A/N: Today's episodes were certainly full of drama. This introspection takes place after Beelzebumon's failed attempt to rescue Juri and his eventual attack. As for the ending, well I'll let you; the readers draw your own conclusions. But if you want know what happens, be sure to see episode 49. I hope that I kept Beelzebumon in character and that you enjoy my story.
Disclaimer: Digimon is the property of Toei Animation and of Bandai.
Regrets of a Demon
By Frozen Phoenix
"I'm gonna save you, even if it's the last freaking thing I do, Jeri!" –Beelzemon (Beelzebumon)-Shadow of the Beast King
The first thing he felt as his eyes fluttered and his mind became aware was pain. A never-ending agony that made him feel as though something had torn him apart and was not yet finished with him.
What happened? He wondered vaguely. Where the heck is everybody? He tried to move his legs to stand, but found himself unable to do so. And the immeasurable pain that shot through his back almost caused him to howl in anguish.
Beelzebumon's green eyes shifted as he tried to see how extensively he was injured and it was then that he noticed one of his arms fading in and out of existence. He groaned inwardly. That ADR attack had come from nowhere and just as he was trying to rescue-Juri!
His half lidded eyes snapped open as he felt sheer panic rush through him. Juri, she's still stuck inside the D-Reaper! He remembered the look on her face when he had finally broken through the area surrounding her. I was so close. I almost had her outta of that oversized ball of-
A loud explosion interrupted his thoughts and caused him to glance upward. His bleary vision could only make out dark silhouettes and the enormous red shadow that was D-Reaper. I should be up there doing somethin'. Beelzebumon thought furiously. But instead I'm stuck down here waitin' either until I kick the bucket or for one of those ADRs finish me off.
He had been too focused upon making the hole in the sphere of D-Reaper open again so that he could rescue Juri, that he never even noticed the ADR behind him. But Dukemon had. And he had tried to warn him, though it came far too late.
Several metallic shingles had swooped up behind him and launched themselves directly into his body, while Dukemon, who had his hands full and the other digimon watched in horror. And even his injuries from his previous battle with Dukemon couldn't compare to the sheer magnitude of pain he had felt and was still feeling.
But it was his emotions that were really eating away at him. Before breaking through the sphere around Juri, Beelzebumon was forced to deal with a sadistic ADR that resembled an eyeball and who had liked to play mind games while using Juri's voice. It had kept repeating to him that he had destroyed Leomon, until he finally had enough.It thought that he could use what I did to Leomon against me, but I showed it how wrong it was. I couldn't fix what I did to Leomon, but I've changed. All that I wanted was to save Juri and there was no way I was gonna let some giant eyeball keep me from doin' it. I didn't destroy it, but my Chaos Flare and those Death Slinger attacks were nothin' to joke about.
A sound of frustration escaped Beelzebumon's lips. But even that didn't work. That thing, Grani or whatever the heck it's called, really gave me the chance I needed to help Juri. Though, it's not like it mattered. He thought bitterly.
He had sworn to save Juri no matter what the cost and in a moment of desperation, he had asked the heavens to be give him strength, though he wasn't really sure whom he was asking, and in fiery explosion, performed Leomon's "Fist of the Beast King," attack aiming it directly at the sphere surrounding Juri.
The attack hit its mark precisely and shattered an area of the sphere, too small for him to fit through, but large enough for him to reach into, which was what he did.
But she had merely stood there as he stretched his hand towards her. And even when he had begged her to just take his hand, for the hole was closing quickly and he wasn't sure if he could reopen it again, she still did nothing but stare at him.
And it was what she had finally said that made him feel all the more terrible.
"You're not Leomon."
It was said simply, but still with enough emotion to make him want to flinch.
He hadn't been trying to be a hero or anything like that. After all of the terrible things that he had done to her and the rest of the Tamers, he had just wanted to finally do something good for a change. And besides, he had especially owed it to Juri to help her, she had asked Dukemon to spare his life and if Leomon hadn't been slain by his hand, she most likely wouldn't have been in her situation in the first place.
And now, it seemed like Juri didn't care about what happened to her. No matter how much he had begged and Takato, from within Dukemon had pleaded, she wouldn't accept his help and the D-Reaper sphere around her had closed, trapping her within it once again.
And it's all because of me. Because of what I did she's the one suffering. I wanted another chance, another try at rescuing her, but even if I got a million of 'em, it still wouldn't change anything. I killed Leomon and she saved my life, but now she's the one that needs savin' and I can't do a damn thing about it.
If those Tamers couldn't get her out, then Juri would probably end up dead and he, well, Beelzebumon knew that it was the fact that he was in his Ultimate form that was keeping him alive and if he de-evolved to Impmon, he might not survive his injuries.
But where would that leave Ai and Makoto? He'd seem first hand what the effects of losing a partner had had upon Juri, could he really put them through the same thing? He inadvertently cringed as a spasm of pain rolled through him. He looked out of the corner of his eye, noticed his wings slowly disappearing and reappearing.
"Don't tell me this is it." He finally said hoarsely. "After everything I've done, it all ends here. I couldn't save Juri, I didn't even tell Ai and Makoto-I didn't even tell that I cared about 'em."
Another explosion sounded above him, but Beelzebumon didn't bother to look up. He felt his energy draining from his body and could see bits of data floating in the air. His eyes were beginning to close, but he could still make out a tall shadow above him.
His body jerked as he de-evolved. His jacket and boots disappearing, his wings vanishing into nothingness.
The last thing he could have sworn he heard was, Sakuyamon calling to him, "Impmon, Impmon!"