. Howard Wolowitz, Cal-Tech department of Applied Physics. You may be familiar with some of my work, it's currently orbiting Jupiter's largest moon taking high-resolution digital photographs."
"Penny. I work at the Cheesecake Factory." Okay, time to crush his hopes and dreams. I didn't want him scaring her away. She seemed nice, in an average person kind of way.
"I'll get it working for you," I said, putting my mug down and walking past her.
"Thanks." She followed me into the bathroom and stood on the other side of the small room while I jiggled the knob.
I will admit that I got a tad too excited when, on the first day of meeting my new neighbor, Penny showed interest in my equations. I tried to tell her what they meant and show her I had a sense of humor, as well, but I could see she didn't really get it. I will also affirm that I should not have leaned so…flirtily, for lack of a better word, against my board. I realized what I had done as soon as it happened and I rectified my position instantly, but Leonard had taken her attention. However, in my defense, she complimented me on my intellect, something no one had done recently. It had been well established that I was a genius and nobody felt the need to congratulate me on that fact any longer.
I could almost forgive Penny for sitting in my seat. It's not like she knew what she had done. I was able to manage finding a new base for a short while before she became upset and vacated it.
I had even attempted to 'chat' like Leonard had suggested. I did everything he said to do. I thought I did very well responding to her stimulus as Leonard explained earlier. When I thought I might insult her, I deliberately chose not to speak. I shut up when it was apparent that I may have insulted her, had she understood what I said. I tried to keep Leonard from making her any more upset over her ex-boyfriend, Kurt, even though he didn't listen to me.
And when Penny mentioned her shower was not operative, I put aside my own feelings and pretended to agree with Leonard when he said it was not weird for her to shower in our apartment, even if we were barely more than strangers.
And I should not have assisted her when she asked for my help retrieving her TV from her psychotic ex-boyfriend.
"Sheldon, do you remember the guy we were just talking about? My ex?" Penny asked once she was safely behind the Periodic Table shower curtain we used.
"Yes," I said, confused where the conversation was going.
"Well, he still has my TV and I was hoping that you and Leonard might be able to get it for me. Every time I go over there by myself, he tries to hit on me and get me back." I sighed.
"It's okay if you don't want to. I barely know you two."
"Well, I'm not sure if Leonard will be much help. I don't want him to get beaten up. I'd have to drive him home and he gets carsick when he's not driving," I said. "Why don't I go with you the next time you go to try to convince him?" I winced immediately after the words left my mouth. What had I said?
"Oh, thank you," she said, relief evident in her voice. "That means a lot to me."
"Yes, well, I'll be in the living room if you need me." I nearly ran from the room.
When Penny decided to go to her exboyfriend's a few days later, I almost said no, but Leonard reminded me that Spock never reneged on his promises. I grudgingly followed her out to her car. When we arrived at his apartment building, Penny talked to him on the intercom and asked for permission to go up, but she did not tell him she was accompanied. He let us up immediately.
"Okay, Sheldon," she said as we walked up the stairs together. "You're just here to keep him from being a total ass. Please don't upset him. He can get…vicious."
"Don't worry. I spent years as a child running from bully's. I'll be able to get away before he does real damage." She turned to look at me for a second, confused.
She knocked on the door to his apartment. We stood there for a moment and I had a flash of hope that he wouldn't answer. Instead, the doorknob turned slowly and I prayed he was an invalid. Then I wouldn't have to run away like a dog with his tail between his legs.
The man who opened the door was definitely not ill. He stood a few inches taller than me and twice as wide. Instantly, the man puffed up like an angry animal, making me feel even more minuscule.
"Hi, Kurt," Penny said, shifting her weight awkwardly.
"Who's this guy?" the man asked.
"I'm a scientist," I said, trying to prove myself above him, despite my own feelings.
"He's my new boyfriend," Penny exclaimed quickly. I glanced at her in shock. Where was she going with this? What was she doing?
"You left me and got with him?" Kurt asked, surprised.
"Yeah. He hasn't cheated on me and he doesn't get drunk every night. He's smart, too."
"He's a scientist. So?"
"He's a physicist." I looked at her.
"Good job for remembering," I said.
"How the hell is he better than me? He probably can't even pick up your TV. He looks like a big bug."
"If you're not going to be nice, I'll just sue you for it."
"Yeah, right. You wouldn't sue me." He laughed louder than he needed to. It sounded like he was nervous.
"Yes, I would. I'm tired of this." After a short argument, ended by Penny promising to kick him in the testicles, Kurt returned the TV to her, forcing us to carry it down the stairs ourselves. He slammed the door shut the moment we left the doorway.
"Penny, how are we going to get this down there?"
"Um, carry it? What do you mean?" she asked.
"Well, I can't carry it."
"But you can help me."
"Just, grab that end, please." She leaned down on the other side of the electronic and I swallowed hard. The shirt she'd chosen to wear revealed enough cleavage to keep me from being able to look away. "Sheldon? Please." I sighed and mirrored her position. We barely managed to get the TV down the stairs and into her car.
Before I could get into the vehicle, Penny ran up to me and hugged me, squealing in excitement. I froze and uncomfortably patted her on the back.
"I'll pay for dinner tonight, okay? It's all on me. Thank you so much!" She practically skipped to the driver's side and laughed the entire way home.
When I commented that we would have to 'spell everything out for this girl', I wasn't frustrated with her. I was merely making an observation.
I even attempted to undermine Leonard's feelings for Penny by installing doubt of a budding relationship in his mind.
I, Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D., was surrounded by a group of scientists who average IQ was over 180 and they could not see that I was bewitched by this woman.